May 28 WWE RAW: Mallory's Ongoing Coverage of the Show
By Mallory Mahling
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- BREAKING NEWS -
WWI's very own Canadian Bulldog is at tonight's Raw and Saturday Night's Main Event tapings at the ACC in Toronto. Be watching for his live report and SNME spoilers later on the site. Also, for members of ClubWWI, the Bulldog will have a special audio up later. If you would like to become a member of ClubWWI, just click on the ClubWWI logo at the top of the page.
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This week Raw will be spending the Memorial Day holiday at the ACC in Toronto. So grab yourself another plate of BBQ (with J.R.'s BBQ Sauce, of course) and spend the rest of your holiday right here at WWI.com.
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In celebration of Memorial Day, the show was dedicated to the men and women of the Armed Forces. A very touching video package accompanied the tribute.
Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed viewers to the show as Candice Michelle came out for the first "match" -- a Bikini Battle Royale. She was followed by Maria; Jillian of Smackdown; Kelly, Brooke and Layla of ECW; Michelle McCool; Kristal; and Melina.
(1) Festive Holiday Diva Battle Royale featuring all of the above. Divas in teeny bikinis, wearing spike heels, and doing battle in puddles of water. This match was what it was. Actually, what it was appeared to be a slip-and-fall lawsuit waiting to happen. It was also an opportunity for some questionable camera angles. Michelle McCool was the winner after her drop kick of Melina fell short and Melina rolled herself out of the ring.
Shane McMahon was walking in a hallway backstage, shooting his cuffs and looking dapper.
Shane danced onto the stage, mic in hand. He announced that today was the start of summer. No kidding? However, he had another announcement to make. Two weeks from tonight, Raw would host the first tri-branded WWE draft. (Sounds like what we call here in the South a fruit-basket turnover.)
Shane had an announcement for tonight, too. He would defeat Bobby Lashley in a two-on-three handicap match. Lashley's partner would be John Cena, and Shane's would be Umaga and the Great Khali. He was going to beat Lashley so bad he'd call him his bitch, errr, "honey." (Shane should have said "bitch," since "honey" doesn't conjure up a very appealing image.)
(2) Eight-Man Tag Match: Matt & Jeff Hardy and Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch vs. The World's Greatest Tag Team (Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin) and Johnny Nitro & Denny Dykstra. Dykstra was wearing a fur collar that couldn't compete with one of Nitro's fur coats. It was one of those fur pieces that looks like it's chasing itself around someone's neck. The Hardys worked well in tandem as they picked Benjamin apart. Cade and Murdoch worked well with the Hardys. Murdoch climbed to the top turnbuckle and shouted "Git 'er done" as he took a flying leap onto the WGTT on the outside.
The match had continued during the break and Jeff Hardy had been isolated in the far corner by the heel contingent. Jeff Hardy battled back, but found himself in Benjamin's chin lock. Impressive belly-to-belly overhead suplex by Haas on Jeff. Matt Hardy tagged in and it was a Swanton and a cover on on Dykstra for the win. As the Hardys and Cade and Murdoch celebrated they were interrupted.
Benjamin grabbed a mic and challenged the Hardys to a match since the Hardys hadn't beaten the WGTT. They wanted a tag match at One Night Stand. Okey dokey, said Matt, but it would have to be a Ladder Match.
Todd Grisham introduced John Cena, who got a mixed reaction from the crowd. Grish asked if Cena was scared of the Great Khali. Cena said he never goes back on his word, and he is not scared of the Punjabi Frankenstein. Then he did a passable impression of Khali speaking. Cena said it wasn't about fear, it was about doubt--doubt that he could get the job done. At One Night Stand, submission would be thrown out the window. Could Cena pick up Khali for the three seconds it would take to slay the Great Khali. No doubts about it, said Cena emphatically. He can and he will beat Khali. Excellent promo by Cena.
Maria was interviewing The Great Santino (Marella). (Sorry, old movie reference.) Maria started giggling at him and asked if his accent was Italian. No, he said, it was New Jersey. Just kidding, he said, it was Italian. He asked if she was okay from the Battle Royale, then left.
Randy Orton (with his chest looking like chopped hamburger) walked up and filled the spot left by Santino. He was pleased that he ended Shawn Michaels' career. However, he did have respect for Michaels. He has no respect for Rob Van Dam, whom he would be facing next. Uh oh.
(3) Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton. This match got off to a s-l-o-w start. When RVD managed to get to his feet he worked his magic. A Rolling Thunder found no one home, since Orton had rolled out of harm's way. Orton sent Van Dam careening into the guardrail just as the show went to commercial.
Returning from the commercial, Orton had RVD around the neck and wasn't about to let go. He finally broke that hold so that he could stomp the proverbial mudhole in Van Dam. Back on their feet, they were throwing punches. Van Dam tried the Rolling Thunder again after Orton botched a drop kick. Moonsault by Van Dam and a near cover. Spinwheel kick by RVD, then he went up top. Orton was clinging to the side of the ring, but Van Dam's leap managed to collect him. DDT by Orton, followed by a near fall. Orton stalked RVD as the referee was trying to assess RVD's condition. Orton made it worse by kicking RVD in the head. Van Dam was obviously woozy, so Orton kicked him in the head again. The referee stopped the match and announced that Orton was the winner. Orton followed it up with a post-match RKO to Van Dam.
A doctor came down to the ring to check on RVD, who looked to be out cold.
During the break, a dazed Van Dam had been helped from the ring. Dr. J.R. said it looked like a concussion to him.
(4) Intergender Tag Match: Ric Flair & Torrie vs. Carlito & Victoria. Flair started with a series of chops to Carlito, then Victoria stood in his way. Flair didn't chop her chest, so she taunted him and slapped his face. He put her in the Figure Four. Carlito broke it up, then tried to submit Flair. Torrie tagged in and she started a cat fight with Victoria in the ring while the guys brawled on the outside. Soon Carlito and Torrie were alone in the ring and Carlito laid a big smooch on her. She slapped him, so he laid her out with a backstabber.
Don't forget Saturday Night's Main Event on Saturday and One Night Stand on Sunday, plus Raw next Monday. If they're not careful, they'll wear out their welcome.
Umaga and Khali were yelling at each other in their respective native tongues. Shane called them the worst prom couple ever. Heehee. Shane instructed them to wear Cena out, but Shane would be the one to make the pin. Capeesh? he said. Since they couldn't understand each other, I hope Shane wasn't expecting them to understand what he was saying.
Maria had the Kiss Cam going and found a bride and groom in the audience who volunteered.
Chris Masters came out and confronted Maria about her interest in Santino. He wanted to embarrass Santino and called him out to break the Master Lock. Santino's off-key opera intro started.
(5) Chris Masters vs. Santino Marella. It appeared that Masters was going to put Maria in the Master Lock and Santino ran out to make the save. It turned into an impromptu match, which Masters won when Santino fell victim to the Master Lock.
(6) Shane McMahon & Umaga & The Great Khali vs. John Cena & Bobby Lashley. Not much of a reaction to Umaga or Khali's entrances. Khali's roar seemed to be met by virtual silence. Umaga and Cena started things off and the crowd was started to get into the match, chanting "Let's go, Cena."
Cena was taken down by a Samoan Drop, and Umaga went for the pin. Uh uh. Leg drop by Khali on Cena, followed by Shane putting Cena in a body scissors. The Cena chants were getting louder, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. Cena powered out and tagged Lashley in. It was Umaga and Lashley. Oddly, Lashley appeared to tag Khali in. Samoan Spike to Cena on the outside, then Khali picked up and slammed Lashley. Dutifully, Khali tagged Shane in and dropped an elbow on Lashley to take the pin and the win.
Mister McMahon, with the ECW draped over his shoulder, came out and congratulated his guys as the show went off the air.
Not a bad show, all things considered. It set up Saturday night's show on NBC, as well as the Sunday PPV. It even ended virtually on time. That's gotta be a first.
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Comments? I'd love to hear from you at mahling @worldwrestlinginsanity.com
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