LAST WEEK ON ECW:  I made a deliberate mistake (JG note:  Yeah right, Numbnuts…), Thorn won “Battle Of The Canes” and Mike Knox didn’t stop Kelly Kelly even though we wanted him to…

THIS WEEK…

Even if I could think of something funny, I wouldn't want to.

We start this week, with a graphic that none of really want to see.  An "In Memory of..." graphic, this time, for the all too soon passing of Mike Awesome.  Not to sound clever, but I thought they would do one here rather than at the top of RAW, given the impact Awesome had one those three letters, last time out.  If they stuck it up on RAW, it wouldn't surprise if the majority didn't recognise who it was.  To do it at the beginning of the ECW show made more sense.

Then, we take a quick trip back to Sunday night with the solid, if not spectacular, match between Bobby Lashley & Ken Kennedy for the ECW Title, a match which ended in Lashley getting disqualified before going nutty with a chair on Kennedy.  We then had our usual helping of opening credits, as we kicked off this week's edition of, as D'Lo Brown, in the excellent Debut edition of "Lo Down" on ClubWWI.com put it, "Heat with a champion" with...

RVD def. Kevin Thorn in a "It's now a lottery..." match

...The New Breed!  Elijah Burke led his troops out to the ring, with their own dedicated theme music and TitanTron video.  Burke got on the mic, and said that last week wasn't a fluke that they defeated the Originals last week, saying it was "pure brutality" (while pointing to Kevin Thorn), "pure skills" (while pointing to Marcus Cor Von) and "pure brilliance" (pointing to Matt Striker).  So Ariel gets no credit, even though her breasts, at this point, are "pure man-made material"?  This drew a BIG "You Suck" chant.

Striker got on the mic, saying that they would teach the Originals a lesson, in that any one of them could beat any Original, and that tonight, they were selecting Kevin Thorn.  The Originals then came out, en masse (well, without Balls Mahoney), to the old ECW Theme, but with a dedicated TitanTron video (which Balls was in, so he's not been dumped exactly.  I'd think he was selling his throat thing).  At the end of the aisle, the Originals had a conflab about who would go once more unto the breach, before finally deciding on the Money In the Bank loser from last night, Rob Van Dam.

And suffice to say, the crowd were loud for RVD.  Thorn got the jumpstart on RVD, as he tried to pose, but RVD hit a spin kick and rolled Thorn up with his legs for a quick 2 count.  RVD tried his "thumb taunt" again, but was again cut off.  Joey & Taz(z) got into a thing about the New Breed cheating to win last week, with Joey Jo-Jo Junior reasoning that if they wanted to use sticks and what not, why not contest matches under Extreme Rules, suggesting that the old guys would have their number if anything went.  Thorn was dumped to the outside, before RVD jumped over the top rope to join him.  Robbie V rolled Thorn back into the ring, but was attacked by the other New Breed members, sparking a mass brawl between everyone on the outside.  Referees came out to break it up as we took a commercial break.

Back live, everyone had been ejected from ringside, except for Ariel, as we saw the moves Thorn had hit to gain control of the match, including an elevated jawbreaker, which Taz(z) called "The Dark Kiss".  RVD hit a spin kick to cause some separation, before they slugged it out.  Rolling Thunder by RVD scored 2, before a top-rope sidekick and follow-up cross body scored another 2.  Thorn hit a Samoan Drop before setting up for a Crucifix Powerbomb, although RVD rolled through for yet another near fall.  The match was soon to end though, as RVD hit his windmill kick and hit the Five Star Frog Splash for the first "Original" win since the feud began.

Thoughts - 7/10 - This was a solid, hot and entertaining opener.  And it was, in my opinion, the best match I've ever seen Thorn have.  And it's good that the Originals got a win at last, rather than just standing tall at the end of every show.  This feud is bubbling along quite nicely.  At this point, I'm looking forward to the blow off match, assuming there will be one at Wrestlemania.

Call him "Kane 2", and be done with it!

We had another Snitsky video this week, and again, it was very reminiscent of something you'd see Kane getting, from the awkward horror-style piano right down to the bizarre editing and breathy name-drop at the end...

CM Punk def. Johnny Nitro to qualify for the Money In The Bank Match at Wrestlemania 23 in "Which guy has less heat with management?" match

Punk came out first, before Nitro was introduced (but not before Justin Roberts gave Melina the higher billing of the pair...  Sucks to be him.  He should probably call Marc Mero for advice.  Or not...

Punk went for a quick roll up, but it barely got a 1 count.  They started to exchange holds, but Punk seemed to take control with some kicks, but Nitro came off the ropes with a kick to the head, swinging the match his way, and prompting Melina to scream at the top of her lungs, which made Taz(z) all misty-eyed for his days of hearing it while on Smackdown.  Nitro tried a few pinfalls, but they didn't succeed.  Punk then went for a roll up of his own, which scored a 2.  However, Nitro went back to work on Punk, as Joey mentioned how this was the first time the pair had competed against each other, which while true in a one-on-one sense, isn't wholly true, as it was Punk who eliminated Nitro in their Survivor Series match.

A LOUD "CM Punk" chant got going, as Nitro hit a headlock.  Punk punched his way out, before hitting his Muy Thai combo.  The knee combo followed which flowed into his bulldog out of the corner.  Punk hit a Double Underhook Backbreaker for a very near fall.  Melina distracted Punk long enough to allow her man to tangle Punk in the ropes, before hitting an overly-athletic kick to the chest for 2.  Nitro went up top and tried a Corkscrew Moonsault, but Punk moved at the last second.  Punk then hit a Fireman's Carry into a knee to the face for the win.  The move is called Go 2 Sleep, and boy, has the IWC's panties been moistened by it's appearance.  I woke up the morning and rather than be surprised Punk won, since many, including a couple of guys on the Insanity Message Boards were sure Nitro was winning, everyone was all "He's used the Go 2 Sleep!!!1!".  Either way, Arn Anderson's favourite wrestler is on the way to San Jose Wrestlemania!  Punk reacted elatedly, while Joey & Taz(z) did the hype job, which just puts everything over all the more.

Thoughts - 7/10 - Another good, very athletic match.  Could have done with being a few minutes longer, but this is only a hour-long show, and even though it's more properly-paced than TNA's show, it still has to get things done, so I won't complain too much.  And I take 2 hopes from this match.  1, they are looking to build CM Punk back up to the level he was at.  Not that he was buried as some would have you believe, but he is just down that level from before.  And 2, there will be a Hardyz/MNM blow off at Wrestlemania.  And for those of you who seem to think a TLC match needs something on a hook 15 feet in the air, just look at how WSX's TLC match ended, and the "L" still stood for ladder...

Having your first name as part of your second name is EXTREME~!, you now...just ask Kelly Kelly...

In the back, Batista's Stephanie/Chyna gene splicing experiment (also known as Rebecca) was with Ken Kennedy.  Kennedy asked if he was in "bizarroland", as he had beaten Lashley on Sunday, as well as having beaten 7 Champions since his debut, and yet the match was him, Lashley and Bob Holly.  And apparently Bob likes hearing his name said, as he wandered over, with the 2 going nose to nose.  Holly said he would be damned if Kennedy was going to win.

LA RESISTANCE~! def. Los Luchas in a "No matter what happens now, my week hath been made..." match

Now, if you just excuse me for 5 minutes.  I feel as though I must run naked up and down my street in the euphoric excitement of having MY BOYZ~!, La Resistance back together again.  And it's the original version too.  It's a shame that they aren't on Smackdown, where Spanky and London would be prime for a-feuding, but hey, they are on a show I review (well, there was a 66% chance...), so I'm happy either way.  Now, for the nakedness.  Just talk amongst yourselves for a few minutes.  Normal service will return shortly.

...

...

And I'm back, and thanks to a police caution, a few pounds poorer.  But it was still worth it...

After La Res and the jobbers were introduced, everyone had to stand around for a couple of moments as Sylvan and Rene cut a PIP-promo saying that they came to ECW as they wanted to show the World they were unbeatable.  However, by choosing to go to a brand that doesn't have Tag Titles, it kinda just shows a sucky choice of career move in relation to their goals.

Either way, this one was all very one-sided and all very TNA-paced, as they were done in under a minute.  However, it wasn't the Au Revoir that they won with.  This time around, it was an elevated uranage-cum-neckbreaker combo that did it for the messieurs.

After the match, Snitsky sped out (and he was actually quick) and got himself some of the jobbers too.  Man, this would have been at home on Impact!  A 1 minute squash that still included a run-in during the segment, because there was bugger all else they could do with him that week...

Thoughts - 10/10 - 9.5 for the La Res return, 0.5 for the new finisher.  You do have to wonder where they have to go though.  I mean, can you name any other regular team on the brand?  All I can say is "Nayez Pas Pour..."

An African American in the WWE with a hard life?  Who knew?

And then we get Part 3 of "The Lashley Story", and off the bat we find out he's got some Hispanic in him.  Well, his middle name is Roberto, so you could have taken a wild guess...  Anyway, this one starts with the breakdown of Lashley's family life and how Lashley felt alone without a male role model, and how his family didn't make many of his matches, including a very sad story of how he had no family members present when he won his 3rd national title. 

Now, if Hennig were dancing, it would be perfect...hey, everyone else is getting to make "perfect" puns...

I'm oh-so tempted to do what Zah once did when he reviewed Smackdown and plain refuse to review these bits with an address for you to send complaints about me to JG.  However, being the commutate professional I am, while being a highly irresponsible adult, why don't you play my "SLUTTY NITRO GIRLS" DRINKING GAME!

When the camera solely focuses on Leyla, because she's the only proper dancer out of the three of them, drink a beer.

When the camera is on Leyla & Brooke, ignoring Kelly, because Kelly is so damn awful, do a shot of Vodka.

When the camera catches Kelly looking at what the others are doing, obviously trying to remember what she's doing, hit a shot of JD.

When Kelly does hit a move perfectly, do a shot of tequila (this only happens once in a blue moon, so I wouldn't worry about this one...)

And if they manage to make it all the way through, drink a beer with a whiskey chaser.

Actually, PLEASE, on no accord, play this game.  I don't want deaths due to alcohol poisoning on my hands, because that would amount to a year's drinking right there, this dancing bit sucks so very, very much.  This is only a sartorial commentary on it, and should in no way involve any alcohol, unless you feel the need to drink to forget it.  And then, please drink responsibly...

Suffice to say, that beer with chaser would have been done, as they managed to waste three minutes of my precious life by fully completing the routine, such as it was.  They must have worked out that the bad guys who kept interrupting were looking good by stopping the thing.  Except rather than cancel the bit, they stopped people from stopping it...

Anyway, Joey & Taz(z) moved on to recap the announcement that Curt Hennig was being inducted into the Hall of Fame.  While it is well deserved, I don't get some people saying "about time".  If he were still alive, he'd be, more than likely, still active in the industry.  If anything, I'm surprised it's come this soon, being only a few years removed from his passing, while there are more high profile guys out there, who are no longer with us who have been dead longer, and since they won't want to load up a year with guys who have passed on, I'd have thought they'd get the treatment first.  But in saying that, still a thoroughly deserving choice.

Bobby Lashley def. Ken Kennedy & Bob Holly to retain the ECW Title in an "Umaga, here we come..." Triple Threat match

Kennedy & Holly made their way out first, before cutting to break.  They were nose-to nose when we came back, as Lashley came out.  Kennedy went for Lashley, but he ducked and took Holly down.  Kennedy pulled Lashley off of Bob, taking him to the corner.  As the pair worked over the champ, it became rather obvious how much Kennedy & Holly looked like each other, with their bleach-blond hair and blue-ish trunks.  They took turns, but Lashley pounced on Kennedy to get himself out of that predicament.  Lashley powered Kennedy into a corner, but Kennedy used an eye rake and Holly sent Lashley into the ring post, before Kennedy hit Bob with a back suplex for a 2 count.  Holly came back with a Full Nelson slam, but Lashley hit Holly with a Belly-To-Belly throw.

After dumping Holly with a backdrop, Kennedy tripped Lashley up and pulled him out of the ring.  Kenneth tried to whip Lashley into the step, but ended up in them himself, although Lashley posed for just too long, as Holly hit a baseball slide, when Bobby tried climbing back into the ring.  Holly went to the headlock, but as the crowd chanted loudly for Lashley, the champ powered his way out like all good big men do.  With the opponent on his back, while punching Kennedy at the same time.

Lashley worked over both men, even sending Holly into Kennedy.  Both challengers got delayed suplexes (albeit with out the extended posing), however after sending Kennedy out of the ring, Lashley took a Stungun from Holly.  Holly got a chair from ringside, and while Lashley was holding it, Holly kicked the chair in his face.  Not exactly a Van Daminator, but you know...same principle.  Also, this match wasn't exactly announced as an "Extreme Rules" match, but then, when was the last time you saw a DQ in a triple threat?

An Alabama slam followed, but Lashley's title was saved by Kennedy, who pulled the referee out of the ring.  Holly brought Kennedy back in the ring, but got a nut shot for his trouble.  Kennedy grabbed the chair and swung for the fences.  However, his first target, Lashley, ducked, meaning Kennedy hit Holly square in the head.  Lashley then hit the running powerslam on his Smackdown-based challenger to retain the title.  Lashley slapped hands with the ringside seats (well, the people filling them) as the show closed.

Thoughts - 6.5/10 - A decent bout, and the addition of the second challenger helped.  It also told a decent story, and the action was good.

OVERALL - 8/10 (+ 1 on last week) - Wow.  What can I say?  This was a very, very good show with the only blip being the Slutty Nitro Girls.  If I were being objective, I'd mention that the La Resistance match was a squash, but the fact is, it was La Res, so...

Either way, the main parts so the show (RVD/Thorn, Punk/Nitro & the main event) all hit the right notes, and the non-dancing rest of the show was pretty good too.

That’s all I got for now, but if you have something to say about this week’s ECW, you can e-mail me at dedicated e-mail address, or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums!

OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on MY OWN MYSPACE PAGE!

Well, I’ll be back on Friday for Smackdown, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations.  For reading this, and continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow…

I’m out.