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JG's 3/26 Raw Insanity: Vince McMahon Stops The Lashley Train, People Love C.M. Punk, and Shawn Michaels Finally Kicks His Partner In The Face

By James Guttman
Mar 27, 2007, 00:51


...

Mania Fever

Vince McMahon: Welcome, everyone. I've gathered all of you here today to go over any last minute questions or comments before WrestleMania. Needless to say, we're honored to have you all here. WrestleMania and the WWE Hall of Fame owes a debt to our celebrity friends. I can't thank you all enough for your time and support. Now, are there any questions? Yes. Aretha.

Aretha Franklin: Am I just singing one song or am I judging too?

Vince: Judging? No. You just sing the anthem.

Aretha: But I'm supposed to like work with the kids, right? Teach them to sing, pick a song, and then do some judging or something, right?

Vince: You're thinking of American Idol.

Aretha: Wait. This isn't American Idol?

Vince: No. It's WrestleMania.

Aretha: What? Are you kidding me? Damnit. I fell for it again. Every event, my agent says, "Oh, it's American Idol." Last week, I sang four songs at a boat show before I realized that Sanjaya wasn't there.

Vince: Sorry. There won't be any Sanjaya at WrestleMania. I don't even know who Sanjaya is.

Donald Trump: Sanjaya? No, Aretha. It's pronounced "Bobby." That's my guy for WrestleMania. He's gonna beat Vince's guy. Vince, he's gonna beat your guy, Vince. That's what he's gonna do, Vince.

Vince: Ha ha. OK, Donald. I hear you.

Trump: I love Bobby. Everyone should love Bobby.  Boggle, you love Bobby, Right?

Wade Boggs: The kid from the Howie Mandel cartoon?

Trump: No. Bobby Lashley. I love him. He's lovable. Come on, guys. Do we love Bobby?

Polite applause

Trump: Yeah! We love Bobby! We love Bobby!

Vince: See? That's the type of excitement I want to see from our celebrities. You can all take a few notes from Mr. Trump. He knows what we look for in our…

Trump: Know what I love most about him? His big apple ass. I just want to squeeze it in my hands and take a huge bite out of it. Mmmm. Bobby's apple ass.

Everyone stares at Donald Trump

Awww

Vince: That's enough, Donald. Now I know why Lashley has requested that you stay away from him backstage.

Trump: That's not why. There was an incident with a ruffies and a garden hose that I'd rather not get into. Hey, let's change the subject, Vince. Let me ask you, Vince, is that movie star guy still refereeing my match, Vince?

Vince: Yes. Steve Austin. He's starring in The Condemned.

William Shatner: Is that the one with Drago in it?

Vince: That's Rocky.

Trump: Ah yes, Vince. Rocky. That was a good picture, Vince. I enjoyed it.

Shatner: Me too. Hey, is Rocky going to be at WrestleMania?

Vince: Actually, Sylvester Stallone was at last year's Hall of Fame.

Shatner: What are you talking about? Not Sylvester Stallone. Rocky. Will Rocky be there?

Trump: Yes, Vince. Rocky Balboa. Italian fellow. Boxer. Hey yo, Adrian and all that.

Vince: No. Uh, Rocky Balboa won't be there.

Shatner: Maybe next year. Shoot for the stars, you know.

I must break you. What? I must break you.

Shelton Benjamin: (walking into the room) Mr. McMahon, I know you're busy but I wanted to talk to you about my spot at Wrestle…(looking at Aretha Franklin) Whoa! You're bringing my momma back?

Aretha: Your momma!?

Vince: Uh, ha ha ha. No, Shelton. That's Aretha Franklin. That's not your momma.

Aretha: (smiling) Your momma must be a lovely woman.

Shelton: Ha ha. No way! Not my real momma!  They hired this huge woman to play the…

Vince glares at Shelton

Shelton: Uh, I mean, yeah. She was mad hot.

Trump: Hey, Vince. I have an idea, Vince. Why not team Shelton up with Aretha over here and call them "Benjamin Franklin?"

Vince: Donald, enough with the ridiculous suggestions. I…(pause) That's actually a really good idea. Hey Aretha, would you want to…?

Aretha: Don't even look at me. Unless you have Simon Cowell hiding behind a curtain, I don't want to hear anything else you have to say.

Ben Franklin Rules!

Mr. T: (jumping up from under the table) I pity the fool that don't hide behind a curtain! Someone say "Balboa?" I'll crush him! Treat your mother right! Eat my cereal!

Vince: How the hell did you get in here? (pressing intercom) Shane, could you get in here? He broke in again.

Shane McMahon comes into the room and escorts Mr. T out

Shane McMahon: C'mon, Mr. T. Let's go.

Mr. T: Let go of me! I'm tired of your jibber jabber, fool!

Shatner: (to Donald) What's jibber jabber?

Trump: I believe it's some sort of pudding.

Aretha: Can I leave now?

Trump: Yeah. I'm with Rosie on this one. Are we done here? I have to go offer Bobby $10,000 to let me kiss him. I mean, I have to go…uh, do something.

Aretha: Did you call me Rosie?!

Trump:  Yes.  Rosie - Robot from the Jetsons. I loved her. It's a term of endearment.. Don't be so uptight, pussycat. Vince, I'm leaving, Vince. Meeting over, Vince.  See you later, Vince.  Vince, Vince, Vincey Vince.

Vince: Sure. Great.  We're done.  See you all this weekend. Remember, friends and family are invited, but don't bring Mr. T. Also, try not to read Sports Illustrated this week. That's all we ask.

 

ClubWWI.com Members, Check Out -

JG’s 3/26 Raw Insanity Extra:

Donald Trump's Strategy Session with Bobby Lashley

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Quick Note: In his latest blog entry on the JR's Famous BBQ website, Jim Ross wrote about cringing when he reads untrue facts about performers. Now being a site that doesn't report news, I have to admit I felt a bit left out. So, as an homage to our favorite barbequed Okie on the evening of his Hall of Fame induction announcement, I will provide untrue facts about some of the performers wrestling tonight. They're easy to pick out. They're the ones marked "Untrue Facts."  Now let's do this Raw thing...

Raw Theme Plays.

We are six days away - count 'em - from WrestleMania. To celebrate, we're going to watch the main event from the last pay-per-view, No Way Out, as John Cena and Shawn Michaels face off with Batista and The Undertaker. Also, Vince McMahon guaran-damn-tees a victory over ECW Champion Bobby Lashley! Whoa! For further word on this developing story, let's go down to John Coachman in the ring. John.

The Coach is standing in the squared circle with a microphone in his non-defined authority figured hand. John lets the crowd know that tonight's McMahon-Lashley battle has been changed. Now the match will be No Disqualification! Crowd pops big and John continues. Also, Bobby better not count on getting help!   There will be no outside interference! How's that? No outside…

Can I take your order?

Look atcha. With your stupid little hat. Your stupid little computer. What? Are you taking my order? What? Do I want fries with that? What? Would I like to get a Happy Meal? A McDLT? A Fish Filet? A Quarter Pounder with cheese? Eh eh!

Sir. I just need to know what you'd like to order.

Look atcha! YOU'RE PATHETIC!

Stone Cold - what - Steve Austin is here and he's feeling a bit pissed off. Seems that the Texas Rattlesnake has been getting some swag in the mail. That's right - bribes! A certain Mr. Donald Trump has sending gifts like hunting knives to the Casa de Stone Cold. What's that about? The Coach tries to use the opportunity to gas Mr. McMahon's position. Yo, Austin. Vinnie Mac would never try to buy you off. That's a Trumpy thing to do. You can always count on Vince to be on the up and up. He would never stoop so low as to…hold on. Steve cuts off the former La Resistance Pseudo-Manager and lets us in on some investigating that he did. Seems that when The Ringmaster started asking around, he learned that the presents weren't sent from New York City. No. They were sent from Stamford! Oh snap. Who lives in Stamford, Coachman? Huh? Vince does, ya jerk! Do you think Stone Cold is stupid? Eh eh! He knows what your boy has been doing. He's trying to throw out some Melanie McGuire red herrings, eh? Well, that's not happening. In fact, that's grounds for automatic disqualification! The Bionic Redneck has an idea. Let's drag the boss out here right now…and shave his damn head bald! Now give me a Hell Yeah!

The Coach has to stop the insanity. Hold up, Cold Stone. It wasn't Vince. It was Coach. He sent you the gifts. He was just doing what he thought Mr. McMahon would want him to do. Big Mac had nothing to do with it and, for his indiscretions, all John Coachman can do is apologize. So he does. Austin responds:

"Let me make myself clear. At WrestleMania, Stone Cold Steve Austin in this ring is in charge so what I say goes. If you have a Bobby Lashley in the corner and he's on Umaga and he won't break at the five count, don't think that I won't hook that sumbitch by his eye and drag him right back in the middle of the ring. Now I ain't gonna pull the man's eye out. It's gonna bother him a little bit but I just want to make sure he gets my drift. Over here, if you got O-Maga on top of Lashley and he doesn't break at the five count and I'm trying to get him off and he won't come off, then I'm gonna club that son of bitch in the back. And I'm gonna stomp him, stomp him, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp that sumbitch. I'm gonna pull him off by the hair and say get off that man! Now I ain't gonna stomp him enough to kill him, but he's gonna be bleeding a little bit because I'm sending that man a message that what I say goes!"
            
- Steve Austin

After verifying that he's made himself clear, Austin goes to leave. For some crazy reason, Coachman stops him. In an attempt to bond with the Rattlesnake, Coachy tells him that it's silly for Vince and Donald to fight over who will be bald. After all, "Bald is Beautiful." Steve feigns some laughter at John's attempt to bond over their lack of locks. When he stops smiling, he starts attacking. The Coach gets a Stone Cold Stunner and Stone Cold gets some brewskies for his trouble.

After watching the replay a few times, the camera takes us into the back where, despite the fact that he has just been drinking on cable TV, Steve Austin decides to go for a drive. Splendid. On the way out of the parking lot, Stoney's truck is stopped when it comes face-to-face with a limousine. Both vehicals stop and Vince McMahon pops out of the limo's sunroof like a drunk girl going to the Junior Prom. He's irate until he sees that the other motorist is the buzzed Stone Cold. VKM attempts to backpedal and sweet talk his way back into Stunning Steve's good graces, but a middle finger tells the Chairman that might not be an option.

Enraged over his chauffeur's screw-up, the Insane Owner leaps from his car, pulls him through the window, and chokes him half to death. With the driver on the ground in a heap, Vince leans in and does the gravely "You're Fired!" Kind of seems redundant, right? Once your boss tries to fatally strangle you, I'd think that "You're Fired" is nothing more than a formality.

After the break, Ashley, Candice, and Torrie all join forces! Jim Ross says that it's the first time three Playboy Cover girls team up. Wow. That never happened before in wrestling? Figured they would have done that in the 60s or something. Tonight - Lou Thesz in our main event, but first… three Playboy Cover girls team up to face Killer Kowalski!  Stick around!

Commercial Break. God of War 2 is out for Playstation 2.  That's got to be a tough title for a young kid to convince his parents to buy him.  It's like "Grand Theft Auto" can't really spin that it's not violent at all.  I guess they could say it's religious.  That could be a good angle.

Ashley, Candice, Torrie, Jillian, Victoria, and Melina Untrue Fact: Three of these women used to be men. Two still technically are. Can you figure out which is which…before it's too late?

1. Ashley, Candice, and Torrie Wilson defeated Jillian Hall, Victoria, and Melina when Ashley pinned Jillian

The remaining M of MNM lead up her team of Playboy haters against the Bunny Squad for this one. Luckily they had a hot crowd to work with, but even that didn't help much. Also, they announced that Ashley vs. Melina was just signed for WrestleMania in a Lumberjill Match. I didn't even realize that wasn't announced yet. I feel like we've known about this match for a year. Jillian, Smackdown's formerly disfigured diva, was involved in this one since she'll be one of the Jills at Mania. That wasn't the only reason she was in the match, though.  She was also there to do the job. The current Playboy girl, Ashley, sat atop Jillian "Don't Call Me Scott" Hall (JG Note: Hey. If J.R. can do it, I can too!) and rolled through for a pinfall.

Coming up: The ECW Champion faces the ECW Owner. Then from there, it's the Batistatakers against the Rockers of Thuganomics. Oh. It's about to jump awf!

Strange Hulk Hogan Japanese Commercial Break. (Thanks to Aaron Wood for finding this one in the Matches Section of our Message Board)

C.M. Punk Untrue Fact: C.M. Punk is dating Chelsea Clinton.

2. CM Punk defeated Kenny Dykstra after the Fireman's Carry Knee-to-the-Face

C.M. Punk was over big time here. Granted, they were in his hometown, but still it was a rare chance to see him on Raw. Kenny, while not the top guy on the show, has enough ability and credibility that a match against C.M. doesn't come off as a regular ol' jobber to the stars match.  The Punker finished off his Spirited foe with a fireman's carry drop right onto his knee.  Nice face, Ken.  I like the kneeprint.

Bravo, Chelsea Lover. Edge is on the Titan Tron and he's not impressed. Look, stay put, Straight Edge. After the break, it's a special edition of The Cutting Edge featuring all the participants in the Money in the Bank Match! Muwahahaaha! You may be Straight Edge, but Edge is the Real Edge! He's not straight! Yeah! He…wait. That didn’t come out right…

Commercial Break. WWE Hall of Fame airs Saturday at Midnight on the USA Network. Many fans of censored soft-core B-movies are upset that their normal programming will be preempted.

The ring is full of Money in the Bankers and Edge has himself a microphone. As we begin the 8 man edition of The Cutting Edge, we learn quickly who the host is. The R Rated Superstar starts things off by listing his achievements in Ladder matches. Get this. Edgy won the first Money in the Bank, then cashed it in and won the belt. Oh…wait. Check this out. He's won ladder matches at Wrestlemania 16, 17, and 21. Sheet, he's won more ladder matches than any of the other participants combined. Oh…but wait. There's more! Edgar is undefeated at Mania. Oh yeah. The hits keep on coming, baby. Who's gonna argue? Who? Well, let's find out by going one by one…

Matt Hardy: Edge is surprised you're even booked for WM23. After all, you baaaaaa-low! Hardy answers:

"Oh, I'm on WrestleMania and I'm gonna be in your face. And you're not the only one with experience in ladder matches. I've won quite a few myself. At WrestleMania, I'm gonna beat you bad. So bad you'll be laying flat on your back…much like your ex-girlfriend."

Matt's promo had all the energy and excitement of a film strip about the Dewey Decimal System.

King Booker: Booker reminds everyone that despite the fact that they've all had good runs, none of them have reigned successfully as "King Booker!" Duh. Why would they? That's your name, not theirs.

When Booky calls the people "peasants," our next MITB member flips his lid.

Fit Finlay: He says he's tired of this "verbal diarrhea." Not a bad line. Unfortunately, he follows it up with this bizarre statement:

"I feel like I'm out here. I'm on a bunch of old women!"

Uh...What? He's "on old women?" Did he say he's "on old women?" Must have been a hell of a St. Patty's Day for Fit. He then calls Edge "chisel chin" and tells him to give in to his feelings of frogginess. In other words, jump on, pal.

Randy Orton: Wait. No one's fighting here without Randall getting a chance to get his digs in. Hold on, Fitty. If you hurt Adam Copeland's widdle feelings, he'll duck out. You know, just like how he's been ducking out of all of his pre-WrestleMania matches.  Oh.  You got served.

As Edge Cage tries to resply, he's interupted by the 2007 Howard Finkle and next person in the rotation…

Ken Kennedy: Mr. K confirms what Orton has just said about the host's passion for ducking matches. After telling everyone else to pack it in and head home, Ken tries to deliver his famous line. As he gets halfway through the "Miiiissssterrrr," Copeland pulls the microphone away, but that doesn’t stop him. Double K holds on for dear life, but eventually is shoved off. Edge gets this line in before he moves on to the next name:

"OK. Very nice. Very nice. Riveting stuff. Repeat your name."

Jeff Hardy: Funny spot here as Jeff greeted his name being said by doing his weird thrusting motion. Edge responded by asking the Hardy Boy if he should even bother with giving him the mic considering that all he's done in the last few months is the…well, weird thrusting motion. To show us what he means, Adam imitates it. He was pretty spot on. It was enough to bring The Charismatic Enigma out of his shell. Jeffery grabbed the mic and said:

"Hey man, that's real funny. You know, this is my first WrestleMania in five long years. Therefore, I plan to do what I always do in Ladder Matches and that's steal the entire show! Even if it means going through my own brother. I'll do what it takes to climb that ladder, grab that briefcase, and win the Money in the Bank."

Not a bad little speech. It died after the part about stealing the show. They should have just ended it there. No one seemed to care about him fighting his brother. They fought before. It wasn't so great.

At this point, the audience is chanting the name of our final performer.

C.M. Punk: By far the most over guy here. Punk, the hometown hero, listens as Edge runs down the Straight Edge lifestyle. Know what Mr. Rated R's favorite addictions are? Sex! Violence! Gold titles!

Shut up, Edge. Seriously. Shhhh. C.M. is tired of hearing you. All you're addicted to is running your mouth!

Of course this all leads to a big group brawl. The sad thing? After such a great segment, the closing brawl was terrible. It was slow paced and awkward with tons of weird moments and a ladder they barely touched. After they all punched each other in slow motion, they realized that the culprit behind the whole thing, Edge, had escaped to the entrance ramp. How did they respond? By chasing after him…very slowly. No joke. Forget running. They were barely walking. Really bad ending to a really good segment.

Commercial Break.

Yo! It's Maria and she's standing by with the WWE Champion John Cena. Hey, Johnny, Mania's this Sunday and that means you have to face your tag team partner, Shawn Michaels. What's gonna happen? Mockingly, John tells the dimwitted interviewer all the things that will magically be at WrestleMania. Cena proceeds to give one of those somewhat-lame promos that he hasn't done in a while. It was a Rock-style shtick. The fans didn't react well to this either. It's weird considering that this was the type of crowd that would pop for a sneeze. There was just something lame about the whole thing. In fact, he got a fair amount of boos too. Again, that's something that hasn't happened for a while. I would maybe transcribe some of it for you, but it was more about the lounge act delivery of the cheesy material than the cheesy delivery itself. Also, to transcribe it would mean I'd have to go back and watch it. Considering that up until now Dr. Thuggy has been improving his act week by week, I'd rather just pretend that this whole thing didn't just happen. 

Up next: Big Mac vs. Donald's Apple Ass.

Commercial Break. No wonder Taco Bell had an E.Coli break out. According to their commercials, their labs are made up of large comical plastic knobs. You'd think they'd be more professional than that, right?

Vince McMahon Untrue Fact: The actress that plays Vince's daughter, Stephanie, is actually Abigail Bertram, a world-renowned Australian actress that speaks with a thick accent when not in character.

Mr. McMahon is here and he's wearing a sweatshirt. Yeah. Might be a good idea to cover up a bit in light of all the recent...well, you know.  Anyway, the Chairman is in good spirits as Lillian Garcia introduces him. Following that, she introduces his massive opponent, the ECW Champion.

Bobby Lashley Untrue Fact: Bobby Lashley is best known to TV viewers for his childhood role as Arnold Jackson's friend Dudley on Diff'rent Strokes.

Lashley is in the house, but the match isn't starting just yet. Vince McMahon first needed to grab the microphone and talked some McTrash. He vowed to pin Robert here tonight and ran from the ring as soon as he said it. From behind, the on-again, off-again stooges, Cade and Murdoch attacked.

3. Vince McMahon pinned Bobby Lashley after interference by Umaga and a small army

I guess they're off Heat again. Nice. I never understood why they switch these guys up the way they do. You'd think that if they were good enough to be used for a Raw main event run-in, they'd be good enough for some low card Raw matches now and again. Guess not.  It's main event or Heat.  Can't be no middle ground.  Speaking of middle ground, following Trevor and Lance…Chris Masters ran to the ring.

Chris Masters Untrue Fact: The Masterpiece's dramatic weight fluctuation is nothing new. Masters actually began his career at the age of 10, wrestling for WCW under the name "P.N. News."

The Masterpiece arrived and tried to lock in his Masterlock. Bobberg, of course, beats him down. Following Masters, Johnny Nitro arrived. Then Umaga. Phew.   Finally after the numbers had become too much and he had enured the wrath of everyone on the undercard with the exception of Haas and Viscera, Lashley was easy pickings for the pinfall. That's right. Once the Samoan Bulldozer showed up to house the Champ, the tide turned. Bob got in some punches, but VKM took him down with a low blow. And like that - poof - it was all over. Vince McMahon pinned Bobby Lashley six days before WrestleMania. Why? To convince you that Trump might end up bald at WrestleMania. You convinced? No? Me neither.  Hey, still ordering it, though? Yeah. I'm going to, too.

Following the decision, Mr. McSweatshirt held up Maga's arm and escorted him from the ring. Jim Ross said that "Donald Trump must be going crazy right now!" Bad news for ya, J.R. Donald Trump went crazy a long time ago.

Commercial Break. Gatorade A.M. has morning flavors. Like what? Coffee? Omelets? Frosted Flakes? I mean, don't they already have flavors like orange?

Backstage, Vince McMahon runs into Todd Grisham. Vinnie talks some Billionaire Smack before summoning in, "Donald Trump." Donald, in this instance, is played by Eugene in a wig. In a statement that some might argue was "in poor taste," McMahon says that "clinically speaking" anyone that thinks he'll lose Mania is "mentally retarded." Nice. Eugene plays the chauffer role here and now that he's settled into the bald thing, he looks like a Highlander. No joke. He looks like the bald one. First Muta now a McAllister. The Boss yells at the freshly shaved Gene to open his door, which he does. As the car drives away, Bischoff's nephew seems to be shedding a few tears. Poor Eugene. All bald… and probably going to interfere on Sunday. Our hearts go out to you.

My dad's Bob Orton.

Yeah? My dad's John F. Kennedy. Beat that, punk.

Up next it's tag team action as Mr. Kennedy and Randy Orton meet…

Hey Matt, my dad's name is Gilbert. Beat that, punk.

Jeff. We're brothers. We have the same dad.

4. Randy Orton and Mr. Kennedy defeated The Hardy Boys when Randy pinned Matt

From afar, Orton and Kennedy sort of looked like they had matching trunks for this one. We also got the chance to hear Jerry Lawler do a "Mistttter Kennedy," which was cool. Jeff took the beat down for a while until hot tagging Matt in. When the Sensei of Mattitude made his way into the fray, the heels tried to double team him. No luck, guys. Version 1 took them both down and eventually set up Randy Orton for his Twist of Fate. Ken Kennedy quickly recovered and made the save. Eventually Matt turned the tables on Ken and set him up for his own Twister. Kennedy pushed him off and right into the waiting arms of Randy. Lita's other ex-boyfriend ate an R.K.O. and fell to a three count.

Who's next in the Hall of Fame? Watch a few commercials and we'll tell ya.

Commercial Break. There's a WrestleMania All Grown Up Commercial featuring all the divas morphing into themselves as seven year old girls on a playground. It's one of the most disturbing commercials I have ever seen in my life.

Next up in the WWE Hall of FameJim Ross. Tremendous. I'm really glad they decided to put him in. He's done so much in the business and called a ton of great moments with emotion. I remember listening to his radio show when I was younger and a listener called in. He was blind and wanted to thank Jim for the way he called the matches because he could follow what was going on. That always stuck with me. In the long run, Ross will go down as probably the greatest wrestling commentator there's ever been and it’s great to see him acknowledged. The video package was great too.

Jerry Lawler is standing at the announce table following the announcement. The King has a microphone in his hand and announces J.R. as the next inductee into the Hall. J.R. removes his hat, waves to the crowd, and wipes away a tear in a really great Raw moment. Talk about a guy that's been through a lot and come full circle.

Great Khali Untrue Fact: The Great Khali's name was inspired by his favorite TV show, The Great Space Coaster, and his favorite breed of dog. Also, he's not a great speller.

Ric Flair Untrue Fact: Ric Flair's "Whooo" first began as an impromptu yelp early in his career due to a bladder infection.

5. The Great Khali defeated Ric Flair via disqualification when Carlito interfered.

Nothing much to report here. Khali and Flair ended up outside the ring in a slow-motion brawl. Then, for some reason, Carlito Cool decided to stick his fro where it didn't belong. He attacked and the referee called for the bell.

Following the finish, The Great One took Cool into the ring and slammed him to the mat. That's when Kane arrived. Through hell, fire, and Katie Vick's crumpled up skirt, it's the Big Red Machine. After a brief brawl with Lord Khaliflower, Big Red grabbed his trusty Hook, Miss Betsy, and chased the Gibberish Giant from the area.

Commercial Break. There's a new movie out called Disturbia. Yo, Tony, is it as disturbing as The Blair Witch Project? Nahh, bro. It's Disturbia.

Promo for Stone Cold Steve Austin's new film  Rocky Balboa  The Condemned.

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler run down the WrestleMania card and then head over to Shawn Michaels, who's either really tan or really angry about something because he was cherry red for this promo. Seriously, it looks like someone slammed his face on a George Foreman grill. HBK talks about how he's outlasted all the other so-called wrestlers, movie stars, authors, and Grammy winners (?) to stand at the top of the business fpr so long. In the main event tonight, he's got John Cena's back, but come Sunday, he's taking that belt! Now that he's said his piece, Shawn must go and ice his glowing red face before the main event. Here. Watch the commercial. But don't go anywhere.  No Way Out is coming up, only this time it's free, a month later, and next!

Commercial Break. Available wherever books are sold, it's…World Wrestling Insanity: The Book. Hey. What better time than a "commercial break?"

No Way Out Rematch Untrue Fact: Batista and Undertaker went to high school together. Shawn Michaels went to high school with John Cena's Dad.

6. Batista and Undertaker defeated Shawn Michaels and John Cena when Batista pinned Cena

Guess who liked John Cena here? No one. The crowd was all over him like white on…well, John Cena. The Champ was booed at every turn and whenever the Undertaker regained the advantage, it was met with massive cheers. When you factor in how loud the audience was, it made the reaction seem all the more brutal. They cheered Shawn Michaels, so it wasn't a Raw-Smackdown thing. It was all just John-heat. Sucks to be him. When the WWE champ finally tagged in HBK to do some damage on the bickering Batistatakers, he did just that. Things quickly deteriorated into a four way brawl and Tista took the Marine down with a Spinebuster before doing a weird seizure thing. He followed up with a Powerbomb, but before he could lift up the WWE Champion, Undertaker threw Shawn on him. Yes. You read that right. He threw Shawn on him. After blowing up his partner's spot, Taker took off. Left behind like Tito Santana at WrestleMania V, all Deacon Dave could do was lay there and take a beating…until.

11:05pm. Monday , March 26th, 2007: The Superkick Happens.

Out of nowhere, Shawn Michaels hits John Cena with the Sweet Chin Music.  The Heartbreak Turncoat, at the height of all the excitement, slams his boot into the Champion's face. Dazed Dave shakes out the cobwebs, lays his arm on the Raw Champ, and scores a pin.

With the Hall of Fame announcers reminding us that HBK said the kick would happen when we least expect it, Shawn gives his fallen WrestleMania opponent a DX Crotch Chop as we fade to…

Commercial? Yeah. Commercial. We're doing overtime tonight. Ross says that Raw will be live when we get back. Why? No clue.

Commercial Break. There's a new anti-marijuana commercial that features a stick man trying to get his stick dog to smoke pot. I find it hard to believe that whoever wrote this ad wasn't stoned.

We come back…to a replay of Michaels kicking Cena and then leaving the ring. That's it. Glad I stuck around. Wonderful. HBK and his George Hamilton tan celebrate at the top of the ramp as we fade to black.

All in all...Great show to lead in to WrestleMania.  I continue to be happy with the programs WWE is presenting before the big PPV.  I just hope that this all can continue after the glitz and glamor of the Granddaddy of Them All is over.  Creatively, things are better now than they've been in a long time.

Sure WWE hotshotted the hell out of this show and, to be honest, why not? With WrestleMania on Sunday, it made sense to show off everything the company had to offer. The one thing that this proves is that if they ever decided to disband the brand split, they have so much talent that it's ridiculous. We've come to accept the fact that there's three separate shows with WWE stars and sometimes forget that they're all under the same banner. A show like this reminds you that they are.

You know what really sold the concept on that? We didn't see Undertaker or Batista before the main event, yet the night was still stacked. It's pretty amazing really. If the final live show before WrestleMania exists to sell you the pay-per-view, then this Raw delivered.

Bobby Lashley is really getting over huge now too. Good. I'm glad that they started to figure out who they wanted to push down the line. For too long, they were going back and forth on everyone. It was Randy Orton. Then it wasn't Randy Orton. Then it was Batista. Then he got hurt. They company was always weary to create a new Brock Lesnar and it's about time they started. Lashley may be getting pushed fast, but this WM appearance is going to put him in the record books, so to speak. Also, having Vince McMahon pin him tonight made total sense. While not the greatest thing for Bob, it sold the concept that he's not unstoppable and can still fail, leading to a haircut for Donald Trump.

John Cena had a rough night. He was booed in the main event heavily. For so long he had been on top of things and regaining a fan base, but tonight made you feel like it was a year ago. Starting with the cutesy stand-up style promo early in the night, John came off more like the Cena of old, which isn't a good thing. The real question is whether or not this will be an isolated incident or a Chicago thing. Something tells me a lot of the people there are going to Mania too. With Cena Sucks chants making the rounds just six days before the big show, it makes you think that Michaels might get to play the Hunter role this year and become the instant hero of an Anti-Cena crowd. 

We'll just have to wait and see.  Even with the HBK kinda, sorta, not really heel turn, John will still have a tough time getting cheers in this one.  Shawn's one of those performers that could club a baby seal to death and still have people chanting his name. 

By the way, I'll be Real Timing WrestleMania with you all this weekend. As I mentioned in a Club audio, I had known that Mike Rickard was going to the show live for months and never thought that…hey, if he's there he can't do it. Duh. So a week ago, I realized. Yup. WrestleMania Real Time. This Sunday. Read all the results as the show happens.  Be there or be…well, not there.

After the show, we'll have some live reports from the pay-per-view. Mike Rickard as well as some others will provide you with some of the off-air happenings from the "Granddaddy of Them All" Starrcade WrestleMania. Also, after the event, I'll host a audio discussion detailing all the night's events.

This Wednesday on ClubWWI.com we'll have an all new edition of The Big Picture hosted by the former co-host the show we just recapped, Kevin Kelly. We'll definitely discuss his psychic prediction on the February 27th show when he said to "keep an eye on" the big Orlando Drug Bust. Maybe he can give us some lottery numbers. 4,8,15,16,23, 42...

Speaking of which, I've been taking questions from readers for some of our audio shows lately.  Kevin will be answering them.  D-Lo Brown answered some in his audio and Lisa Moretti did in hers.  You don't have to be a ClubWWI.com member to ask a question.  You'll have to be one to hear the question get answered, but not to ask one.  You can either head over to our Insanity Message boards and vote in the top threads or send an email to Insanity@ WorldWrestlingInsanity.com.  I can't guarantee that your question will be asked, but I'll ask as many as I can.

Also, if you're in the mood for some free audio, be sure to check out this week's edition of JG‘s Radio Free Insanity featuring Percy "Paul Bearer" Pringle. The former manager of Kane and the Undertaker has been chipped out of his cement tomb and brought straight to the Insanity for a discussion about Flair-Hogan, Why Undertaker wasn't at WrestleMania X, the Von Erichs, and more. It's all part of his 50 minute ClubWWI.com interview. Percy joins Jerry Lawler, Kevin Nash, Samoa Joe, Christian Cage, DDP, Bobby Heenan, Ted DiBiase, and over 60 other guests over on the Club. You can get all the information on these shoots and superstar-hosted audio shows (along with free clips) on our free main ClubWWI.com page.

Be Well! Thanks for sharing the Insanity!


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