LAST WEEK ON ECW:  Stevie Richards proved there was a way out of purgatory, Sandman turned “spanky” and Bobby Lashley did something.  I can’t remember what it was.  If only they showed it…

THIS WEEK…

Taking pointers from Austin?

Well, suffice to say it's obvious what recap was aired at the beginning of this show.  Than again, when it's been this good thus far, it's not a bad thing to watch.  And I tell you something, I will NEVER tire of seeing the spot that ended ECW last week, even though I've seen it a hundred times now.

After that anyway, Vince McMahon made his way out in quick time, and for the first time in a long time, he was wearing a sensible jacket!  Shame he was wearing poo-brown trousers, but babysteps...  Attaining himself a mic, he pretty much recapped the events of last night, in that Steve Austin was to be the guest referee, with Vince using the great line "...who is a long time acquaintance of mine.".  Funny stuff.  He pointed out that Stone Cold would be out later.  of course, the mere mention of Austin's name started up a whole bunch of "What?" chants every time Vince stopped to take breath.  Every silver lining has a cloud, I suppose...

He said last Monday he gave Trump a warning and that next Monday would see the contract signing, before jaw-jacking with the crowd a little.  Getting back on point, Vince said that if Trump got out of line, he would the newly-patented "Billionaire Bitch Slap", saying that Bobby Lashley knew all about it last Friday, cutting to a video package of Vince's slap repeated over and over.  Vince asked for another airing, after which he said that when he showed up at the arena, Lashley was waiting for him.  While Vince was expecting to get into it with Lashley, he could "smell" the fear in Lashley, and could see the tears welling in his eyes.  Vince claimed that Lashley "humbly" apologised.  Vince said that he told Lashley it wouldn't be accepted unless it was done in public.  He then introduced Bobby Lashley.

Lashley came out, with a broad smile on his face, and to a big reaction.  Vince gave Lashley his own microphone, as a fair-sized "Lashley" chant got going.  Lashley said he did want to apologise.  He apologised to everyone in the arena, everyone at home and "Vince".  McMahon looked bemused that he was called by his first name.  Lashley extended his hand, which McMahon took.  They shook hands.  However, Vince started to comment how Lashley's grip was getting tighter.  Lashley said that he was apologising, because last week, he should have kicked Vince's ass, which turned the crowd from their state of bemusement-cum-booing right back to loudly cheering.  Lashley's grip drove McMahon down to one knee, as Lashley warned Vince to not lay a hand on him again, before letting go of Vince and leaving.

I don't know how many would agree with me, but personally I thought that Lashley showed a lot more character and charisma than ever before.  He's still not great on the mic, but this wasn't "fingers in ears" stuff either.

Bob Holly def. Balls Mahoney in a "Holly vs. Xanta Klaus?  Who wouldn't mention Christmas???" match

After a quick plug for Ashley's Playboy cover, we got a rather jarring juxtaposition, as we then saw Balls Mahoney in the ring with his tongue out.  Holly got the jump on Balls, getting him the ropes with forearms across the chest.  Taz(z) then, either 3 months late or 9 months early, decided to start acting as if it were Christmas by singing "Deck The Halls with Balls and Holly"...

Balls countered a corner charge, hitting his punch combo before going up top.  However, he missed the top-rope leg drop, which allows Holly to hit the Alabama Slam for the win.  Sparky Plugg didn't get to celebrate his win over Xanta long though, as out of nowhere Snitsky almost literally took Holly's head off with a big boot, which was odd, as while Snitsky has been attacking people at random, his first week, if you remember, saw him very much friends with Holly.  Balls didn't get beaten for the second week in a row though.  The Alabama Slam made him disappear.

Thoughts - 4/10 - Not much to it.  It was one of those matches where Holly was booked to help him re-establish himself after taking countless losses from Lashley.  Balls wasn't buried though.  Not at all.

About time he was involved...

We went backstage to Rebecca, who was with CM Punk.  She brought up the Money In The Bank match, which Punk played up as being very big.  He then said he was going to be on Smackdown taking on Mr. Kennedy this coming Friday.  Elijah Burke jumped in, excusing Rebecca.  Punk wasn't exactly pleased to see Burke.  Burke congratulated Punk on his place at Mania, also saying he would be a future champion.  Impatient, Punk wanted Burke to get to the point.  Burke offered Punk a spot with the New Breed team.

Before the sXe guy could even begin to think about it, RVD jumped in.  Not literally.  I mean interrupted.  I probably should have used "interrupted" in the first place.  Save all this confusion.  Anyway, RVD jumped in (not literally, mind...) saying that Punk shouldn't waste his time with the New Breed, saying that while Burke couldn't spell ECUU (see what I did there?), Punk "understood".  Burke told Punk to think about it, which he started doing, as things went to break.

Rob van Dam def. Elijah Burke in a "Well, there's a match for Survivor Series Wrestlemania" match

RVD came out first with the full team at his side, as they recapped the shenanigans that saw the New Breed win last week.  Burke followed with his comrades.  RVD got a big ol' cheer as the bell rang.  They exchanged arm drags as Joey and Taz(z) began a discussion on the New vs. Old, before turning to whether or not CM Punk would take up Burke's offer.  RVD caught Burke in the jaw with a kick, before hitting a cross body, sending them both over the top rope.

Back form the break, and with everyone still around ringside, Burke was in control with a chinlock and a couple of suplexes, before Burke went to a surfboard, and an "RVD" chant encouraged Robbie V to escape.  However, he missed a charge, and ate a sweet dropkick, which left him in a fantastic position to be pinned.  However, Burke only scored a 2 from it.  With RVD set front first in the corner, Burke pulled his knee pads down and hit a double knee to RVD's back.  Very cool move, but that still wasn't enough to put Van Dam away.

And unfortunately for Elijah, the tide began to turn, as RVD hit a couple of clotheslines and then a side kick to build momentum.  RVD hit a monkey flip and a leg lariat in the corner, allowing him to hit the split-legged moonsault for 2.  RVD then decided to finish Burke off with the Five-Star, which he did, even if the camera managed to miss the impact of it first time around by cutting to a shot of the New Breed.  Still won the match for Rob though, so, all's well and good for him.

After the Originals got done celebrating, Tommy Dreamer, with mic in hand, made the formal challenge for Wrestlemania.  The New Breed didn't answer, but it's so very on.  I just hope that Sandman doesn't come out of the crowd.  He'd take forever...

Thoughts - 7/10 - A good, if unspectacular match.  Very competitive and pretty methodical.  The important point here was to get another Original win under their belts and make the challenge, and in those sense, it worked very well.

TNA must be love seeing this...

Back from break, we saw some Chicago White Sox players, who were sat behind Joey & Taz(z), including TNA's bitch AJ Can't-spell-his-surname-for-the-life-of-me.  And of course, since the WWE knows how to book baseball players properly, AJ was nowhere near the ring or getting involved in any angles.  He was just watching the show.  Just one question, where was his "X" belt?

If there's one thing that could make them worse, it's dancing to SEAN PAUL!

After a recap of Nick Bockwinkel's Hall Of Fame video, it was time for our weekly dose of the Slutty Nitro girls.  And for some reason, they were using a track by the chumpstain known as Sean Paul.  So that was mute automatically hit.  And all I will say is that this week's theme was "military".  Something I came to notice when I realised their props were guns, and not what I first thought they were...

Vibrators...

Anyway, let's move on...

What he didn't get to say last night...mainly because he was too busy drinking...

Now, right up front, since you, dear readers have never had to experience me talking about Austin before, I just want to be honest with you.  I do not like Steve Austin.  I hated the way he hung around the WWE like a bad smell after his last match, not only teasing  fans into thinking he could still go, but also by systematically glomming the heat of just about every single member of the roster, without ever giving ANYONE the chance to get heat on him.  And then, just to cap it off, he beat his wife.  And then, the most heinous of his crimes on the wrestling industry.  The "What?" thing.  So please, bear that in mind, that while I will try my best to remain objective, I may refer to him as the wife-beating heat glommer fomr time to time...

And after a quick plug that Mick Foley, taking full advantage of what Vince gave him on RAW, would be on ECW next week, it was time for Austin to make his way out.  I will say I like the new slogan on his shirt.  Austin started by going for the cheap op saying that it was good to be home in Tuscon, Arizona.  The TEXAS Rattlesnake then managed to qualify it as "anywhere the WWE is, is home", before hitting a nice line about how the dry heat made him thirsty.

He got onto Trump vs. McMahon, saying that he was an expert, since he had no hair.  Austin said he had been asked about how he was gonna call things, given his and Vince's history.  Austin promised to call it down the middle, since that was the way it had to be.  He then said that he has no favourites in the match, opening the floor to the audience.  Well, certain members of the audience.  The first guy he asked was either a referee mark or was on a Foot Locker company outing, as he was wearing a black and white striped shirt.  Carlos (that was his name) didn't really give an answer, more interested in getting one out of Austin.  Realising he was going nowhere fast, Austin moved on to a woman named Jennifer.  She obviously wanted McMahon to get cut.  He moved onto the White Sox players, asking Joe Credy what he thought (If only he asked AJ...).  Joe also wanted to see McMahon get chrome-domed.  Austin then went to some tool named Nick (although Austin kept saying "Dick"), asking whether or not it'd be a matt classic or a slobberknocker.  Slobberknocker was the answer, and Austin agreed, talking up Lashley & Umaga as physical specimens.  He did warn them though, that if they got in his face, they'd be getting Stunners.

Austin finished off by saying that he was going to be at RAW next Monday to oversee the contract signing, because things could go wrong as there would be "about 2 billion dollars worth of assholes".  He then guarunteed that, no matter what, there would be a bald-headed billionaire.  The music hit and the beers were thrown in, as Ausitn drank as they went off the air.

OVERALL - 6/10 (- 1 on last week) - This wasn’t a bad show, even though there were only 2 matches, totalling about 15 minutes, as the opening segment was really good, and potentially very important for Lashley’s development, in terms of charisma outside of the ring.  And then, Austin bit was fine for what it was.  It was the promo that was coming, so to have it here and help out the ECW show was fine in my book.

And even then, it’s not as if the show suffered as a result, as the Originals/New Breed feud moved along, and I don’t think it will end at Wrestlemania, especially with the CM Punk tease and reportedly potential tag titles.  All in all, while a notch back down on last week, which was more action packed, I think this week’s show was almost as effective while having less action and more talking.

That’s all I got for now, but if you have something to say about this week’s ECW, you can e-mail me at dedicated e-mail address, or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums!

OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on MY OWN MYSPACE PAGE!

Well, I’ll be back on Friday for Smackdown, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations.  For reading this, and continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow…

I’m out.