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5/21 WWE RAW: Mallory's Ongoing Coverage of the Bobby Lashley Show

By Mallory Mahling
May 21, 2007, 23:40


...

This week's Raw was live from The MARK of the Quad Cities in Moline, Illinois.

Tonight's show will feature the debut of hip-hopper Timbaland's new music video. (Please don't hand this guy a live mic and let him talk. Remember the last time he was on Raw? As I recall, he said he was Ricky Bobby and babbled incoherently.) Anyway, be watching for Divas Ashley, Torrie, Maryse, Layla El, Brooke Adams and Kelly Kelly in the video.

Also, expect some controversy over John Cena's win last night. Apparently the giant-sized Khali had his giant-sized foot under the ropes, which the referee didn't see. Imagine that.

* * *

Last night, Bobby Lashley got screwed out of the ECW World Title yet again. Mister McMahon can find more loopholes in the rules than a lawyer.

Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed viewers to the show as Bobby Lashley headed down the ramp. He made a challenge to Mister McMahon for a shot at the ECW Title. (Never saw that coming.)

"No," was McMahon's answer. He had other fish to fry. At "One Night Stand," he would be going one-on-one with Blue Meanie.

"What about me?" asked Lashley. What, indeed.

Shane McMahon listed all of Dear Old Dad's victories in the ring over the years, including his sister, Stephanie. Shane said his Dad would grant Lashley a Street Fight at "One Night Stand." Mister McChamp added a stipulation, however; Lashley would have to beat every one of his gauntlet opponents tonight. Only then would Lashley get a chance at the title in a Street Fight at "One Night Stand."

Last night, Shawn Michaels' legendary career appeared to be in jeopardy.

(Commercial break)

"Saturday Night's Main Event" returns to NBC on June 2.

"Whooooo!" Guess whooooo?

(1) Ric Flair vs. Carlito. Twenty-four hours after their Judgment Day match, these two were going at it again. Carlito picked up where he'd left off, by concentrating on Flair's sore arm. Chops were being served, as Joey Styles would say, then the Nature Boy went after Carlito's sore knee. They both went over the top rope and were being counted out. The referee ruled the match a double count-out, but Flair and Carlito kept going at it on the outside. Carlito spit his apple, then gave Flair a devastating backstabber. Carlito backed up the ramp looking almost conflicted.

(Commercial break)

The Slam of the Week was sponsored by BoDog Fight. Hmmm. That's interesting.

(2) Melina vs. Candice Michelle. Lots of highly technical hair-pulling in this match. It wasn't the best match of the evening, but this is the fourth week in a row that Candice has had her hand raised in victory. It's only a matter of time til Candice Michelle wins the Women's Title away from Melina.

In the dressing room, the Great Khali was arguing with his translator.

(Commercial break)

Never say die seems to be WWE's motto as far as "The Condemned." They were promoting it like it's going to be an Academy Award nominee this year.

(3) Bobby Lashley vs. The Gauntlet Match No. 1 - Chris Masters. The first opponent was Chris Masters. Lashley charged the ring post, but connected with his shoulder. Arm bar take-down by Masters. The crowd was chanting for Lashley. You had to figure he was going to win or there would be no more gauntlet matches tonight. Lashley with the winning pin. Next?

Last night Shawn Michaels had competed against doctors' orders and was RKO'ed by Orton. Things looked grim for Michaels.

(Commercial break)

The World's Greatest Tag Team had joined the announcers for the next match. I assume they were there for commentary, but nobody had bothered to give them mics that worked.

(3) Matt and Jeff Hardy vs. Kenny Dykstra & Johnny Nitro. The WGTT tried to answer questions but were not audible. Maybe it was just as well The Hardys looked tremendous with a face-first suplex, among other things. Jeff made the winning pin, then the WGTT jumped into the ring and joined Dykstra and Nitro in a post-match beat down. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch came out to make the save, eventually winning the trust of the skeptical Hardys.

Khali was walking "with purpose" backstage. Beside him was his diminutive translator. (The only requirement for the job must have been shortness.)

(Commercial break)

The Great Khali headed down the ramp. Khali babbled something, which Mr. Translator interpreted as Khali got screwed. (Well, better men than him have gotten screwed in WWE rings.) "MwaahMwaahMwaah," continued Khali, which the translator contended meant "Cena is a coward and I didn't tap out." Khali could defeat Cena anywhere, the translator added. Whatever.

John Cena came out and called him an 8-foot crybaby. Cena acknowledged that Khali's foot was under the rope, and he'd made Khali tap out. More importantly, he'd stood toe-to-toe with Khali and survived. He's not scared of Khali anymore. He was ready for a match anywhere. Khali choke slammed Cena and showed him who could beat who. Cena should have savored his victory a little longer and not pressed his luck.

(Commercial break)

(4) Bobby Lashley vs. The Gauntlet Match No. 2 - Viscera. I'd like to see Khali and Viscera side-by-side out of curiosity. McMahon was watching from his office as Big Vis was kicking the stuffing out of Lashley. Then reaching deep down for some super-human strength, Lashley picked up Viscera and slammed him. Spinning kick by Viscera, but Lashley refused to be pinned. Viscera steamrolled into the ring post. Lashley moved out of harm's way just in time and went for the pin and his second win of the night. Outstanding match, all things considered.

Coming up next, the world premiere of Timbaland's music video.

(Commercial break)

J.R. announced that Cena got his wish and will defend his title against Khali at "One Night Stand" in a falls-count-anywhere match.

Torrie, Maryse, Layle, Kelly, Brooke, and Ashley headed to the ring to plug the debut of Timbaland's video. Not my cup of tea…I'm going to get a snack while it's on. At least Timbaland didn't show up in person.

(Commercial break)

J.R. talked about the concussion Shawn Michaels had suffered at last night's PPV.

Speaking of the devil, Randy Orton, the one responsible for HBK's concussion, came down to the ring. Lots of boos. Clips were shown of his brutal treatment of Michaels last night, which elicited even more boos. Orton put the blame on HBK for his own injuries since he had not listened to the doctor's advice. Orton then called himself the Legend Killer. An arrogant, thoroughly despicable Legend Killer.

Umaga will be Lashley's next opponent.

(Commercial break)

(5) Bobby Lashley vs. The Gauntlet Match No. 3 - Umaga. Lashley was doing his best to keep this a stand-up war. Prolonged bear hug on Lashley. Samoan Drop, followed by an unsuccessful cover. Umaga went to head-butt Lashley, but Lashley moved out of the way. The ref started counting them both out, but they got to their feet. Lashley managed to knock Umaga out of the ring. While he was out there, he picked up a chair and waffled Lashley with it. The referee disqualified Umaga and gave the win to Lashley.

Shane O'Mac (dressed for action) and the Hardcore McChamp were headed to the ring.

(Commercial break)

During the break, Umaga had continued to pick Lashley to pieces, ending with a Samoan Spike.

Here comes the money. Shane danced down the ramp and got into the ring.

(6) Bobby Lashley vs. The Gauntlet Match No. 4 - Shane O'Mac. Lashley could barely make it to his feet for this match. Baseball slide by Shane. Umaga was about to bash Lashley with the chair, but the McMahons talked him out of it and ordered him away from ringside so he wouldn't cause Lashley to win by default again. In the meantime, Lashley got his second wind. Shane countered with a series of elbows. Boston Crab by Shane. Lashley appeared to tap. Nonetheless, Shane dropped an elbow on him. Lashley powered out. Camel Clutch by Shane. Lashley battled to his feet with Shane on his back. Shane came off the top rope, but Lashley caught him and pinned him for the 4th gauntlet win.

Mister McMahon looked Pissed off with a capital "P." In 13 days, he will be facing Lashley in a Street Fight at the next PPV.

* * *

This was your show if you're a Bobby Lashley fan. That said, I found myself growing tired of the contrived gauntlet matches and the constant hype for "One Night Stand." I don't know which is worse--that it's only two weeks between pay-per-views or that they are doing another "One Night Stand." Didn't they learn anything from the antipathy which greeted last year's show?

 


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