Canadian Bulldog's Breaking News: Cena-Sanjaya Match To Headline SummerSlam
By Canadian Bulldog
Above: The match fans will love to hate.
By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News
(East Rutherford, NJ) - In an attempt to lower its standards even further, World Wrestling Entertainment will feature a match between WWE Champion John Cena and disgraced American Idol contestant Sanjaya Malakar as part of its annual SummerSlam pay-per-view spectacular.
"Quite frankly, we think this is a match-up the fans have been dying to see," exclaimed WWE Chairman Vince McMahon at a press conference to promote SummerSlam. "Because we've completely lost touch with our audience."
Cena, who in WWE storylines has triumphed in the face of overwhelming odds almost every fucking time during the past three years, told reporters that Sanjaya could be his "toughest challenge to date."
"I gots to give it up for Sanjaya," confessed Cena. "Unlike the rest of America, I won't be underestimating you, dawg."
It should be noted that Cena's track record is 0 and 1 against C-level celebrities, having been pinned by Kevin Federline earlier this year.
The main-event match ties in with this year's SummerSlam theme, which is "15 Minutes Of Fame". Among the other matches being planned are a bout between World Champion The Undertaker and Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, power couple David and Victoria Beckham against Johnny Nitro and Melina, Rosie O' Donnell and The New Breed and The ECW Originals, and Cryme Tyme against radio personality Don Imus.
Sanjaya, whose singing ability has been universally acclaimed (well, at least as much as his SummerSlam opponent), is excited about the prospect of wrestling for the WWE Championship and possibly getting his head shaved as per the pre-match stipulation.
"I think this will be a fun opportunity for me to display my talents in front of all my fans," an excited Sanjaya told reporters. "Wait - 'head shaved'?"
Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and Online Onslaught and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com
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