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Couture's Double Feature: WCW TV Champion The Renegade...Plus The Big Valbowski vs. Hardcore Holly

By James E. Couture
Jan 18, 2007, 09:55


...

Folks, if you looked in the dictionary next to the word "pygonial", you'd find me, James E. Couture, mostly because I just made it up. Y'know, I was really at a crossroads when trying to decide who to Profile this week, but a newz article off a genuine website pointed me in the right direction. That direction was toward a man who is ruining wrestling. No, his name's not Vince, James, or even "The". No, his name is Arn. Well, it's really not, but let's just pretend he's actually Ric Flair's cousin from Minnesota. Yes, Arn Anderson first shook the world of wrestling by inspiring Triple H to tear his muscles off his leg imitating his favorite Superstars (kids, don't spinebust at home). Then, this diabolical mastermind, tenting his fingers in a manner most Burns-like, told CM Punk, the patron saint of internet smarks, to lose CLEANLY to Bob Holly because Bob's a bigger star, having semi-main evented 1's of Pay Per Views. Indeed, the scuttlebutt was that CM Punk's popularity was "a fluke", and apparently the people holding signs and chanting his name were "just kidding". But I won't Profile the "Arnforcer" himself, no, I'll humiliate him by glorifying the man who ended his last title reign, it is the mythical...Renegade!

In 1995, WCW fans were clamoring for more. The "Hot Beef Injection" of 1994 brought great WWE stars down south, like Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, and Brutus Beefcake. But something was missing. They needed a Human Torch to play charasmatic hot head to Beefcake's Invisible Woman. That piece was the Ultimate Warrior. But ludicrous demands like $800,000 per date and a solid gold pirate ship to get from town to town kept Ulty out of WCDub. So the Atlanta based company showed some real Yankee thrift and said "Screw it, we'll just make one". And so, with one part hair, one part muscles, one part face paint, and no parts wrestling, the Renegade was born. With his unique combination of poorly executed clotheslines, poorly executed suplexes, and the worst dropkick this side of a Diva Search contestant, the Renegade shot up the ranks to TV Title contention.

Much in the way the Ultimate Warrior upset the longest reigning IC champ ever Honky Tonk Man for his gold, the Renegade took his title from a man considered to be Mr. TV Title, aside from Dr. Francis Teeveeteitel, Arn Anderson. In a match Arn called "the wurst of his career" (a sausage fanatics code for "best), the Renegade took the strap.

For a follow up, the Renegade upset Hall of Famer and Atrophied Arm of The Year for 1998 winner Paul Orndorff at Bash at the Beach 95 with a bridging back suplex the Renegade didn't actually bridge for.

But eventually, like sands through the hourglass, so was the Renegade's title reign. He ran into the only thing that could cut this diamond in the rough, a Diamond Cutter, from DDP.

Still, his legacy was complete. Some have accused WCW of trying to create an Ultimate Warrior clone to feed to Hulk Hogan, but I know the truth. The evidence points to the real motive behind the Renegade: to give Arn Anderson the best match of his life.

But wait, we're not done! It is, in fact, time for another installment of America's #1 Jakked-oriented recurring column, Jakkeding Off!

I chose this match fairly randomly (poor labeling system), so here we go!

Val Venis v. Hardcore Holly

This is one week after WrestleMania 2000/16. Venis is out first, surprisingly on a secondary program nobody watches, and followed by the still 400 pound Holly, who won and lost the Hardcore Title that week.

Tieup to start things off, but the two roll around the ropes like two trannies on Springer. Venis ducks a punch, fires away some of his own, whip, Holly reverses, but Val counters a backdrop with a kick to the sternum, Holly ducks a 'line, whips, but Venis reverses, buries the knee, neckbreaker, 2 count. Nice exchange. Sparky punches away, but meets a Venis elbow, then an elbow drop and knee drop in a classic Val spot, 2 count. More Double V punches, plus some kicks in the corner, however there was no mudhole, then the requisite boot choke. Holly reverses a whip out of the corner, Venis hits the 'buckle and flops like his name's "Baltimore Ravens". Bobcore follows up with a big side slam, some stomps and clubbing blows. Holly goes all Iron Sheik on us, humbling Val Venis with a butt drop to the back. Holly taunts, firing up this capacity crowd. Serena, er, Venis comes back with elbows and a suplex, but Bob blocks and instead suplexes Large Valbowski, 2 count. Venis leverages Bob out of the ring by his tights, and some outside brawling leads to Val eating some steps, then getting slammed on said steps. Hardcore to the bone, baby! The cagey Holly breaks the count, then gets Val back in the ring. Bob misses a clothesline, however, and Val comes back with a big time back body drop and two clotheslines. Venis nails his trademarked Irish whip/knees combo, a longtime staple of the SmackDown! video game series, Russian leg sweep, and the long lost Swivel Mount Punches. Holly responds with his dropkick and taunt combo, which seemed to be required in every Holly match in 2000. But what the no! Crash Holly comes out and distracts his cousin for "some" reason, allowing Val to capitalize with a Perfect Fisherman Suplex and garner the 1-2-3 with Holly's shoulder a good four inches off the canvas!

Thoughts: 6/10 Why so high? Well, some outside brawling and no lame restholds means this is a pretty dad-gummed good Jakked match, and a bonus point for the rarest of the rare, an angle on Jakked!

Well, until WWE signs away Sharkboy and debuts him as "The Shark" Darius Garbanzo, I am, in fact James E. Couture

"Pygonial- of or relating to the creases in a persons knuckle"


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2005-2007 All content contained here Copyright 2006 by James Guttman *** World Wrestling Insanity and ClubWWI are not affiliated with any wrestling promotion.