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JG's 5/21 Raw Insanity: John Cena's Mouth Gets Him Killed Again and Lashley Runs The Worst Gauntlet Ever

By James Guttman
May 22, 2007, 00:58


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J.R.'s Blog: May 21, 2007

I hope you're all staying dry and keeping hydrated on delicious barbeque sauce. Once again, I'm on my way to Monday Night Raw after a great WWE pay-per-view event. I had quite a night at Judgment Day and enjoyed the hospitality of the fine people from wherever the hell we were. Whatever. I'm tired. Let's go to the old mailbag.

Remember.  There is no profanity allowed in your comments. Any profanity will be erased immediately. If you try to repost your message, I'll personally come to your house and slam you in the face. It's as simple as that. Now let's get to it:

John - To the best of my knowledge, Raymond Burr never wrestled for the Mid-South Territory. Raymond made an excellent Perry Mason, but may have eaten a little too much Oklahoma barbeque to be considered a wrestling superstar.

Brian - Chris Benoit did not play the role of Outback Jack. The Wolverine was still in grade school when the Australian boomeranger made his WWE appearances. Tell your friend that his "inside source" is wrong on this one.

Todd - I've never thought about being with another man, but out of the choices you listed, I'd probably pick Mr. Fuji.

Marybeth - Best of luck to you on your PSATs. I do remember meeting you at that autograph signing in 2004 even though there were 1000 other people there. You were the one who asked me to sign an autograph, right? Boomer Sooner.

Arnold - I don't know what your brother could have eaten to make his bowel movements turn that color, but I think you might want to consult a doctor instead of Good Ol' J.R. Before that, you might want to check the crayon box for any missing colors. As for your question, I know for a fact that Shawn Michaels didn't die in a car accident in 1998. He wrestled last night at Judgment Day. Tell your friend that his "inside source" is wrong on this one.

Mr. Bubbles - From what I know, Ric Flair never wrestled Moses. Then again, I think you were just being a douche.

Rebecca - You seem like a lovely young lady and your momma sounds like a very wise and knowledgeable woman. I echo her sentiments. Don't rush into anything. If he really loves you, he'll wait.

JoJo McEnroe - Not sure where you got your "inside information," but Randy Savage is alive and well. I've never strangled anyone to death in my life and certainly wouldn't start with the Macho Man.

George Taylor - There are no plans to release a WWE Best of Elvis Presley DVD. From what I recall, Elvis was a singer, not a wrestler. And from where Good Ol' J.R. sits, I'd say that Elvis ate a little too much Oklahoma barbeque to be considered a wrestling superstar.

Stanley - I never met your father, but doubt we would have had the conversation you mentioned. I would never refer to Stephanie as that word. In fact, I'm not even sure what the word means as I don't speak Spanish.

Tammy - I was surprised to hear about your experience after eating some of our barbeque sauce. I can assure you that we don't put any marijuana in our sauces. It sounds to me like one of your friends must have been playing a joke on you. Sorry you had a bad time, but you should chalk that up to the company you keep. I hope you find your pants.

Allen - I'm sorry your order didn't fit properly. But, in all fairness to the fine men and women that work here at JRsBarbq.com, a package of Peppered Beef Jerky isn't supposed to "fit." You're supposed to eat it, you friggin' idiot.

Christine - Ol' J.R.'s no expert, but it sounds like your husband may be pulling your leg. In all my years, I've never heard of someone getting gonorrhea from using a pay phone. That would be a first for me. I can't even imagine how one would have to use the phone in order to make that happen.

Nick The Knife- There are no plans for Michael Cole to replace me on Monday Night Raw, but I appreciate your poem about why I'm the best announcer you've ever heard. The parts about wanting to kiss me were kind of creepy, but I know it all comes from a good place. While I have nothing but respect for my Smackdown colleague, Good Ol' J.R. isn't going anywhere for a while. As for your second question - no. Our site is doing just fine as it is and will continue to sell the finest in Oklahoma barbeque. There are no plans to begin selling "midget porn." Tell your friend that his "inside source" is wrong on this one.

Gary - I'm happy that you and your mom enjoyed your trip to Utah. Not sure why you're telling me considering I'm from Oklahoma. Either way, thanks for following WWE programming and the storylines. I showed your comment on my blog to Mr. McMahon and, after reading your idea, he's happy to inform you that - yes! We would love to have you join the company and re-form the New World Order on Raw with Batista, Sting, and your friend Joe. We expect to see you next Monday at the arena. Bring your N.W.O. shirt and spray paint. Welcome aboard!

Tom - Good to hear that you're a big fan of Steve Williams, although he never was in the movie Fargo. You might be thinking of Steve Buscemi.

Goomba Louie - Will we ever see Antonino Rocca return to the ring? Uh…no.

Alex - Thanks for the kind words, the King and I enjoy our banter every week on Raw. I don’t' think we've been arguing anymore recently than we have in the past, but if so, it's purely unintentional. I'm especially happy with him on days where we know ahead of time that our announce table will be destroyed during the course of the night. On those evenings, the King has to wear pants. It makes for a much less awkward broadcast.

Boo Boo Kittyfudge - I often get to the arena sometime in the afternoon so I can get myself prepared for the show ahead. I have never showed up to Raw halfway through with a bottle of whisky and a prostitute. That's just not J.R.'s style. Tell your friend that his "inside source" is wrong on this one.

Anne - I'm sorry if my comments last week about the NWA Title offended you. Sometimes the ol' computer can make things seem more harsh than they were intended. I mean no ill-will towards the championship and was just illustrating a point. I will make sure to be more careful in my wording from now on. Boomer Sooner.

Mike - I have not heard much about Kurt Angle since he left the WWE, but sincerely hope he's doing OK. Last I heard, he was wrestling for some small company and chasing the NWA Title, which means about as much as a piece of crap I stepped on yesterday while walking through a dirty, stinky crap farm.

Millie - They’re so fruity I can explode. That's how fruity they are. They're so fruity, they might make me come to your house and beat you down. How do you like that? Huh? Beat your ass. That's right.

Vanilli - I can't explain to you how great the high is when you step out in front of a large WWE crowd. Luckily, as you mentioned in your comment, you're a heroin addict. So you can probably relate on some level.

Wayne D - I'll answer your questions in order and to the best of my ability: True, No, False, A, Uncle Elmer, pizza, on top or from behind, Tommy Boy, boxers and briefs, pistachio, and, of course, WCW Halloween Havoc. Hope that answered them all. Good luck on your science test!

Thanks again for visiting the shop and making our site what it is today. Everyone here at JRsBarBQ.com is happy with all the positive feedback we've received. Please, try our barbecue sauce. If not, then what the hell are you doing here? Just posting questions about Randy Savage? Why? Leave me the hell alone.

BOOMER SOONER!

J.R.


ClubWWI.com Members, Check Out -

James Guttman's 34 Minute
Post WWE Judgment Day
Audio Report!

Subjects include: The Good Thing About WWE's New PPV Approach, Saving Carlito Cool, Slick Ric's Missing Promo, HBK's Face Injury, The Success and Failure of Vince McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley, Backburning The New Breed, Why People Might Not Know CM Punk and Elijah Burke, Melodrama Theater, Referee Stopage, Randy Orton's Post Match RKO, The Extreme Reaction of Rebecca Michaels, Good Sports/Bad Sports, The Hardy Champs, Why People Love Them, Edge's Spot on Smackdown, Viewer Polls, MVP's U.S. Title Win, Khai's Submission, Why ECW One Night Stand Is In Terrible Shape, and More


Not a member?
Click Here To Join Now
or go to
CLUBWWI.com


Last night at Judgment Day, Bobby Lashley defeated the team of Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, and Umaga McMahon. Unfortunately, he didn't beat the boss personally, so he didn't win the ECW title. Good thing there's an ECW pay-per-view in two weeks, huh? Phew. Dodged a bullet there, Bob.

What's up, Moline, Indiana! Make some noise! Let me hear ya say hoooo-oooo. Say ho-ho. Say yeah! Say yeah-yeah! Jimmy Jam Ross and his Majesty of Memphis Jerry Lawler are ready to present another edition of Raw. Thanks for not watching Heroes! Tonight's show promises to be a happening. You saw what happened with Lashley, right? Well, let's hear what the Ving Rhames looking extremist has to say…right now!

Bobby Lashley walks slowly to the ring, enters, and takes the microphone. The former ECW Champion has a great idea. Short and simple - Vince McMahon vs. Lashley for the ECW title in a Street Fight at One Night Stand. Let's make that a reality. After stating his wish, Bobby doesn't say another word. He cocks his head back and smiles strangely until the McCrew arrives.

Do-Ragless and Buzzcut Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, and Umaga walk out and step on the ramp. Vinnie grabs a microphone of his own and sadly turns Lashley down. Sorry, son. You're not getting a title match at ECW One Night Stand. Vincenzo is going to be facing an ECW Original at that event. He'll be taking on…The Blue Meanie! Jerry Lawler laughs and asks, "Is he still alive?" Guess so, Jerry. Well, until JBL runs into him backstage, that is.

Annoyed, Bobert asks why he can't be the one to challenge for the title. Before Mr. McManiac can respond, Shane takes the floor and says his piece.

"Listen up, Bobby. You have the audacity...? You have any idea who you're speaking to? This is not only the ECW Champion as you know; this is the chairman of the board, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and, by the way, my father. And nobody, and I mean nobody, beats my father in a street fight. Let's just say that in a street fight, as that goes, my father is invincible. Let's look at all the people who have fallen at his feet. He's beaten Stone Cold Steve Austin, the Undertaker, Triple H, Ken Shamrock, Shane McMahon…and let's not forget, my sister Stephanie. So Bobby, let me tell you thing. If it's a street fight you want, it' s a street fight you'll get. You're on! "
  
- Shane McMahon

(JG Note: I know that everyone will overanalyze Shane's speech and say that he added Shamrock as a dig on the UFC, but I think it had the oppostite effect. By putting Ken in the same category as the McMahons, Hunter, Austin, and Taker, you put him in an elite class within your own company. If it was a dig, it was a bad one as he ended up looking better because of it.)

Daddy Mac seems surprised at his son's words, but rubber stamps it. Fine. You got the match. That'll happen. Bob Lashley vs. Vince at One Night Stand in a Street Fight. Done…on one condition. You have to defeat "all your opponents." That's right. You're running the Gauntlet tonight, pal. Without saying how many opponents Lashley must face or who they will be, VKM's music plays out and he poses alongside his biological son and adopted giant Samoan son as the segment ends.

Still to come: Is Shawn Michaels alive after last night's Randy Orton beat down? There's only one way to find out. Stick around. Poor Shawn Michaels. First the hair scandal and now this. What hair scandal? You didn't hear? WWE.com was found to be photoshopping hair on old pics of HBK. Yup. Photoshopping hair. ZAH even talked about it in this week's Shakin' My Head . Well, there's even more proof now. Scandolous!  Check out these new pics that just surfaced…

 

 

HairBackKid

Commercial Break. Saturday Night's Main Event returns to NBC on June 2nd. The tag line should be "Don't Miss It…Like You Probably Missed The Last Two, But That's OK. Watch This One. Thanks."

1. Ric Flair vs. Carlito ended in a double countout

This is the Fruity Skittles match. J.R. gleefully tells us how fruity the candies are as Carlito in his Judgment Day black trunks comes to the ring. Of course, seeing him in the same shorts as yesterday begs the question, "Did he wash them?" Hope so. (JG Note:  I know.  "Maybe he bought more than one pair." That's always the argument people present if you say they wore something two days in a row.  That makes no sense to me, though.  Why buy two of the same things to wear?  No one will think you bought two.  People will assume it's the same pair of shorts or whatever and just think you're dirty.  Waste of money, if you ask me.)  Carly's gear may be black but his chest was red. Still stinging from the Nature Boy's Judgment Day chops, Cool got no sympathy from the Dirtiest Player in The Game. Flair immediately tore into him with a new set of slaps as soon as the match began. Lawler figured that Carl, being a second-generation star, had enough father figures. Who needs crappy Ric as a surrogate dad? Bah. These two had a good match last night and a pretty good one tonight too. The end was really flat, though. Both guys went over the top rope to the floor and the referee began counting. It was really exaggerated counting too. It was so over-the-top that as soon as he started counting, you knew it would be a countout. Anyway, the ref reached ten and the match came to a close, signaling the crowd to boo. Not sure if that's the type of reaction you anticipate when booking a finish, is it?

After the bell, Carlito attacked Naitch on the outside. He gave his former father figure a Backstabber and then spit a mouthful of apple in his face. As the afro'd turncoat walked away from the ring, Lawler and Ross stopped speaking. With no commentators talking, the mic picked up a very loud ringside fan screech out, "I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON YOUR APPLE!"

Retro Commercial Break. ClubWWI's D-Lo Brown upsets Steve Austin with his phone habits.

Hey Melina. I was told to get you. They're playing your music.

Thanks.

Hey, I was thinking. Now that, you know, Johnny Nitro got fired, I figured you and me could go out for dinner or something.

Johnny's not fired. He still works here.

Whatever. Screw you. If you don't want to go out with me, that's fine, but you don't have to lie!

2. Candice Michele pinned Melina

You know what? We can't bitch about women's wrestling anymore. Years ago, we could complain about how the untrained divas didn't know how to do anything in the ring and we'd be right. Today, that's not so true. The women they have on the payroll now go our of their way to improve and each one of them should be applauded. Melina plays here character better than most men in the business. Not only does she play it well on the microphone, but she uses it to color her in-ring style. Screaming and scratching, Lina went on the attack and Michele responded with dropkicks and other surprising wrestling moves.  It even made the announcers question who her trainer might be. Finally, after missing a roll-up attempt, Mel found herself flat on her back. The Go Daddy girl responded by bridging back for a cover and getting the pinfall.

In other sections of the arena, the Great Khali is arguing with his Indian Tony Danza translator guy and Bobby Lashley is walking to the ring, in that order. Bob's Big Boy is up next and he's running the Gauntlet against Vincent Kennedy McMadMan's unnamed Army of Darkness.

Tick, uh. Tock, uh.

Commercial Break. For a Monk, that neurotic detective sure does talk a lot. What happened to the vow of silence?

Video Package For The Condemned. WWE does a great job of making it seem like people were really into it and that mainstream was all over it. Great piece of marketing. What? Commercials. What? Propaganda. What? What? What?

Up first, from Colorado Springs, Colorado, it's Bobby Lashley. Bobtista runs to the ring, does his double-point-to-the-sides pose and jumps around a bit. Backstage, Mr. McCrewcut watches on a monitor as the first Gauntlet challenger is introduced. That man is the human version of the pump-up bra, Chris Masters.

3. Bobby Lashley pinned Chris Masters after a Spear

This one had history and Jerry Lawler made sure to point that out. Chris put down a ton of top names with his Master Lock, but the day that Bobby took the Challenge it all came to an end. Now he stands in Lashley's way of advancing through the Gauntlet. After a fairly mediocre opening, the Masterpiece and the Bob started to kick it up a few notches. After exchanging the advantage a few times, Lash took Masters down hard with the Spear and scored the pinfall to advance to the next match.

That match happens now...no, wait…I don't know when. Guess it's not now because we cut to a shot of the Hardy Boys who are on their way to the ring. What? What the hell is that? Doesn't a Gauntlet usually imply that the stream of opponents follow each other to the ring? If not, then what's the point? I really expected someone else to run up to the ring after the pinfall, but no one did. Hmmm.  Weird, surprising, and disappointing. Speaking of which, the Hardys are up next. Stick around.

Retro Commercial Break. Gorbachev has weird hotline habits.

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin sat at ringside for the next match. Hey. Just wanted to remind you that Charlie Haas was the guest on our first edition of JG's Radio Free Insanity. That show, and about 70 others, are all up on ClubWWI.com  as we speak. After the Hardys came to the ring, their opponents were introduced.

Johnny? Johnny Nitro! Oh man. Earlier I told Melina that I thought you got fired.

Ha ha. Nah. I'm still here. I'm teaming with Kenny Dykstra.

They fired Kenny Dykstra.

No they didn't. He's my partner.

Shut up! Don't lie to me!

4. World Tag Team Champions The Hardy Boys defeated Johnny Nitro and Kenny Dykstra

I'm so blown away by the horrible way WWE books certain people. In the case of Nitro and Dykstra, it's such a huge step back for both guys. The end of the Spirit Squad looked to be the end of Kenny's team-time and with the loss of Joey Mercury, Johnny could finally focus on singles. Instead, they're teaming up with each other now. Amazing. I just don't get it. J.R. called Jeff Hardy by my favorite Ross-nickname, but made sure to correct it this time around. This week he referred to him as "The Rainbow HAIRED Warrior." For a few weeks, he was simply calling him The Rainbow Warrior. I thought he was going for a completely different meaning with it. Glad he cleared it up. Anyway, Rainbow Head and his brother pick up the victory and the World's Greatest Tag Team picks up their butts…and haul them to the ring.

Once inside, Haas and Benjamin go to school on the Hardys. They pummel the tag champions until Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch run in. The seemingly-reformed heels (JG Note: ...or secret Hardy-crushes) help their new running buddies by fighting off TWGTT. Once the ring is clear of all evil doers, the Four Rainbow Cowboys stand in the ring and share in the glow of their adoring public.

Great Khali is next. He's mad about last night's controversial match with John Cena. Smell that? There's controversy in the air. Go on. Take a whiff. Controversy.

Commercial Break. Bowflex comes with a 12 year warranty. Why? Because they realize that most people will only use it for the first three months.

The Great Khali is here and there's some big controversy going down in Quad Cities. The Great One went into Judgment Say without ever suffering a loss and now that's all over. Khali's translator, Raj Singh, introduces him and hands over the microphone so he can give us one of his patented gibberish promos. Raj translates the garble for all of us who don't speak Marshmallowmouthese. In a nutshell, the Giant got screwed at Judgment Day! Screwed! Here. Look at this footage:

Video Clip of The Great Khali tapping out last night. Khali's foot was under the bottom rope. Then again, at 7 foot 100 or whatever he is, he could be laying in the locker room and his foot would be under the bottom rope.

Back from the footage, TGK is still talking his jabber jabber and Singh is still flappin' his gums. Khali can beat John Cena anywhere! He can beat him over here. He can beat him over there. He can beat him in the ring. He can beat him in the crowd. He can beat him in a box. He can beat him with a fox. He can beat him anywhere.  Yes he can, Raj-I-Am.

This cues John Cena. The Marine's music plays and he trots to the ring.  First things first.  The Champ doesn't want to hear from some "eight foot crybaby." Fine, big man. You're right. Your foot was under the bottom rope, but you seem to be missing the big story here…you tapped out! Bam! Now why is John here? Well, you called him a coward…or at least you kinda did in a garbled way. Them's fighting words. Cena ain't no coward. He stood toe to toe with you at Judgment Day and survived. Yeah. Now you say you can beat the WWE Champion anywhere? Whatever…

"I'm not scared of you anymore. I'm telling you I can beat you anywhere in this building. In the audience. In the hallway. On the floor. You want a rematch? Hell, I want a rematch!"
 
- John Cena

Damn. The Doctor of Thuganomics stands his ground against the big man. He has no more fear. He has nothing more to worry about when it comes to the Giant. Why? Because he's John Cena, baby. He doesn't need to be scared of you anymore, Khali!

Now what do you have to say about that, buddy?

The Great One responds simply and effectively...

... by beating the living crap out of the fearless John Cena. After smooshing the WWE Champion into white breadcrumb, Lord Khaliflower stands tall and raises his arms high in the air. That means he's happy.  Nice going, John.  You were cool there for like a minute.  Then - Bam - all to hell.

Retro Commercial Break. May 29th. WCW. Meadowlands.

Before the break, John Cena talked the talk and walked the walk... to the hospital.

It's time for Gauntlet match #2. Yes. It's The Bobby Lashley Take-A-Break-In-Between-Disjointed-Gauntlet. Hooray. You know what would make this moment perfect? Viscera.

5. Bobby Lashley pinned Viscera after a Spinebuster

This one went about the way you'd expect it to go. Vis hit some hard-hitting offense and Bobby responded by using his insane power to slam the huge  Heat Legend to the canvas. The Man on a Mission regained control, though, and Lawler assumed that Vince McMahon must have offered him something big in return for squashing Lashley. (JG Note: Ice cream cake? Probably ice cream cake. Mmmm. Ice cream cake.) In all fairness, this match was about ten times better than it seems on paper. The crowd got into it and when the finish came, they were pretty loud. Vis had Bob backed into the corner and started to thrust his hips. It was the signal for his signature move…the, uh, running sex hump. Mabel backed up and sprinted towards the former ECW Champion, but missed. Bobbo quickly hit a spinebuster and scored a pinfall.

Is the Gauntlet over now? No one knows. Not only are the matches not happening in a row, but we don't even know how many there are. If there is a next match, we don't even know when it might be happening. Wow.  Gotta say - Worst. Gauntlet. Ever.

Commercial Break.  A giddy ER Doctor gleefully explains to kids watching at home how to execute John Cena's F-U.  Wow.  This guys must work on commission.

Back from the break, Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross announce that John Cena will face Great Khali at ECW One Night Stand. The match will be falls count anywhere.... As if you couldn’t figure it out. Of course it's falls count anywhere. The whole skit they just had was about beating each other "anywhere in the arena." That's how it works. If Khali had whipped Cena, it would be strap match. If he beat him with a bill club - nightstick on a pole. Made him eat his dog - Dog Kennel From Hell.  And so on…

Ashley, Layla, Jillian, Helga, Torrie, Ingrid, Kelly Kelly, Mrs. Butterworth, Brook, and Maryse are all introduced one-by-one before they head to the ring. The Divas recently appeared in Timbaland's new music video "Throw It On Me." With that, we go to the video.

Timbaland Music Video. (You can hear the song on his Amazon page by clicking here.) They actually name all the women in the video, which is shot in a comic book style, culminating in a three-on-three "Battle Royale." I sincerely hope that there's at least one or two old time wrestlers who chose this exact moment to turn on Raw for the first time in years. I can just imagine a grizzled veteran getting up and saying, Eh, tah hell wit'it. I'll watch Vince's entertainment thing. What do I care?  Screw it.  Here.  Let me just change the channel here….What the f**k is this?! Why is this fella singing over the wrestling matches!?  AHHHH!

Commercial Break. Burger King's new game asks you to choose which Spiderman is best for you. You choose either the black Spidey or the red Spidey. Maybe I'm just a paranoid conspiracy nut, but this sounds a lot like a thinly veiled psychological experiment in racism.

We're back, King, and last night's Judgment Day was a sad night for all of us. It seems that Shawn Michaels has suffered from yet another concussion and, as you know, concussions can be a big problem for people in the sporting community. If you get too many of those, you're pretty much screwed when it comes to competing. It's a sad situation and one that we're all deeply affected by. Tell us a lie, Shawn, and say that you won't go. Look in our eyes and hold us even though, I realize…

…that Randy Orton's on his way to the ring. The Heartbreak Legend Killer struts to the squared circle and takes the microphone in his hand. Hey guys. Last night Orton did some things. What things? These things:

Video Clips of Randy Orton scrambling Shawn Michaels' brains at Judgment Day, causing his wife to cry. The doctor advised HBK not to compete, but like Daniel LaRusso at the Hill Valley Karate Tournament, Shawn chose to fight. Unfortunately, in the Boy Toy's story, the Cobra Kai won. Dandy Randy beat Michaels soundly and then RKOed him after the bell had already rang.

With a smirk on his face, Randy Orton tells the booing crowd that he's asking himself one question. Could that have been Shawn Michaels' last match? You think? In any profession, a guy with a glaring injury is bound to have it taken advantage of. When HBK didn't heed his doctor's warning, Randy did the only thing he could do. He wrecked him like an overseas hotel room. Why?

"I did it because I'm the Legend Killer, Randy Orton."
 
- Randy Orton

In the back, Vince McMahon is preparing Umaga for his match with Bobby Lashley. If you told me six months ago that one of these two men would be ECW Champion by now, I'd have picked Umaga every time. Silly me.

Commercial Break. The 4400 is coming back to USA. That's how many days it's been since it was last on.

It's'a me!

6. Bobby Lashley defeated Umaga via disqualification

Seemed like we went through a lot of nothingness tonight with Lashley. Viscera? Masters? It seemed like they were killing time. By the time Maga got to the ring, there was nothing that made any of the other gauntlet matches mean anything. Bobby wasn't selling any injuries. There were no angry fallen foes trying to get revenge. Nothing. It was just putting one guy on triple duty so that the audience can get time to like them. After all, as the old saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. Wait. That doesn't work. Never mind. The crazy woman at ringside who told Carlito to choke on his apple was in rare form here. She was screaming from her seat as both guys battled it out. It was kind of funny. She was like a screeching Muppet. The barricade was like the stage and she kept popping up from behind it screaming. She had reason to scream. Umaga took Bob to the outside and pounded the hell out of him with a steel chair. That signaled the bell which signaled the ring announcer. Thanks to the Bulldozer's angry nature, this one is declared a disqualification in favor of Mr. Lashley!

Bobby has beaten the Gauntlet…I hope. Despite being beaten up by the Samoan Bulldozer, it appears that the proving stage is over. Bob advances to ECW One Night Stand where he can take on the one and only Mr. McMahon! Finally, it's over. It's…hang on. This just in. Shane McMahon is on his way to the ring. He's the next opponent in the…oh.  The Gauntlet.  More Gauntlet. Great. Can't get enough of that Gauntlet.

Commercial Break. Berries and Cream! Berries and Cream! I'm a young lad who loves Berries and Cream! I missed this guy. If there was ever a character that WWE needs to steal for Smackdown, it's this one. Come on. No dumber than the Boogeyman.

Here comes the money. Here it comes. Money talks. The money, in this analogy, is Shane McMahon. Shane-o Insane-o hits the ring and it appears that we have the next installment in our never-ending series on Bob Lashley.

7. Bobby Lashley pinned Shane McMahon after a Spear

Since Bobby was already beaten down, Shane was able to come into the ring and go to work on him in a way that didn't seem illogical given their size difference. I doubt it would make a difference considering that Little Mac came off like Billy Bad-Ass in his feud with Kane. In other words, when you're part owner, you don't have to look tough to be tough on TV. Despite the fact that Lashley could probably devour Shane-o whole, he was still half out of it by the time the match began thanks to the Maga beating. Every effort was made to ensure that the McSon came out on top here. Vince even sent Umaga back to the locker room just to make sure the Bulldozer didn't get them DQed. When Lashley finally recouped from the attack, his punches had no effect on the Immortal Shane. He countered with a DDT and followed with a Boston Crab. When the massive Gauntlet Runner refused to tap out, Little Mac punished him with punches, butt-bumps, and camel clutches. Just when all seemed the bleakest for the former ECW Champion, the tide turned. Mean Street Mac went to the top rope and jumped off. Then, out of nowhere, Bobert suddenly came to his senses, stood up, and Speared the flying heir to the ground. Thud. 1,2,3. Bob wins. Vince winces.

The final match in the Gauntlet has been wrestled. The night is over and, truth be told, the night was pretty lame. Vince stares up from the floor and Bobby stares down from the top rope as we fade to black.

All in all… As I said, lame. I really wasn't into much of tonight's show.

That doesn't mean that I didn't like anything. I was into the Cade/Murdoch-Hardys situation. I like how it's been put together and the way that people finally are caring about Lance and Trevor. We have no idea what their thought process is and it keeps you thinking about it. The longer they draw out an eventual attack, provided there even is one, the better. It's made for some intriguing TV.

John Cena stood up the Great Khali. He got up in his face. He laid it all on the line. Then, he got his ass kicked. Great. Good going, John. That'll teach me for cheering you on. If WWE knows how to do one thing well with Cena, it's getting you to the point where you think he's cool and then having him do something that completely proves you wrong.

Here. Look how tough John is. See? He's telling off a giant.

Oh…but now's getting beat up. Psyche!

The Lashley thing was just messy. Top to bottom, it made no sense and even the broadcast team seemed confused as to what was going on. In the end, it was a long way around just to get to a match One Night Stand that most of us had penciled in anyway.

Michaels is dead. Carlito spits apples. Candice is improving. Those are the only other main points of the show. Not much to really grasp on to. If this show did anything, it's show you that it pays to order pay-per-views. Whenever WWE follows up a good pay show with a boring Raw, you can't help but think they're doing it so we feel like we got our money's worth. It's nice, I guess.

There's a lot going on at ClubWWI.com this week. There's a brand new 83 minute edition of ZAH's "Around the World" audio show. Mike Rickard and Canadian Bulldog also have new audios available.


This week, we'll have an all new edition of The Big Picture hosted by the former WWE Raw Co-Host Kevin Kelly. Kevin is also outspoken regarding his thoughts on the business and I'm sure he has plenty to say this week. For more information on Kevin's show, Lisa "Ivory" Moretti's Smack Talk, D-Lo Brown's Lo-Down, Orlando Jordan's Club OJ or Dr. Tom Prichard's audio archives, you can click any of the banners on the bottom of the page.

Also, if you're in the mood for some free audio, be sure to check out this week's edition of JG‘s Radio Free Insanity featuring Ole Anderson. The former Horsemen brought new meaning to the word "shoot" in his uncut 56 minute ClubWWI.com interview. Ole addressed his disdain at being a Horsemen, harsh words for Ric Flair, not liking Hulk Hogan's ability, and much more. Anderson joins Jerry Lawler, Kevin Nash, Samoa Joe, Christian Cage, DDP, Dustin Rhodes, AJ Styles, Bobby Heenan, Rhyno, Christopher Daniels, and over 60 other guests over on the Club. You can get all the information on these shoots and superstar-hosted audio shows (along with free clips) on our free main ClubWWI.com page.

Be Well! Thanks for sharing the Insanity!


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