05-25-07

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Item #1 – It’s been a slow week.

While I’ve been crazy busy with the new job and all, it hasn’t been the biggest of barn-burners in the wrestling world this week.  I mean, all the firings happened last week.  All the injuries happened last week.  All the title changes happened last week.  You know it’s been a slow week when the biggest story is that Rob Van Dam didn’t get released as reported online elsewhere (oops!).

So what now?  Well, let’s take a look at some of the smaller things goin’ on...

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Item #2 – Warrior isn’t as big a f*cktard as originally thought.

You may or may not know about the latest “Iron Sheik is one crazy motherf*cker” incident...and if you haven’t please get re-acquainted with Sheiky here.

Okay...now that this YouTube gloriousness is out of the way, let’s turn to the man at the center of Mr. Humble’s wrath...Warrior.  As you’re probably aware, this man has gone on to spew more nonsensical bullsh*t over the past five to ten years on his website than the National Rodeo Association.  The guy is incredibly insane and his online diatribes only went to prove that the guy was nuts. 

Well...his response to the "Video Heard ‘Round a Couple of Blocks" was actually tame in comparison to past posts...

The video clip, you would think, is pretty self-explanatory: there ARE former pro-wrestling talent who are "self-destructing," but not yours truly.  When (supposedly) respected, online wrestling journalists watch the video and review the incident with comments such as, "Warrior can't seem to prevent himself from self-destructing" and "Why is it that all these former pro-wrestlers can't make their lives work outside the ring," you know former pro-wrestlers aren't the only ones abusing booze and dope.

I laugh at this because I’m wondering who in the world accused Warrior of self-destructing after viewing this video?  It’s clear as day that the Sheik is as crazy as hell.  Anyhoo...I’m interrupting:

You have to be an absolute moron to come to these conclusions after watching this video. Or either you have to be a Warrior hater. A-HA!! There we have it. WHATEVER Warrior does, it is a failure, wrong, and self-destructive.  Regular visitors and correspondents to Warrior Web know I could give a rat's ass what these morons think — or anybody else for that matter.  I only mention the lunacy here because there are those of you who've been long-time fans and supporters, for all the truly positive and constructive reasons, who do take it somewhat personally when you read and hear this contemptible bullshit.

Oh yeah??  Well....ummm...I don’t visit your site regularly.  SO THERE!

What you see on the video beyond Sheik's obvious and maniacal self-destruction — not anything new to him but kept secret by his fawning, fearful industry marks — is one of my long-expressed principles of life in action: "There's nothing so embarrassing or intimidating as another human being who can kick your ass with their mind."

Dammit...I’m agreeing with him.  I, for one, have always been able to defend myself with smart-ass comebacks and remarks.  Of course, I’ve pissed a LOT of people off because I’ve used my mind instead of my fists when it came to disputes.  Maybe turning the other cheek isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

C’mon, Warrior...say something homophobic!  You’re not supposed to be this lucid!  (shh...I think there's a second Warrior)

For the last ten years at Warrior Web I've been telling you about it and, more, telling you who I am. I don't know why so many are still always surprised when I bring into action what I've long put into words. My reaction to Sheik's confrontation parallels perfectly the principled, classy, and classical, behavior standards I've held myself to for years. If anyone has any evidence otherwise, send it to me and I'll post it.

Okay...I’ve got him here.  Let’s face it, his “classy and classical behavior standards” would probably make sense if he was talking about how he runs his personal or even his business life.  I have no doubt that Mrs. Warrior and his little Warrior rug-rats think he acts normally at home, regardless of that little name change thing.  However, we all know this not to be true.  This (my personal favorite) and this are just two prime examples of somebody who is trying to make a point but goes about it in such a way that he’s surprised and shocked that nobody wants to jump on his bandwagon to join in the fun.

You don’t have to agree or even disagree with his views...that’s not the point of what I’m saying.  The point is that this guy normally spews out stuff like this:

"As for you, Booby Heenan, it’s just too difficult to keep a straight face talking about the pure two-faced bag of shit you are (and have always been), what, with you also actually wearing one as a piece of body jewelry. You are dying, dis-eased on the inside, and no more time is left to get back any of the integrity that matters the most on death’s bed. Imagine what it will be like, lying there taking in your last breaths, knowing you whored yourself out your whole life, and had to, in your final years, be faced with emptying your own personal shit bag affirming to you the true value of what you achieved in your life. Not even Vince could come up with a better finish than this. Karma is just a beautiful thing to behold." - Warrior, 2005

Ummm...yeah.  That’s the Warrior I know and love.  But this time we get this:

I'm not a two-faced hypocrite. I did not know Sheik was going to be there or that he would attempt to come up and shake my hand. Doesn't matter, my reaction in these instances is automatic. You lyingly smear me, I let you know I don't appreciate it and I don't befriend you. Period.  If the Sheik or anyone else has a real problem with me, then be brave enough to step out from behind your two-faced hypocrisy, step up, voice your beef like a man and take your best swat and let the fun begin. But please, just shut the fuck up telling me through your computers, online wrestling interviews, idiotic youtube shoot interviews, and shameful public outbursts how tough you are, how much of a queer you claim I am, how much you despise the disrespect I've shown to your so highly respectable industry, how worthless Ultimate Warrior was to the business….blah, blah, blah. If you want to fight, quit cutting promos and grab your best hold.

Dammit...I want to really dislike this guy.  Maybe he’s finally realizing that he doesn’t have to use thirteen syllable words to get his point across.  Regardless...if I’m here actually telling people that Warrior isn’t sounding insane in his latest online rant, then you just KNOW it’s been one slow-ass week.

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Item #3 – One Night Stand only two weeks away.

Okay...so the “ECW” is pretty much gone from the title.  Good thing, too...because you’re going to have to watch John Cena vs. the Great Khali in an extreme rules match.  Sound hardcore enough for ya??

I love that pic.  Anyway...in addition to that amazing match-up we’re going to be treated to the blow-off (presumably) to the Vince McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley feud.  On top of that, you’re gonna get last year’s ONS hero, Edge, going up against Mr. Hardcore Legend himself...well, I can’t spoil it for you until you watch SmackDown tonight.  Safe to say that it’ll end up being a steel cage match and it’ll probably be the last match on the card.

So what else can WWE throw together in a week in order to get a respectable buy-rate?  Well, just the fact that the entire PPV will be wrestled under “extreme rules” is probably good for about 50,000 buys at least...so then what?

• Could RVD get his send-off giving the rub to somebody worthy like CM Punk? 
• Will we be treated to a glorious Hardyz vs. Londrick “balls-out” tag match?
• Will Tommy Dreamer and Sandman get to have one last hurrah before getting the axe?
• Could the New Breed make an impact that would cross over to the other brands? 

Please...ONS is gonna suck.  Now if the name changed I might have a different interpretation of it.  If the name changed, then I wouldn’t be reminded of the awesomeness that was ONS 1 and even the greatness that was ONS 2.  Those were two well-crafted pay-per-views that really catered to an audience and brought in decent buyrates.  Now?  I’m going to forever compare future ONS’s to the first two...and even the complete disintegration of anything considered "ECW Original" won’t change my mind on that. 

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Item #4 – The NWA is back up for grabs.

As much as the NWA got totally screwed in their “relationship” with TNA (when’s the last time you saw any independent NWA promotion get ad time during Impact?), branching off on their own couldn’t have happened at a better time.

Listen, there is a growing fanbase out in “middle America” that has developed into quite a little clique.  These are the fans that buy 5,000+ Ring of Honor DVD’s every couple of weeks or who keep indies like PWG and JAPW going every month.  These are the fans who flood wrestling message boards and who believe that they are smarter than the next guy when it comes to analyzing or explaining today’s wrestling scene (I know, I know...pot meet kettle...shut up).

The NWA, in today’s form especially, will have one title that is defended all over the country at various NWA indie promotions.  The NWA’s fanbase (i.e. the niche people) will find this an extremely exciting time because you will truly get to see greatness.  How so?  Well, how many times do you think people back in the 80s didn’t get to see the NWA on a weekly basis when people like Harley Race, Dusty Rhodes, or Ric Flair were champion on TV?  Okay...how many of those people do you think got to see those champions travel the country wrestling in smaller feds like Georgia, Florida, Memphis, and Seattle and take on the local champions or “number one contenders” once or twice a year?

Now, I’m not going to try comparing the current NWA to the 80s-era version, but the concept is the same.  Listen, if I know that Joe Blow is the local wrestling dude and that (for an example) the new NWA champion Bryan Danielson is traveling through just to give him a single shot at the title...do you think I’m more likely than not to go out and see that match?  I mean, even if I don’t really know Joe Blow at all, just the notion that a global title (and it will be defended all over the globe once a new champion is crowned) will be defended against a guy who lives just down the street from me will be a very cool thing to see.

Whether it’s Danielson or Brent Albright or Claudio Castagnoli or Adam Pearce or “The Bomber” Nelson Creed...the whole notion of an international title and a single, solitary traveling champion (as opposed to creating some big new federation) is extremely intriguing to me.  I, for one, cannot wait to see where this leads. My first pick would be Albright, but I can definitely see Danielson winning this one as he, much like Ric Flair during his prime OVER TWENTY YEARS AGO (sorry...just had to stress that point), can make almost anybody shine in almost any kind of match that he’s involved in.  Making others look good is the sign of a very good wrestler.  Making others look good while also making yourself look good is the sign of greatness.

Here’s hoping the NWA gives their ball to the right person and that they run with it.

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Item #5 – Tag team tournament finals!

Alright...this is it.  After weeks of voting, the 64-team tournament is down to its final two teams.  So how did it go?  Did the craftiness of Edge & Christian win out over the power moves of the Steiner Brothers in their prime?  Did the Hart Foundation use Jimmy Hart’s megaphone to sneak by the British Bulldogs?

Well, here are the winners of the semi-finals:

...wait for it...

Yeah...I’m a little surprised myself.  I was even more surprised to know that neither match-up was particularly close.  I keep saying it every week and it’s so true...your EVERY single vote means everything in a tournament like this.  And now we’re down to two.  Just remember, each team is to be judged based upon their skills during the height of their popularity/success (i.e. their prime).  So vote by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com or send a PM to me on the message board. Either way, let your voice be heard!

Oh...and please................................no wagering.

ROUND SIX

The Steiner Brothers vs. The Hart Foundation

Summary: I love this.  While the Steiners of today almost destroy their legacy much like Ric Flair is doing to his, the simple fact of the matter is that the Steiner Brothers re-defined what a power-wrestler could do.  Not only that, but they re-defined how a power tag team should perform.  Never was it thought that a man the size of Scott”Mullet Me” Steiner could perform a move like the Frankensteiner.  Never was it thought that a top-rope bulldog could be performed without seriously injuring somebody every single time (yeah I know...but f*ck Bagwell...he was a pussy anyway).  Very few teams made me truly believe in the “art” of tag team wrestling the way the Steiner brothers did. 

Of course, the first team that made me a believer was a heel team that was created out of creative desperation.  Bret “Hitman” Hart and Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart originally teamed together just so they could have something to do. Throw in Jimmy “Mouth of the South” Hart, a megaphone, and a few months of gelling as a team and you ended up with a team that was truly innovative and influential in terms of what a tag team should be (power guy + speed/finesse guy).   

Wow...I’m glad I’m not the one to decide this one.  I could go either way.  Luckily, it’s your vote that will determine the greatest (i.e. the most popular) tag team of the modern era World Wrestling Insanity fans.  As always, I’m really looking forward to seeing who you vote for.  How do you do it?  As stated earlier, it’s simple, really.  You can vote either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com or by going to the Insanity Message Board and sending me a private message. 

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Item #6 – Season finales.

I mentioned last week how much I love May television.  Thankfully, I wasn’t let down over the past week.  After a killer episode of CSI last week, I was treated to a two-hour extravaganza in Lost.  Add to that Jordan as your American Idol and that hot chick winning the Dancing With The Stars show with that figure skater dude with the f’d-up facial hair...and it’s been a pretty good week for TV.

I’m even looking forward to some of the summer replacement reality shows.  The first episode of On The Lot was intriguing and I’m looking forward to episode two.  And of course, summer wouldn’t be the summer without Julie Chen pimping out Big Brother three times a week.

WHAT???  Big Brother isn’t on CBS’s schedule???  WTF?!?!?!?!  Christ on a cracker...I guess I’m stuck watching Pirate Master instead.

***shudders***

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Item #7 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form.  This week nobody really stood out for me.  However, I think I can find somebody based on the headlines going around the sports world  Ladies and gents, ZAH’s Loser of the Week simply has to be...

Jason Giambi!!!

Well, it’s not too hard to figure this one out.  One day Giambi is saying that he’s made “mistakes” in the past and the next he’s in front of a Yankee firing squad with only the slightest of life left in him.

Okay...Giambi is having a brutal year.  Horrible, in fact...at least horrible for somebody getting paid $120 million over seven years to produce.  He’s hitting .260 with only six home runs and 19 RBI’s.  Ouch.

But it gets worse.  The guy is quoted in USA Today saying, “I was wrong for doing that stuff. ... Steroids and all of that was a part of history. But it was a topic that everybody wanted to avoid. Nobody wanted to talk about it.”

So then the Yankees were rumored to have put a bad season and a possible steroid scandal together and found that they equaled perhaps voiding the rest of Giambi’s contract.  THEN it was rumored that Giambi had recently failed a drug test for amphetamines (!!).

Wow...can his week get much worse?  Well...he could have gotten fired, I guess.  The fact that he didn’t doesn’t take away from the horrid week that he had.  Therefore, for being a dope (You like the double-entendre??  ZAH says don’t use drugs, kiddies!!) and getting caught, congratulations go out to Jason Giambi for being ZAH’s Loser of the Week!

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Pillar to Post 

Sorry gang.  A very busy week prevented me from getting my questions out this week.  But fear not, I’ve already got my three readers all lined up for next week and they’re raring to go.  Ever thought of being a guest columnist yourself?  I mean, I’ve got some openings over the next month or two and I’m looking forward to seeing who gets to join me as a guest columnist. 

No problem.  Seriously...it’s not a problem at all.  It’s a whole new year and my waiting list is sitting at one so NOW is the time for you to participate.  Really...RIGHT NOW!!  You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com or hitting me up at ZAH Nation, found in the Insanity Message Board and letting me know that you’d like to participate.  Also, don’t forget to stop by my MySpace page and add me.

So until next week…

L8R