Well, well, well. Look who’s back. Yup it me again. Back to heat up your day cause I’m so damn hot. Nah, I’m just okay hot but you’re about to get hotter cause it’s time for some Heat baby! That’s right the now Snitsky-less show features some good (notice I didn’t say great) matches this week. But it must be hard to top that pretty great six man tag match from last week. Well let’s take a look at who what went down on man meat HEAT! (Sorry got a little carried away there).

One guy has on clothes that make him look like Finley and the other guy has on teal color tights. Interesting duo indeed. Robbie starts things off with Lara Croft (The guy dressed like Finley) and keep the upper hand. Lara goes for a sunset flip but Robbie blocks by sitting on his face for the 2 count. Tag made to Rory and the Highlanders nail a double shoulderbutt on Lara. When the jobber falls to the ground they both nail a double headbutt on him. Rory grabs Wyatt and slams his head on opposite turnbuckles and then tags Robbie back in. Another double team as the Scots nail a double hiptoss and then Robbie hiptosses Rory onto Lara. Good combination. Irish whip and then a back body drop by Robbie (who looks surprisingly groomed today). Robbie telegraphs but Lara finally gets some offense by beating his head on the mat.

Tag made to Mr. Teal aka Amour who gets drop toe holded (or is it held)? I remember when JG had this problem. I was hoping that it would never happen to me but damnit it did. Oh well whatever that’s not important. Believe it not but this guy actually busts his face open because of a drop toe hold. I mean that’s not his fault but wow that was pathetic. Great showing in your first match and to add insult to injury it only took six seconds. But the bearded dudes don’t care how hurt this guy is as Robbie (I’m Robbie) nails a big elbow. Tag back to Rory who nails a stiff headbutt and beats the poor guy’s broken nose into the turnbuckle…10 times! Amour falls into bottom corner and Rory nails a Jeff Hardy type dropkick (where he comes off the second rope and nails the guy in the ribs). Rory tags again and nails a backdrop on Amour. Robbie comes off the top with a big splash but the idiot doesn’t go for a cover. A couple of European uppercuts and front forearms to the chest of Amour. Then he misses an elbow drop and Lara gets the tag again. The jobbers then start working on Robbie’s arm as they relentlessly slam it on the mat over and over again. A pretty painful looking armlock applied on Robbie but he breaks out and tags his partner. Rory takes out the jobbers with some clotheslines, double axe handle smacks, dropkicks and caps it off with a big back body drop. Then Robbie comes in to put the nail in the coffin with the Soctdrop.

It was an okay match. I wish it was shorter cause there was no point of stretching it so long. We know what was gonna happen before the bell even rang. It wasn’t your average squash match cause it wasn’t 2 seconds long. But the Highlanders did have the offense most of the time which is why I put it under the squash category.

Maria reminds us to see Raw on Thursday. Well, it’s not like there’s gonna be anything good on Monday Night anyways.

Promo for Trump coming to Raw this week. Damn Vince McMahon is like a demon possessed when he says “You’re Fired.”

Sweeeet. This match is gonna rock. When was the last time you heard anyone with that last name? Never that’s when. But this is the WWE and everyone is welcome. Everything from Olympic Gold Medalist to reality TV “star” to a Boogeyman that can’t wrestle. But I digress. Anyways, Eugene comes out with a sign that says “I am your Friend” with a backward E. Aww, ain’t that cute. No man it’s sweet! But Eugene’s a nice guy cause he gives a sign to a kid with red hair in the audience. Seems to me that that kid is as special as Eugene. Sweet on the other hand is a bald guy with a moustache. So just picture Sgt. Slaughter without the army uniform. Eugene hugs the ref and then takes down Sweet with a sweet headlock. (I’m gonna have so much fun with this). Eugene Irish whips Ted and starts running perpendicular to him from the other ropes for what I assume to be a pounce. But they don’t collide. They just keep running and running until Eugene stops and starts laughing at the still running Ted. Then he points to the ceiling and when Sweetie looks up he gets poked in the eyes. Drop toe hold by Eugene and he gets a Sweet ride around the ring. Then he hops off and bites the poor man in the ass. Wouldn’t wanna be the doctor to heal that injury.

Some more Eugenic antics as he turns a test of strength into a hands up hands down competition until he shakes his booty. Which reminds of something I heard about Saudi Arabia:

Haha. I’m Muslim so I can say that without offending anyone. So take that Mohammed Hassan, you poser.

Anyways, back to the match. Ted goes for an elbow drop but Eugene counters by rolling out the ring. Then he grabs the “I am your friend” sign and bring it into the ring. He calls Sweet his friend but Ted grabs the sign and rips it to shreds along with Eugene’s heart. When Eugene goes down to pick up the pieces Sweet kicks him right in the face. This generates some heat from the audience who start a “You Suck” chant. Pretty great suplex by Teddy but the Genester kicks out at two. He locks in a sleeper but Eugene fights out. Then Ted beats Eugene’s head on the turnbuckle which only make Eugene madder and madder. Time to Hulk up baby! A couple of punches followed by an airplane spin which gets both men really dizzy. Then Eugene attempts a Rockbottom but it gets blocked with a few elbows. Then Eugene resorts to a move done by a wrestler better than The Rock; Stone Cold Steve Austin! Yup, it’s the Stunner that gives Eugene the 1, 2, 3.

This match was more comical than it was serious. But I like to laugh so I liked it. What made it even better was the fact that this guy’s last name is actually Sweet. Eugene deserved to win and I’m glad he did.

Chris Masters reminds us Raw is on a special night this week. Thanks buddy, sometimes I’m surprised you even remember your name.

Same Trump and Vince promo. I hope a billionare gets bitchslapped. Now that’s TV that’s changing Friday Monday Nights.

I’m loving this weekly Raw Rebound. That means I have to type a lot less. Anyways, they show the WWE Rewind brought to you by…well the WWE. I mean who’s gonna sponsor a “WWE Rewind” on a webshow. Duh. They show from 2 weeks ago when Shawn Michaels and John Cena won the tag titles and Cena was about to get his face kicked off. But they left out the fact that The Undertaker came out. Oh well that’s cool since this is about hyping up Raw’s main event at Mania not Smackdown’s. So they show a rockin’ video package that I’m sure we’ll see at the beginning of Raw again. To get the main parts, HBK beat Orton and Edge in a Triple Threat Match to become the first number one contender to John Cena’s WWE title for a match at Wrestlemania when Edge speared Randy Orton and got Sweet Chinned out the ring allowing Shawn to cover Randy for the win. VERY long sentence.

Wow Scotty 2 Hotty has to be the fastest rising superstar in the history of Heat. Last week (on his re-debut) he was in the first match and now he ascended to the main event! Good job man. But here on Heat there are no main eventers and mid-carders. Everyone is equal. So it doesn’t really matter where your match is on the card cause your “status” doesn’t change. But let’s get to the match. Scotty and Hacksaw come out together and get a huge pop (and you can tell that this was not edited in cause people are genuinely on their feet). But that shouldn’t be too much of a surprise because both these guys are pretty over. But you wanna know what I’d really like to see? Hacksaw doing the Worm. I’d PAY to see that. Okay maybe not.

Match starts off with Scotty and Cade. Scotty gets in a headlock but gets taken down with a huge shoulderbutt from Cade. He whips Scotty to the ropes but the worm slides under and drop toe holds him (why is that happening in every match tonight) onto the ropes. Then he runs and you know the deal. Cade gets the upper hand soon and makes the tag to Murdoch. They pound and ground Scotty into the corner and then Murdoch puts on a headlock and drags Scotty’s head across the top rope. Ouch talk about a serious redneck rope burn. But Scotty comes back and nails a hiptoss followed by a dropkick and then another one to Cade (who Todd Grisham just called Lance Storm). Great job Re-Todd. Then Hacksaw comes in and clotheslines Cade out the ring while Scotty does the same to his partner. The faces are standing tall in the ring. If this was Raw this is where they’d go on a commercial break but Heat’s better than that right? Nope. They actually went on a commercial break…on the internet! C’mon guys.

Armando Estrada (he dropped the Alejandro when he introduced himself) reminds us to watch Raw on Thursay. Geez I get it already!

Trump on Raw promo AGAIN!!! At this point I just want Bill Gates to show up and punch out both Trump and Vince. Then laugh over their fallen bodies cause he got more money than both of them and their grandma’s combined.

Back from the break. Cade and Murdoch have gathered themselves and Murdoch wants Scotty to tag in Duggan. Duggan accepts and the HOs and USA chants immediately begin. But Cade distracts him and Murdoch capitalizes on the distraction. But it is short lived as Duggan comes back with a few clotheslines and set up for the 3 point stance. But Murdoch moves out the way and tags in his long haired partner in crime. Cade chokes Duggan in the ropes. Murdoch back in and so is Scotty with the hot tag and he gets in position for the worm. W…O…R…CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!!!! Yup JBL Cade comes out of nowhere and clotheslines the holy high hell outta Scotty and I’m sure that didn’t tickle. Scotty sells it well as he lies motionless but instead of pinning him Cade picks him up and connects with a knife edge chop. Again they tease a desperate tag but Cade comes in at the right time and backdrops Scots for a 2 count.

A couple of knees to the back and then a great double team by the redneck wrecking crew that only gets a two count. Neck twister (just made that up) applied to Scotty who breaks out in exactly 47 seconds. Yea that long. Then he gets scoop slammed. Murdoch goes up top but the Too Cooler puts his foot up and yay he makes the tag to Duggan. Rights, lefts, rights, lefts and a double headbutt gets the crowd all hyped up. Then 10 punches in the corner on Mudroch. But wtf! Just like that Hacksaw turns around and eats a High-Low by Cade and Murdoch. What a finish.

Isn’t that a kick in the balls? Scotty debuts last week and he already loses!! Wazzup wit dat! There was no point of having The Redneck Wrecking Crew win. Sure they had control for most of the match but you got establish Scotty as a star on Heat. But I guess he’s back to his old jobber ways. At least they tried….

All in All…Heat was okay. The first match was too long but the second one was pretty entertaining. If you wanna laugh go check it out. Otherwise go see the main even cause that’s really where all the action was. And did you notice with the addition of Scotty 2 Hotty we are minus 2 big Heaters in Val Venis and Viscera. Interesting.

Oh yea and don’t miss Raw on a special night, Thursday. But if you wanna satisfy your Monday night professional wrestling crave, then I guess I should be nice and tell you to watch “This is TNA!” Monday night on Spike TV.

That just about does it for me. If you have any suggestions, comments or criticisms then please do tell. My e-mail address is Naeem920@gmail.com or you can hit me up with a PM at the Insanity Message Boards. My username is Naeem920.

Until then I'm Saad Naeem and that was Heat.