Canadian Bulldog's Breaking News: Poll Shows 64 % Think Magnum T.A. Was Played By Tom Selleck
By Canadian Bulldog
(Bulldog's Note: We are just ONE WEEK away from what just may become the greatest True Wrestling Story ever! EVER!!!
Who will it be? What makes this next TWS so special? Don't I have better things to do with my time? Tune in on Tuesday, March 27th to find out!
In the interim, to make sure you can handle it, dude, I suggest you say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and train real hard… brother! 'Cause whatcha gonna do, when the greatest True Wrestling Story Of All Time runs wild on youuuuuuuuuuuuu?)
Above: You could see why people might get these two confused.
By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News
(Washington, DC) - A new poll that was conducted for no apparent reason suggests an overwhelming majority of Americans believe that former professional wrestler Terry "Magnum T.A." Allen was played by actor Tom Selleck in a 1980's television crime drama.
The poll was conducted by the Center for Learning Uninteresting Bulletins, Washington Wrestling Institute (CLUB WWI) and contains a 40 percent margin of error. While 64 percent of respondents made the Selleck connection, another 32 percent thought Magnum T.A. was "some sort of gun".
The remaining 4 percent answered the question correctly, though to be fair, those 4 percent all live in the Carolinas, are male, and over the age of 40.
"I'm shocked that people can be this ignorant!" exclaimed Dusty Mark, who commissioned the study. "Did Tom Selleck face off against Nikita Koloff in a classic Best-Of-Seven series? No! Did Tom Selleck take Ric Flair to the limit on the Superstation TBS? No!"
Despite the confusion, Magnum T.A. is not the title of the Emmy award-winning television program that ran on CBS from 1980 to 1988. When pollsters sadly informed respondents that T.A. was a two-time United States Heavyweight Champion whose career ended prematurely after his Porsche struck a tree, many pointed out that "he actually drove a Ferrari."
While Magnum T.A. was a successful competitor in the National Wrestling Alliance, and later an executive in World Championship Wrestling, he never worked a second job as a womanizing private investigator.
"I just can't believe some of these responses to the other questions!" screamed Mark, nearly tearing the Rock 'n' Roll Express bandana from his head in frustration. "Many of them thought that Magnum competed in the Crockett Cup with T.C. and Rick. And while everyone should know that Magnum's hometown is Chespeara, Virginia, apparently some people thought it was Hawaii.
"And get this - one woman who responded even thought that Baby Doll was 'the British dude who looked after Robin Masters's estate'! I mean, how do you confuse Baby Doll with fuckin' Higgins???"
Mark blames the general fan incompetence on World Wrestling Entertainment Chairman Vince McMahon's failure to preserve the history of grapplers such as Magnum. Even though he has no obligation to do so, and regularly airs NWA matches through his on-demand cable network.
"This is why I have to keep spreading the word about the NWA and its tremendous legacy," said Mark, squeezing his gut into a faded Four Horsemen T-shirt. "This week, we're going to ask fans if they remember Sting."
Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and Online Onslaught and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com
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