04-13-07

“She f*ckin’ hates me.”

There’s little else in this world worse than a bad separation and continual fighting.  Boo-f*ckin’-yah.

***

Item #1 – Oh joy of joys...

Just when you thought that maybe...just maybe...Vince McMahon would let the fires die down just a little bit in order to allow WWE’s spotlight to be focused upon somebody else, along comes his son Shane and a whole new storyline involving the McMahon’s. 

Listen, I’m not saying that I dislike the storyline because I do.  I’ve been a fan of Umaga’s since the start and I’ve always felt Lashley was charismatic enough to get by and and could eventually become a huge superstar.  A huge problem is that Vince has built himself up to be the only real credible heel in the company and it’s no longer 1999.  I mean, once Lashley beat McMahon at WrestleMania the realization should have been that Lashley simply isn’t ‘over’ enough with the live crowds yet because his pop really wasn't that big.  It should be realized that he simply isn’t ready for this kind of spotlight so early in his career.

Let’s look at Brock Lesnar because he’s as good an example as any.  He was given the ball very early in his career.  His saving grace, though, is that he started out as a heel and was given a mouthpiece to help him get acclimated to the crazy world of being “the man”.  Paul Heyman gave Lesnar more help and assistance than he deserved, and as such he ended up learning enough that by the time he was on his own he could actually cut a decent promo and he had gained the respect of the WWE fans. 

Not only that, but it takes a solid heel run before somebody can turn into a solid babyface.  I mean, there are very few babyfaces over the course of professional wrestling history that actually became popular simply by being a babyface.  Most times a heel turn is required and the follow-up run normally has to draw a lot of heat.  Once the crowd hates you enough that they want to start cheering you…THEN you become a great babyface.

Rock…Steve Austin…Roddy Piper…John Cena…the list can go on and on.  Some of the best babyface runs came immediately after a great heel run.

Lashley is being shoved down our throats and, similar to John Cena’s original RAW push, the crowds simply aren’t responding the way that McMahon would like them to.  Is Lashley popular?  Sure.  Is he getting the type of reaction that a superstar should get?  Not really…he’s getting the type of reaction that Carlito gets. 

I mean, it’s primarily because of his feud with Edge that Cena became cheered as much as he is today and even now the boos are extremely audible.  The difference is that the crowd reacts to Cena big-time.  They react with indifference to Lashley most of the time.

Now, it’s hard to say if crowd reactions would be the same if they had chosen somebody else to play the hero to Vince’s villain.  What can be said, though, is that while he may be a future superstar…right now he’s just an upper mid-card guy getting an upper mid-card reaction.  Having said that, do we really need Vince and Shane to take up more air-time in order to push this guy so hard?  Are Vince and Shane that hated that the crowds will rally behind Bobby Lashley like Vince wants them to?

As usual, I honestly don’t have the answers.  I really don’t think Lashley will ever get that superstar reaction that Vince thinks he can get until he gets a solid heel run.  Lashley’s personality and mic ability just aren’t at the level yet that’s needed in order to garner a huge pop every time his music plays.  And until Lashley turns, I believe that Vince and Shane’s time spent in front of my television screen is a waste.

***

Item #2 – Punk turned heel?

Call me crazy, but I really didn’t think it was time for Punk to join-up with the New Breed.  I mean, who in the blue hell is gonna face off against them and prevail?  Rob Van Dam?  Perhaps.  Sandman?  Hardly.  Sabu?  Doubtful.  Tommy Dreamer?  Unlikely.

We all know that the babyfaces have to win this type of feud (it's Booking 101) so what does that leave us with?  Who is going to “rally the troops” and take down this new evil empire known as the New Breed?  Seriously…is Punk so upset with Sandman accidentally caning him that he’s all of a sudden a heel?  There’s only, like, 16 people on the whole frickin’ ECW roster to begin with…who the hell have they got left to fight when five of them are the evil heels from the New Breed and four of them have pl ayed the babyfaces and have already played out the storyline in matches?

Something’s not sitting quite right here.

Punk said on WWE.com that he has his reasons and that his joining the New Breed was the first step in everyone finding out exactly who CM Punk is.  Now, that smells funny to me.  I just don’t think that Punk is ready for a heel run yet.  I mean, he’s just starting to get over as a babyface and is just starting to be noticed as a legit star in the eyes of WWE fans due to his impressive showings on RAW, SmackDown, and WrestleMania.  Should the guy be turned now?  The timing seems a bit off to me.

Don’t get me wrong, it was always going to take a Punk heel turn to make him the superstar that most of us think he can be.  His ROH work as a heel was, at times, brilliant.  I just don’t know if this is the right time to do it.  Personally, I say don’t be surprised to see Punk double-cross the New Breed and fight them all on his own in an effort to establish him as the star of ECW.  Of course, I’m an idiot…so don’t be surprised to see absolutely nothing of the sort happen and you see a New Breed vs. Balls Mahoney feud down the road.

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Item #3 – And the odds are...

Alright...seriously...what are the odds of the planned Jerry Lawler vs. Hulk Hogan match actually taking place?  I’m guessing 2-1 that it actually happens.  There’s a few reasons for this…

• The Mid-South Coliseum is due to be destroyed and this, most certainly, would be a very fitting “last hoorah” for the building.
• Hogan is filming his television show and needs a great story to tell.
• Hogan needs to prove to Vince McMahon that he can still draw and that leaving him off of the WrestleMania card was a big mistake.
• Lawler will probably end up playing the heel so that Hogan can walk out with a babyface pop........

ZAH NOT PAYING ATTENTION EDIT:

It turns out that the odds are 100-1 that it’s NOT taking place due to Jerry Lawler’s contractual obligations.  See?  That's what marriage can do...completely keep you out of the wrestling loop.  Thank goodness that's over because I've got priorities here.  Am I right, people?  Jeez.

Anyhoo...as reported yesterday on this site, the new match to take place on April 27^th will be Hulk Hogan vs. “Big Show” Paul Wight.

WHAT??

Yep yep.  Hogan apparently wanted this match for ‘Mania but WWE decided “to focus on other things”.  Hmmm…I’m sure they did.  My understanding is that Wight didn’t want to do it.  Now I know why. 

Wight is pretty bitter right now.  He is being quoted as saying he’s no longer “owned” by Vince McMahon, that he’s looking forward to being able to keep more than 3% of his marketing money, and that 'Big Show' was his “slave name”.

Ouch.

Apparently Wight is not only bitter but he’s lighter, too…by about 60 pounds (!!).  This match-up will now be a double statement by both men that says they aren’t going to be dictated to by WWE and that they can have a wrestling career on their own.  Will you see Wight in a TNA ring anytime soon?  It’s quite possible.  Will you see Hogan?

Puhleeze…Hogan’s still in this for himself and he knows where most of his bread is buttered.  It’s being reported that WWE has asked everyone involved to pull out and cancel the match.  If Hogan was offered another WWE contract tomorrow and given the money that he wants, he’d bite his tongue and sign it in blood without batting an eyelash about the good fans of Memphis losing this dream match.

Y’know…if nothing else, this should provide some interesting drama over the next few weeks.

***

Item #4 – The Insanity Tag Team Tournament!

As you all know, I’m a big fan of tag team wrestling.  Always have been...always will be.  I’ve spouted-off about the wonders of those like the Kings of Wrestling and the Briscoes as of late in an effort to parlay my enjoyment of the 4-man beat-down into words for one and all.  Well, Insanity reader and message board poster vinrob recently sent me a fantastic-looking absolutely insane 64-team fantasy tag team tournament designed to help decide who Insanity readers thought the greatest tag team in the history of mankind really was/is. 

Of course, I had to update a couple of teams to include some ROH alumni and, because most fans aren’t up-to-speed on tag teams from around the world, 99% of the teams listed here are from North America.  So I guess the whole “history of mankind” thing is out the window.  Still...stop bitching already...nobody’s life is on the line here.  It’s all about having some fun.

Alright, let’s get things started.  With so many teams we’ll have to break down Round One into two separate columns.  I mean c’mon...let’s be reasonable here.  Okay, let’s start off with the first bracket.  I gotta say...there's some pretty sweet match-ups here.  So I'm thinking that each team should be judged based upon their ability to win the match-up during the height of their popularity/success.  So vote by sending an email my way or via PM on the message board. Either way, let your voice be heard!

Oh...and please................................no wagering.

ROUND ONE

The Dudley Boyz – (Bubba Ray & Devon) ECW, WWE, WCW tag team champions

vs.

Ivan & Nikita Koloff – NWA tag team champions

vs.

Hollywood Blondes – (Brian Pillman & Steve Austin) WCW tag team champions

Brian Kendrick & Paul London – WWE tag team champions

vs.

The Fantastics – (Tommy Rogers & Bobby Fulton) UWF, Smokey Mountain, and NWA U.S. tag team champions

The Eliminators – (Perry Saturn & John Kronus) ECW tag team champions

vs.

Tony Atlas & Rocky Johnson – WWWF tag team champions

The Harris Brothers – (Ron & Don Harris) WCW tag team champions

vs.

The Briscoe Brothers – (Mark & Jay Briscoe) ROH, FIP, and NOAH GHC jr. tag team champions

The Outsiders – (Kevin Nash & Scott Hall) WCW tag team champions

vs.

The Fabulous Ones – (Steve Keirn & Stan Lane) 14-time Southern tag team champions

Team Canada – (Petey Williams, Eric Young, Bobby Roode) NWA tag team champions

vs.

The Headbangers – (Mosh & Thrasher) WWF tag team champions

Edge & Christian – WWF tag team champions

vs.

The Body Donnas – (Chris “Skip” Candido & Tom “Zip” Prichard) WWF tag team champions

The Steiner Brothers – (Rick & Scott Steiner) NWA, WCW, & WWF tag team champions

vs.

The Natural Disasters – (Earthquake & Typhoon) WWF tag team champions

Los Guerreros – (Eddie & Chavo Guerrero) WWE tag team champions

vs.

The Powers of Pain – (Warlord & Barbarian) WWF tag team champions

The Brain Busters – (Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson) NWA & WWF tag team champions

vs.

LAX – (Homicide & Hernandez) NWA tag team champions

The Quebecers – (Jacques Rougeau & Carl Ouellette) WWF tag team champions

vs.

La Resistance – (Sylvain Grenier, Rene Dupree, &/or Rob Conway) World tag team champions

The APA – (Ron “Farooq” Simmons & John “Bradshaw” Layfield) WWF tag team champions

vs.

The Godwinns – (Mark “Henry” Canterbury & Dennis “Phinneus” Knight) WWF tag team champions

The Nasty Boys – (Brian Knobbs & Jerry Sags) WWF & WCW tag team champions

vs.

Doom – (Ron Simmons & Butch Reed) WCW tag team champions

The Basham Brothers – (Doug Basham & Danny “Basham” Holly) WWE tag team champions

vs.

The Headshrinkers – (Fatu & Samu) WCCW & WWF tag team champions

America’s Most Wanted – (Chris Harris & James Storm) NWA tag team champions

vs.
Strike Force – (Tito Santana & Rick Martel) WWF tag team champions

Now...if you see a team that’s not listed here, by all means send in your suggestion to me before next week’s column for the second part of Round One!

***

Item #5 – Wait...isn’t TNA doing something this weekend?

Oh yeah...they’ve got a pay-per-view!  Jeez...I almost forgot.  Alright...with baited breath, here are my all encompassing (and rarely accurate) predictions!

LETHAL LOCKDOWN MATCH: Team Angle (Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe, Rhino, Sting, & Jeff Jarrett) vs. Team Cage (Christian Cage, AJ Styles, Scott Steiner, Abyss, & Tomko)

Ø      Last year’s match was pretty damn entertaining.  Watching Styles on the top of the cage splashing through a table left me breathless.  Can this match recapture that feeling for me?  Doubtful...unless this becomes the Styles & Joe Show.  I’m less than enthused about everybody else in this match and their ability to work well together in this style of match-up.  If this becomes any more than a sloppy clusterf*ck I’ll be extremely impressed.

Ø      WINNER: Interesting...with the person who gets the winning pinfall receiving a title shot against Christian Cage, it’s really not a sure thing for anybody except Tomko...who’s got no shot in hell.  I know it’s crazy and it’s probably a ridiculous notion, but I’m leaning towards Jeff Jarrett picking up the pin and a title shot.

ELECTRIC STEEL CAGE NWA TAG TITLE MATCH: LAX vs. Team 3-D

Ø      I know the best feuds are the ones that last awhile, but when there’s a lack of chemistry between the feuding parties the ongoing feud just sucks the life out of everybody.  Hence a steel cage now has to be electrified in order to gain a pop from the crowd.  Will it make the match better or worse?  Well, I can’t see them having a great match when every time they touch the steel they’re supposed to get shocked.  I dunno...it’ll really depends on the presentation.

Ø      WINNER: I think 3-D’s victory is all but cemented as the feud nears an end.

XSCAPE MATCH FOR X-DIVISION TITLE: Chris Sabin vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Jay Lethal vs. Alex Shelley vs. Shark Boy

Ø      Shark Boy?  What....was Norman f*ckin’ Smiley busy?? Christ on cracker what a letdown to see his name in this.  What a joke.  Anyhoo...overall this is the type of match that the whole “Lockdown” concept was built around.  A big-time jumping bean clusterf*ck with five to ten minutes of nothing but spotfests.  Will it be exciting?  Probably. Will it be good?  Maybe.  Will I care at the end of the night?  Nope.

Ø      WINNER: As much as I would love for Alex Shelley to win something in TNA, I have a feeling that parading around in a lame gimmick is going to pay off for “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal.

BLINDFOLD MATCH: Chris Harris vs. James Storm

Ø      Here...finally a match that actually deserves to be in a cage.  Although, as heated as this feud should be, do you really think their first match should be a cage match?  I mean, where the hell do they go from here?  Still, I’m interested to see just how much chemistry these former partners will actually have in the ring against each other.

Ø      WINNER: The heel just has to win the initial match-up if the feud is going to have any steam going forward.  Therefore, I think TNA will book for Chris Harris to win.

Jerry Lynn vs. “Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels

Ø      It’s a shame that this match-up has to take place in a cage first because it might actually take away from what could otherwise be a four star match-up.  Still, this has the potential to be the show-stealer and it’s the one match I’m most looking forward to.

Ø      WINNER: In order to help further help his newfound push, Daniels gets the nod here.

Petey Williams vs. Robert Roode

Ø      I’m bored with this feud already. 

Ø      WINNER: Roode?  I don’t really care either way.

Gail Kim vs. Jackie Moore

Ø      I like that this is being pushed as a big deal.  These two women can actually wrestle and this has been promoted as a grudge match.  While it’s no Trish vs. Victoria, it’ll still be a solid bout between two talented women.

Ø      WINNER: This one is tough.  I’m thinking the opposite of the Harris/Storm match to balance things out...so Moore will pick up the win here.

“The” Austin Starr vs. Senshi

Ø      I could be crazy, but to me the writing on the wall of a Senshi turn on Backlund is extremely apparent.  I mean, he’s pissed that Backlund threw in the towel and he’s not a fan of the whole “I’ll bow to you because I respect you” nonsense.  Of course, that could also end up meaning that Starr gained the respect of Backlund and he’ll turn on Senshi during the match.

Ø      WINNER: Either way, Senshi loses the match.

Christy Hemme’s surprise team vs. Voodoo Kin Mafia

Ø      The rumors are going ‘round that the Basham Brothers will re-appear to be Hemme’s former WWE team to face VKM.  I, for one, would love to see them actually beat VKM and stick around TNA for awhile.  I just don’t get this feud.  I mean...Hemme’s the heel because TNA wants fans to cheer for the misogynistic Kip James?  Good lord...

Ø      WINNER: I don’t care who debuts against VKM...I want the James boyz to lose.

***

Item # 7 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form.  This week was a couple of weeks delayed.  I mean, this guy wore out his welcome a LONG time ago and I’m so happy he’s finally out of the public eye.  Ladies and gents, ZAH’s Loser of the Week simply has to be...

Sanjaya Ma…!!!   ...what in the flying F*CK??????

Are you f*ckin’ kidding me???  He’s still in????  I….I just can’t…Goddammit...unbelievable.  Oh well...moving on...

Let’s just go with...

Chad Patton!!!

Yes I’m going with a referee this week.  I certainly don’t have a problem with how the storyline was supposed to go for Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels on Monday Night Raw.  Double-pinfalls are rare and can be quite exciting when done properly.  However, in this case, it wasn’t done properly at all.

Patton was knocked down earlier in the match.  Orton and Michaels were both pretty tired by the time Patton came to, and by then Jack Doan had run down to take over referee responsibilities.  Well, HBK hit Orton with a superkick and once Orton went down, Michaels collapsed – back first – on top of Orton.  Doan dropped down to begin the pinfall.  He was at Orton’s head and looking directly at his shoulders on the mat. 

Patton, however, was halfway across the ring.  In fact, by the time Doan’s hand hit the mat for the 1-count, Patton was still in clear view of Orton’s shoulders on the mat.  As Doan came down for the 2-count, Patton had crawled over by Orton’s feet and was pointing at HBK’s shoulders touching the mat…clearly ignoring the obvious state of MICHAELS LYING ON TOP OF ORTON.  Once the 3-count came down, it had become ridiculously obvious that Patton had forced himself to crawl into position late and once he decided that HBK’s shoulders were the actual ones pinned, the crowd (and especially the home viewing audience) were blown away at the mere thought that this could be taken seriously.

Bottom line?  Patton f*cked up.  And as such, I think his horrific time management skills should be honored by being selected as my Loser of the Week!  Congrats!

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Pillar to Post 

Each and every week I’ll take three statements that you, the WorldWrestlingInsanity.com readers, have submitted on the hot topics du jour and then get two or three volunteers to give their thoughts and insight.  Ladies and gentlemen, this week (and I encourage every reader to throw me an e-mail and volunteer), I bring to you two great World Wrestling Insanity readers saucyjack, Ben Stone, and kat_bb3!!

1. Agree or Disagree
Lashley vs. Vince McMahon should have ended after WrestleMania.

saucyjack: Disagree.

Lashley was directly responsible (along with Stone Cold but he’s making a movie for WWE so whatever) for shaving Vince bald. It would be bad storytelling if McMahon simply wrote off the loss and moved on with his life. He was humiliated in front of millions of people, and he wants to end the career of Bobby Lashley because of it. It makes sense to me and I’m looking forward to see where the story goes.

Ben Stone: I disagree.

While Bobby Lashley is no Steve Austin in terms of charisma, it makes sense from a storyline standpoint given the character that has already been established for Mr. McMahon as a bitter, controlling, and vindictive old man. It makes perfect sense for him to want revenge on the man who shaved his head. Calling in Umaga and Shane O Mac just shows how cowardly the Mr. McMahon character is, which, again, follows the established character. Plus, fighting such a big-time heel like Mr McMahon will hopefully get some people to take a look at Lashley who might have otherwise just shrugged him off.

PS. And having Vince McMahon, the most powerful man in pro wrestling, want to win the ECW Title adds some much needed prestige to that belt.

kat_bb3: Disagree.

Bobby needs this right now, if they want to force him to the top instead of letting him gain speed on his own. Say what you will about Vince’s ego generally he will make himself into a fool to put over someone. Let’s face it this angle at the, very least, has got us talking about Bobby and giving him some kind of reaction. Vince wants revenge, I don’t know why; I like the Tom Landry hat.

Now after Backlash they had better be doing something new with him, like say fending off attacks from both the new breed and the originals. I also would not be opposed to seeing maybe Umaga take the title and seeing Bobby pursue him. The real test of Bobby’s staying power will be when this McMahon stuff dies away. Right now, at least, it does not seem tiring to have them continue on with it.

2. Agree or Disagree
CM Punk should not be turned heel at this time.

saucyjack: D-I-S-A-G-R-E-E.

While watching ECW this past Tuesday, before CM’s decision was announced, I was on the fence. I was digging face Punk, thought he was slowly getting momentum, praise from all the right people, and was looking forward to him having good matches with Burke or people like Finlay.

Then I saw his face after he turned heel. There was a personality and passion there that I hadn’t seen since Survivor Series. I’ll be honest. He looked insane, and he scared me for a second.

That’s when I realized the bastard already had me. Heel mission accomplished. Well done sir.

I may have showed up late to the Punk party, but I’m certainly not leaving anytime soon.

Ben Stone: Disagree.

This reminds me of John Cena and the Rock. They came in as sort of bland babyfaces and they got crapped all over. (Granted Punk is far from crapped all over, but follow me) They turned heel and let more of their natural personality out. Then, the fans warmed to them. The same could happen with CM Punk. If he lets out some of the venom he had going in OVW and ROH, he could easily get over much the same as Rocky and Cena did before him.

Also, it was getting stale watching him wrestle the same heels over and over. How many times can one man wrestle Kevin Thorn and Stevie Richards? Now he has some great matches against babyfaces like The Sandman, Sabu, Tommy Dreamer and the dream match, CM Punk vs Rob Van Dam to look forward to.

kat_bb3: Disagree.

I see tremendous potential with Punk as a heel. The straight edge gimmick works better on a heel (well in the WWE world). He can be condescending, rude, snobbish and all the things that make good heels great. Not to mention it might “revitalize” his image to the non internet fans. Not to take a thing away form his skill in the ring his gimmick as always been very subdued and as far as the WWE is concerned that could be “boring”. A heel turn could breathe fresh life into a “new” superstar. In reality though, I believe most fans love CM Punk regardless of gimmick or orientation.

I hate to say this but this is a prime opportunity to prove himself to everyone. He can move from the mid carder everyone is talking about to an upper mid carder with a real “developed” storyline. I think the buzz around CM Punk might actually have worked against him a bit. It might have prevented him from getting an involved push.

3. Agree or Disagree
Jeff Jarrett should not be turned babyface at any time.

saucyjack: Agree.

…wait TNA is still in business?

Sorry, couldn’t resist. I don’t watch TNA anymore. I download the PPV’s to catch the great matches or a ‘Canadian Destroyer’. Otherwise TNA just reminds me of old school Saturday morning WCW television, which isn’t a compliment.

Ben Stone: This is a tough one. I have to disagree, but only in a way.

Jeff Jarrett, much like Punk turning heel, will now have some fresh matches as a face, against Abyss, Scott Steiner, Christian Cage and AJ Syles. Plus, the time off has taken some of the staleness away from him. HOWEVER, that being said, even though he is a babyface, for GOD SAKE, keep him away from the NWA World Title. Just because he is a face, doesn't mean peope wanna see him as champion again. As soon as he wins the belt, I guarentee, the people will crap all over it and start booing him again. Why? Because they'll see the babyface act as a cheap excuse to put the NWA Title back on him. Turn him face if you want to, but PLEASE give some others the opportunity at the NWA Title.

kat_bb3: Agree and Disagree

I think that with good solid writing anyone can be turned babyface. Now I am not sure Jeff can make me care for him as a babyface. I think that he like any good talent should know their potential and if he is willing to work for it, in a perfect world, it might work. In reality, it can’t work the fans want to hate him so much that I doubt it will ever work for long. I don’t think there is a fan who wouldn’t rather hate Jeff Jarrett as opposed to liking him. Personally, I do not care…I am not a fan but I don’t dislike him.

***

Great job!  I’m looking forward to seeing who gets to join me as a guest columnist next week. 

No problem.  Seriously...it’s not a problem at all.  Really...let me know RIGHT NOW!!  You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com or hitting me up at ZAH Nation, found in the Insanity Message Board and letting me know that you’d like to participate.  Also, don’t forget to stop by my MySpace page and add me.

So until next week…

L8R