(JG Note: "Earthworm"
Jim Hillyer had a conflict and could not review Smackdown
tonight. We still love him though. Stepping in will
be Robert Igoe. Robert was one of the writers that started
covering wrestling the same week I did with his column
"Office Politics." It's been a while since
he's written about the business and it's good to have
him back. I think you guys will enjoy his work.)
By Robert Igoe
Just in time for Halloween comes the most
horrifying event of all time: It seemed like a typical
night for wrestling fans. Smackdown was over, and TNA
was less than 24 hours away.
But on this night, a horror so unspeakable
that none dared imagine it shook the Internet Wrestling
Community as once again, an Original
Lounger
rose from the dead to haunt cyberspace.
So tonight, WWI films presents:
Igoe Undead!
The show started with a recap of the Raw
vs Smackdown feud, in which Raw is looking totally lame,
led by Bischoff, who is degenerating to the point where
I expect him to
Christian started off with the Peep Show.
Just as he was about to make an announcement, Rey Mysterio
came out. Rey got a huge pop for mentioning his 619
on Lita, but said he would not be happy until he was
voted onto the Smackdown vs Raw match at Taboo Tuesday.
He said that when Raw wrestlers dissed him, they were
dissing Smackdown and the fans. Christian said Rey was
making the statements because the Raw talent was overseas.
Just as he was going to make his pitch, out came Matt
Hardy, who said he hoped he and Rey got voted in so
that he could have another chance to get back at Edge
(Not again!). He said the Internet fans who Edge puts
down are the ones who will vote him in.
Hardcore Holly came out next and told
Matt that he deserved the spot because he chased away
Chris Masters. He then asked the fans how bad they wanted
to see Masters and Edge get a beating. He then polled
the fans, asking them if they wanted to see them get
a small beating (Mysterio), a medium beating (Hardy)
or a hardcore beating.
JBL came out next. It’s pretty obvious
that everyone else is playing for second. He called
Hardy a whiner. He accused Mysterio of playing up to
the San Francisco crowd. He told Christian his show
is better than the Peep Show and that the people want
to see the “wrestling god.”
Christian tried one more time to state
his case, but Teddy Long interrupted him and made a
five-man match between them.
I've read a lot of criticism from the
Net concerning the way the Smackdown faces and heels
have come together to go after Raw. I admit, I was amused
when I saw JBL help set up Bischoff for a Batista Bomb
during the Homecoming show. But the more I thought about
it, the more sense it made. Think about your own family.
How many bad things do you say about your siblings,
parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, what have you. But
when someone outside your family insults those same
family members, the mood changes and the whole "them
against us" attitude takes over. So yeah, I can
understand why JBL would be trying to beat the hell
out of Rey Mysterio one day, help him set up Edge the
next week, then be after his blood again a few days
later.
Rey Mysterio won a five-man free-for-all.
Rey had the first chance at a fall, but
Matt pulled him off of Christian, telling Rey that the
match was every man for himself. The two double teamed
Christian, and Rey ended up pulling Hardy off of Christian.
Outside the ring, JBL threw Holly into the ring steps
then came back in to beat on Mysterio. JBL lifted him
for a power bomb, but Rey fought out of it and threw
JBL from the ring with a huracarana.
Eventually, Hardy and Mysterio had Christian
trapped on the top turnbuckle and went to give him a
double superplex, but JBL and Holly grabbed Mysterio
and Hardy and ended up with an incredible five-man suplex.
At this point, my fianceé raises
a good point. Just because only two of them will be
elected into the match, that doesn’t mean that
the other three won’t be there to make sure the
rest of the Raw roster doesn’t attack their guys.
Soon after, the match ended with Holly
hitting the Alabama Slammer on JBL, Mysterio hitting
the 619 on Christian, JBL hitting the Clothesline from
Hell on Holly, Hardy hitting the Twist of Fate on JBL,
Christian hitting the Unprettier on Hardy and Mysterio
ending the match with a victory roll on Christian. Looks
like Rey and JBL at Taboo Tuesday.
Booker T and Sharmell are outside Teddy
Long’s office, wondering what Teddy wants to see
him about. Sharmell says Teddy wants to congratulate
him for beating Chris Benoit for the U.S. Title. Booker
doesn’t think so.
After the commercial for the “Divas
Uncovered” book, Booker turns out to be right
as Teddy shows Booker the video of Sharmell’s
interference costing Booker T the match. Wasn’t
it just a few years ago that these guys had an awesome
series of matches without the help of Sharmell.
Sharmell blamed the camera angle and said
it “didn’t mean anything.” Sharmell
got in Teddy’s face until Booker T stopped her
and asked her if she thought he couldn’t beat
Benoit without her help. He then announced he’s
give Benoit a title match. Long agrees, Sharmell protested.
Booker T said explicitly that he was going to do the
right thing and that Sharmell would have to apologize
to Benoit. I think you all see where this is heading.
Roddy Piper arrived for his six man tag
team match and was confronted by Cowboy Bob Orton. Orton
said he was proud of his son for hitting Piper with
an RKO because he was tired of being in Piper’s
shdow. Piper then pointed out that being Piper’s
stooge got him part the main event as WrestleMania,
then said that Orton’s father was big, tough and
smart. He then said that Orton was big, strong and…
Before he could get to that, Randy Orton
interrupted and told Piper that the last legend he fought
he left as a pile of ashes. Undeterred, Piper said that
if at their pace, the next generation of Ortons would
be walking on all fours. The look on Randy’s face
indicated that he might not be that far removed from
swinging from trees himself.
Simon Dean arrived backstage on his motor
scooter and was stopped by Shortsleeve Sampson and told
he wasn’t allowed to ride the scooter. Dean is
in a purple jumpsuit and Shortsleeve is wearing a police
hat and leather pants. All they need is a feather boa
and a cigarette holder and they’d be all set.
While Dean is insulting Sampson, two other
midgets secretly attach cables to the back of the scooter.
When he tried to drive off, Dean wiped out into a couple
of garbage cans.
Shortsleeve Sampson defeated Pitbull
Patterson
The match was introduced by Palmer Cannon,
who took credit for the new junior division and went
down to do commentary. Pitbull teased hitting some ringside
fans with a bucket of water, but it turned out to be
confetti. Sampson came back with a bucket of his own
and threatened to get Patterson, who was sitting in
Cannon’s lap, but he missed altogether. It was
a typical midget match and pretty well done, with Sampson
winning with a splash after jumping on Patterson from
the back of a prone referee. Simon Dean came out and
attempted to toss Sampson from the ring, but Patterson
schoolboyed him and the two beat on Dean.
Booker and Sharmell argued in the hallway
about her apology to Benoit.
Just a random thought while we’re
waiting through way too many commercials. You know what
would be a cool moment and a nice way for WWE to finally
put this whole gimmick out of everyone's misery? For
Jillian Hall to come on the show one week without the
tumor on her face, thank JBL for paying for her surgery,
then have JBL turn to the camera and say "Everyone
on the Internet happy now?" It would be quick,
logical and allow JBL a free shot at the Internet fans.
Everyone wins.
Sharmell and Booker T go to the ring.
Booker said he wouldn’t win a match under those
condition and that they would both give Benoit an apology.
Benoit came out as Sharmell argued with her husband.
Benoit tried to beg off the apology, but Booker said
he considered Benoit one of his best friends and he
should have listened to him last week. He told Benoit
he wanted to give him a rematch for the title. Wouldn’t
he have gotten one anyhow? He then told Sharmell to
apologize to Benoit, who accepted the title match and
said he didn’t need any apologies. Booker said
he insisted that Sharmell make the apology.
Sharmell’s apology was as sincere
as an ex-wife’s “thank you,” saying
she was sorry for “putting myself on the line
for my husband...making my husband more of a man…helping
my husband actually win some matches instead of losing
all the time…and for making my husband a champion.”
She then said she apologized for marrying someone with
no respect for her and slapped him.
Booker stood in the ring looking confused,
as Sharmell offered Benoit an apology for “this,”
as Booker T hit Benoit with the belt. Sharmell cheered
as Booker T beat on Benoit. Tazz said he thought Sharmell
and Booker had this worked out all along. Booker T kicked
Benoit off the ring apron and onto the announcer’s
table, then was joined by Sharmell. Booker hit the spinaroonie,
but he never reacted like this was a set-up.
MNM (with Melina) defeated Animal
and Heidenreich, William Regal and Paul Burchill and
the Mexicools to win the WWE Tag Team Titles.
Not a whole lot to talk about here. Plenty
of good spots from the Mexicools, who should have won
this one, but instead, MNM won when the Toland Brothers
knocked Heidenreich from the top rope to prevent a Doomsday
Device and set up the Snapshot for MNM. So are the Tolands
working for MNM or what? I think MNM will be a better
team to watch this time around, especially if Melina
has learned how to talk on the mike and not just whine
and screech like some spastic high school girl.
Nunzio and Vito are backstage with Teddy
Long demanding a tag team match. Long argued that the
two couldn’t even beat Bobby Lashley, but Nunzio
said that they were unbeatable as a tag team. So Long
agreed to sign a match for next week that would put
the two of them against Bobby Lashley in a handicap
match. I am so looking forward to when Lashley eventally
turns heel and goes after Batista. Nunzio and Vito celebrate
and Long tries to leave, only to run into the Boogeyman,
who sings “I Left My Heart in San Francisco”
and cut a promo that sounded like some of Raven’s
first drafts, then smashed an alarm clock over his head.
A video recap led up to the main event,
and Batista told Eddie Guerrero he was thankful for
him taking the chairshot for him. Eddie discussed how
memorable the Cow Palace was for his career. Batista
told Eddie he has a surprise, which bothered Eddie until
he saw the surprise: a green lowrider tricked out with
Mexican flags, fuzzy dice, chrome and some great hydraulics.
Eddie was ecstatic and insisted Batista ride out to
the ring with him.
Batista, Eddie Guerrero and Roddy
Piper beat Randy Orton, Cowboy Bob Orton and Kennedy.
Just as a sidebar, I have spoken to a
lot of guys who worked with Kennedy and they assure
me he is the real deal. I believe them, but still, I’d
like to think that all that time at OVW taught him something
else besides one move and how to say his name. And,
by the way, if Randy Orton wants to call himself a “legend
killer,” won’t he eventually have to turn
on his dad? If so, remember you heard it here first.
Unless you heard it somewhere else, first.
Kennedy came out to give his introduction,
then the Ortons came out. Randy was wearing his trunks,
and daddy was wearing jeans and a white shirt. And the
NBA thinks their dress code is too strict? Eddie and
Batista came out first, then Piper followed. Piper eventually
got in and took a beating until he hot-tagged Batista.
Eddie and Batista took care of Kennedy
and the younger Orton, with Batista demanding that Kennedy
tag in Orton, and the end left Piper to beat Cowboy
Bob with a sleeper hold. This was one of only four matches,
and two of them were interrupted by commercials. Of
the four, the opener was the only one worth making it
a point to see.
Smackdown Three
Stars of the Night:
Number three star: Booker
T
Number two star: Roddy
Piper
Number one star: Rey
Mysterio
By the way, if you're an MST3K fan, or
even if not, feel free to check out my site. It's not
much, but it does provide a review of a different MST3K
film every week. And just posted, as luck would have
it, is "Samson vs the Vampire Women" starring
Mexican wrestling legend El Santo as a crimefighting
masked wrestler out to prevent a legion of undead from
sacrificing a young woman to their queen. You can check
it out at: http://www.geocities.com/bobbyknightmare/megaweaponsgarage.html
And if that's too out there for you, not
out there enough for you, I also created a site for
my spiritual writings: http://www.geocities.com/bobbyknightmare/ulcbedford.html
Either way, I'll catch you later!
Got
an opinion on Smackdown? Want to tell Bob what you thought?
Stop by the Message
Boards and let your voice be heard.
