LAST WEEK ON ECW:  A “What exactly is Irish” debate started, Lashley and Test finished what they began and Vince tried to remember who everyone was…

THIS WEEK…

Inspecting “Dad’s Army”…

We kick off with a recap video of last week's doings with Vince McMahon and the ""ECW Originals", before skipping on the opening credits, with last week's Originals in the ring already, mugging it for the camera.  Also joining them this week was Rob Van Dam.  If he's getting involved in this thing, I wouldn't exactly be anticipating him turning up in Orlando any week now, as some TNA fans would have you think.  Also of note, as Vince McMahon's music kicks in is that the set is more standard than what ECW has been accustomed to, with the entrance in the main aisle and the announcers to the right of the hard camera like everyone else, and not in front of it.  I hope that it was just a one time change for this week due to the arena, because I really liked how it looked, but that said, there's something "spiffy" about the entrance in the main aisle.

But I digress, as I said, Vince was making his way out, in a sewage-brown jacket.  He got good heat right out of the gate, before he even asked the crowd what a "Cornhusker" is.  He pointed out that he had the ECW Originals with him.  A bunch of has-beens.  Well, a bunch of NEVER-has-beens, according to Vinny Mac.  I don't know if the next bit was deliberate, given the week's news about how RVD may or may not have handed his notice in, but as Vince pointed out how most of them had criminal records, who should the camera land on, but RVD and Sabu...  Just saying is all...

Vince said that they didn't fit in anywhere else, so they "became" ECW Originals.  He reiterated his point about how the old ECW sucked, and thusly, the Originals sucked too.  He called them dinosaurs, and how they would become extinct.  And then just to hammer home the point that this angle should have been done when ECW first came back, Vince dusts off the mantra of the time "A New Breed Unleashed"  I mean, I know I wished that this was still 2006, given the beginning to my year, but I didn't know that Vince catered to the fans so much that time travel could be done...

Vince pointed out that he was the boss, and they earned a pay cheque from him.  He said that SOME of them would be in action, warning those who would be wrestling that they couldn't touch the officials, or interfere in each others matches, or they'd hear those 2 special words...  At least it's not next week, which, given the day, meant they could hear "three little words", and that would be far more disturbing...  Vince took his leave, as the 5 Originals stared at him.

Whose Bald Freak Is It Anyway?

A video then aired, showing EXTREME~! close-ups of a very bald guy, who for a few seconds looked for all the world like Kane.  However, it was quickly realised to be Snitsky, at least until he said his name at the end, which for all the world sounded like Kane.  One thing is clear though.  He's lost the beard, and I'm considering holding a memorial service for it.

Kevin Thorn def. Tommy Dreamer “Let the “Kneepads for Referees” campaign begin!” match

Kevin Thorn made his way to the ring, as Ariel brought her breasts with her.  And it was the first ECW Original to see action as well, when Tommy Dreamer came out.  However, there was someone missing.  You had Justin Roberts, the ring announcer.  You had Thorn, Ariel, her chest and Dreamer.  Oh yeah, that's it!  We were short a referee.  But we soon got one, as Matt Striker came out in a referee's uniform.  Were Pat & Gerald busy?

To Striker's credit, when Thorn powered Dreamer into the corner, he wanted a clean break.  Not that he needed much help, as Buffy's mortal enemy was all over Dreamer for much of the match.  Dreamer started to make a comeback with a Stunner-like jawbreaker, a few punches, and a neckbreaker, before a sit-out spinebuster.  Striker dove in to make the count, when  wouldn't you know it, he landed wrong on his knee, and injured it, meaning he couldn't make the count.  Can't Tommy catch a break?

Tommy got up, and stood over the hunched ref, Thorn, clotheslined Tommy over Striker (like you used to push the nerdy kid over someone at school.  Or in my case, usually got tried to push, but was so big, it couldn't be done), and folded him up for the pin.  To his credit, Striker continued to sell the knee, even after the three...

Thoughts - 4/10 - Too short to mean much of anything as a match, but it got us going in terms of Striker being involved in the "New vs. Old" angle, and set the precedent for the Old guys getting screwed.  I am ponderous about CM Punk though.  He was feuding with Striker, but doesn't exactly fit in here, because he's a new guy, but also a face.

Holly cuts a promo.  Sorry.  Couldn’t think of anything funny.  Except the inherent comedy in apologising for not having anything funny.

We then sent it to Rebecca, who is a perfect example of Batista's "HHH" fanaticism, as his squeeze looks like Stephanie when she went through here curly hair phase, and sounds for all the world like Kane Chyna.  Either way, she's with the most Hardcore of all the Holly's (and that's including Buddy), Bob.  Hardcore said that he had waited too long for a title shot, and that he would prove why he should be ECW Champion.

Bobby Lashley def. Bobby Holly in a “Snitsky resembles… a) a baby, the likes of which he kills?  b) A light bulb?  C) Kane?  Or D)  All of the above?” match

At this point, my downloaded copy of the show seems to have skipped a Bobby Lashley video, as Joey was talking about a "first of four part series".  Since I didn't see, I can't really comment on it, but I suppose it's better than sticking a live mic under his nose...

So, right to the match we go!  Some fisticuffs in the corner, Lashley got the better of early exchanges with a clothesline and a suplex.  However, Holly slipped off Lashley shoulder, and slightshotted him into the ropes.  Lashley was then sent shoulder-first into the ringpost, as is the vogue these days.  A trip to the steel stairs then followed for the champion.  Holly continued to work the back, before going for a chinlock.  Lashley got out of it, but Holly hit him with a forearm to put him down again.  Holly went back to the chinlock, but again, Bobby was quick to escape, although he missed a charge in the corner.  Holly then went to a modified ST, moving into a rear choke.  Lashley wasn't so quick to fight out , but he did in the end, hitting a belly-to-belly throw.  This time, it was more decisive as Lashley worked over Holly, getting him in a gorilla press into a powerslam for the three count.

However, after the bell rang, Snitsky decided he didn't want anymore video packages that made reviewers think he was Kane, so he put Lashley down with a clothesline and a big boot.  He then provided Holly with an opportunity to give Lashley something he must have wished to give to Brock Lesnar, the Alabama Slam.

Thoughts - 6/10 - This was OK, but it was let down by Holly's constant chinlocks.  I'm not sure about the new Snitsky yet.  Right now, I'm thinking he's Bob's lackey, since Holly hardly looked surprised to see him, Hardcore got the final shot in and they left together, but at the same time, I fear Snitsky's getting a title match come April 1st.

Marcus Cor Von def. Balls Mahoney in a “Pick a finisher and stick with it!” match

Without showing any pretence of surprise, Matt Striker was introduced as the Special Guest Timekeeper for the next match, which only meant one thing.  It was a "New vs. Old" match, and the unlucky Original was Jerry Lawler's favourite name, if not favourite guy, Balls Mahoney, who was still sporting the neckbreaker he was wearing earlier to sell the beating by Umaga 24 hours previous, something we then recapped.  And apparently, signing with ECW has enabled Cor Von to move out of the Animal Kingdom for Detroit, as that's where he came from this week.

Marcus went after Balls's neck right away, ripping off the neck brace.  Balls got his punch combo in, but was hit with a spinning neckbreaker.  Marcus then hit the Pounce, which allowed Taz(z) to use the word "impact", giving me a chuckle.  I mean, shouldn't it bother TNA who claim that the promotion is making inroads into the national scene, when one of their most recognisable faces, a man who joined the promotion when they were still running in Jerry Jarrett's barn, turns up in ECW, and barely a chant can be mustered by the crowd.  I mean, they were willing to chant it during Rosie vs. Donald, so if they were that enthused at getting under Vince's skin, they would be doing it when one of their own was in the ring, but no.  Nothing.  Just an interesting point to me.  And I apologise for the digression, but after the Pounce, Marcus locked in a Cobra Clutch, and that was that.  Well, except for Matt Striker having school flashbacks as he constantly rung the bell when it was called for, while in some sort of trance.

Thoughts - 4/10 - Again, not much of a match, and too short to mean diddly-squat, but it does give us the second member of the New Breed gang.

Well, at least Kelly knows the track...

I, as a man, LOVE women with their hair in pigtails.  Don't ask me why (although it's probably got a HELLUVA lot to do with Molly Holly's early look...).  It's just how it is.  Three women have managed to just about ruin it for me, as Kelly Kelly, Leyla Leyla and Brooke Brooke all had pigtails in.  Either way, this week, they put Pussycat Dolls in the CD and the Slutty Nitro Girls did their thing.  Such as it was.  They still weren't all that synchronised.

That being said, they had just removed their skirts when Matt Striker appeared again (and frankly, if you don't want me cheering for the bad guys, they have to stop interrupting the dancing.  That only makes me like them more).  This time, Striker was the Special Guest Ring Announcer for the main event.

Elijah Burke def. Rob Van Dam in a “Shame Kevin Thorn overly-enjoyed being the timekeeper…” match

He then introduced the Special Guest Announcer, Marcus Cor Von, and then introduced the Special Guest Timekeeper, Kevin Thorn.  Striker then reiterated Vince's "Hurt my guys and you're fired" edict, before bringing out RVD.  Cor Von ran down RVD as he came out.

After our final break, the match was already under way.  RVD was sent over the top rope, by Burke, but he held on.  A suplex was teased, but Burke came down, bouncing RVD off the ropes and into the guard rail.  Burke put RVD back on the hitting RVD off the edge, before kicking RVD in the mush.  Burke worked the back with a surfboard.  RVD got out and began a comeback, with a Monkey Flip and then a leg lariat in the corner.  RVD felt froggy, but as he hit the Splash, the bell started ringing, Striker tired announcing Burke as the winner, but the referee said he never called for the bell, and called for a re-start.  Just as he was doing that though, Burke gave RVD a low blow, making the cover for the win.  After the match, the New Breed guys started on RVD.  However, with the matches over and with the officials not quite as official anymore, The Sandman, Sabu and Dreamer hit the ring, to get themselves some.  The show ended with the Originals standing tall.

Thoughts - 6/10 - The match itself was fine.  It continued the storyline of the Originals getting messed with.  But seriously.  Whose idea was it to not do this angle last year?  I mean, right now, you know what we've got ourselves?  A Survivor Series match!  Sandman, RVD, Sabu, Balls & Dreamer vs. Thorn, Cor Von, Burke, Striker and another guy (which last year would have been Big Show).  Only thing is, rather than just a few months of build with an eventual blow off at a major PPV, like they would have gotten if they did this angle in the beginning,

OVERALL - 6/10 (- 0.5 on last week) - This was an OK show this week.  It certainly kicked off the "Originals vs. New Breed" angle really well.  I know there are certain commentators out there who are whinging about how all the Originals lost the match, but I say to them that Tommy got screwed by Matt Striker, Balls was selling an injury and RVD very much got screwed by just about everyone.  If they had all lost clean, then they would have had a point, but to me, they are just hatin' for the sake of it.  But yet again, the Originals were the ones who were standing tall at the end of the night, so, I'd hardly say they were made to look weak.  Like I say, it's just a shame they are doing this now.  And personally, I'd have thought it would be the first thing Heyman would want to have booked.

Lashley vs. Holly was OK, but Holly went to the chinlocks far too often, and I fear that's the best match they could have.  And the inclusion of Snitsky?  I have a creeping affection for the guy, but I don't think he's the man who is gonna give Bobby a good match.

That’s all I got for now, but if you have something to say about this week’s ECW, you can e-mail me at dedicated e-mail address, or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums!

OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on MY OWN MYSPACE PAGE!

Well, I’ll be back on Friday for Smackdown, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations.  For reading this, and continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow…

I’m out.