Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Report - A Gorilla vs. A Monster vs. A Deacon vs. A guy with a Hornswaggle...
By Aaron Wood
LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Batista called “Late Rental”, MVP set himself up quite nicely for the weekend and Ozzy ruled!
Setting up a One Night Stand...
After a recap of Edge's last couple of weeks, up to and including Judgment Day, to the tune of Ozzy's song, we hit the present day and Edge's theme right away, as Edge came out (still with the copious amounts of pyro) to address his people. In a nice touch, there are little Rated-R logos on the name plate of the belt. He said people had talked about the matches Batista & Undertaker had had. They were, apparently, instant classics. However, according to Edgeward, it got them nowhere. It only left them wide open for The Ultimate Opportunist, i.e. himself. He brought up the fairness of how he won the belt, but Edge said he was taking advantage of the opportunity, and re-iterated that he did what Batista couldn't do, before going on to last Sunday's pay show and beat Batista himself. He said that people said that Batista wasn't 100%, but he didn't care, as he was still the champ. He said that "The Rated R Era" wasn't just a catchphrase, it was because it was a fact.
Teddy Long's music hit, and T Lo made his way to the ring. He congratulated Edge of defending the belt, but reminded Edge he was due to defend it again at One Night Stand. And he would face the winner of the main event. Edge said he didn’t care and he'd be taking on all comers. Long said that at ONS, it would be a Night Of "Extreme Rules" and that the World Title match would be inside a 15-foot high Cage. Edge promptly pooped himself (albeit quietly) as Long left.
Paul London & Brian Kendrick def. William Regal & Dave Taylor in a "Paging Mr. Three-Way to the PPV...Paging Mr. Three-Way to the PPV..." match
The former champions made their way out first, while Regal & Taylor (so Regal's still on Smackdown) came out second, said he didn't like the UK. Then, as a special surprise, the champions made their way out, although they settled for staying at the entrance.
Regal & London started off, as London used his speed to get the upper hand, with a quick tag to Kendrick and a quick roll up getting a 1 count. However, Regal took Kendrick towards his corner, where Taylor got to tag in, who took Spanky over with a side-headlock. Spanky used his speed to avoid Taylor, before monkey-flipping him and dropkicking him from the ring. Taylor came back in, and blocked a headscissors out of the corner, dumping Kendrick out to the floor. Taylor press slammed Spanky onto the top corner, before hitting a fall away slam, which JBL picked up on. Regal was tagged in, where he went to work on Kendrick, and the leg that was seemingly hurt when he was sent to the floor. Kendrick got a quick backslide for 1, but Regal kicked out his leg, and tagged in Taylor. However, Taylor missed a corner charge, allowing him to hit Sliced Bread #2, tagging in London afterwards. Taylor tagged out too. London took his opponents down, and went up top to hit Regal with something. However, Domino jumped on the apron and pushed London off, causing the DQ. The three teams then started a pitch-battle afterwards, causing referees to break them all apart.
6.5/10 - Pretty good match here, as has been the standard when these two teams have met. I think they must be going with a three way match at the PPV, or at least down the line, since the teams have beefs with each other now. I wonder where the "Daltons" are though...
This wasn't even a RAW Rebound!!!
They then, for whatever bizarre reason, sent it to a replay of the video package regarding the HBK/Orton match from Judgment Day. So, not only did we have to sit through the self-serving garbage that was HBK not putting Orton over clean, and indeed getting to hit most of his regular spots himself, but we're got a recap on Smackdown, a show neither man is on???
A little guy with the World Belt? I'm having Rey flashbacks!
In the back, we saw Hornswaggle running around with the World Title belt, and Edge chasing him. They ran into Finlay. Edge asked what his problem was. Edge wanted his belt back. Hornswaggle (reluctantly) gave it up. Finlay told Edge that he could keep the belt...for now...
Hopefully, he's going to bite on her vocal chords out this time...
Jillian came out, with a radio mic on. She did look VERY hot though. She said that last week, we all saw Ozzy on the show. But tonight, we'd be getting a HUGE treat. She was performing her new song, "Jillatonic". Oh good God. She proceeded to start "singing" and oddly, my ears LITERALLY started to hurt. However, she didn't get far into the first chorus when The Boogeyman's music hit, and even JBL was pleased hear his music. Boogeyman came in from behind Jillian. Jillian escaped up the aisle (recalling the last time they had an encounter), but Michelle came out the entrance, and ran her back into the ring. She tried to escape again, but was stopped by the sight of Little Boogeyman. She got wormed before sprinting up the aisle. The two freaks had a munch before leaving themselves.
Putting the "istant" in "assistant"...see what I did there?
Teddy was in the back, and he offered someone the assistant's job. And that person was...Vicki Guerrero! She thanked him to the opportunity. Vicki left and Kristal expressed her delight at Vicki getting the job and her and Teddy could spend more time together.
Matt Hardy def. Mike Mizanin in a "Battle Of The Reality TV Stars...if anyone ever saw Hardy's internet-only show that is..." match
Hardy came out first as Cole mentioned that they called the RAW Tag Title match at the PPV, while JBL claimed Hardy was "hotter than Shrek". And then, when Miz came out, JBL actually gave him credit for stuff. First Boogeyman and now Miz...is he feeling OK?
They locked up, but Hardy got the better of it, as JBL hailed the idea of a Guerrero being on the show. Sorry about your luck there, Chavo... Miz made the ropes to break on arm-lock and then elbowed his way out of another, Hardy's neck hitting the bottom rope. Miz pin pointed the neck by slingshotting him into the middle rope, before continuing to work on it with elbows. A Russian Leg Sweep scored a 2 count. Miz put on a neck-lock, and even countered a Hardy powerslam, rolling through and keeping the hold on Hardy. Hardy fought out, but Miz pulled Hardy down by his hair. While Miz missed an elbow drop, Miz did nice a nice leg drop while Hardy was halfway through the ropes for a 2 count. Miz hit a neckbreaker, and stomped the head a couple of times. Miz hit a few forearm crossfaces for 2, but Hardy began to battle back. Miz hit a back elbow for a 2 count. Miz whipped Hardy into the corner, hitting his signature clothesline. He delayed a pin however, and only scored a 2 count. Miz came off the ropes, but ran into a hardy clothesline. Matthew then continued to gain momentum with a back body drop, before taking Miz to the corner for the clothesline/bulldog combo. A slam on Miz was followed by a second rope elbow drop for a 2 count. Matt called for a Twist Of Fate, but Miz countered and got a Jacknife cover for 2. However, Hardy came back with a Side Effect for 2 before Hardy countered another neckbreaker and hit the Twist Of Fate for the win!
7/10 - Well, blow me down with a feather if this wasn't a pretty good match! And while Hardy won the match, Miz came off as a star here. He worked really well here, telling the story of working on Hardy's neck, and while there was some typical heel posing, he didn't do any of the annoying crap. Not even one "Hoorah!" He's definitely improving and he'll go somewhere if he keeps it up.
The Missing Link? Well, he is a talking monkey...
They played a Mark Henry promo regarding the match later. it was pretty darn cool. He promised to win the contendership and then promised to show how savage he is in the cage. He called himself "The Silverback" again, so I guess that's an on-going thing...
MVP Has a Most Valuable Party!
The BREAND NEW US Champion, MVP came out, not via tunnel, but via car, as pyro went off, and MVP was wearing a top class suit. The ring had decorations and a podium on it. He even modified his "taunt" to include the belt. He read from some notes. He said that just over 7 months ago (seems like yesterday) that he would be Smackdown's MVP, change Friday nights and be a champion, and that he'd every penny of his contract. But the people doubted him. When he challenged Chris Benoit, people thought he was over his head, but now they'd have to believe. HE then said, while he wasn't the type of guy to do so, he had to exclaim, "I told you so!". He then noticed something, or rather, someone was missing. Chris Benoit. He called the Wolverine out.
And what he asked for, he got, as Benny-Wa made his way out. He said from one World-class athlete to another, he thought Benoit should shake his hand. And Benoit being Benoit, that's exactly what he did. Benoit went to leave, but Monty stopped him saying that he thought a handshake maybe wasn't enough. He said that he dominated Benoit at the PPV, getting 2 straight falls. MVP decided he wanted his hand raised. MVP got in Benoit's face, before taking a swing. Benoit ducked however, hitting the Triple Germans and a chop. MVP got the hell out of there, as Benoit celebrated.
They then introduced highlights of the surprisingly pretty good Khali/Cena match, which included this:
So the right choice...
Now, you'd be expecting Ashley to come out and introduce Timbaland's video, given that was it was time to show it. But no! It was Maryse backstage in the area, and she was wearing proper clothes! So, the French-accented chick was deemed better qualified than Ashley. Can't say I disagree.
If you didn't see the ECW review this week, I'm REALLY digging this video, but then again, I LOVE The Hives, so it would have had to go some not to be good.
After Katie Vick, Kane should never talk about killing again...
Kane was backstage, where he talked up his chances of winning the fatal four way and the World Title at the PPV. Man, I almost forgot that Edge stole Lita from Kane...
Jimmy Wang Yang def. Chavo Guerrero in an "Is Yang now 54542 & 0 now?" non-title match
Chavo came out first, as Cole suddenly remembered that, in relation to their conversation earlier, that Chavo existed. Yang came out next and the two locked up and went around the ring a bit before Yang got an arm drag. Chavo got a snapmare on Yang, but it was countered into a hammerlock. Yang escaped and hit a shoulder block for a 1 count. Chavo took Yang down and put on a headlock, but Yang countered it into one of his own. Chavo re-countered with another one, but Yang rolled it through for a 1 count.
Yang ended up on the apron, but as he went up top after pushing Chavo away, Chavo dropkicked Yang's knee. Chavo then went to work on the knee. Chavo put on a variation of a surfboard hold, bending the legs. Yang managed to stand up and reverse out of it, hitting some chops, but Chavo got a drop toe-hold and put on the old Stretch Muffler. Chavo moved into something of an inverted single leg Boston crab. Very cool, either way. Chavo scored a 2 count after an uppercut, before putting on a normal single-leg Boston. Yang made the ropes, however. Chavo hit a scoop slam, but Yang countered it on impact, rolling Chavo up for 2. Yang then got a backslide for another 2. Chavo charged, but hit the corner, where Yang hit an enziguri. Yang built momentum, getting a 2 after a clothesline. Chavo avoided the moonsault, with Yang's gimp-knee giving out. Chavo went for the Three Amigos, but it was blocked after two. However, Chavo downed Yang and went up top. However, Yang stopped Chavo at the last minute. The superplex was blocked but Jimmy countered a sunset flip powerbomb with a hurricanrana for the three count.
7/10 - Another good match, with another well worked story. And just to make this an amalgam of the other matches, it's also something that they better put on the PPV. It's certainly something I'd like to see happen in a No-DQ environment.
They then hit a RAW Rebound, that was all about Lashley's piss-poor Gauntlet.
A little person facing Taker...I'm having Hornswaggle flashbacks...
And this week, our weekly treat was from April 2003, as the Undertaker came out on his hog for a match in a first round match from the WWE Title Contenders Tournament of the day, as Cole & Taz(z) talked about how he was now 11 & 0. And the poor sap facing Taker in this round? Rey Mysterio. Rey is the only guy on what is apparently the Summerslam poster, so I think it's safe to expect him to be featured there. Also, as a note, this was my favourite period for the Undertaker. Just because.
Suffice to say this was a prototypical match for these two to have, with Rey using speed and Taker using power. And power overcame as Taker blocked the West Coast Pop, hitting a big Last Ride to advance. Afterwards, Taker came back into the ring, to do a respect bit with Rey, helping him on his feet, before finding a US flag to pose with.
Batista, the cunning linguist...
Kristal had Batista backstage. Don't worry, no need to tell Teddy. It was an interview. He said that in his match one guy loved to fight, one who claimed "king of the jungle" and one who said it was going to be "fatal". But he said that the match wouldn't be "fatal four" him. Geddit? "Four" and "For"? He wasn't joking when he said it, but he's probably too dumb to realise it...
Cole & JBL ran over the matches for ONS, including the World title match, that hadn't been finalised yet!
Batista def. Kane, Finlay & Mark Henry in a "Like anyone else was getting pinned..." match to be No.1 Contender
Edge came out first, just before the break, heading around to ringside to scout the competition. Henry got the jump on Kane after the bell rang, but they paired off with Finlay & Kane in the ring and Batista & Henry fighting on the outside. Kane worked over Finlay in the corner, as Henry & Batista made their way round ringside to in front of Edge. Batista got out of a Henry choke by swiping at Henry before giving Edge a shove. However, Henry then took Batista and slammed his head into the table as we took our final break.
We came back with Mark Henry choking out Batista as Kane & Finlay fought. Henry hit a clothesline as Finlay utilised the steel steps. A Henry pin following a powerslam was broken up the Irishman. Finlay tried to put a sleeper on Henry, but Henry just rammed him into the corner, before throwing him off. However, Finlay avoided an elbow drop, but Kane came back into the match, going after Finlay with a big boot to Finlay, before hitting a low dropkick to the knee of Henry. Kane then worked over Batista in the corner, before hitting the sidewalk slam. Kane went up to and hit the flying clothesline on Henry going on to clothesline Finlay in the corner. Batista came off the top himself, hitting Henry with a shoulder block for 2. However, Henry came back with a splash to Batista. That pin was broken by Kane. The 2 big men stared each other down before slugging away on each other. Kane got the better of the punching, but he found himself in the corner. However, he kicked Henry away, who turned into a Batista clothesline. Deacon Dave then hit a spinebuster on Kane, but he rolled out the ring, leaving Batista with Henry. The World's Strongest Slam scored a 2 for Henry, but Finlay came in, wailing away on Henry's jaw with the shillelagh, before cracking Batista in the leg a couple of times. Finlay got Hornswaggle as a distraction, but Finlay ate a Batista spear. Spears to Kane & Mark Henry followed, allowing Batista to hit the Batista Bomb on Finlay for the win.
Edge promptly went into "pant filling" mode again as he said it was unfair that he was locked in the cage with an animal, before the two men locked eyes, quietening Edge right down. Batista celebrated as Edge looked on as the show ended.
6.5/10 - It was fine for what it was, and it certainly wasn't ever dull, but the styles were all very samey, with three of them being out and out power guys, so it was all clotheslines, punches and spinebusters.
OVERALL - 7/10 (+/- 0 on last week) - Pretty good show this week, with some decent build towards the PPV. I’d have liked them to announce matches right away, but there’s scope to do that over the website and before next week’s show. They have tag title and CW Title matches and a silver plate there now.
OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on MY OWN MYSPACE PAGE!
Well, I’ll be back soon enough, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations. For reading this, And continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow…
|© 2005-2007 All content contained here Copyright 2006 by James Guttman *** World Wrestling Insanity and ClubWWI are not affiliated with any wrestling promotion.|