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Aaron Wood's Smackdown - 5 Men And A Promo
By Aaron Wood
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LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Undertaker couldn’t count to six, Vicki Guerrero walked into frame and walked out again, Deuce & Domino had the hydraulics removed from the WWE Talent Entrance Car ™© and Teddy was all about the Tabernacle… THIS WEEK… Just in case you didn't watch either of the "lesser" shows... Before I hear my second Drowning Pool song of the week, we were treated to an absolutely awesome video package, covering Undertaker's Royal Rumble win, the end of RAW and then the end of ECW. Just as a note, Saliva's "Ladies And Gentlemen" is not only an awesome song in of itself, but it's even more awesome with Undertaker's gongs in it... For all the rightful credit that former-WWE guy Dave Sahadi gets in TNA, I think many WWE packages are overlooked in his absence. It certainly wasn't all about him. Chris Benoit def. Finlay in a "Somewhere, Gregory Helms breathes a sigh of relief..." match After the credits, and JBL and Cole telling us that Batista will be looking for answers, we jump straight to a US Title match, and in a great touch, they give it a "main event" feel by doing the introductions when both men are in the ring. The tone for this one was set early, as after a LONG collar-and-elbow, Benoit just PIMP-SLAPPED~! Finlay hard. And I mean so hard, he drew blood! Benoit went to work on Finlay's leg, using a kneeling figure four, of sorts. Finlay managed to get out of it, putting on a headlock, but Benoit hit a back suplex to release that hold, sending Finlay into the corner, where Benoit continued with the stiff chops. Finlay was knocked form the ring, but Benoit missed a baseball slide, getting shoved into the steps for his troubles, as we took our first commercial break. As we came back, Finlay just about had a Single Leg Boston Crab locked in. He never got it quite on, however, and went to a standard leg lock. Finlay then went onto wrap Benoit's leg off of the apron and then slammed into the ringpost. Finlay went back to the Single Leg Crab, locking it in properly this time. Benoit managed, on his second try, to reach the bottom rope. After being forced to release, Finlay tired to go back to the leg, but when Benoit kicked the Irishman off, Finlay to Benoit to the corner. However, Benoit started again with the stiff chops, but when he went for a suplex, his knee gave out, in a nice bit of psychology. However, not long after, Benoit managed to hit the Triple Germans, but if you look carefully, Benoit had his weight on the good side. Air Benoit (I guess that's official now) missed, allowing Finlay to take a turnbuckle cover off. Finlay went to ringside to get the Little Bastard, who kept getting pulled back under the ring! Cole thought it might be a whirlpool under the ring. However, a few seconds later The Boogeyman's music, lighting and pyro kicked in. Boogeyman (sporting a rather natty new face paint design), emerged with the Boogeyman. With Finlay distracted, Benoit rolled him up for the pin. After the match, Boogeyman let the leprechaun go. Finlay tried to get the little guy back under the ring, but he was having none of it, lest there be more Boogeymen under there. After chasing him around the ring though, Finlay got Little Bastard under there. Thoughts - 8.5/10 - No, seriously. It was THAT good. it would have scored even higher marks if ran a proper ending, albeit the one we did get was rather entertaining. I just wonder...this surely means a match between Finlay and Boogeyman at No Way Out. I hope they aren't sacrificing Finlay. I knew she was up to something... After getting a shot of ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons, Cole and JBL threw it to a pre=-taped interview with Kristal and Vicki Guerrero. Vicki was now without the neck brace. Kristal asked what was next. Vicki said that the working conditions were unsafe, because of Teddy Long, but despite of him, she had seen an opportunity that will bring her success. I have a sneaking suspicion that Chavito is gonna have nothing to do with it however. My thought is that Vicki is going to make a play for Teddy Long's job. you see, Kristal has been flirting with Long for the last couple of weeks, so there will probably be some sort of trumped up "Sexual harassment" charge, with Vicki citing unsafe working practises and other heels, such as Ken Kennedy citing favouritism, with Vicki getting the GM job, leading to some sort of match in the summer deciding who gets the job once and for all. And it wouldn't surprise me if that sparked Rey's comeback on Teddy's side... Deuce & Domino def. Paul London & Brian Kendrick in a "Have the Champions "Jumped The Shark"? (Get it? It's a Fonzie reference...)" match After the tag Champs made their entrance, the greasers finished polishing their car backstage, and drove off towards the entrance, as we went to commercial. We came back with car still not having made it to the ring (did they get lost?), and as they do make it out, I'm still amazed that Cherry can roller-skate on the carpet in the aisle and the ringside mats... Spanky and Jimmy Snuka's boy, Deuce, start this one out. The faces went to their usual opening gambit of tagging in, and coming off the top onto the opponents arm, but after a Domino distraction, Deuce hit London from behind, allowing the newbies to take over. Domino distracted Jimmy Korderas, allowing Deuce to locking a headscissors in the ropes, although he got caught. The beatdown continued. That was until while Domino went for a splash on London in the corner, which London rolled away from, making the hot tag. Spanky did his thing at 100MPH, but was stopped by Deuce. London, despite his best efforts, was dumped form the ring, and Deuce and Domino hit the "Crack Him In The Mouth", as called by JBL, for the surprise pin. Thoughts - 7/10 - Ooh...I'm liking this. With more time on a PPV, they could do a very good, tough, beat down section, and then have a nice and hot finish. While not as technically apt as Regal and Taylor, the heels make up for it with believable power, which is made the better when they mix in the high-flying stuff, such as the jumping heel kicks and what not. A segment with giant keys and a guy from ZZ Top...how could you not love it??? We come back with the canvas having magically changed colour to a nice red, with a big throne for the King. Some guy said that it was great honour that they celebrated Booker, and so on behalf of "The Ancient Order of Royal Houstonians" that he was presented with a great big key to the city. And boy, it was a big ass key. There can't be many locks that mutha' fits into. Booker then took the microphone to read some statements. He thanked THE NOSE~!, as which point, she got all weepy. He moved onto the city of Houston, saying it was about time, saying that no-one had accomplished what he had, naming various other people from Houston, asking if they had done what he had did. Booker then referred to himself as the 5-Time WCW Champion. You'd think he'd be counting the WWE Championships by this point... Booker then says that the Indy workers hired for the night would bow down and kiss his ring, which they ended up doing. Sharmell got on the mic again for another round of "All Hail". Booker cut her off to draw attention to ZZ Top. He left the ring and joined the guy with the beard. He invited Gibbons to kiss the ring. Gibbons wouldn't. Booker offered a foot kissing, but Billy wasn't up for that either. he climbed back into the ring, bemoaning the city's ungratefulness, at which point Kane's music kicked in (as Cole worked in a long prepared "Houston, we have a problem" line). Kane hit the ring and beat up the lead stooge. He then swatted away the other two as Booker tried an attack, but things ended with Booker and THE NOSE~! hightailing it through the crowd. How a (wrestling) God was created... And given how they finally found their way beyond 2006, tonight's Vault video came form May 2004, as Rey took on Bradshaw (Yep, while he was fully in the JBL persona, it was so early on, he was still being largely called Bradshaw at that point, rather than JBL). As the date suggests, this was pre-Title win, but JBL was the Number One Contender to Eddie's title, and Cole and Taz(z) talked about JBL making Eddie' mother ill. Needless to say, Bradshaw won this one, although it was nice to hear a Rey match that was punctuated with an "Eddie" chant... Mr Kennedy def. Vito in a "Nothing says "getting your heat back" like beating a guy in a dress..." match Vito is already in the ring, wearing a "little red dress", while JBL bitched about Kennedy slumming it. Vito goes on the attack early, even managing to mock Kennedy's microphone-calling pose, but from that point on, it was all Kennedy, with Kenneth even ripping off the whole dress. Thankfully, Vito was wearing a pair of standard trunks, so no blurring tonight... Vito was quickly finished off with the Rolling Samoan Drop. After the match, Kennedy retrieved the dress and Thoughts - 5/10 – It was tantamount to a squash, but it was Kennedy beating Vito and Kennedy looked good here. If only American Idol were like this... Well, I still wouldn't watch, but you get what I mean... Up next was a Bikini contest, hosted by JBL, with the three remaining divas on Smackdown, after Leyla's bout of insanity in joining Kelly Kelly's version of the Slutty Nitro Girls. And after bitching about Vito in a dress, JBL seemed the need to call it "the Smackdown Diva Bikini Contest", possibly in case Vito was tempted to pull Double Duty. As each women came out, Michael Cole went into heavy shill mode for the WWE website. They all seemed to snafu by wearing the same robe, so JBL called an audible (well, I assume he did...) and told them to strip. Kristal looked OK, but I'm not only enamoured with her. Ashley went next, with a red number. Given how I'll be seeing some photo of her naked within the next few months...meh... Jillian went last. And frankly, she had the best clothes, with a cut-off shirt and shorts. She said it didn't take talent to wear a bikini, so she wanted to sing . JBL allowed her. I wish he hadn't, as she caterwauled her way through "Baby, One More Time"... JBL got in a couple of good zings before sending it to the crowd. Ashley won fair and square. Well, Jillian got the biggest reaction, but they booed her. As Jillian complained, Ashley pounced on Jillian, and stripped her down to her bra and panties, so I got a happy ending... Yeah, good luck in that one, Kenneth... After our first Maryse video of the evening, and the same awesome video from the beginning of the show (it was that awesome, I'm not bothered), we see Teddy Long and Ken Kennedy are having at it backstage, Kennedy claiming he should be World Champion, using the pinfall while the referee was down as his evidence. However, when Kennedy threatens to go over Long's head for a ruling, Long gave Kennedy a title rematch against Batista next week. The Miz def. Matt Hardy in a "Why is it all facemasks are great offensive weapons?" match As we come back, Cole and JBL are talking about a video the UK didn't get to see, but they were saying that The Hardyz were claiming the MNM trouble was over. Meanwhile, as the began, they talked about Miz's risible Rumble performance, with JBL saying "When Miz joined the WWE, it was like losing 3 good people...". Phenomenal... An even start saw things swing Miz's way when he hit a drop toehold, which tripped Hardy out of the ring. Miz hit Hardy's head off of the apron, and back in, Mikey locked in a Cobra Clutch-like hold, but Hardy fought out of hit, hitting a suplex. Hardy hit an elbow off the ropes and a Side Effect, only scoring 2. Hardy began to head out of the ring to go up to, but after Miz hit a few shots and drew the referee's attention, Joey Mercury, came to ringside through the crowd, and smacked Hardy with the face guard, allowing Miz to hit the Mizard Of Oz for the win. Thoughts - 6/10 - This was OK fare, and I'm happy that the Hardyz/MNM stuff isn't over yet, even if I am struggling to think of a satisfactory way to pay the angle off. Anything involving ladders torpedoes any MITB match, even a TLC match. And yet, it was a ladder that started off this angle. I could live with losing the MITB match (you could do it at Summerslam), if I got a TLC though... Did they forget to do a bit on Monday night? Batista made his way out to a big pop, although it's possible he set a new record of lateness for setting his pyro off after the point in his theme when he's clearly supposed to do it. Well, given how they hyped this bit all night, you could take a flying stab at what Batista's main point of business was here. He said all he had been hearing all week was "Can you beat Undertaker?" and how he was undefeated. He said his response was he'd welcome the challenge. However, after this past week, he didn't know what title Taker wanted, and, for whatever reason, he deserved an answer. Then the fun began. Instead of the lights going out, the "heroic horns" kicked in and John Cena made his way out, to just as big a pop as Batista. Deacon Dave relinquished the mic to Thuggypants, who said he was there for the same reason Batista was there. Cena said he had a rough week, winning the tag titles (at which point I realise he doesn't have the belt with him), before almost getting superkicked by his partner and then Undertaker made an appearance. And so, Cena realised he could be in the firing line, and so wanted an answer too. That's when Undertaker showed up. However, unlike RAW where he rose through the stage, or ECW where he magically appeared in the ring, he got his usual long-ass entrance here (what's the over/under on the length of his entrance at Wrestlemania?). However, when he finally did hit the ring, he was saying nothing... Which was when Shawn Michaels (also sans tag belt, and also, possibly interestingly, without any DX clothing on, although he did come out the DX music) showed up! Shawn wasn't so much interested in the answer as he was in his thinking that he and Undertaker hadn't resolved who the better man was. It's at this point I wonder why Bobby Lashley wasn't invited to the party. I mean Undertaker put the frighteners on him... Anyway, HBK challenged Taker to put his title shot on the line. Undertaker stared HBK down as... "No Chance...That's what you got..." Vince McMahon came out, as Michael Cole wondered why Vince was on Smackdown. He's never on Smackdown! Vince was a business mood. An angry business mood. Selling his double embarrassment, he said the crowd would get the match he wanted. He then said that at No Way Out, it would be Cena & Michaels against Batista and Undertaker. Vince left the ring and the four men stared each other down as the show ended. OVERALL - 8.5/10 (+ 2 on last week) - This was a REALLY good show this week, which worked on just about every level. First off, it sowed the seeds for most of the No Way Out card. Something I think has been under-rated over the last few months is the speed with which the WWE has set up their PPV cards ahead of the event, and this continued here, with one confirmed match, and the good chance of three or four matches coming out of this show. I mean, as I see it, we have: Batista & Undertaker vs. “The Rockers Of Thuganomics” Matt Hardy vs. Joey Mercury Finlay vs. Boogeyman Deuce & Domino vs. London & Kendrick Kane vs. King Booker And when you consider that they’ll be finding something for Ken Kennedy to do, as well as Chris Benoit (assuming they aren’t in the same match). Plus, as a quick aside, I read some people complain about the main event tag match, but to me, it makes a ton of sense. Firstly, there wasn't going to be a title change at the event, so I commend the WWE for doing something different. There's no point in paying to see a World Title match you absolutely, positively, completely know the result of. And then, you have Undertaker as the lynchpin of the angle "which champion is he gonna face?", and he was the one who drew Cena into the mix, which in turn draws HBK in, not only because is he one of the main challengers to Cena, but also now because he's co Tag champ with Cena. And then Batista's there, because he's the largely over champion of the Smackdown brand, and the guy Undertaker is going to have to eventually tell him he's facing in April, which I would bet my final penny will be at the very end of No Way Out. Plus, if you think about it, this gives us another taste of Undertaker & Michaels, the first taste of Cena and Undertaker with Cena at the main event level. The same can be said of Batista and Michaels, as Batista would have been Evolution monkey when he last faced Michaels. And then, we’ll get our first ever taste of Cena and Batista in the WWE, to my recollection anyway. But I digress. The action on the show, while it declined during the 2 hours, was still, at it’s worst, solid. I am actually seeing a level of improvement in Miz, and he’s now watchable, with the right guy. Also, I’m intrigued by the Vicki Guerrero stuff, as it ostensibly doesn’t involve Chavo. Overall, a really good show. Let’s hope they keep it up! That’s all I got for now, but if you have something to say about this week’s Smackdown, you can e-mail me at dedicated e-mail address, or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums! OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on MY OWN MYSPACE PAGE! Well, I’ll be back soon enough on Monday with the round up of Week 2/preview of Week 3 in the WWE Fantasy Game (and remember to send me your picks!), but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations. For reading this, And continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow… I’m out.
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