(JG Note:  Want to read more from our very own Aaron Wood?  Well now you can.  Check out Aaron's brand new column section!  God can save the Queen....but Aaron Wood will save you from having to watch Smackdown and ECW!)

Hang on a minute…this isn’t Friday… And yet I’m hearing a Drowning Pool song during the credits of a wrestling show. This must be the right one… Seriously though, James has asked me to step in with ECW, and I swung for fences, so to speak. I mean, it doesn’t air here in the UK until tomorrow, but I got up first thing this morning and downloaded it, just to have this done today. I’m not sure if I’ll be doing it next week, or if this is a one-time deal. I’m sure I’ll have some fun finding out. Also, it’s a nice change of pace, reviewing a show that isn’t nearly damn perfect, like Smackdown is. It’s sometimes tiring telling you each and every match was good, you know!

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN ECW: Kelly Kelly returned and brought 2-bit and quarter-million skanks with her, Holly got shafted and Lashley didn’t help sell PPV buys by having the cheek to win…

THE SHOW

What, no sneaky TNA references?

We start off this episode of ECW with Vince McMahon walking the halls. And his new penchant for wearing the oddly coloured jackets he once did as an announcer is in full force too! And you know he's just gonna pounce on someone warming up. Did I say "pounce"? How ironic, as the first man he meets is none other than Marcus Cor Von (Why didn't they stick with the French spelling, and team him up with Rene?). Vince refers to Marcus as "The Alpha Male", although if you want to be petty, you could say that Vince said it in such a way as to remind himself of who this guy was. Me? I'm going with...petty. That's how he said it. Vince then calls Marcus "a breath of fresh air" in ECW. Then again, sometimes a ripe fart is a breath of fresh air on this show...

Anyway, this show is only an hour long, and Vince needs to bank some time to waste later, so he moves on...to find the Sandman, who blows snot, reads the paper, with a few empty Steveweisers Budweisers lying around. Vince chastises him for boozing it up on the job (Well, he was never too happy when Austin did either, unless they were on the same side...), but reminded himself that he was talking to The Sandman (see what I mean about reminding himself?). Vince ponders where he got the name from, thinking he got it from the old song "Mr Sandman...bring me a dream...", that I've only ever heard in Back To The Future. Again, this is only an hour long show, so he walks off as Sandman busts a can over his head.

Matt Striker def. CM Punk in a “Please tell me Punk can’t only win with Kelly in his corner?” match

And we kick off this week with the best (and some would say only) reason to watch this show. CM Punk. And this week, he's facing everyone's favourite fired Pringle-sporting teacher, Matt Striker. This one pretty much started out with Punk sending Striker to the floor, where he got worked over before being rolled back in. However, as Punk came in behind him, Striker kicked the middle rope to halt CM's progress. They teased Striker being suplexed from inside to outside the ring, but Striker dropped Punk across the top rope and then hit a nice elevated neckbreaker, using the top rope, for a couple of 2 counts.

After another neckbreaker and 2 count, Striker went to a chinlock, but Punk elbowed out of it and started to string some moves together, including his Muy Thai knees. Punk followed that up with a double underhook backbreaker for a 2 count. After being sent into the corner, however, Striker backdropped Punk onto the apron. Punk tried a sunset flip, but Striker sat down on it, hooking the leg and nefariously using the middle rope for leverage as the Armstrong brother I can never remember the name for counted the three.

Thoughts - 6/10 - This was OK, but just like most matches on hour long shows, there wasn't enough time for them. As a way to help build a feud however, this was more than passable.

Vince would like him if Beulah came back, I’d bet…

After we recap the Rumble match and then his appearance on RAW on Monday night (which, if you were to believe the video, heavily suggested that Cena vs. Undertaker was signed and sealed already. Thusly, you know it's not happening...), we come back to Vince continuing his EXTREME~! tour. This time, he's showing the love to Rebecca, who was probably so grateful for not getting fired in the latest releases, really didn't want to let go of the hug he cinched in tight. Standing right beside her however, was Tommy Dreamer. After Vince noted that Sandman was a "mentally challenged drunkard", Vince reminded himself that Dreamer was the "Innovator Of Violence", before mocking his last name, saying that "he (Vince) doesn't deal in dream, but in reality". Not to steal a line from our great leader, JG, but... "Too…many…choices…for…wise…ass…comments. Overload. Overload. Danger, Will Robinson. Danger.". I really can't decide if this helps or hurts the "originals". Sure, they're getting TV time with "The Vince", but he's not exactly licking boot. I suppose there's a fair payoff later, which we will get to in good time, because before then, we have a match to watch!

Bob Holly def. Rob Van Dam in a “Is Bob getting forgetful in his old age?” match

The guy who is "One Of A Kind", Rob Van Dam made his way out first, before being followed by Bob Holly, as Joey and Taz(z) talked about Bob getting bumped from last week's main event, which all in all, was a bizarre decision all round, since he worked a dark match anyway. My only theory is that aside from all the "injury" stuff, the fact that last week's show was slap-bang in Holly's hometown meant he'd probably get cheered over Lashley.

He wasn't getting cheered over RVD tonight though, as before the match began a fairly loud RVD chant began. Indeed, it was louder than the one on Impact when Christian said he had a consultant and the Orlando crowd put 2 and 2 together and came up with 18934.6.

As they locked up, they, once again, brought up Holly's back injury from the table spot, and once again said RVD caused it. Which I hate because clearly RVD didn't suplex Holly through the table, and the video is there to prove it! They traded various locks to start with, be they head, wrist or hammer, before RVD landed a few kicks, which scored him an early 2 count. He positioned himself to hit a monkey flip on the Pluggster, but Holly moved out of the way and tried the Alabama Slam, but RVD rolled out into a sunset flip, but Holly rolled out of that, only to be met with another RVD kick. The two men traded shot, but when Holly ran at RVD, Van Dam sent him to the outside, where RVD followed up with a plancha as we went to break.

As is usual, when we came back, the evil dude was in charge, as Holly was working RVD over in the corner, as Joey teased how Holly was "manipulated" out of his title match last week, which I can only surmise is that they must be lining someone up to take over Heyman's role, if Vince haven't made peace with Heyman again already. Either way, RVD came back with a leg drop off of the bottom rope for 2. However, when RVD went up top, Holly shoved him off, sending Van Dam to the safety barrier. Holly joined him at ringside to send Robbie V into the ringsteps. Holly rolled RVD back in and locked in a camel clutch. RVD got out of it, but Holly stayed on him with kicks and punches. Holly then did his usual spot of laying RVD across the top rope and kicking him in what Joey calls "the lower abdomen", and what I call "the ball bag". RVD came back to whip Holly into the corner, but was met with a dropkick for 2. Holly then whipped RVD off the ropes, but his knee attack was turned into a cradle for a near fall.

Van Dam then started his usual offence, with the monkey flip, top rope side kick, windmill kick and Rolling Thunder (back splash variety). All of that only got 2, however. A third monkey flip attempt of the night was turned into a Holly powerbomb for a very near fall however. Holly went up top, but got crotched. He managed to push RVD off of him however. But as he came off himself, Holly flew into a spin kick. RVD felt froggy, but Holly JUST moved (with RVD almost landing on Bob's ankle). Then Holly tried the Alabama Slam, but his back gave in, so he decided to throw RVD into the ringpost and then hit him with the Slam this time picking up the win. Not sure what happened there. I mean, did Holly forget to toss RVD into the ringpost first, or was it a straight up botch, and the ringpost bit was a cover before trying it again? Either way, it looked a bit silly, and Holly still won. To be fair, Holly sold a sore back after the 3 count.

Thoughts - 7/10 - This was a pretty good match all in all. Very back and forth. RVD seemed to be off his game in the middle part of the match, but towards the end, he hit his usual offence cleanly. To criticise, it probably ran a bit too long. This was about 15 minutes long. If they shaved a few minutes off here, and put a few more on the first match, I'd have been happier all round to now.

That’s what you get for having cloth on your head, huh? Vince said he didn’t like hats!

The EXTREME~! tour continued on (How many corridors are there in this building? And why aren't ECW allowed proper locker rooms?) as Vince ran into Sabu. here things got a little racist, as Vince wondered if, having come across a man with Middle Eastern features and some cloth on his head, he was really in Afghanistan, before saying Sabu was "a member of the Taliban", before, well you take a guess...yep, Vinny Mac reminded himself of who this scrub was. Sabu was told, by Vince, to stay away from him, as he moved on.

Vince…a guy named “Balls”, and not a mention of the word “grapefruits”? Creative really is in the crapper…

Coming back from break, Vince had that look of having drunk sour milk on him as he spied Mick Foley's secret twin, Balls Mahoney (seriously, how has no-one ever done an angle with those two?). However, on this occasion, to be fair to Vince, Balls was rocking out to some music on his headphones (why do I envision that Balls is still using a cassette walkman?), playing some bad air drums to it. Vince noted the surname and wondered if Balls was of Irish stock. Balls replied "Just like you", which made McMahon...well, not mad...but stern enough to correct him, noting that Balls's ancestors probably came form Northern Ireland, which in Vince's opinion, "isn't really Ireland". Vince then didn't miss a trick with Balls's first name, wondering if tonight we would find out if Balls had any, well, Balls.

A sign of hope?

We came back to hear Justin Roberts introduce The Slutty Nitro Girls Extreme Expose for another crapfest of dancing, this time set to "Dirrty" by Christina Aguilera. Now frankly, if they are going to do this, and dance as a group, MAKE SURE YOU CAN DO ALL THE MOVES AT THE SAME TIME!

However, in what may be a bigger show of generosity than dumping around $23000 of real cash on his audience the night before, Vince's music interrupts, putting a thankfully premature end to the dancing. After dismissing the ladies (which for some reason drew an "Asshole" chant? I'd have been screaming "Thank you!"), Vince put over the historic moment that this was of Vince being in an ECW. Well, it would have been a historic moment, if he didn't own the thing.

Either way, he commented on his meetings with the ECW "Originals", saying that they suck, and that everything about the old ECW sucked, and that if you liked the old ECW, you sucked, which in itself prompted a nice and loud "You Suck" chant, which must mean that they think Vince liked the old ECW. Vince said he was going to turn ECW into something meaningful. Vince wanted athletes with charisma and physical prowess (well, in Lashley and Test's case, 1 out of 2 ain't bad...), and not the "drunken, suicidal misfits". He then brought out the "epitome of the new ECW", Elijah Burke! I can't say I don't like that endorsement...

Burke came out in a brown suit, with an orange shirt (with bizarre sized collar). Big Vince put Burke over, a favour that Burke more than returned, calling Vince "intelligent, powerful and had the respect of everyone". They then had a quick photo opportunity, before Burke said that the old ECW guy would feel his wrath and would fall victim to "The Elijah Experience". At that point, the old ECW theme kicked in, and Sandman made his way to the ring. McMahon took a powder as Burke and Sandman went at it. Dreamer and Balls joined the fray. And then finally, Sabu came in. Balls hit him with his punch combo, as Sandman and Dreamer held Elijah. Balls then took Sandman's spot while Sandman whacked Burke in the head with the cane. It was then Dreamer's turn, as he hit his DDT. They then pointed at Sabu, who got himself a table and a chair. The others set Burke up, and Sabu hit an Atomic Arabian Facebuster on Burke, breaking the table in the process.

Having heard, during RAW, that Vince was going to be on this show, I feared the worst. As it was, it was actually quite good, from where I sat. Vince put over Elijah Burke, who is a good guy to put money on (I mean, he could have brought out Bob Holly and been done with it), and then there was a payoff to the earlier stuff with the four originals that Vince had browbeaten earlier getting their shots in on the new golden boy. I can't help but feel that if this segment had happened before last December, the last ECW PPV would have been all the better for it.

Lashley def. Test to retain the ECW Title in a “Is it third times the charm, or bad things come in threes?” match

And Test, once again got a title shot, despite walking away on Sunday. This one went to the outside quickly, where Test kicked Lashley in the gut and gave him a meeting with the ringpost. As Lashley recovered, Test uncovered the ringside floor, pulling up the protective mats. Test tired a piledriver, but it wasn't to be, and he was backdropped onto the concrete, if you trust Joey Styles, as we took the final break.

And wouldn't you know it? From writhing in pain having landed on concrete, to having Lashley in chinlock, Test sure did recover fast. We do see how that came about though, as Test dodged a spear, sending Lashley into the ringpost, with Test then giving Lashley more of the same. Back live, Test wrapped Lashley's arm around the post, but the third try saw Lashley pull Test into the post. Back on their feet, Lashley clotheslined test in one corner, and hit a couple of shoulder blocks in the opposite corner, along with a vertical suplex. Lashley put Test on his shoulder but the one with the Test-icles slipped out. However, he missed the Big Boot, which Lashley took full advantage of, hitting an exploder suplex and then a powerslam for the win.

Lashley dumped Test from the ring, but he was soon joined by another, as the lights went out and the gong went. The lights came back on and Undertaker was standing in the ring, as the announcers became oh-so-suddenly ponderous as to whether or not Taker was choosing Cena's title after all. Test came back in, brandishing a chair, but Undertaker cut him off, hitting a chokeslam, before making the universal symbol of "you have a belt that I want". The lights turned purple as the show ended.

Thoughts - 6/10 - This is the end of the match they should have had this past Sunday, because that's what it was. A good end to a match. But it didn't make such a good whole match.

OVERALL - 6.5/10 - As ECW shows go nowadays, this was fine. There was nothing truly offensive to the eyes about this show (although if the dancing had gone on much longer…), but nothing special either. What we did get though was a couple of solid matches, the end to a match from Sunday, and in the segment that certainly had me fearing the worst, a sense of positiveity in what could happen next.

That’s all I got for now, but I’ll be back soon enough for Smackdown. I know I said I’d be back for Smackdown at the end of the Fantasy League column, but I REALLY can’t do Impact, and Smackdown is next after that. If you have something to say about this week’s ECW, you can e-mail me at dedicated e-mail address, or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums!

OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on MY OWN MYSPACE PAGE!

Well, I’ll be seeing you Friday, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations. For reading this, And continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow…

I’m out.