We are just 48 hours away, 2 days from WRESTLEMANIA!!!!! The greatest spectacle in the WWE (and on Earth) makes its triumphant return this Sunday and I for one can’t wait. It’s gonna be one hell of a 4 hours filled with Total Non-stop Action. I’ve been so impressed with the WWE nowadays and it all culminates at the grandest stage of them all. So since I have the power of the media (muhahahahaahaha) I might as well lay down what I think is gonna happen at Ford Field come Sunday:

Undertaker will be 15-0 and the World’s Heavyweight Champion when we fade to black.

John Cena will beat the Heartbreak Kid and remain champion.

We will see Vincent Baldy McMahon.

Randy Orton will be Mr. Money in the Bank.

The ECW Originals will reign supreme in the battle for ECW. I still think this should be an extreme rules match.

Melina will be the winna.

Khali should win by disqualification when Kane pulls his eye out with that hook.

Beniot will finally stopping putting over young undeserving superstars when he makes M-V-P T-A-P.

You don’t have to take these to heart cause its not written in stone. Just take it for what it is; what some dude thinks is gonna happen at Wrestlemania. Nothing more, nothing less.

But on to bidniss. You came here for Heat and who am to keep you away. So Ladies and Gentlemen, here’s Heat:

Seen it before so nothing special here. Haas comes out first minus Shelton Benjamin. Wanna know why? Cause he’s got a match later tonight against Super Crazy. Stay tuned for that. Val comes out and does his little shindig and the match is underway. The match begins with a long lockup. Haas locks in a headlock and gets the early advantage with a shoulder block. Another lockup, another headlock, and then Val nails a hiptoss. Then an armdrag….and then a dropkick!! What the hell? Who are you and what have you done with Sean Morley! When was the last time Valley did something like that? Haas does a damn great move when he grabs Val’s arm and jumps out the ring hanging his arm on the rope in the process. It was well executed and the crowd showed their approval with a few OHHs. Charles drags Venis to the apron and lays in some stiff shots. Then he gets another reaction from the audience by slamming Venis’s tricep into the ring apron. And you know what he did it again! Go Haas, you da man. He drags the bald man to the corner and nails Sean with some shoulder butts. But Val Kilmer catches a boot and nails a stiff clothesline on Haas. He nails an elbow drop but starts wailing in pain because he hurt his tricep. Haas capitalizes with some stomps to Venis and proceeds to choke him with his boot first and then the middle rope. He applies an abdominal stretch for a VERY long time and when he decides to use the ropes for some leverage, the ref catches him. Chief Morley hiptosses Haas and then both men trade hard blows out of which Val gains momentum. A shoulder butt, back elbow and then a clothesline by the Rated R X Superstar after which he nails a big back body drop. He does a front slam which only gets a two count and then a great fisherman suplex for the same results. He hits a half nelson and then calls for it. The Money Shot! But Haas catches him with a headbutt on the top rope. That doesn’t stop the Venster as he tosses Haas’s aas from the top and goes for the Money Shot. But Charles gets his knees up. Haas goes for a lazy cover which Val reverses into a crucifix pin for the win!!

What the hell was that??? Val has lost to every Tom, Joe and Dick on the WWE roster and he just beat Charlie Haas!! Wow. I am shocked. Can this be a potential push for Val Venis?

Undertaker vs. Batista promo. I dunno who I’m rooting for but I already told you my prediction in the intro.

They showed the ass whooping that Umaga and Vinny Mac laid on the ECW Heavyweight Champion last week on Raw. As JG said this was truly necessary. This shows that Lashley can be stopped and we might see a bald Donald Trump at Wrestlemania. This match had such great build up that I really can’t wait.

The Wrestlemania Theme Song is kick ass great.

The WWE never fails to deliver awesomely wacky names for their jobbers. Boz and Venom look like Kid Kash and Shane Douglas. Seriously. But they’re nothing special as far as in ring talent goes. The crowd really loves Cryme Tyme. Huge pop for JTG and Shad Gaspard when they come out. JTG starts things off against Boz and owns the poor dude. Right hands, a very nice hiptoss and a hard dropkick are dished out courtesy of the smaller member of Cryme Tyme. Tag made to Gaspard who whips JTG into the jobber. JTG connects with the Stinger Splash and then Shad hits one hard ass clothesline in the corner. He uses his brute strength to play Toss the jobber. Goal of the game? Get the jobber to the other side of the ring. Shad did exactly that. He tossed this guy all the way to the other corner. Amazing stuff. Venom makes the tag and gets tossed too. Snake eyes by the big man but instead of a big boot Shad sends Venom spinning with a forearm to the face.

JTG tagged in. He nails a few elbows and kicks Spiderman’s nemesis in the face with those gansta timbs (well I own a pair so they can’t be too gangsta). Then the two jobbers actually gain control of the match. Venom has the ref distracted while the illegal guy (Boz) beats up JTG. Then both guys lay in some hits and Venom actually nails TG with a judo flip. Then he applies a sleeper. JTG tags in a fresh Shad who cleans house with his hot tag. Decapitating clotheslines hit one after the other on the jobbers and then the shirt comes off. He gorilla presses Boz over the top rope and drops him to the outside. Wow, nice move man. Then he and JTG hit the G-9 on the other guy for the win.

It was your basic squash match highlighted by JTG’s athleticism and Shad’s power. These guys are a good mix of talent. It just sucks that they’re stuck on Heat cause they’re really over with the crowd. Hopefully after Wrestlemania a slot is available on Raw for ol’ Cryme Tyme.

That creepy Divas “All Grown Up” video plays. I wonder what the casting call was for that day. “Attention parents. Do you want your daughters to dress up like scantily clad women to be ogled at by millions of men around the world? Then audition for this!”

Coach and Todd go over the Wrestlemania Card

Match 3: Super Crazy vs. Shelton Benjamin

He’s Super. He’s Crazy. He’s Super Crazy. He’s Super. He’s talented. He’s super talent. But Shelton Benjamin is not on the Wrestlemania card as of yet. It’s a damn shame. Just like Nitro, Carlito and Flair, Benjamin has to sit this one out. That’s not fair when people like Sandman are on the card. But I digress. Let’s get back to the task at hand. This match should be great. Two highflying guys that always keep people on the edge of their seats are about to get it on. I can’t wait.

Match begins with a lockup. Shelton pushes Crazy to the ground. He’s got a cocky grin on his face. Then a quick display of strength as Shelton gets Crazy on his shoulders and walks around with him for a few seconds. Then he throws him down with a big body drop. He takes El Senor Loco up for a powerbomb but Crazy reverses it into a beautiful hurricarana. Then he clocks Benji with a spinning heel kick but only gets 2 count. Super attempts a crucifix pin but Shelton reverses it into a backbreaker. Then Shelton pummels Crazy with some rights and starts working on the back of the former Mexicool. He repeatedly whips his adversary into the turnbuckle. Snapmare takedown and a seated abdomen stretch locked in on Super Duper Crazy Daisy. Crowd cheers as Crazy breaks out with a hiptoss. He nails a springboard dropkick and then just a plain ol’ dropkick sends Shelton to the apron. Shades of Y2J as Crazy nails Shelton with a springboard dropkick while Shelton is standing on the apron. He falls to the outside and Super Crazy nails him with yet another dropkick from the 3^rd ring step.

Super Crazy is the man and he has this one just about sealed. Crazy goes up for his top rope moonsault. Shelton Benjamin shows what a phenomenal athlete he is by jumping from the ring to the top rope in one jump. But Crazy sends him back down to the mat and hit a missle dropkick for the win. Honestly, it looked like it really hurt Shelton. I was kinda concerned for his health.

Very good match. These guys always keep things on the up side and this match was no different. Very exciting stuff out of them both. I was just sad that Shelton lost. But he’s beaten Crazy plenty of times, so it’s fine that he finally returns the favor.

On the Heat-O-Meter (aka the thermometer) this week’s episode comes in at 80°F. It was a night of surprises as both Haas and Benjamin unexpectedly lost. We got to see a great match to start things off when Venis and Haas locked horns. Sure the middle was kinda stale but the main event more than enough made up for it. The two athletes involved were great high flyers and kept me thoroughly entertained. Good Heat before Mania.

That just about does it for me. If you have any suggestions, comments or criticisms then please do tell. Send me an e-mail at Naeem920@gmail.com. Or you can hit me up with a PM at the Insanity Message Boards. My username is Naeem920.

See you Thursday night with the Impact Report.

Until then I'm Saad Naeem and that was Heat.