So the show begins with replays of what happened last
week with a horrible battle taking place within the Octagon.
Seth ended up beating Dan in a lackluster battle where
two friends were forced to fight one another and…
Hey Zah!
Yeah?
Umm…Impact isn’t actually on yet. You
have to wait another hour. It’s on late, y’know.
What?? (looks at watch) Ahhh sh*t.
***
So the show begins with replays of what happened last
week with Team 3-D attacking Jeff Jarrett followed by
a quick, to-the-point promo by Ray & Devon.
The opening credits are quickly followed by a pre-taped
segment showing Raven being led away from the ring in
handcuffs for his actions last week.
Wait a second…Raven is leaving in handcuffs?
We’re not even three minutes into the freakin’
show! Why did it take a whole week to arrest him? And
why does he refuse to wear a shirt in public?
(1) 3 Live Krew defeated Team Canada (Eric Young,
A-1, & Bobby Roode) w/ Coach D’Amore at 4:20.
Just as the match begins, the camera focuses on a kid
holding up a sneaker with action figures of the Krew.
I just don’t get the whole sneaker-throwin’
thing he’s got goin’ on. I also don’t
get how anybody can take Ron Killings seriously when he’s
dancing like Vanilla Ice circa 1990 and wearing khakis
purchased at the Gap. I guess I just don’t get the
whole Krew gimmick. It ain’t 1999 anymore, folks.
But I digress…
Kip James is out on the stage to watch the match. The
action is fast & furious and hard to keep up with.
I actually only pay attention when Konnan begins throwing
shoes at everybody. Again I ask why? I guess we can just
chalk that up to something I simply don’t understand.
Anyway, the Krew get the pinfall when Killings drops
an axe-kick on Eric Young. Of course, being bad Canucks
and all, Team Canada starts attacking the Krew after the
match. Kip James runs down to the ring and protects BG
James from getting attacked. Konnan doesn’t take
kindly to his teammate being saved and BG has to step
in between the two K’s to ensure nobody fights on
his behalf.
Thoughts:
Not a terrible match, but certainly not what I want to
watch though. I have zero desire to watch 3 Live Krew
do anything but get off my television. I feel like throwing
my own shoe at my TV. Plus, I don’t understand the
ending. TNA should really explain it to me. I mean, I
know what’s going on because I’ve followed
this storyline for months now. But as a viewer new to
Impact on Spike, I should be given a reason to care about
this.
Rating: 3/10
Commercial.
Back from commercial and there’s an excellent vignette
for the Ultimate X match. Well done.
(2) Christopher Daniels defeated Austin Aries
& Matt Bentley in a 3-way match at 5:42.
This is a wrestling fan’s dream come true. Bodies
are flying all around the ring in the first 30 seconds
and a short “Aries” chant starts. Bentley
came to the ring with Tracy and that’s a good thing…he’s
one of the blandest wrestlers I’ve ever witnessed.
But he’s talented and does enough to make sure Daniels
and Aries (the better wrestlers) don’t over-shadow
him.
Daniels tries hard to be a heel in TNA but is so charismatic
people cheer for him anyway. Simultaneous “Fallen
Angel” and “Austin Aries” chants break
out as Bentley sits in the ring and weeps. Okay, he doesn’t
really weep…but he ain’t smilin’.
At the four-minute mark, Aries takes himself and Bentley
to the outside. Daniels tries a moonsault to the outside
and misses!
Did you hear that?
No, what?
Gabe just screamed out DANGEROUS!!!!
Shut up, Zah. Get back to the review.
As the action begins to slow down, Petey Williams comes
down to ringside to hit on Tracy and he’s then attacked
by Chris Sabin. Ummmm…why? They’re both laid
out by a flying Bentley (i.e. Bentley performs a plancha
over the ropes to the outside). Aries attempts to also
take flight but he’s stopped by Daniels. One “Angel
Wings” later and Christopher Daniels is your winner.
Thoughts:
While a bit of a spotfest at times, this is the kind of
match that sets TNA apart from WWE. It doesn’t need
to be said, but TNA needs to concentrate on their X-Division
as the priority for their show. I can watch X-division
matches all day long. The moves in this match were swift
and well executed. Very entertaining and at the end of
the day, everybody who was wrestling got over.
Rating: 7/10
Commercial.
Abyss vignette. I’m glad they did this. I want
to know more about him now. The vignette did its job perfectly.
(3) Abyss defeated Sonny Siaki in under two minutes.
Hey, I just don’t get it.
Don’t get what?
Those chants. “Aaaabyss…Ooooooo. Aaaabyss…Ooooooo.”
Yeah. Orlando’s unique.
No, check that. Orlando’s f*ckin’ weird.
AND annoying. Anyway, Jim Mitchell interferes in the match
(unnecessarily) and allows Abyss to gain the upper hand.
Abyss ends up dissecting Siaki like my grade 10 biology
frogs and he mercifully finishes up the quick squash with
the Black Hole Slam.
Thoughts:
The match did what a squash needed to do. It put over
Abyss as a monster and Siaki as a jobber. Mission accomplished.
Rating: 3/10
Samoa Joe vignette. They put him over as a wrestling
monster. Quick but effective.
Commercial.
(Just out of curiosity…is
anybody remotely looking forward to watching that Domino
movie for reasons other than it stars Keira Knightley?)
We’re back and Larry Zbysko is in the ring with
Mike Tenay. Tenay asks about Jarrett’s title match
in Canada. Zbysko ignores the question and pushes Tito
Ortiz as the special referee for the Jarrett/Nash NWA
title match at Bound For Glory. I don’t understand
why Tenay even asked if Zbysko was just going to ignore
him. Ugh. So, expectedly, Ortiz comes out and does a decent
promo about how he’s to be respected and listened
to or else he’s gonna beat up people.
Jarrett interrupts the promo wearing a tie-dyed shirt
and white jeans. Y’know, I’d always heard
about the horrendous look that Jarrett sports, but unless
you see it with your own eyes you simply cannot comprehend
how much of a clown he looks like. Anyway, Kevin Nash
comes out to respond to Jarrett’s angry tirades
and the two of them end up battling in the ring. The crowd
is pretty much dead at this point, though. Stunned silence,
perhaps?
Ortiz then chokes out Nash to get him to stop attacking
Jarrett. Ortiz then throws off Jarrett to prevent him
from taking advantage of a prone Nash. Ortiz then stands
in between them as “guards” hold them back
from each other. I then yawn.
Commercial.
We come back to see “The Franchise” Shane
Douglas interviewing Christopher Daniels. I really believe
this guy is money. He’s the total package. Don’t
agree?
Wrestling ability? Check
Charisma? Check
Pretty Good Gimmick? Check
I’m so glad that they’re giving Daniels a
legit shot to carry the X Division “ball”
as he really does have the tools to become a superstar.
Uh…Zah?
What is it now??
You can’t use the term “superstar”
when referring to TNA wrestlers. WWE already threatened
them with legal action as they have copyrighted the term,
apparently.
Are you sh*tting me?? What the f*ck is going on??
I’m just so sick and tired of this whole…
**SLAP**
Thanks. I needed that.
Daniels has requested time to speak because he wants
to challenge A.J. Styles to come up with any three X Division
wrestlers and he will beat them in fifteen minutes next
week. Styles comes out and says he’s already got
three wrestlers in mind. I guess he’s just psychic
that way.
Thoughts:
I understand the wanting to push Daniels as a huge star…but
why at the expense of Styles? I mean, Styles should be
telling Daniels he doesn’t need to prove himself
and that he’ll give him a title shot. Not thinking
of what three wrestlers he wants to send to beat up Daniels
next week. This is Matt Hardy booking, folks.
Commercial
(4) Team 3-D defeated America’s Most Wanted
by disqualification at 8:30.
Nice, methodical tag match. The crowd was very into it
so it came across really well on television. The crowd
starts chanting their want of tables at the 7:45 mark.
Just curious…is that legal? I don’t think
WWE will let Team 3-D bring out a table. So the entire
Orlando crowd in the Impact Zone better shut-up about
tables unless each and every one of them want to be sued
by WWE.
As it looks like Team 3-D is going to take the victory,
Gail Kim makes her TNA Impact network debut and puts an
end to the festivities by giving Ray a low blow, thus
disqualifying AMW. Jarrett comes out and attacks Team
3-D with the NWA belt and both “brothers”
blade. AMW double team Ray and Devon. AMW then picks up
Ray and Jarrett smashes him with the guitar. Fade to black
as the heels pose in the ring.
Thoughts:
Pretty good tag match. Delivered what it needed to deliver
in terms of heightening the feud between all parties involved,
not to mention it added another piece to the puzzle in
Gail Kim. Neither team got the upper hand during the match
so both teams still look strong.
Rating: 6/10
Gail Kim wearing a short skirt and a thong?
Rating: 9/10
Overall show rating: 7/10
***
Well, Impact on Spike #2 was again pretty good. It certainly
isn’t blowing anybody away or doing much to become
a legit alternative to WWE, but it’s providing an
entertaining wrestling program that I will continue to
watch weekly. Yes I realize that I have to watch them
because I’m now reviewing them, but I’d watch
the show anyway because it’s entertaining.
At this point, consistent quality shows will get them
a steady fanbase. Weeks 1 and 2 were both better than
poor shows so as long as they don’t go South in
their booking, things should work out fine for them.
***
Agree? Disagree? You can give your thoughts in two
ways. First, you can come to the
Message Board and post your thoughts in the TNA Forum.
Second, you can visit the Message Board, scroll down to
the bottom of the page, and enter Zah’s
Pit. I’d love to hear from you.
L8R.
