Boys Gone Wild; Lotsa Puppies; Chyna; and The Donald vs. The Vince - Mallory's Look At The Wacky Week
By Mallory Mahling
Happy Valentine's Day, ya'll. Don't forget your sweetie today.
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Truth is Stranger than Fiction
Back on January 17, I wrote the following in my column:
The way things were going Monday night on Raw, it wouldn’t surprise me to see The Vince and The Donald headlining WrestleMania in a Hair vs. Hair (or Toupee vs. Toupee, as the case may be) Match.
Think of it! Two of the self-proclaimed greatest businessmen of all time going toe-to-toe in the squared circle. It’s literally a money, money, money, money match. Especially if one of them has to go home bald. (And given the predetermined nature of the business, it wouldn't be Vince.)
I was just being fanciful. Who'd have thought it would actually come true? It will certainly be interesting to see who they pick to represent them in the ring.
While I'm on the subject of predicting the future, I can picture the end of the match now. One (or both) of the representative wrestlers will end up with a shaved head. You don't think for a moment that either of those two vain tycoons would agree to the Uncle Fester look, do you?
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If you watch "The Apprentice," you may have noticed that The Donald's language has become more colorful this season. The word "ass" seems to crop up every other minute. "Ass" has its place, but it's not a very businesslike word.
Maybe it can be blamed on the bad influence of a certain wrestling promoter who seems to have a fascination with asses, jack or otherwise.
Houseguests and Hellhounds
Did you ever have a friend or relative who came to visit and just wouldn't leave? It's been the subject of several movies, and now it has been the subject of an episode of "Hogan Knows Best."
This week Brian Knobbs showed up, bag and baggage, and became the quintessential Houseguest From Hell. His behavior would have embarrassed a frat boy. By the end of the episode, the Hulkster had dropped an elbow on Knobbs and gave him a chair shot. And I think he may have meant it.
This episode was also notable for the arrival of a bunch of WCW old timers who were in town, namely Jerry Saggs, Haku, Greg Valentine, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, the infamous Brutus Beefcake, and a few others.
One of them peed in the backyard. On camera.
Ya just can't take some folks anywhere.
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I'm surprised the PETA people didn't have heartburn over the menacing way Abyss held onto that little puppy in the commercials for TNA's Monday night special. Making that poor pooch whimper solidified Abyss's monster status. He probably kicks cats and old ladies, too.
Overall, though, TNA's hellhounds commercials were a hoot and very well done. There is plenty to make fun of when a tough-guy rasslin' show gets bumped for a prissy dog show, and TNA jumped right in to point that out.
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This just hasn't been Chyna's week. In the aftermath of her friend Anna Nicole Smith's death, she appeared on "The Larry King Show" and things didn't go well. She was verbally attacked by another of Anna Nicole's "friends" who claimed Chyna had been stalking her.
Can't they all just get along and let Anna Nicole rest in peace?
Probably not, since Anna Nicole's story has grown more bizarre in death than it was during her troubled lifetime.
Chyna's movie with Anna Nicole, "Illegial Aliens," will be released on DVD this spring. A better title might have been "Train Wreck."
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Thanks for reading and see ya next week.
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