We’re gearing up for Genesis and
it’s time for the final hype by TNA in the form
of Impact on Spike!
Boo-yah, here we go!!!
***
The show opens with a flashback to the
two-hour prime time special. In particular, they spotlight
Petey Williams winning the Ultimate X match and getting
an X title match with champion AJ Styles at Genesis.
They also spotlight Jeff Jarrett’s regaining of
the NWA championship from Rhino.
Monty Brown makes his way down to the
ring and it looks like we’re going to have our
first-ever show-opening “Triple H promo”.
Monty looks particularly ridiculous tonight…giving
Jeff Jarrett a run for his money as TNA’s worst-dressed.
Brown is better than average in the ring.
Brown is also better than average than average on the
mic. However, with 90% of the wrestlers today sucking
on the microphone that’s not saying much.
I’ve said it before and I’ll
say it again. I just don’t get this “Serengeti”
thing Monty has going. He’s the “Alpha Male”,
not the “King of the Jungle”. The cat-like
behavior would make more sense if it was defined and
explained. It’s not and hasn’t been since
the first Spike show. He looks foolish rubbing his head
along the top rope like a cat. His mannerisms don’t
scream out “great gimmick” to me. I know
I’m not alone because it’s well documented
in message boards all over the Internet. I’m not
saying I don’t like the guy…but I really
don’t get him.
After introducing us to the Serengeti,
Brown begins screaming about how his squash matches
have earned him a title shot. He’s bad to the
bone, he’s made out of stone, he wears red pants
because he can, and he’s gonna POUUUNCE Double
J into oblivion. Period.
Music hits and we quickly find out that
it’s Abyss with his manager James Mitchell. Mitchell
has the mic (FINALLY!!) and tells Brown that he must
have eaten some poisoned berries on the Serengeti to
have made such a brand announcement on Spike. The crowd
is doing that ridiculous “Abyss, Ooohh”
chant and we can barely make out what Mitchell is saying.
Add that chant to the ever-growing list of things I’m
having a hard time understanding with this segment.
Anyway, Mitchell points out that Brown
likes to whine and complain a lot…so much so that
Brown reminds him of Raven.
OH SNAP!! Oh no you didn’t!!
You did NOT just go there!!
The crowd goes “oooooooh”
as Mitchell proceeds to tell Brown that while he’s
definitely deserving of a title shot, there is one man
who deserves one more and his name is Abyss. Just as
it looks like Abyss and Brown are about to square off,
more music hits and Jeff Hardy, the Charismatic Enigma
(one of the worst gimmick names ever) makes his way
down to the ring.
Umm…on a side note, folks…Charismatic
Enigma is one of the worst names ever for a wrestler.
It’s right up there with “A-1”. Plus,
if you see the fans in the front row screaming for him
you realize he’s just like his brother. How? He’s
not the Charismatic Enigma. Nope. He’s the Fat
Chick Thrilla!
And boy does he love his pink finger-paint
tonight.
Anyway, as soon as he enters he’s
double teamed and given an overhead release bodyslam
by Brown. The big men then turn to each other and begin
throwing punches. Hardy then climbs to the top rope
and delivers a dropkick onto both men. Six security
bum-rush the ring and it looks like this segment is
officially over.
Thoughts:
This, to me, was a little odd. Abyss is fighting Sabu
at the PPV tonight. Jeff Hardy is fighting Monty Brown
in a “contender’s match” at the PPV.
Why wasn’t this just a Hardy vs. Brown segment
(other than the “suck factor”)? Why add
Abyss? If he’s in line for a title shot next (or
with a feud with Brown), why even bother having the
Brown/Hardy match to begin with?
Rating: 4/10
I just didn’t think it made sense from a storyline
point of view. Well, that and Monty’s creepiness.
Commercial
A promo airs recapping the amazing six-man
tag match from last week’s two hour special. During
the segement “Elimination X” appears on
the screen. I suppose that’s TNA’s way of
promoting the match at Genesis, but it never really
explains that. Bizarre.
(1) Samoa Joe defeats Austin Aries
by submission in 3:10.
Christopher Daniels is joining the announcers
for this match to help promote the Elimination match.
It’s kind of a shame that these
two wrestlers are facing each other in a short TNA match
when ROH fans know they are capable of SO much more.
Still, it has to be better than what WWE puts on television,
right?
Aries quickly finds himself on the wrong
end of a facewash as the crowd begins a “Joe”
chant. Aries recovers and hits Joe with a beautiful
dropkick in the corner. Joe then his Aries with a sick-looking
running kick to the face. Aries then catches Joe with
a crucifix drop which results in a “TNA”
chant. However, when he attempts a vertical suplex he’s
caught and placed on the top turnbuckle.
You know what’s next. One muscle-buster
and rear-naked choke later it’s over and over
quickly.
On the way from the ring Joe stares down
Daniels, who claims “The Ministry” will
gain victory at Genesis and that everything’s
fine between the team members.
Thoughts:
I’m actually quite disappointed in this match.
I understand it’s Impact and there’s only
a certain amount of wrestling you can fit into one hour,
but a Joe squash of Aries doesn’t entertain me
at all. I mean, three minutes? Is Aries now enhancement
talent? Maybe it’s because I’m such a huge
fan of Aries but I was expecting this to be a lot more
than what it was. The little offence that Aries got
in made him look something like Shark Boy…he got
in a limited amount of offence but everybody knew it
wasn’t going to do anything and that he would
lose.
Rating: 3/10
That saddened me.
Commercial
A promo airs for Genesis.
Shane Douglas is backstage with Larry
Zbysko and Scott D’Amore and it appears D’Amore
requested mic time. He wants to thank the Living Legend
for allowing the special challenge to take place tonight
between AJ Styles and Petey Williams. So thankful, in
fact, that he’s going to offer his wonderful thoughts
on the Genesis match between Team Canada and 3 Live
Kru. He suggests to Larry Z that each corner should
have a pole with a hockey stick on the end of it. Why?
Because buy-rates will go through the roof. Zbysko thinks
it’s such a good idea that he also makes Kip James
the special guest referee for the match in order to
“really put this over the top”.
Yes, folks. The match between 3 Live Kru
and Team Canada is now officially a “Hockey Stick
Fight”. Where’s The Goon when you really
need him?
(2) Kip James destroys Lex Lovett
in 1:03.
The Ass Man himself makes his way to the
ring with a haircut that words simply cannot do justice.
Wow. How old is this guy?
This is Kip James…do you REALLY
want to know what happened during the match? Before
delivering his finishing move he yells out his new catchphrase,
“I’m Kip James, bitch!!”
Dave
Chapelle is rolling over in his grave and he’s
not even dead yet. Ugh.
After the match Team Canada make their
way down to the ring with their hockey sticks, either
to intimidate Kip or to beat the snot out of him. Guess
which one I’m rooting for??
My dreams of a hockey stick sticking out
of Kip’s ass are thwarted by 3 Live Kru running
to the ring swinging chairs. I’m surprised Ron
Killings didn’t dance his way to the ring with
the chair. No worries…after running Team Canada
off Killings ends up dancing like a fool in the ring
anyway.
Thoughts:
It was Kip James. Do you really want to know?
Rating: 2/10
This show certainly needs to be saved…soon.
Commercial
(3) Petey Williams beat AJ Styles
in a “finishing move only” non-title match
in 5:45.
I’m not 100% sure why we’re
having a non-title match the night before the PPV match.
I’m baffled, actually. However, I’m very
happy that we are.
Styles takes the early advantage but is
quickly stopped by a rake of the eyes. Williams tries
for the Canadian Destroyer but Styles slips out and
hits the best dropkick in the business. Phenomenal,
indeed.
After a quick distraction by D’Amore,
Williams regained the advantage and again tries for
the Destroyer. Styles escapes and hits the Pele kick.
Styles then follows-up with some clotheslines and his
vertical suplex/neckbreaker move. Williams then hits
a DDT out of nowhere and goes for the Destroyer for
the third time but it blocked. Williams hits a Russian
legsweep and goes for the Destroyer yet again. Instead,
Styles escapes and ends up hitting his reverse DDT.
Styles then tries to hit the Styles Clash
but Williams grabs the referee to prevent the move from
taking place. The referee then gets tripped up and D’Amore
tries to interfere with the X belt. Styles catches D’Amore
with a Pele kick and sets him up for the Styles Clash.
Williams catches Styles on the back of
the head with the belt and then NAILS the Canadian Destroyer
on AJ. Wow…love that move. Anyway, the referee
recovers just in time to see the finishing move performed
and awards the win to Williams.
Thoughts:
What a great match. I enjoyed the whole “gotta
get the finishing move on” mindset and it made
the match appear that it could be over at any given
moment. These two have tremendous chemistry together
and could possibly steal the show at Genesis. While
not enough to save Impact entirely, it certainly made
up for the first two matches.
Rating: 8/10
This is what Joe/Aries could have been. An extra two
minutes goes a long way in making a match a LOT more
entertaining.
Commercial
Promo airs for the NWA championship.
Shane Douglas is backstage as Raven and
Larry Zbysko are standing inches away from each other.
Why? Apparently Larry Z cannot fire Raven but does have
the ability to book him in any match he wants to in
order to prove to himself that Raven actually deserves
a title shot. Z-man wants to put Raven through hell
and it begins at Genesis when Raven will face a wrestler
of Zbysko’s choosing.
This was a great segment and had a biting
quote by Raven:
“You know, your ability to maximize
inefficiency and squander talent is not only reprehensible…it’s
borderline criminal.”
Awww, stop it…you’ll make
grandpa cry.
(4) Jeff Jarrett & America’s
Most Wanted (w/ Gail Kim) defeated Chris Sabin, Lance
Hoyt, & Jeff Hardy in 6:08.
After the introductions are made we quickly
fade to…
Commercial
We’re back and Storm is starting
off with Sabin, who quickly gets the upper hand with
some acrobatic moves. Hoyt is tagged in next and Storm
crawls to tag in his partner out of fear. The crowd
starts a “Pussycat” chant to mock “The
Wildcat” Chris Harris. Soon it’s Jarrett
and Hardy in the ring and the action is fast and furious.
Hardy hits a clothesline on Jarrett but is tied up in
the ropes by Storm. Jarrett goes for a high knee but
Hardy moves and Storm is hit, instead. Harris then catches
Hardy with a clothesline and now there’s pink
finger-paint all over the canvas.
No…seriously…you can see the
pink finger-paint on the canvas. It’s all over
Hardy’s hands like blood. It’s really weird.
Back to the match, Harris in control now
and a “Let’s go Hardy” chant starts.
Storm is tagged in and hits a dropkick. After a stiff
elbow he tags in Jarrett who struts around the ring
and quickly tags in Harris, who chokes Hardy on the
ropes.
Harris tags in Storm and they throw Hardy
into the corner, but Hardy climbs the ropes and hits
a suicide dive back onto both members of AMW. This allows
Hardy the time to hot-tag Hoyt, who then begins throwing
haymakers on AMW and ends up hitting a double-flapjack.
Just as AMW is about to double-team Hoyt, Sabin hits
them with a dropkick from the top rope and knocks them
both down. Hoyt then clotheslines AMW out of the ring
and now it’s just Jarrett by himself.
Then, Hardy runs across the ring and leaps
off of the back of Hoyt to land on top of AMW on the
outside. Crazy move. Hoyt then launches himself over
the top rope onto AMW and leaves Sabin and Jarrett inside
the ring alone. Jarrett attempts to hit Sabin with a
guitar but misses, allowing Sabin the chance to wrestle
a little bit with the world champion in the ring (he
can now write home to mom with pride).
Sabin hits a swinging DDT but gets an
extremely close 2-count. He then sets up Jarrett in
the ring and climbs to the top rope. However, Gail Kim
is there (sigh) and interferes. This gives Jarrett the
chance to hit The Stroke from the second rope. Nicely
done. 1-2-3 and it’s all over.
The match is over but the heels begin
beating-down the faces. AMW sets up Hardy for a guitar
shot but is saved by Rhino and a chair. As Jarrett and
AMW back their way up the ramp jaw-jacking all the way,
they are met at the top by Team 3-D.
All hell breaks loose as we fade to black
and wanting to see more of this six-way brawl. The good
news? YOU CAN!! How? An awesome video package tells
me that the Genesis PPV is Sunday night and I can tune
in to see them fight at that time. Very well done.
Thoughts:
Hardy is all insane high-spots…nothing more. At
least his brother can wrestle. This was a decent match
and certainly not boring in any way. I’ve said
it before, I don’t mind Jarrett as champion because
he can at least wrestle better than John Cena and do
a promo better than Batista. I’m not looking forward
to the six-way match at the PPV, but it probably won’t
suck either.
Rating: 7.5/10
A solid main event.
Overall Show
Rating: 6/10
***
This show was very disappointing. The
second half certainly made up a little ground for the
first half, but with only one hour per week to promote
your new “wrestling alternative” you shouldn’t
be having Monty Brown starting the show on the mic or
Kip James winning a squash match. Not only that, but
there wasn’t enough storyline development that
would make me care about some of the matches taking
place at the PPV.
You know and I know that TNA simply cannot
survive on the wrestling alone. People tune in for the
wrestling. People stay for the storylines. Currently,
there is next to no character development and things
need to begin changing soon…ESPECIALLY if they’re
going to show Kip James squashes.
Still, I can’t crap on TNA because
the wrestling is better than WWE wrestling and I’m
really enjoying having an alternative to watch every
week. While not excited about the PPV, I’m still
100% certain it will be better than 90% of the PPV’s
that WWE has given us so far this year.
***
Agree? Disagree? You can give your
thoughts in two ways. First, you can email me at ZAH@WorldWrestlingInsanity.com.
Secondly, you can come to the
Message Board and post your thoughts in the TNA
Forum or scroll down to the bottom of the page, and
enter Zah’s
Pit. I’d love to hear from you.
L8R.
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