“Down the basement; lock the cellar door...”

Boo-yah, here we go!!

***

Item #1 – Who’ll represent Donald Trump?

For weeks the thinking has flip-flopped around who would represent Donald Trump and Vince McMahon for their WrestleMania match-up.  The original plan was Hulk Hogan representing Trump and probably Shane McMahon representing his father with Khali along for the ride (Big Show as an opponent for Hogan was tossed out weeks ago).  Then the plan altered to having Shawn Michaels represent Trump vs. King Booker representing McMahon (???), but then once Hunter went down to injury and HBK suddenly became “Mr. Popularity” again, plans once again changed.

So now you’re all thinking that Hogan’s a lock to represent Trump, right?  Wrong.  Why?  Well, it seems that Vince and Hogan had one of their annual “falling out” situations.  That’s right.  Whether it be about storyline or money or position on the card, the possibility of Hogan even appearing on this year’s WrestleMania card is now slim to none.  Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean that he absolutely won’t appear because you can never say never...but at this point you best be making new bets.

It’s still a pretty good bet thinking that the Great Khali will be McMahon’s choice.  So who will appear as The Donald’s choice?  Let’s see at some options:

Ø      Bobby Lashley

§         This would be the obvious top choice.  Vince is extremely high on Lashley and since his move to ECW, the want by McMahon to protect his young champion at all costs is extremely high.  This, along with the fact that nobody on the ECW roster has been built-up to even remotely be considered for a Mania shot against Lashley, means that there needs to be a high-profile match-up involving the ECW champ.  If Vince is as high on the guy as he appears to be, then this seems to be the top pick.

§         Odds?  I’d bet even money on this one.

Ø      Jeff Hardy

§         Where the challenge originally took place on RAW, there seems to be odds on the picks to originate from the same brand.  At this point, Hardy has beaten pretty much everybody who has been thrown in his path as IC champ.  If Donald were to pick somebody from RAW, why not pick a champion with nothing better to do? 

§         Odds?  I’m still banking on a Hardyz vs. MNM TLC match, so I don’t think the odds are that great.

Ø      Chris Benoit

§         Benoit doesn’t have any kind of feud or match-up going on now that he’s beaten Chavo Guerrero into the ground multiple times for months on end.  While he could be considered a favorite to win practically any match he’s involved with, his lack of natural charisma would hurt his chances of properly promoting this match (expect Trump and his choice to make a few public appearances hyping the big match). 

§         Odds?  Not good.  With Hogan not participating, the hope is to have a younger person take the reigns and get a good upper main-event run out of the push.  Sadly...Benoit does not fit that bill.

Ø      Carlito

§         Here is a guy that recent storylines have suggested needs to break-out from the rest of the pack.  He’s considered to have a lot of unrealized potential and maybe a big-time storyline like this could really help push him to the moon.

§         Odds?  Umm............no.  He simply isn’t “over” enough.

Ø      CM Punk

§         Hehehe...okay, that’s just a pipe dream at this point.

§         Odds?  Fantastic if I were the booker.

Ø      Ric Flair

§         Oh God...how horrible would that match-up be?  Still...he’s pretty much the only marquee player left that has the history in the industry that Hogan has.

§         Odds?  Slim and none.

Ø      Boogeyman

§         Hehehe...can you imagine the train wreck that would be the Boogeyman vs. the Great Khali?

§         Odds?  Okay...I’m getting desperate here.

Well...I think the safe bet is Lashley.  The only question is really how bad will the match be if his opponent really is Khali?  Wow...that’s got “suck” written all over it.

Let’s hope I’m wrong.  You know I’m probably not...but let’s just hope I am.

***

Item #2 – It’s ironic, don’cha think?

Test didn’t pass the test. 

Apparently, Andrew “Test” Martin failed a drug test (or at least some kind of test dealing with the Wellness Policy) and, due to the guidelines therein, has been taken off the road as a result.

Is it a big deal?  Meh...it depends on who you ask, I guess.  To most, I’d dare say that Test missing house shows won’t make anybody blink...much less think it’s a big deal.  I guess the failure itself is a big deal simply because it proves WWE is still working on good faith when it comes to the policy itself.

Let’s face it; Martin looked like he was going to be suspended the day he showed up on ECW television.  The guy was huge.  By definition, any talent who fails a test is then suspended for 30 days.  However, the loophole is that the performer is taken off the road but may still perform on TV and PPV so as the product doesn’t suffer.  Test, however, was jobbing to Lashley because WWE management had quickly given up on him ever becoming a main-event heel in ECW.

Test will be back on television soon, though.  He’s a huge monster-like guy...WWE absolutely loves using them regardless of in-ring ability or mic skills.  Hell...a bald Snitsky is the new monster on ECW.  You don’t think Test will be back???

***

Item #3 –  Ladder match cancelled. 

I was trying to think of something witty to say about this but I can’t.  WWE has gone from a potentially show-stealing 4-team ladder tag title match to a plain-Jane tag team title match between two teams at No Way Out.

What the hell?

The storyline reason for this is that because Deuce & Domino defeated London & Kendrick in two different non-title matches, they went “above” Teddy Long and received a title match at this weekend’s PPV and, hence, the 4-team ladder match was thrown out the window.

What the hell???

The whole reason for the 4-team re-match was because there was little-to-no confidence from WWE management on a Deuce/Domino vs. London/Kendrick match...especially on PPV.  At this point, the gimmick must be over enough that Creative believes the paying public won’t give a shit that the match itself may suck and will rather be really into the 50’s greaser gimmick so much that they won’t realize they paid $40 to watch it.

I have yet to see anything, either in OVW or on SmackDown, which would lead me to believe that Deuce & Domino can put on a good match.  I’m not even that big of a fan of their gimmick, either.  I think it’s rather lame and silly...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Lame and silly?  I guess I just answered my own question of why they're going to be featured on PPV.

***

Item #4 – Yeah, I know we hired you and all but...

So Ron Killings was recently injured.  No big deal, right?  Well, he got injured while working on a show that TNA booked for him.  So what?  Okay...so TNA fronted Killings the money to pay the medical bills and get himself healed-up. 

What’s the point, ZAH??

Well, Killings’ contract for the next year is being re-worked so that he can pay back that money to TNA.

Yes...he's got to pay it back.

Think about that for a second.  Can you imagine getting hurt in the workplace while doing a work-related duty?  Then the company offers to help you pay for the medical bills and then re-tools your paychecks so they get their money back.  Ummm...maybe it’s just a Canadian thing, but we have this crazy concept called Worker’s Compensation where if you got hurt on the job, you’d still get your medical bills paid and a portion of your salary paid, too.  Are we Canucks crazy or is that something that's elsewhere, too?

Killings, as an independent contractor (which professional wrestlers are considered as), apparently doesn’t have the legal footing to get the company that he works for to pay for the medical bills that he needs to pay because he was working for that company (Hey Mike Rickard...you’re a lawyer...shouldn’t there be  some kind of statute here?  Is this right or wrong from a legal standpoint  -- never mind the ethical issues?).

What if he was hurt while performing in the Impact Zone during a television taping or a PPV?  Would TNA pay for things then?  I dunno...wasn’t Chris Candido left to fend on his own once his ankle was destroyed on PPV a couple of years ago?  Does the fact that Killings worked for another company while simply “being booked” by TNA mean that any obligation by TNA to its talent is then thrown out the window?

Why isn’t medical coverage included in EVERY SINGLE CONTRACT with these performers???  I cannot understand signing a contract in an industry where pain is a part of every day life and then not have any medical coverage included.  That's just mind-boggling to me.  Maybe that's the very reason right there, though.  Maybe companies simply can't afford to help everybody that gets hurt.  Fine...I can understand that.  But what about the bigger companies? 

I mean there are only two major North American companies right now...I can completely understand somebody like Ring of Honor not having medical coverage included simply because they are so small and unlikely to be able to afford that type of liability. On the flip side, TNA is being backed by a multi-million dollar conglomerate and WWE is a billion-dollar company...why is TNA the group that's taking the low road here? 

Whether or not TNA is responsible from a legal standpoint really shouldn't be the issue.  The fact that TNA isn’t covering Killings’ bills 100% is a shitty move to make...period.  It’s second-rate and bush league and if I were Killings, I’d seriously reconsider my place of employment. 

***

Item #5 – The greatest wrestling school of all time...ever!

Yes...ladies and gentlemen we now have a reason to live.  We now have a place to go where every motherf*cker will know your name.  We can now have trash can lids with our peanut-butter sandwiches for lunch.  Today is a great day to become a professional wrestler if you live in the Richmond, Virginia area.

One of the greatest single catch-as-catch-can wrestlers of our era is opening up a new wrestling school where you, too, can learn how to:

Ø      Jump off of a scaffold and almost completely miss your opponent and land in a way where you almost kill them.

Ø      Hit 70+ year old men in the head with a steel chair as hard as you can because he won’t sell for you enough.

Ø      Blade your opponent so deep that you’ll hit a vein.  Watch the blood shoot ten feet in the air!

Ø      Get away with attempted murder while in the guise of a professional wrestling match.

Ø      Create scars on your forehead that will last a lifetime!

Yes, the one and only New Jack is opening up his own wrestling school.  For more information (and he wants only serious inquiries), you can e-mail Jack at newjackuncut187@yahoo.com.  You'll be world muthaf*ckin' champ in no time, dawgs!  Just like New Jack!!   Okay, that's not right.  Well...you'll be a world famous muthaf*ckin' superstar in no time!  Just like New Jack!!  Well...I guess that's not really true, either.  Ummm...you'll have an extremely profitable and lucrative wrestling career in no time!  Just like......err.....f*ck it.  Just give him your money and he'll kick your ass.  Have fun.  

I’m only joking, New Jack.  I'm sure your school is awesome.  Please don’t kill me.

***

Item #6 – No Way Out predictions

World Heavyweight Champion Batista & Undertaker vs. WWE Champion John Cena & Shawn Michaels.

Ø      How crazy is it that this will see the Undertaker be one of the best workers in the match?  The crowd should be white-hot for this match and should help to carry it to at least a *** match.  Cena likes to rise to the occasion in big matches and Batista can easily be carried by Michaels.  The outcome shouldn’t really matter as it’s all a way to pimp the two main event matches at WresteMania.

Ø      WINNER: Nobody. Both teams will turn on each other and this will end in either a double-DQ or a double count-out.

WWE tag team champions Brian Kendrick & Paul London vs. Deuce & Domino

Ø      I’m really not looking forward to this match, primarly because (1) I just saw a non-title match last week and (2) I’m still on a downer from knowing this is replacing the 4-team ladder match.

Ø      WINNER:I think Kendrick and London will prevail...primarily because this has been the story so far in their title reigns.  They’ve lost non-title matches to the likes of MNM, Stevens & James, and Regal & Taylor but yet always manage to retain the belts when they’re on the line.  I’m hoping that the potential break-up storyline continues between the champs but it should explode by Mania, not be a match for Mania.

Kane vs. King Booker

Ø      I was quite surprised to see Booker’s dominance over the big red monster at the Royal Rumble once he got eliminated.  That, of course, took a big turn once Kane began coming after Booker on SmackDown.  I have no idea what to expect from this match, hence I’m pretty sure I won’t be disappointed (lowered expectations lead to higher enjoyment factors). 

Ø      WINNER: I don’t really care either way because this could be a really fun feud to watch.  If I had to go with a winner, I’d say King Booker due to Sharmell’s interference..

Finlay vs. Boogeyman

Ø      Wait a second...did I just see this match last week???

Ø      WINNER: Finlay, I guess. What the f*ck is up with this weak-ass card?

Diva Talent Invitational

Ø      And here I thought December to Dismember sucked ass.

Ø      WINNER: Absolutely nobody.

***

Item # 7 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form.  This week was shocking if you were a NASCAR fan.  If you’re not a fan of that style of racing, then you might as well skip down to Pillar to Post.  If you enjoy NASCAR, then you’ll understand that ZAH’s Loser of the Week has to be...

Michael Waltrip!!!

Basically, some person/people on Waltrip’s pit crew put an illegal substance into his car’s intake manifold.  The rumor going around is that it was jet fuel...yes...jet fuel.  So Waltrip, a former 2-time Daytona 500 winner, was gearing up for the first race of the 2007 season (considered to be NASCAR’s Super Bowl) but now has to continue without his crew chief and team director.  Not only that, but his remaining team members must get a back-up car ready for this Sunday’s race and Toyota, his team sponsor and entering their first season in NASCAR, is seriously considering pulling their car and sponsorship.

It’s not like Waltrip is alone...he’s just being made the biggest example.  The day before this all came up, NASCAR announced that the crew chiefs for 2003 champion Matt Kenseth, Kasey Kahne, Scott Riggs, and Elliott Sadler were all suspended and all five drivers had points taken away before the season even started. 

This is similar to the steroid scandal in baseball...it’s a big, big deal.  Well...at least it is if you’re a racing fan.  Therefore, for simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time (unless you believe he knew about it from the beginning), congrats to Michael Waltrip on being my Loser of the Week!

Item #8 – World Wrestling Insanity Fantasy NASCAR!

C'mon and join up now!

Simply go here and click on the "Sign Up" button to create a team. After completing registration, or if you already have a team, click the "Create or Join Group" button and follow the path to join an existing private group. Then, when prompted, enter the following information...

Group ID #: 14844

Group Name: World Wrestling Insanity
Group Password: zah

We had a smaller group last year so I’d like to see something a little bigger this year.  The season starts THIS WEEKEND so sign up now!!!

***

Pillar to Post