LAST WEEK ON ECW:  The Originals won a match, Punk told Nitro to Go to bed Go 2 Sleep and Ken Kennedy came a calling.  I hope he comes back sometime…

THIS WEEK…

Ken Kennedy def. Sabu to qualify for the Money In The Bank Match at Wrestlemania in a "You'd have thought the tables would have gotten over the Dudleyz leaving by now..." Extreme Rules Match

After a big ol' recap of Lashley's placement as Donald Trump's representative, and the ensuing bench-clearing brawl (which was very cool, by the way), and some new opening credits (well, you have to take Test out of them these days...), we kicked off with some Money In The Bank qualifying action.

Ken Kennedy came out to an ECW ring for the second night in a row, and there were 2 funny moments here (well funny to me anyway), the lighting guys made the arena go dark (as usually happens when he promos, although he didn't here, unfortunately), and then Kennedy forgot where the steel steps were when TV has it's "hard-camera" on the opposite side than normal, as he went left then right to find them...  And interestingly, this one was going to be under Extreme Rules.

Sabu went for an early springboard elbow, but over-shot a bit, allowing Kennedy to hit something of a German Suplex.  However, a few moments later, Sabu was able to hit the springboard elbow properly, which saw Kennedy bail to the floor of his own accord.  Sabu took a dive over the ropes, but again, it was more about Sabu just missing then it was about Kennedy scouting it (no matter what Joey & Taz(z) would have you think... 

Anyway, Sabu decided now was a good time to get out the weaponry, sliding a chair in the ring and setting up a table on the outside, which drew a MASSIVE "Sabu" chant.  Kennedy got placed on the table.  However, while Sabu was in the middle of hitting his trademark Triple-Jump dive spot, Kennedy rolled off the table, but he did it early enough for Sabu to adjust, allowing the whack job to jump over the table and hit Kennedy with a Double Axe Handle.  Back in the ring, Sabu went for the Triple-Jump Moonsault, but Kennedy caught his leg, and Sabu ate chair, for a near fall. 

After another near fall, Kennedy got his hands on the table (which he ended up somehow busting), bringing it into the ring.  However, he got caught by Sabu with a leg drop as he came in.  He set up the table as best he could, and laid Kennedy across it.  He went up top, but Kennedy moved, so Sabu landed ass first through the table.  Kennedy then DDT'ed Sabu on the table for the win, to go onto Wrestlemania.

Thoughts - 5/10 - This was decent enough fare, if a little on the short side.  the timing on the part of both men was a little off here, although more so on Sabu than Kennedy.

Didn't the driver know the way to San Jose?

Just before the break, we saw Vince McMahon pull up at the arena, annoyed with the limo driver getting him there late.  Well, I can't blame Big Vince for that.  I mean, he left RAW early last night, and still couldn't get to ECW until after it had started.  I'd have fired the driver...

Balls Mahoney def. Matt Striker by DQ in a "Blink and missed it." match

After a plug showing RVD & Tommy Dreamer against Marcus Cor Von & Kevin Thorn as "this week's New Breed/Originals battle", you wouldn't be ostracised for suspecting something was up when another Originals/New Breed match came up right away, this time with the returning Balls Mahoney taking on everyone's favourite teacher Dean Douglas Matt Striker.

And you would be right to suspect something, as barely 30 seconds into the contest, after a top-rope leg drop from Balls, Snitsky came running in and took down Balls with a clothesline and big boot.  He wasn't just after an Original though, as he gave much the same treatment to Striker.

Thoughts - 2/10 - What exactly is there to think?  It was a nice leg drop from Balls, especially for a man his size.  And personally, I don't think he'd be getting to do that if he was getting buried.  Indeed, it just reinforces my long standing point that the WWE like Balls as a worker.  As for Snitsky?  Meh.  They better get him doing something other than running in soon though, although it'll probably be after Mania at this point...

Let the screwing begin!

We went backstage, as Vince spoke directly to camera about the Main Event.  Vince said that Trump had surprised him on RAW by choosing Lashley, so he was going to spring a surprise on them, by adding a 5 minute time limit to the match, where if Lashley didn't pick up the win in the time, Holly would become ECW Champion.  A 5 minute cage match?  What is this?  Impact?

Marcus Cor Von & Kevin Thorn def. Rob Van Dam & Tommy Dreamer in a "I'd spank that too..." match

The New Breed guys, with Ariel & Elijah Burke, were already in the ring as we came back from break.  RVD's music played, as he came out with dreamer, and The Sandman, in a rare "using the proper entrance" outing for him.  Another funny moment here, as Brad Armstrong caught "Kennedy-itis", plum forgot how things were set up tonight and called for the match to be started looking at the wrong side of the ring, before turning round to the correct side to get things going.

RVD got a big chant out of the gate, and hit a cross body off of the middle rope for 2, before tagging out to Dreamer.  However, as Joey brought up how Dreamer suffered a dislocated jaw in New Zealand over the weekend, as if by magic, the heels combined to isolate Tommy.  Cor Von worked Dreamer over, but Tommy came back with a reverse DDT.  Tommy managed to make the tag, as Thorn came in too.  RVD hit the split-legged moonsault for 2, following up with the Rolling Thunder, but Marcus broke it up.

Dreamer and Cor Von fought to the outside, as RVD continued to get the best of Thorn.  RVD went to go up top, but Ariel distracted him by running/bouncing round and going to hand Thorn his cane.  This prompted Sandman to spank her in the ass with his cane.  However, this left Elijah Burke to crotch RVD, allowing Thorn to hit "The Dark Kiss" (an Ace Crusher with RVD propped up by the top turnbuckle) for the three.

Thoughts - 6/10 - I had a feeling that the Originals would win this, but it wasn't to be.  However, a cynic would say "Look how far RVD's fallen.  In a match where he's teaming with TOMMY DREAMER, it's RVD that's getting pinned...".  And you never know, they might be right.  But this was decent enough fare, and in the context of the match, it made sense for RVD to get pinned.

Bob Holly and "giddy" aren't exactly regular bed fellows...

We went to the back with Batista's bit of fluff, Rebecca, as she was with Bob Holly.  Suffice to say Holly was rather pleased with Vince's added stipulation to his match later, saying no one could beat him in under 5 minutes, and that he would be ECW Champion tonight.

ECW focusing on a "Sign Guy"?  How ironic...

We then cut to a very cool bit, as we see a plug for Deal Or No Deal where a man named Rick Achberger, the self-made "WWE Sign Guy" was taking part, and they surprised him with having Rated RKO, John Cena and Bobby Lashley show up.  Very cool bit.  I hope "Sign Guy" wins a lot of money, as he must spend a fortune going to WWE events,, since you always see him in or near the front row, whenever they pass through his area.  And it's good of WWE to recognise such dedication, while getting a little corporate synergy in at the same time.

CM Punk def. Stevie Richards in a "(insert generic "I'm surprised Stevie still worked there" line here)" match

The two didn't wait for the bell to get things started.  Well, I guess Stevie was excited.  It was pretty even in the beginning with both men exchanging kicks, but it was Stevie who seemed to take control when he put Punk in a chinlock, as the fans chanted for the sXe guy.  Richards went to a neck vice, but Punk landed a kick to the head and rolled Stevie up for 2.  However, Richards immediately came back with a stiff kick for a near fall of his own.  Stevie went back to the chinlock.  Punk got out of it, but Stevie stayed on top long enough to place Punk on the top rope, before signalling for the "StevieDT" from up there.  However, Punk pushed Richards off, hitting a flying clothesline, followed by jumping side kick and his fist combo.  Punk hit the high knee in the corner, transitioning into the bulldog.  However, Stevie slipped out.  Richards went for a clothesline but Punk ducked, scooped him up and then hit the RTC-founder member with the Go 2 Sleep for the three.

Thoughts - 7/10 - Once again, pretty good, athletic stuff here, and far more even than you would expect with a guy who works about 1 date a year.  And to his credit, Stevie looked crisp, landing some good looking kicks.  This was just the sort of match Punk needs going into Mania.

Kissing does NOT cancel out crappiness... (a.k.a. Couldn't Test have taken Kelly Kelly with him?)

Yep.  Slutty Nitro Girls.  Bad Dancing.   Tonight, they ended their routine with a quick three way kiss (or at least, that's what it was supposed to look like...).  No sale.  As I said on the forum, now that Test has gone back to jobless-ville, maybe he can start writing sour grapes filled bilge about WWE again, while at the same time, suddenly telling his woman, Kelly Kelly, about how evil Vince is, convincing her to go.  Anyway...NEXT!

Bobby Lashley def. Bob Holly to retain the ECW World Title in an "Are the cages and tables in competition to see who can break best?" match

Well, the story of this was obvious.  Lashley went right away trying for covers.  Lashley sent Holly into the cage a couple of times, as the crowd were certainly loud, but it was rather unclear as to their opinion.  Holly got busted open a minute in.  After putting a boot to Lashley's face on a charge, Holly made for the top of the cage, but Lashley caught.  While this was going on Umaga's music kicked in, as Vince brought out the Samoan Bulldozer.  Umaga started trashing the place, before tossing a chair into the ring.

Holly hit Lashley with a big chair shot, for a near fall.  Lashley hit a big Belly To Belly throw, before smacking Holly with a big chair shot of his own.  Lashley then went to town on Holly with the chair, much in the same way as he did to Kennedy at No Way Out.  That should be a note Umaga makes.  Don't give Lashley a chair.  He'll go postal with it.  He stared down Umaga, before hitting Holly with the chair once more, followed by a Running Powerslam for the win. 

Thoughts - 6/10 - For a 5 minute match, it told a good story, in Lashley going for covers from the off and then Umaga's interference on Vince's behalf pretty much backfiring on them, as Lashley got to make full use of the chair.  I think the slight majority of the crowd were booing Lashley during the match, certainly at the end (although there were definite big cheers after the win), but they, Cena rode it out...

After the match, Umaga went a bit more buck at ringside.  Lashley stared down his Wrestlemania opponent again, before coming off the ropes at the other side of the ring and, in an awesome visual, charged the panel of the cage, sending the panel down onto Umaga, with Lashley landing on top of it.  Both men were down as the show ended.  Now that DEFINATELY drew a pop...

OVERALL - 7/10 (- 1 on last week) - Don't let the match ratings fool you.  This was a pretty good show, and it flowed really well.  It was a notch down on last week, but still much improved stuff on the stuff people wish to see ECW as.  The matches themselves, while each and every one of them were short, were good for their time, with Punk/Richards standing out for it's athleticism and the main event for it's story.

Only one thing could have made this show a whole ton better.  Less Slutty Nitro Girls...more La Resistance!!!

That’s all I got for now, but if you have something to say about this week’s ECW, you can e-mail me at dedicated e-mail address, or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums!

OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on MY OWN MYSPACE PAGE!

Well, I’ll be back on Friday for Smackdown, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations.  For reading this, and continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow…

I’m out.