Folks, it's "i" before "e", except after me, James E. Couture. Well, it seems that the flavor of the month for April is wacky tag teams, with Cade and Murdoch actually doing something of consequence in roughly forever, and Deuce-N-Domino useating the World's Smallest Tag Team. But gimmicky tag teams extend beyond rednecks and Andrew Dice Clay impersonators, and one of those gimmicky teams actually held tag team gold. It's time to cater to my Appalachian audience (I skew heavily toward hill folk), it's The Godwinns, Tag Team Champions!

In mid-1994, Henry Octavio Godwinn showed up in Stamford, Connecticut with little more than a slop pail and a dream. Luckily, this was the WWE of the mid 1990's, and the company motto was, "the stupider the premise, the closer to God". Ol' Hank had a job.

But shockingly, a pig farmer from Bitters, Arkansas failed to capture the imagination of the WWE audience, mostly due to the fact that wrestling skews so highly towards rich industrial tycoons.

"Yes, I was a little shocked that H.O.G. fellow didn't gain any traction. My butler's nanny tells me poor people love the smell of pig feces." -Vince McMahon, from the upcoming DVD "The New History of ECW: Shane Who-glas?", 2007

What's the solution to a gimmick failing to garner attention? Double up, of course. In early 1996, Henry called upon his cousin, Phineas Isiah Godwinn, and the two formed a tag team the likes of which had been seen before in WCW.

In early 1996 a neck injury forced the Smoking Gunns, Bart and Kip, to forfeit the Tag Team Titles. With those cowboys bucked off the horse of title contention, the Godwinns time was at hand.

But Skip and Zip, the Bodydonnas, had other plans. On the always historic Free-For-All prior to WrestleMania 12, Simon Dean's Idols snatched the titles in a tournament final from the Godwinns.

But all was not lost. On May 19 (crap, is Kane gonna rape me?), 1996, the slop finally dropped in the pig farmer's favor. In Madison Square Garden (where I'm gonna see Raw in August, score!) at the always historic non-televised event, the Godwinns won one for Hillbilly Jim and ascended to the place where only midcarders dare to fly.

"Well dog my cats, I was really s'rprised when th' G'dw'nns w'n th' t'tle at M'd's'n Sq'r G'rd'n." -Hillbilly Jim, on the "Tin Can and Some String Audio Show", WEAK, Radio Kentuck 102.4

But before the Godwinns could put a down payment on a new trough for their pet pigs Harold A. Muntz and Peter O'Rory-Kaiser, it was gone, all gone, as they lost to The Smoking Gunns a week later at "In Your House: Revenge of The Blue Phantom". Still, unlike those stupid Okies in the Grapes of Wrath (get a job!), they had made it in the city, and they didn't even have to drink one another's breast milk. Success!

Well, until SmackDown! introduces us to the tag team of Johnny and Mark Baker, the Baker's Men, I am, in fact, James E. Couture.

And never ask your girlfriend for a "slop drop". Nothing good can come of it.