The Heat Report: Nitro and Dykstra vs. Cryme Tyme
By Saad Naeem
To all the mommies out there, including my extra lovely one, Happy Mother’s Day! I hope you all have a wonderful day filled with much fun and happiness this year and for many years to come. Moms are the most magnificent thing anyone can ever ask for and make sure that you show them your appreciation for every single thing they have ever done. But why just do that on one day? What stops us from expressing our love and gratitude to those women that raised us every day? Mothers don’t deserve just one day in the whole year, the deserve 365. So whenever you can, always let your mommy know just how special she really is.
Okay now onto the rasslin’ portion of program. Seems like someone on wwe.com fell asleep on the job. Every week, Heat is up on the site at about 3 pm EST on Friday afternoon. This week you ask? Well I don’t know exactly when (cause I wasn’t checking every five minutes) but it was on Saturday night. So gang, usually the Heat Report is late cause of my tardiness, but this week, blame it on Michael Cole.
Match 1: Eugene & Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Xavier and Scotty Charisma
Again with the weird jobber names. Weird but very cool. How do these guys look? Mini Heidenreich and Santino Morella’s cousin. One of the guys starts the match with Duggan and holds his own for a while. But some Hoooos and a clothesline changes things. What follows is a scoop slam and a knee drop. Jobbers aren’t doing as sucky as usual as they back Duggan into the corner and get the tag. But Jimbo fights out and tags Eugene. Looks like Cryme Tyme has not returned his pills yet cause he goes cray-zay on the jobbers. Lefts and rights down them both. But then the legal jobber hits a back drop and gets a two. He locks in a sleeper hold and makes the tag. Xavier backs Gene into the corner and lays some forearms and chops into him. He whips Eugene into opposite corner and hits a running dropkick. A repeat of the everything after the sleeper happens but this time Xavier and Eugene bump heads. Each man slides to his respective corner and makes the tag. Scoop slam and a hip toss is followed by the three point stance for the win.
Winners: Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Eugene
The jobbers in this match weren’t as pathetic as they usually are. Either that or Eugene and Hacksaw sell moves really well. Either way, not a bad match to start off Heat.
Ric Flair and the Four Horsemen DVD now available. I know someone that’s not gonna buy it and das not cool.
Match 2: Val Venis vs. Sean Reynolds
Yay a second match with jobbers. Alright this one is gonna be over in a jiffy too. But wow this jobber is one of a kind. He looks much like Mordecai complete with the triangle beard under the chin. He seems like an old guy though. In his late thirties at least. Actually reminds me of Zeus (?). Match begins with Val working over his arm. But Reynolds brings the action to the corner and pounds away on Val. Venis comes back with running shoudlerbutts and his knee to the guy off the ropes into a Russian Leg Sweep combo. A scoop slam follows but Reynolds blocks a knee drop. Then it begins. The long working over of the knee. It first Sean really didn’t go after it but Val kept on selling a tweaked knee and Reynolds finally got the message. Val attempts a vertical suplex but the weight is too much for his knee to handle. Reynolds counters and tries to lock in the one legged Boston Crab. Val fights out and regins control with a big boot to the face. A huge neckbreaker follows and then a spinebuster. Val goes up for the Money Shot and surprisingly he connects! He gets the win while grabbing his knee in pain.
Winner: Val Venis
Not terribly bad, although the end was quite abrupt. Sean Reynolds really held his own and separated himself from the average jobber. Expect to see more of this guy on Heat. I see a Johnny Parisi type gimmick developing for him.
Wow, they’re still running commercials for The Marine. Did the Condemned suck that much?
Segment: Edge has shocked the world…again
If you’ve been in a coma for the past three days then you have no idea that there is a new World’s Heavyweight Champion on Smackdown. Yup, the Rated R Superstar cashed in his Money in the Bank Contract this past Friday Night to become the new champ. Well it was, dare I say it, one of the most shocking moment in the history of Smackdown. I mean you could see it coming from a mile away but still it could not have been executed better. Congrats to Edge for being the smartest and most opportunistic wrestler in the history of WWE. This guy never seizes to amaze me.
Match 4: Cryme Tyme vs. Johnny Nitro & Kenny Dykstra
What a great combo, Dyksta and Nitro. Two young athletes destined for greatness teaming together….on Heat. But at least we know we’re in for one hell of a main event. Nitro is rockin the pink fur and is without his lady. What happened there? Did they officially break up? On the other hand Cryme Tyme make their way out to Penn State from the State Penn. Sorry couldn’t resist.
JTG and Nitro start things off. Action falls into the corner but ref calls for a clean break. Nitro goes over to Shad on the apron and totally pie faces him. Very uncalled for and that bring Gaspard into the ring. While the ref is distracted with this, on the other side Kenny takes JTG down from behind. Nitro takes control and chokes TG in the ropes. But the Cryme Tymer comes back strong. Hiptoss, spinning back elbow and a dropkick give him a two. Blind tag to Shad who spins Nitro upside down and inside out with a damn stiff clothesline. Then both Kenny and Nitro are double clotheslined out the ring. After they gain their composure, Kenny is sent up against Shad. They have a test of strength but a clothesline and a scoop slam brings things back into Cryme Tyme’s corner. They nail the Slingshot Splash for the two. Nitro gets the tag and chases JTG out the ring. He comes back in, but Kenny sends the little Cryme Tymer into the barricade. Then we head to break.
Video package hyping up Randy Orton’s greatness. Okay…
We’re back. Neck submission applied to TG who breaks out. But tag to Nitro who nails an elbow to the back over the ropes. Johnny pummels on JTG and then hits one hard kick to his face. Makes the tag to Dykstra who hits a double axe handle off the top rope. Kenny further beats up JTG but when he attempts a suplex J reverses into a roll up. But not to worry, the tide has not shifted cause Kenny kills him with a clothesline. A spectacular double team move follows. Okay Kenny slingshots JTG onto the ropes, who bounces back and lands on Kenny’s knees. Then Johnny jumps over the ropes from the apron and hits an elbow drop. It looks aweeesome and the crowd loved it too. It would have gotten them the victory had Shad not broken up the cover. JTG crawls to his corner but is dragged to the opposite. Kenny gets on a neck vise but when JTG fights it off he gets a standing dropkick to the face. Both Kenny and Johnny in the ring. They try their best to keep JTG away from Shad but he makes the tag! Big man in, Nitro and Kenny out. Clotheslinesa dn a mile high big back body drop on Nitro. That is followed by snake eyes and a huge forearm. Nitro gets kicked away and the G-9 gives Cryme Tyme the victory.
Winners: Cryme Tyme
Cryme Tyme wins yet again cause they gangsta like that. Nitro and Kenny were one hell of a team that exhibited some phenomenal stuff in the ring. And you can bet your bottom dollar that you’ll see them as partners very soon.
Wow very cool Heat this week. The main event rocked out loud. The first two match were good too (by jobber standers). And of course reliving Edge’s great surprise was awesome as well.
That just about does it for me. If you have any suggestions, comments or criticisms then please do tell. Send me an e-mail at Naeem920@gmail.com. Or hit me up with a PM at the Insanity Message Boards. The username is Naeem920.
See you Thursday night with the Impact Report.
Until then I'm Saad Naeem and that was Heat.
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