LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN:  Joey Mercury stuck his face (mask) in Matt Hardy’s business, The Little Bastard got a Little Scared and RAW came over for a chat…

THIS WEEK…
Variations On A Theme

Once again, we start off with a recap.  And once again, it revolved around who Undertaker might face at Wrestlemania.  Except this time, it had added answers, as we go back to RAW, when Undertaker made his decision (and if you read my Fantasy Game preview, you'll be able to guess I was SHOCKED~!~!~!  that he did), and chose to face Batista.

The Undertaker def. The Miz in a very special "Prison Bitch" match

After becoming the only who this week with an opening credits sequence, and JBL & Cole make their introductions, the first thing that happened is that Undertaker appeared, and he was in action.  And his tough opponent would be...The Miz!  So much for having main-evented the last 2 Smackdown and the last PPV eh, Mike?

And just like the last time Miz faced Undertaker, The Real World-er looked like he soiled himself...  And Miz wanted nothing to do with Taker, as he tried to avoid the Deadman.  Didn't work...  Elbows.  Old School.  Face plant.  Big Boot.  Leg Drop.  Haymakers in the corner...  Miz tried a few punches, but Undertaker wasn't in a taking mood, as much a giving, going to town on Miz with the fists.  He then hit Snake Eyes/Big Boot.  A Chokeslam and Tombstone later, and Miz was dead.

Or if he wasn't then he soon would be, as Undertaker left the ring and cleared the announce desk of equipment.  Taker then pulled Miz out, and gave The Miz a big Last Ride through the table!  Taker then did the universal "I Want Your Belt" Pose™©® and then his usual one in the UV Light.

Thoughts - 4/10 - Nope.  "Prison Bitch" is a highly appropriate term here.  It should be noted that this was Undertaker first win on Smackdown in some time, so it puts Taker out there in action, for the first time in a while, I suppose.  I'm giving this 4, because Taker looked crisp, and there was the Last Ride.

The World's Smallest Loser Returns!

And so, despite losing a "Loser Leaves" I Quit match, Rey Mysterio is apparently coming back in 2 weeks.  However, it's not as cut and dried as it seems, as JBL and Cole talk about how things aren't going well for Rey, with talk of wheelchairs and such.

Deuce & Domino def. Paul London & Brian Kendrick in a "Deuce & Domino screw Deuce & Domino, I suppose" match

And at long last, since they're supposed to be heels, Cheery finally has a black skirt on!  Also, it was funny seeing London have to run around the heels car when he came out.  They then announce the Armageddon rematch, something I'll come back to later.  This week, there's no quick tags by the faces or jumping off the top rope onto the arm, as Deuce hit a big kick on Kendrick, to immediately start a beating, including a nice pair of knees to Spanky's face.  The beating continues as Cole pimps the unveiling of Ashley's Playboy cover on next week's show.  It'll be nice not seeing one of those things on RAW.

Eventually, Paul London got to go into the ring, cleaning house in the process.  However, while London was getting busy, Spanky tried to take out Domino, but he crashed and burned, distract London enough to allow the Greasers to hit a Double Axe Handle/Neckbreaker combo for the pin.

Thoughts - 6/10 - Shorter than their last match, but this was still pretty good, if standard, stuff.  Now...the No Way Out rematch.  The idea of it, I like.  Especially since they can announce it ahead of time.  We got a brilliant one already, which people will have heard about, and chances are they'd pay to see another.  I'm fine with that.  However, I do have a big issue with it.  William Regal & Dave Taylor's involvement.  Now, you know I'm a big fan of both of them, and any match they are in is the better for it.  However, I don't think that, on this occasion, they should be in the match, nor do they deserve to be in the match.  I mean, since their "it isn't a ladder match this time" title shot on Smackdown a few weeks back, they haven't been on TV, and yet, suddenly, they're popping up in this rematch?

Plus, Deuce & Domino have been doing good stuff so far, and I would like to see how that translates in a ladder match.  Plus, it seems as though the buzz about this match is that they will put the belts on MNM or The Hardys, allowing a big blow-off at Wrestlemania, while allowing the current champions to split and feud over Ashley, which with her unveiling next week, I expect that angle will kick back into life.  Which means, when do the team who have now beaten the Champions twice get their rightful title shot?

That was booked a few weeks ago, frankly...

After Maryse put in an appearance by the wood fire, and JBL TRIED to speak French, the announcers talked about Kane & King Booker, going back to the Rumble match, where Kane eliminated Booker, but Booker came back in and dumped Kane over the top rope himself, as if it should have counted.  We then remind ourselves of the key-giving shindig last week.

Coming back to this week, Booker and THE NOSE~! are complaining to Teddy Long.  However, after Booker's kvetching, Thaddeus went ahead and made the match everyone saw coming at the Rumble, Booker vs. Kane!

Joey Mercury def. Matt Hardy in a "There's the singles payoff, I suppose..." match

And form a tag team who should get a title shot, we come to a singles match where both guys are getting a tag title match.  The announcers do a good job of playing up what Mercury must be thinking going into another ladder match, as he came out.  Hardy was on top in the early exchanges, with Matthew trying to target Mercury's face, which was still covered with a mask.  Hardy went to rip off Mercury's mask, but Joey kept it off.  However, he was soon launched to the outside, where Hardy jumped onto him, as we took a commercial break.

Somewhat miraculously, hardy was still on top when we came back.  ripping at the mask, before hitting powerbomb, of sorts, in the corner.  Matt went to go up top, but Mercury pulled Hardy off, Matt landing hard on his knee, which Mercury went to work on.  Indeed, Mercury went for a clever pin, where he bent Hardy's knee.  However, he only got 2.  Mercury stayed on the offence though, sending Hardy into the corner, where he used the rope to hold the leg up while he first kicked it and then came down on it.

A leg lock ensued, where Mercury tried taking off Hardy's boot, which the announcers, very coolly, make a point to explain.  The boot got removed, but hardy managed to hit a superplex, when Mercury took his sweet time getting to the top rope.  Mercury seemed to be the stronger of the two, as he went back to Hardy's leg, but hardy came back, hitting a bulldog for 2.  A middle-rope leg drop got 2 as well.  However, Matt's next move, the Side Effect, was countered into a rollup for the three count!  JBL wondered if Hardy was now injured going into the ladder match.

Thoughts - 7.5/10 - Yeah, I rather liked this.  It got good time, and I liked the story even if it didn't directly play into the finish and was probably a week too early for an "Is Hardy injured?" angle, that the announcers were toying with as the bit ended.

The last plea of a condemned man...

KENNEDY!  Mr. Kennedy made his way out, as Cole thought the match was later, in a nice touch, suggesting this wasn't always the plan.  Kennedy said that he was due to face Batista for the title, but since RAW, all he had heard about how it would be Batista vs. Undertaker, and how there was a "buzz" about it, before obviously calling himself the "buzzkill".  He went on to wonder why he wasn't in the match.  Kennedy said he was being overlooked, and that we were wrong for doing so, as well as Undertaker.  He says Undertaker overlooked him, as he didn't choose Batista.  He chose Kennedy, as he said he'd win later.  He again pointed to how he should have won the belt at the Rumble, saying that he knew, the people knew and Batista himself knew that Dave was down for the count.  Kennedy then guaran-damn-teed that he would beat Batista, once again, later on.

Kennedy started getting personal in his slurs, but Batista came out (without his music going off first...) at which point, a brawl ensued between the two men.  Batista went for Kennedy, but all he did was run his arm into a ringpost, before Kennedy made his escape.  It didn't seem to affect Batista much though.  We shall see...

NOW we're getting the old (and good) stuff!

This week's UK-exclusive Vault match came from all the way back in June 2002, as we join the match of Chris Jericho vs. Hulk Hogan midway through.  Man, people would be saying this sent SO MANY messages to TNA if this stuff was airing in the US broadcast.  And boy, were this crowd LOUD???  And I don't just mean for Hogan, but they were all over Jericho too!

this one ended in a DQ when Hogan started Hulking Up, but Jericho bailed, got a chair and smacked Hogan with it.  Jericho then hit Hogan in the back to lay Hogan across the steps, and was about to hit Hogan again, when Jericho's first-ever TitanTron kicked in, and Edge came out (using Jericho's mannerisms), making his return from his neck injury, to a HUGE reaction.  Please WWE.  More like this.  Not only in the "From The Vault" segment, but in 2007 too!

Finlay def. Boogeyman in a "Finlay had to cheat???" match

While Boogeyman was back to his normal face paint, he had a satchel with him.  I guessing it has worms in it...  Boogeyman tried to play mind games to start with, and it worked when Finlay, in frustration, punted the bottom rope.  Finlay got the advantage pulling Boogeyman onto the ropes.  Aside from the odd gyration, Finlay used elbows and clotheslines to work over the Boogster.  Boogeyman started a comeback, with clotheslines and splashes, as the announcers wondered if Boogeyman really had taken Finlay out of his game.

The Little Bastard (eventually, having missed his cue) went for the bag of worms.  Boogeyman got a handful, while the little guy cowered in the corner, but it allowed Finlay to hit the mentalist in the leg with the Shillelagh for the win.

Thoughts - 4.5/10 - Not much of a match, and we'll be seeing it again at the PPV anyway, but it had an interesting story to it, in that Boogey seemed to have Finlay off his game, and it took a distraction and a weapon shot for Finlay to win.

Daivari def. Helms in a "How long before Daivari ends up with as another guy's second after getting a taste of the wrestling?" match

For the first time in a while, Gregory Helms got some ring time.  however, his Heavyweight ambitions would have to wait, as he faced, fresh from ECW, who was fresh form Smackdown, Daivari.  And it was nice to see Daivari come out without anyone for the first time in a long time.  The announcers explained that Daivari was back to compete in the Cruiserweight division, so there's also no immediate plan to put Daivari with someone.  That's a good thing.

Funnily enough, since we're getting to see Daivari in the ring, Cole felt the need to say "Daivari, who is apparently very quick in the ring..." (or something like it).  Neither man, really seemed to play babyface, but Daivari was being more of a heel, as he pin-pointed Helms's back, as Cole talked about JBL's new watch.  No really.  He mentioned it.  Meanwhile, JBL said he admired Daivari for walking away from Great Khali, although for different reason than many fans would admire him for it.

Daivari went for his top-rope legdrop, but Helms got out of the way.  Helms took it Daivari, as JBL, pretty logically, explained why the crowd were sitting on their hands (not used to seeing Daivari wrestle, and they wouldn't cheer Helms).  The end soon came when a Helms roll up with rolled through, with Daivari using the middle rope and a hint of tights for the three count.

Thoughts - 6/10 - This was decent stuff, and as a re-introduction for Daivari, this was fine enough, although I would think they have better matches against each other in them.  I just wonder if Daivari's positioning as a main challenger means they're gonna try Helms as a babyface.  Personally, I think, right now, it's still a little soon after the Hurricane gimmick to make it work without people thinking about the Superhero.  And it's not as if the crowd here sided with Helms.  As JBL pointed out, you could hear a pin drop.

That's it.  Give them a reason not to buy No Way Out...

So, we come back with Kristal bad-mouthing Jillian's singing, before she proceeded to strip off her robe, revealing a Basque-like thing.  Jillian then came in, warbling away.  Long said, since both of them wanted to show off their talent, at the PPV, all the Divas in the WWE and ECW were invited to take part in a "Diva Talent Contest".  I'll schedule a period of urine extraction for then...

However, Cole & JBL gave us some reasons to order the show, running down the card, before heading to our Main Event.

Batista def. Ken Kennedy in a "Like anything else was gonna get written..." match
Kennedy came out first, followed by the Champ, who, just for poops and sniggers had his arm bandaged up, to sell going into the ringpost earlier, I assume.  Once again, we got the gnarly in-ring introductions.  Kennedy, after circling the ring, went for the bandage, but Batista pushed him off.  Kennedy asked for a test of strength, but Batista tricked him, by kicking him in the stomach, and working him over in the corner.  A big boot for 2 soon followed, before whipping Kennedy into a corner for a clothesline.  Shoulder blocks in the corner followed, before Kennedy was placed on the top turnbuckle.  Kennedy fought Deacon Dave off though, and hit a DDT with Batista's injured arm, as we took our final break.

Kennedy was in control as we came back, scoring a pair of 2 counts and, despite being driven back-first into the side of the ring, he pulled Batista into the ring steps.  When Kennedy looked like being stopped at coming off the top rope, he pulled Batista's arm over the top rope, ran back up top and hit a Kenton Bomb for a 2.  A Half-Nelson on the arm seemed to be powered out by a Batista Samoan Drop, but Kennedy had it in deep, and didn't let go, indeed, taking the opportunity of his position to wrap his legs around Batista's throat.  Batista got out of it eventually though, pushing Kennedy off the ropes, and the collision that followed, out of the ring.

Kennedy grabbed the title belt, and with Jimmy Korderas seemingly sniffing Batista's ass, Kennedy brained Batista with it.  It still didn't score the three though.  Kennedy worked a slumped Batista in the corner, but still only got 2.  Kennedy got a standing version of his Rolling Samoan Drop finisher, but Batista quickly replied with a spinebuster.  However, the momentum was with Batista now, as Dave hit a clothesline and a back drop before hitting a running powerslam.  He followed that with another Spinebuster.  And then another.  And then another!  Batista then hit the Batista Bomb, and that was all she wrote.

Thoughts - 7/10 - I think I preferred the Rumble match to this one, but this still told a good story, as the arm came into play, with Kennedy doing everything he could to put Batista away, and just not quite managing it.  The one thing I didn't quite get was the numerous spinebusters at the end.  I mean, I get it in terms of really wanting to finish Kennedy off, but it just seemed a bit overkill to then hit the Batista Bomb anyway.  Thing is, as long as the WWE Fantasy Game awards points for the Spinebusters as it's one of Dave's recognised finishers, then I'll stay happy.

The lights went out and Undertaker's gong went off, as Batista celebrated, as the Deadman was raised up through the set to stare Batista down.  Think Rey Mysterio's entrance except a lot slower and with a lot less jumping.  The staring competition went on as the show ended.

OVERALL - 7/10 (- 1.5 on last week) - All in all, it was a notch down on last week's show, but it was still a good one.  But I'm of the opinion that at this time, the WWE can be afforded less in-ring time, as they have to give the Wrestlemania-push the proverbial "beans", and the quicker, more effective was of doing it is by having stuff take place out of the ring.  Smackdown doubly so, since they get lumbered with No Way Out as well to come up with and push.  And the thing is, in my opinion, they're doing a good job of pushing both shows at the moment. 

That’s all I got for now, but if you have something to say about this week’s Smackdown, you can e-mail me at dedicated e-mail address, or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums!

OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on MY OWN MYSPACE PAGE!

Well, I’ll be back soon enough, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations.  For reading this, And continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow…

I’m out.