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Couture's Championship Profiles: WWF Champion The Undertaker

By James E. Couture
Apr 5, 2007, 13:20


...

Folks, it's the unknown you knew you didn't even know you knew, me, James E. Couture. Now, I didn't watch WrestleMania 23, as a problem with the cable box forced me to watch WrestleMania 3 on DVD instead, however I did briefly skim some results, and from what I can surmise, this Undertaker fellow beat Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship. Well, in honor of what may be his last title win, I'll do his first title win, its The Undertaker, The WWE Champion.

The year was 1991, and America's love affair with the hair band was dying down, thanks mostly to The Damn Yankees. One love affair that wasn't hitting the skids, though, was Hulkamania, brother. Hulk Hogan was reigning supreme, as he singlehandedly ended Desert Storm by defeating Sgt. Slaughter for the WWE Title at WrestleMania 7. But a force more deadly than pointy boots lay on the horizon. That force: large grey ties.

After a dominant rookie year, The Undertaker was ready for his shot at glory. After defeating the mighty Jimmy Snuka at WM-7, it seemed every Superstar met defeat at the hands of the zombified corpse of Mean Mark Callous.

So the match was set: the poofy auburn locks of The Undertaker versus the patented shimmering gold horseshoe of Hulk Hogan. Would the power of Hulkamania be greater than the Darksideamania of the Undertaker? Obviously, dude, but it was no match for the combined might of Death and the other Horseman, "Famine Boy" Ric Flair. After "The Real World's Champion" slid a chair into the ring, The Undertaker tombstoned Hogan so that his head came within a perilous 14 inches of the steel. Hulkster, so scared from the close call, forgot to kick out, jiggle, point, punch 3 times, whip, big boot and drop the leg. The Undertaker had his first world title.

But this would not be a title reign of Billy Graham proportions, but rather closer to Stan Stasiak levels. After 6 days of a Hoganless title picture, Mr. Nanny would try to become Mr. Champion for the fourth time. Thanks to some timely interference by Ashy Larry, wait, oh, ACTUAL ashes from an urn? Gross. Anyway, Undertaker was made to inhale some of what one could only assume to be his cremated dead mother from the infamous funeral parlor fire, he succumbed to the Schoolboy from Hell, and t-shirt ripping could commence once again.

Sure, it only lasted six days, but The Undertaker had been established as a go to main event guy in the WWE. He may have had to wait six years for another title win, and fill his time with feuds with Kama and King Mabel, but still, the point, if there is one, is that The Undertaker, part time schedule or not, deserves this title win, if only as make up for being forced to wrestle Test on a pay per view.

Well, until The Hardys are forced to defend their tag titles in a record breaking THREE consecutive 10ish team battle royals, I am, in fact, James E. Couture.

Rest in.......................PEACE!


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