All Good With Aaron Wood - The WWE's March 2006
By Aaron Wood
You may remember that I started to review the WWE’s 2006. However, life and very serious computer issues got in the way of completing that when I wanted to. However, being the genius that I am, I’m going to post the retrospectives just before the 12-month mark, so you can see how last year went, as we head into the following month, so please enjoy this retrospective of last March, and I’ll see you next month with April! Well, that is forgetting the next month’s worth of Smackdown, ECW and whatever other stuff pops into my head…
THE WWE IN 2006: MARCH
How to glom heat...and influence people.
HHH was all set to face John Cena for the WWE Title at Wrestlemania 22. But as March kicked in, it wasn't the future they looked to, but in fact, the past. HHH and Cena would take part in "Wrestlemania Rewind" matches, against former Wrestlemania opponents. Not that it meant anything, but hey, it was a gimmick that lasted a week to muddle them through with...
HHH managed to put away Kane (his Wrestlemania 15 opponent) with some help from Carlito and Chris Masters, while Cena took on Big Show, once again hitting the FU on the big guy, even though everyone acted as if it had never been done before.
The following week, the six men involved in the two matches teamed up, but it would end in a DQ win for Cena, Kane and Big Show, when Smackdown's Randy Orton ran in, sending a message for the upcoming Saturday's Main Event match. After winning on the NBC show, Cena teamed up with Shawn Michaels against HHH and Shane McMahon the following Monday. However, Vince was in a screwing mood, and so, when Cena used a closed fist, he made it clear that Cena was to be disqualified, making a handicap match in the process. Cena returned at the end, enraging Vinny Mac enough to make a match between himself and Cena on the following RAW.
McMahon made things a bit more interesting however, when he announced HHH would be handcuffed in his corner, and HBK would be handcuffed in Cena's corner. Cena won the match, but it was by DQ, and Vince had a second set of keys for the cuffs, allowing HHH to get free, allowing the heels to get a beating the faces as they went to Wrestlemania.
Shawn Michaels is full of Piss, Vinegar (maybe) and Preggo Powder!
March didn't start out well for HBK. he was put into a match with Shane McMahon, but a heavily pregnant Stephanie was in attendance, seeking an audience with HBK to plead for clemency for her brother. However, when HBK's back was turned, Stephanie took out some powder and mixed it in with Shawn's bottle of water. And wouldn't you believe it, it was just at that moment when HBK got a thirst on! And even more amazingly, the powder Stephanie had gotten into Michaels's system took effect just as his match was starting! OH THE COINCIDENCES! HBK collapsed and so not only was he easy prey for Shane McMahon, but Vince decided he wanted in too, scoring a pin on a very out-of-it Shawn.
It only got worse for HBK, when the following week, he was placed in a cage match against the Spirit Squad, sans Mitch. For all of HBK's trying, a well placed Shane-O-Mac cage door shot to the head cost Michaels the match. Afterwards, Shane had the cage raised so he could hit his patented, no-one else does it, not even Rob van Dam, Coast to Coast, giving the McMahon's all the momentum heading into Saturday Night's Main Event.
At the SNME Street Fight, after a messed up Coast to Coast, with Shane hitting his Pops, HBK had the match won, except for Vince recovering enough to pull the referee out of the ring. Shane hit a low blow, and then in a scene reminiscent of some minor occurrence 9 years ago, locked in a Sharpshooter, with Vince calling for the bell.
Shawn was then thrown into the aforementioned tag team-cum-Handicap match against Shane and HHH. The week before Mania, as well as allowing himself to be easy prey by being handcuffed, he, earlier that night, faced off with his former and future DX partner, HHH, although it ended up as a stramash, which led to the S&M-lite Main Event. Man, is it any wonder why he did Crotch Chops at Wrestlemania?
Still waiting on Dude Love coming back...
Just like Michaels, the beginning of March wasn't all too peachy for Mick Foley, as he took a conchairto from Edge, as his way of accepting Foley's challenge of a hardcore match at the PPV. Edge would go on to hype Foley as being his guest on a special "Cutting Edge" at SNME. However, at that event, when Edge told to take a pre-Mania beating like a man, Foley came out and took it to the Rated R Superstar, who even lit a table on fire to mark the occasion!
And there was a reason why Foley was up for the fight now. He had become Cactus Jack once again. Edge tried to attack Foley, but Foley took Lita hostage, in a way, locking in the Mandible Claw on her.
Foley even seemed to be helping Edge in the week of the show, when he presented Edge with a baseball bat. However, it was just a game of one-upmanship of sorts, when Foley revealed his own bat, only this one was covered in Barbed Wire!
Mickie gets sexual!
Trish and Mickie continued down their path of very weird friendship. It was set that at SNME, Trish and Torrie Wilson would take on Victoria & Candice Michelle. However, Torrie was found laid out on RAW, with the Playboy bearing Candice's image on the front left as a calling card. Mickie asked for the spot, promising that she would leave Trish alone after then. However, live on NBC, Mickie showed her true colours when after the match, when Trish pulled out of a kiss and shoved Mickie away when she went for a hug, Mickie turned on Trish.
Mickie was in a remorseful mood two days later on RAW, however. You see, she had a great big box for Trish to explore. Get your minds out of the gutter! I mean a gift box. and the present inside was...Ashley! Trish came out to try and help her true friend, and seemed to put Mickie down, going so far as to give her a bloody nose, but when she went to untie Ashley, Mickie gave her unrequited love a swift kick to the head and her patented DDT. Screaming at Trish, Mickie proceed to plant a kiss (and a bloody one at that) on Trish's lips.
The following week, the fruit loop vowed to destroy Trish at Wrestlemania.
The legacy of Jericho lives on
Carlito announced that he had the idea to steal Chris Jericho's idea, and announced that there would be a Money In The Bank match at Wrestlemania. However, Carlito actually lost his qualifying match to Ric Flair. Shelton Benjamin and Rob Van Dam also won matches. But that was all in February. That didn't mean however, that they sat around doing nothing. Shelton had an Intercontinental Title to defend!
Which is what he did. First was a rematch with the former champion, Ric Flair. Benjamin got himself DQ'ed out of that, enraging Flair enough to return the oxygen tank favour for the previous title match.
Next up, RVD called dibs on a title shot. Benjamin narrowly retained after Flair screwed up some interference.
And then, naturally, Shelton defended the belt in a Triple Threat. Flair had RVD on the verge of tapping via his Figure Four, but Shelton covered Flair, who couldn't kick out, because his legs were tangled with RVD!
What sympathy gets you...
He may have lost to Randy Orton at no Way Out, but February didn't end badly for Rey Mysterio. First of all, however, Orton had to take some time to gloat. However, despite not really mentioning Eddie Guerrero at all, Chavo Guerrero ran in and attacked the Legend Killer. Later on, Rey apologised for letting everyone down. When he was about to walk away, Teddy Long came out. He told Rey that while he couldn't take Orton out of the title match, since Orton cheated to win at No Way Out, he was going to add to it, by putting Rey back into the spot.
The following week, while they decided the champion once and for all when Kurt Angle retained the title over Undertaker, Randy practised facing Latino competition by beating Super Crazy. A tag team match saw Orton and Mark Henry take on Rey and Kurt Angle. Late in the match, Rey was poised to be sent through a table by Henry, but Angle made the save, only to be crushed himself through a table by the big man.
As practise for Saturday Night's Main Event, the three Wrestlemania opponents teamed up against MNM and Mark Henry. However, it was more like a handicap match with only Angle and Rey co-operating. However, with Angle fighting Henry on the outside, Orton saw an opportunity to tag himself in after Rey hit a 619 on Mercury and pick up the pin.
At SNME, Orton turned on his team, giving Angle an RKO, but looked to pick up the win by giving John Cena the same treatment, but Cena rolled Orton up for the RAW win.
Orton continued to screw with his opponents the following week. First off, he hit Rey with an RKO< allowing Finlay to pin Mysterio. Later on, he tried to do the same to Angle, but Rey ran in for some revenge. However, Orton moved, and Rey hit Angle instead, allowing Mark Henry to pin the Olympian.
Two days before the biggest show of them all, they were at each other's throats. After a back and forth talking session, Rey was scheduled to face Angle, with Orton given the night off. However, Orton returned and hit Rey with the RKO. Angle and Orton then went at it, but this time, Angle came out on top, as he hit an Angle Slam, before locking in the Ankle Lock, making the Legend Killer tap.
Choose Undertaker. Choose a very big guy to feud him with. Choose a casket match.
after losing a close contest at No Way out, Undertaker was given a rematch to decide who would face Rey Mysterio and Randy Orton at Wrestlemania. Undertaker seemed to have the belt in the bag when Mark Henry interfered for the DQ. Henry since he never got a rematch, Undertaker shouldn't have had one either. Henry laid Undertake rout on the regular announce table, and climbed on the Spanish announce table, which was there especially for the title rematch, and more especially, this spot. and splashed the Phenom.
The following week, after splashing Angle through a table, Mark Henry was challenged at Wrestlemania. Undertaker wanted a Casket Match. A couple of weeks passed until we heard from the Deadman again, when he chronicled the 13 opponents he had previously faced. As with most opponents these days, however, Henry claimed he wasn't scared, and that if he could take out Batista, then he could do the same to Taker.
Getting in on the action
The previous year, Chris Jericho's "Money In the Bank" match was an all-RAW idea. However, this year, it wouldn't be so. This time, it would see three RAW wrestlers (Rob Van Dam, Ric Flair and Shelton Benjamin) and three of Smackdown's finest.
The first qualifier from the "blue show" was Finlay. He defeated Bobby Lashley. However, they had to have the match twice to get there. The first match never started, as the two brawled, before any bell, making it all the way to the parking lot. Finlay used a steel pipe, but Lashley banged Finlay's head into a car window. Having laid Finlay out on the top of a car, the proceeded to tip it over. However, Finlay managed to roll away at the last second. They managed to have a match the following week, however. This time just so there would be a match, it was a lumberjack match. After having downed many of the 'jacks, Lashley was distracted by Sylvan Grenier, allowing Finlay to his shillelagh, use it on Lashley's head, and get the win.
Hardy was also sent to Wrestlemania, also in controversial circumstances. Matthew actually LOST to Road Warrior Animal, but after discovering the brass knucks Animal had used (which wasn't difficult since, Animal stuck them in his armpit!), Charles Robinson reversed the decision.
The final qualifier was decided by a "Last Chance" Battle Royal. It came down to Lashley and MNM, but the future ECW Champion managed to send out both guys in one go, punching his ticket for the event.
Much like their main event counterparts, they teamed up in a way the week before the show, when Hardy, Lashley and Tatanka faced Finlay and MNM, a match that the faces won when Hardy pinned Mercury. Yeah, Hardy did actually pin someone this year...
Things always have to get worse before they get better
For whatever reason, Booker T was sitting in on commentary while The Dicks took on The Boogeyman. Boogeyman won, and then stalked Booker and Sharmell, also tipping out a ton of worms onto Cole and Tazz's desk.
In a match with Tatanka, Boogeyman would show up again to distract Booker, this time right behind the announce desk where Sharmell was sitting. Tatanka picked up the win because of it too. I would talk about the inexplicable push of Tatanka more, but I don't want to for fear of my head exploding...
That was it for Booker. the following week, he took to the ring to read out letters he had received from various organisations decrying Boogeyman and his actions. This led Teddy Long to make a match at Saturday Night's Main Event between the two. Suddenly, smoke came out of Booker's mailbag, and when he emptied it, the mail had suddenly turned into worms!
However, at the Saturday show, Booker claimed that he heard his knee pop and his doctor wanted to get an MRI done, which could take hours, so the match was called off. Later on, however, we found out it was all a ruse, and that he was fine, when Boogeyman invaded their locker room, sending Booker T running out of his locker room with only a towel on him!
This drove Long to concoct a devious ploy. Long forced Booker into a match with Boogeyman, on pain of being fired, but with Booker getting a partner of Long's choosing. Booker signed the contract for the match. Long then revealed Booker's partner would be...Booker's partner, Sharmell!
Boogeyman would cost Booker another match, when Boogeyman "kidnapped" Sharmell when her husband was facing Paul Burchill. However, a trail of worms were left and Sharmell was found safe and well. So it wasn't a nasty kidnapping.
How many ideas can you put into one feud? Let's find out!
After having his hand broken by Chris Benoit, JBL challenged the Rabid Wolverine to a match at Wrestlemania. However, that wasn't all that was on JBL's mind. On WWE.com, Steve Austin had given an interview about Texas wrestling, and while he name-checked a bunch of people, JBL took exception to Austin not mentioning him. With that, JBL challenged Austin to a beer drinking contest at Saturday Night's Main Event.
JBL would get some practise in while watching Chris Benoit beating Orlando Jordan. However, as Benoit celebrated, JBL knocked Benoit out with the beer cooler.
Everything was set for SNME, as JBL and Austin had 25 beers each to down in a minute. However, while Austin gulped the things like only Austin could, JBL seemed to miss his mouth quite a lot, getting most of it on his clothes. Austin knew something was up, so when he checked JBL out, JBL threw his glassful in Austin's face. However, as JBL tired to escape, Chris Benoit ran in, and sent JBL back to the ring for a drenching, and then a stunner.
The following week on Smackdown, JBL took a leaf out of Booker's playbook, by getting himself a substitute to face Benoit, in this case, William Regal. Benoit won and stared down JBL and Jillian Hall afterwards.
JBL then decided to bring Eddie Guerrero into things, by mentioning his name as a great wrestler he had beaten, when the two rivals faced up to each other backstage.
If I were called Animal, I wouldn't dress like a homosexual biker...
While Pirate Paul Burchill was running around, doing his best Johnny Depp impression, I would be remiss not to mention another makeover. Having lost an Open Challenge made by MNM with Tatanka as his partner, Matt Hardy answered another challenge, this time with a tag specialist in Road Warrior Animal. The good guys lost, but for whatever reason, Animal attacked Hardy afterwards.
The reason was given the following week, when Animal said he had carried Hawk their whole career and that Heidenreich and Hardy were just screw-ups. Form this point on, Animal was going it alone. It would be the following week, when Animal took on Hardy in the MITB qualifier, he debuted a look not un-akin to a guy who spent a lot of time either riding his hog, or riding men. While nothing of note would happen for the rest of the month, Animal would stick around.
Next Month: God joined the company, people claimed Gimmick Infringement on Joe’s behalf, the Big Gold Belt met the little guy and it was the beginning of the end of MNM…
Well, I’ll be back soon enough with April, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations. For reading this, and continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow…
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