Happy New Year Everyone! I know it’s not January 1^st and nor is it Chinese New Year. But it’s a new beginning in the WWE. The wrestling “season” is basically over because everything climaxed at Wrestlemania. We now start off on a new leaf and plant seeds for some new rivalries. So far this week, Raw was half and half but ECW was friggin’ great. Can we expect great things out of Heat and Smackdown?

Chris Masters can grow muscles faster than Eugene can grow hair. That’s talent my friends. Masters comes out first and struts his stuff. Eugene’s head is really shiny but you know what I like him better this way. He used to look so sloppy and just dirty. Now he looks semi-clean and tidy. The crowd still loves him though. Eugene starts the match by shaking the ref’s hand and then hugging him. He offers the same to Masters but he declines. Lockup and Masters backs Eugene to the corner. Ref calls for a break. Masters flexes and shows Eugene his bulging biceps. Eugene looks scared but answers back by shaking his booty and running to the other corner. Tie up again in the middle of the ring and Masters grounds Gene with a wristlock. Eugene breaks out by biting Master’s hand but gets taken down with a massive shoulderbutt. Scoop slam by Masters and then a legdrop (yes I said legdrop) hit by ol’ Christoper. Goes for the cover and gets the two. Then Masters starts working over Eugene’s knee.

A neckbreaker by the Masterpiece gets him a two count. Neck vice applied by Masters but Eugene fights out. Then baldie goes beserk. Masters beats his head into the turnbuckle but it has no effect. Eugene comes back with a few stiff shots and then a roundabout right knocks Masters to the ground. Masters up with the airplane spin. Both men are dizzy as Eugene hits a flying shoulderbutt ala John Cena. Goes for the cover and gets the two count. Then Eugene tries for the Rockbottom but Masters blocks it into the Masterlock. They tease a break out but in the end Eugene is forced to tap.

Good contest for the two men. The fresh look for Eugene makes him seem less stupid. Dunno why, but it works. They teased another Masterlock break but that would have been completely retarded. I mean Eugene has passed out to the Masterlock countless times before and now suddenly he can break out of it. Glad to see he didn’t.

Promo for WWE Uncut featuring Hulk Hogan brother!

Very sparkly attire sported by Candice Michelle in this contest. But of course it looks good. Victoria on the other hand looks like she normally does (take that for what it means). Match begins with a tie up and Vicky brings down Candice with a headlock. But Candice reverses by locking her legs around Victoria’s head. Must….resist…. sexual connotations. Snapmare takedown by the former Playmate and then a neckbreaker. Impressive stuff out of Candice here. Candice then applied a headlock but Victoria breaks out and kicks the crap out of Candice’s face. Ouchiwawa. Then she grabs Candy by the hair and tosses her half way across the ring. Vicky applies a modified camel clutch and then hits Michelle with a running elbow. Toria asks Candy “How’s your new nose” and goes to kick it off again but Candice catches her and flips the vicious vixen.

Momentum in Michelle’s corner as she nails some forearms. Back Vicky into the corner and does her upside down leg choke thing in the ropes. But no Go Daddy Dance this time. She climbs the top rope and connects with a beautiful cross body drop for the two count. Vicky back in control as she nails Michelle with a scoop slam but misses the Vibrating standing moonsault. Candice kicks Victoria in “the pectoral region” 3 times and then nails a spinning heel kick for the WIN!

Very good match. Candice Michelle has drastically improved in the ring and I can honestly say she held her own in the ring with Victoria. The ending was also well executed and it was a pleasant surprise to see Candice win.

Lifestyles of the Built and Dangerous. Trevor Murdoch really does live in a trailer.

Well no episode of Heat is complete without its dosage of jobber and it’s right about that time. Okay this guy is one third the size of Big Vis and he’s wearing purple tights. Believe it or not, this match started off with a tie up. Of course Pat immediately got pushed away by the 487 pounder. But to his credit Busch nails quite a phenomenal dropkick. Unfortunately, he gets taken down with a massive clothesline. Backed in the corner and a couple of huge open handed chops and a huge hiptoss sends Patrick across the ring. A headbutt by Vis followed by an elbow drop. Viscera goes for a squash in the corner but Busch moves out the way. This gives him the momentum for a bit but eats a spinning heel kick. Vis does his sexy time dance and hits the big splash for the win.

What do you want from me? It was a squash match. Is there much to say? Viscera kicked his ass as bad as we all thought he would.

WWE Ringside Reality with Layla. She loves being on camera.

Ugh. As much as I like Kenny Dykstra, I hate rematches. We’ve seen this match a good 3 or 4 times in the past 2 months and I am frankly getting sick of it. But duty calls, so let’s get to it. Lockup, takedown, and a headlock by Val starts off the match. Kenny takes Val down with a shoulderbutt but gets taken down with a hiptoss. Venis even throws out an armdrag and a dropkick. Wow. He’s stepping up tonight. Dykstra retreats out the ring for a while. Back in ring, Val hits his Irish whip into knee followed by a Russian leg sweep combo for the two count. A couple of knees to the gut and then he gives Dykstra a gutbreaker. Kenny sends Val face first into the turnbuckle to regain momentum. He chokes Val in the ropes and hits his somersault clothesline for the two count. He applies the neck lock but Val breaks out only to be hit by a phenomenal dropkick. Pin gives Kenny a two. He hits a flying elbow and locks in the neck lock again. Val fights out but Dykstra scoop slams him. Val comes back with a couple of clotheslines and a back body drop. Connects with a spinout powerbomb for the two. Then Val hits a fisherman suplex for the two. But then he hits a hot shot on the ropes and connects with The Dykstra Drop for the win.

Good match but nothing too special. Val had most of the offense but Kenny still won. That’s unfair.

Nothing too impressive tonight. The women’s match stands out more than anything else on the card. But I was surprised. I expected Heat to totally suck since the whole roster was on Raw in that massive Battle Royal. But everyone gave their all and put on not a bad show.

That just about does it for me. If you have any suggestions, comments or criticisms then please do tell. Send me an e-mail at Naeem920@gmail.com. Or you can hit me up with a PM at the Insanity Message Boards. My username is Naeem920.

See you Thursday night with the Impact Report.

Until then I'm Saad Naeem and that was Heat.