Hello one and all and welcome back to my yard for the second time this week. Hope you got a chance to read the Impact Report and if you didn’t then I DEMAND that you do. Alright sorry. Who the hell am I to tell you what to do? Don’t read it I don’t care. As long as you keep reading The Heat Report I’m a happy camper. But no matter what you read on this site, I’m sure that I speak for the whole staff in saying that we hope you enjoy it. I also hope you enjoy today’s edition of Heat. I’ll admit it’s not the best edition I’ve ever seen, but you gotta remember one thing. Half the roster was busy getting whooped by The Rockers of Thuganomics on Raw. That means no Redneck Wrecking Crew or World’s Greatest Tag Team. But no matter, we will still have fun. So sit back, relax and let your eyes do all the work cause it’s time for some Heat baby.

He’s baaackk. Duggan’s been out for quite a while. Don’t you remember why? Let me give you three letters, R…K…O. A couple of months ago, Rated RKO literally beat the bloody hell out the poor old man. You remember those conchairtoes on the stage. Looks like Duggan has recovered nicely. He makes his way to the ring with the usual 2 X 4 and the American Flag to face a very weird looking man. His opponent, Judas Young, has red tights on that look very feminine and he’s about a foot shorter than Duggan. Match starts off with a lock up which Hacksaw gets the better of. Clothelines the little dude twice who retreats to the outside. Hacksaw uses this time to play to the crowd by chanting USA, USA, USA! Young comes back in the ring only to get punched out a couple of times. Damn wuss slides out the ring again. He starts to retreat up the ramp as the ref begins to count him out. Hacksaw doesn’t want it to end this way so he distracts the ref and the count gets broken upon Young’s re-entry into the ring.

Judas Young Redpants finally gets some offense with a kick and a clothesline that actually grounds Duggan. Crowd can’t believe it and neither can I. Judas chokes the Ho man in the ropes for the four count. Then he gets Hacksaw in a chokehold but Duggan fights out. I’m surprised that Judas is maintaining offense for so long cause he just took down Duggan with a knee. He tells the fans to shut up and goes for the cover. Two count followed by another cover for another two count. Duggan gets control again and hits 10 punches in the corner but Young gets a rake to the eyes. Hacksaw hits a delayed scoop slam and nails his three point stance clothesline for the win.

The match was so so. I was glad to see Duggan back but he’s someone important on Heat. Why not make him re-debut in the main event. That would’ve made him seem like a bigger deal.

Same preview for WWE Uncut from last week. You know the one where they followed Trish Stratus on her last day in the WWE. Poor Lita. She bust her ass in this business too but will never be remembered as highly as Trish is.

What is this the night of great returns? First Hacksaw came back and look who the cat dragged in now. It’s Vladimir Koslov! Fulfilling his interview duties today is that new dude. His name? Max Bertos. Yup he actually gets the Heat nameplate appear on screen for him. He’s not too bad actually. Max asks Vlad for his thoughts on Wrestlemania to which he replies “I would like to be part ofWrestlemania. He talks some Russian and then says “All of them scared of me” directed toward all the wrestlers competing at the grandest stage of them all. Wanna know why? Cause he’s the best and because….wait for it…..wait for it….“I Love Double Double E.”

Watch some Balls on Ringside Reality. Airing March 28 on wwe.com.

This is actually quite sad. You’d think that by now I’d be used to the constant de-pushing of fresh new tag teams but it sucks man. These guys go from being in the ring on Raw with the “President” to wrestling some jobbers. What a difference a few months can make. On the other hand its hard to distinguish one jobber from the other. Well their attires are quite different. One is in neon green (much like Mr. Ass from times past) and the other in maroon. Match begins with a bit of chain wrestling. Headlocks and wristlocks but a shoulderbutt gives JTG the upper hand. Then Bennet shows off his great balance with two great leapfrogs. He’s so happy that he starts dancing The Running Man. JTG clocks him and shows him how to really get down with some gangsta dancin’. Huge dropkick and a tag made to big Shad. Double elbow by Cryme Tyme that only gets a two count.

Stiff knee to the face of Bennet after which Shad gets up the jobber for a gorilla press slam. However, he doesn’t connect. Mike rakes him in the eyes and tags in Mr. Neon Green. Shad nails him with some and then nails a HUGE toss that sends him flying from one corner to the other. Great show of strength. Tag made to JTG. Cryme Tyme nails a great double team as Shad shoots TG in the air who comes down with a stiff shot to the face of Danny Jet. Bennet provides a distraction so that Jet gains control of the match. Tag made to Bennet who locks in a necklock after a snapmare takedown. JTG almost breaks down but he gets grounded again. J almost breaks out again but Bennet backs him into the corner. Tag to Jet but JTG fights off both men to make the tag into the big dog Shad Gaspard. He comes in with huge clotheslines and shoulderbutts and rips his shirt off in the process. Takes out Neonpants with a sidewalk slam as JTG clotheslines Bennet out the ring. Then Cryme Tyme hits the G-9 for the win.

Not too bad. That was quite entertaining for a jobber match. Shad displayed excellent strength throughout the whole match and JTG’s agility guided them to a victory.

Battle of the Billionaires ad. Just the build up of this match is phenomenal. Imagine the final results.

It may be a surprise but this happens to be the first time that Kenny has been in the main event during his little tenure on Heat. I know I’m surprised. I mean Kenny’s probably the best thing they’ve got on heat nowadays (with all due respect to the rest of the roster). But that doesn’t mean that he’s never faced Eugene before. In fact, he defeated this special little kid just last week. The difference? It wasn’t the last match that’s all. So here we go.

Eugene starts the match by picking his nose and offering a handshake to Kenny. Obviously, Dykstra doesn’t shake it. Would you?! Didn’t think so. Tie-up into a wristlock on Eugene but Gene backs Kenny into the corner. Things start over. Headlock by Dykstra who nails a few shoulderbutts on Eugene off the ropes. But Eugene grabs his foot once and rolls him up with an inside cradle for the two. Then he quickly catches Kens in a backslide for another two count. School boy for a two. Then he nails some Junkyard Dog headbutts then takes an imaginary piss on the former cheerleader. Kenny on the apron and Eugene comes running. Dykstra moves and when Eugene gets stuck in the ropes BAM! A stiff kick right that probably made Eugene even more “special.” He nails a few forearms and gets a two count. Kenny connects with a few punches and kicks here and there and then sends Eugene into the corner with a powerful Irish whip. He sets up for a suplex but Eugene reverses into a small package for the dos.

Both men to their feet and Kenny connects with a hard hitting clothesline. Then he nails a flying elbow for a two count. Eugene tries to come back but he gets kicked in the face again. Ken gets on Eugene and wildly punches away. Applies a sleeper for some time but when Eugene fights out, he eats a dropkick to the face. Cover for the 2. Neck submission applied once again but Eugene fights out and beats Dykstra’s head in the corner 10 times. The audience has lost all interest by now so there is no count along. Eugene Hulks up and nails the big boot. Goes for the leg drop but Dykstra moves. Dropkick to Eugene’s face for the two. Both men up to their feet and Eugene does the airplane spin. Kenny counters the Rockbottom. Kenny lands off a back drop and it seems as if he has hurt his knee. Eugene goes over to see if Kenny’s okay but Mr. Dykstra capitalizes on the stupidity and hotshots Eugene in the ropes. Then he hits the Dykstra Drop and gets the win.

Good match but it was too long. I got a little bored towards the end and the same goes for the crowd. But Eugene had a strong showing. Lots of good moves and he had a lot more offense than you’d expect.

All in all… Not a bad edition of Heat. Cryme Tyme’s match was the best in my opinion but the main event didn’t totally reek. I mean Kenny Dykstra was in it so it couldn’t have been too bad.

That just about does it for me. If you have any suggestions, comments or criticisms then please do tell. My e-mail address is Naeem920@gmail.com or you can hit me up with a PM at the Insanity Message Boards. My username is Naeem920.

See you Thursday night with the Impact Report.

Until then I'm Saad Naeem and that was Heat.