5/14 WWE RAW: Mallory's Ongoing Coverage of the Show
By Mallory Mahling
This week Raw was live from the Hampton Coliseum in Hampton, Virginia, the next stop on the road to Judgment Day.
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Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed viewers to the show as John Cena headed to the ring. Something was missing, though. Oh, that's right, no title belt. It is currently in the big mitts of the Great Khali who found himself tempted by a shiny object.
Lots of noise from the crowd for the beltless champ--not necessarily the good kind, though.
For his part, Cena seemed to be holding back tears. He said he'd been humiliated by what Khali had done, but that wouldn't be the first time. He noted that every week he comes down the ramp and people tell him he sucks.
People had warned him that Judgment Day was a bad idea. But they're wrong, he insisted. Cena intended to be a one-man wrecking crew. Then he told Khali to give the title back. Now.
Khali had a mouthpiece tonight; unfortunately, he let Kali talk anyway. Go figure. Once Khali got done babbling, the translator showed highlights of the last few weeks of carnage at the hands of the giant.
Appropriately, the audience was chanting "WHAT…WHAT…WHAT?"
According to the translator, Khali told Cena, "If you want some, come get some."
Never one to back away from a challenge, Cena stomped up the ramp and headed to the locker room, where Khali promptly handed Cena his behind, then choked him out and left him in a heap on the floor.
Moments ago…highlights of the beating Khali gave Cena.
The audience was moved to silence. In the long moment between the highlight reel and the Hardys' music, you could have heard a pin drop.
(1) Jeff Hardy vs. Trevor Murdoch. Cade and Murdoch had been sitting at ringside for the last several weeks for the Hardys' matches and had been on their best behavior. Since the announcers continued to mention this fact, it seemed to mean that Cade and Murdoch would return to their old ways sooner or later. An inside cradle, and Jeff Hardy rolled up Murdoch for the win. Sure enough, Cade and Murdoch wanted to "shake" on it. But that's all they did. They shook hands like gentlemen. Very refreshing turn of events. (For as long as it lasts.)
Promo aired for Snitsky. He's big, he's bad, and he's UGLY!
Bobby Lashley pounded (not to mention grounded) Jonathan Coachman last week. So tonight, of course, Coach wanted revenge. Shane and Umaga told Coach they'd be in his corner. The ECW Champ was wearing a lavender suit and matching do-rag tonight (he looked a lot like a fortune teller with that headscarf). The Champ told Shane he was down. He's cool.
Santino Marella had retained his Intercontinental Title last week. Cue the off-key opera singer--it's time for Santino to make his entrance. Santino now lives in Patterson, New Jersey, we were told.
(2) Intercontinental Title Match: Chris Masters vs. Santino Marella. (Didn't we see this last week?) Masters was picking Marella apart, but couldn't pin him. Masters kept trying to get the Master Lock on. Some good moves by these two, but they were not as smooth as they could have been. Nonetheless, Santino got the pin and the win, and Masters got the post-match beat down and jeers from the crowd.
Ozzy Osbourne will be on Smackdown Friday night performing the Judgment Day theme song.
Melina headed out and did her splits thingy on the announce table. Lawler just about had a stroke.
(3) Victoria vs. Candice Michelle. Miss GoDaddy.com was getting the worst of it for most of the match, but she got her hand raised in victory. After the match, Candice motioned to Melina that she wanted the title belt. Melina took that to mean Melina was pointing out her fat rolls.
The new World Heavyweight Champion, Edge, headed down to the ring looking as cool as he could be. When they finally turned down the music, the crowd was booing loudly.
So how did Edge end up with the Smackdown title? Well, after winning the Money in the Bank Briefcase from Mr. Kennedy last Monday, he'd speared the Undertaker to win the title. Of course, the Undertaker was practically dead on his feet at the time.
Edge had a boastful message for Batista, whom he will be meeting in the ring at Sunday's pay per view.
Not so fast…
"Sexy Boy" hit and Shawn Michaels told Edge to do everyone a favor and just leave and go on to Smackdown. Edge suggested they have a farewell match.
Todd Grisham was interviewing Bobby Lashley. Before he could say much about his PPV match this Sunday night at Judgment Day, Shane O'Mac showed up and played some head games with Lashley.
Out came Vince McMahon in all his championship glory, along with Shane and Umaga. Coach finally made his entrance for his match with Bobby Lashley.
(4) Jonathan Coachman vs. Bobby Lashley. Coach slapped Lashley who returned the favor with big right hands. Lashley easily pinned Coach, but Umaga and Shane jumped into the ring for the obligatory beat down after the match. Whoops. It didn't go according to their plans. Lashley speared Umaga, then came after McMahon, who ran like the wind to get away from Lashley. So did Shane, who ran through the crowd and into the back with Lashley hot on his heels. Shane jumped onto his Daddy's limo and dove in through the moon roof. But Daddy wasn't in the limo, he was waiting for Lashley, whom he knocked out with the title belt. McMahon is nothing if not predictable.
(5) Carlito vs. Val Venis. Sorry, Val. Carlito needs a win tonight to promote his match with Ric Flair this Sunday night at Judgment Day. But as Carlito was celebrating his victory, Ric Flair headed out and chased Carlito right out of the ring.
HBK was stretching when Randy Orton came up and told him he could beat him. "First time I ever heard that," replied HBK sarcastically. One thing led to another, and these two will be on the card Sunday night for the PPV.
Some of the Divas are going to be in Timbaland's new video which will air next Monday night. Timbaland was talking a little more coherently than the last time he was on Raw.
(6) Farewell Match: Edge vs. Shawn Michaels. This was Edge's last appearance on the regular Raw roster, so he's going out with the best match on tonight's show. Edge was absolutely fierce and Michaels had his bell rung pretty hard. Edge tried to pin him, but HBK kicked out. HBK managed to crotch Edge on the ropes. Edge attempted a cross body off the top rope, but HBK moved just in time. They traded chops. HBK was down again, but nipped up and dropped an elbow on Edge. Then once more for old time's sake, HBK tuned up the band, and delivered the Sweet Chin Music to win the match.
We couldn't just have a nice ending, could we? No, Randy Orton ran out and kicked Michaels in the head like it was a soccer ball. Michaels was out cold, and after about 5 minutes, the referee finally asked him if he was okay. Geez.
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Well, you can't say they didn't promote Judgment Day tonight. Only problem was that the matches aren't all that compelling. Another McMahon screw job so that he can retain a championship. John Cena outsized in his title match with Khali. Novelty matches have their place, but a little goes a long way. The only match on the PPV card that sounds good is Batista vs. Edge and that's because we haven't seen it a million times. I think I'll save my money this month and go shoe shopping instead.
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