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Dan Crocker Missed Smackdown...But Reviews It Anyway
By Dan Crocker
 ...
This has been one of the most insane weeks in wrestling
history and I missed nearly all of it. I missed what was
reported to be a fantastic two hour TNA special. I only
caught bits and pieces of RAW. I didn't order Taboo Tuesday
and to top it all off, I missed last night's Smackdown.
That's my beat and I apologize for missing it. Why did
I miss it, you ask. Well, the people in my house are crazier
than this week in wrestling.
Even though I missed Smackdown I can still give a review.
Here's a breakdown:
Tony Schivone welcomed us to what is definitely, without
a doubt, going to be the best and most historic Smackdown
ever. Mr. Kennedy said his name and I popped when he repeated
it. We saw someone's pasty white flabby belly--let's say
it was Piper. Booker T and Benoit went from friendship to
fistacuffs. I was well into my sixth beer.
Christy wiggled her tush.
Eddie Guerrero really isn't turning heel.
There was no peep show and that made me sad.
On the other hand, we have a new segment--The Pork Patrol!
Hosted by the one and only Super Porky and his sidekick
Ed McHam. Ice Man King Parsons beat Batista in a non-title
viagra on a pole match. Superfly Jimmy Snuka nearly won
when he crawled up the ropes so slowly that no one noticed
he was actually making a move for the viagra.
There was a six man tag match. It don't matter who was in
it; there's always a six man tag match. But, if I had to
guess, I'd say it was the only three tag teams on Smackdown.
You know the folks.
Teddy Long announce another six man tag match for next week.
Somewhere, Jerry Jarret is a very, very happy man.
So, this week I watched the least amount of wrestling in
one week than at any other time in the last ten years? Did
the world end? Hell yes, I missed wrestling! But it did
serve to remind me of one very important thing. I love wrestling.
We all do or else we wouldn't spend time watching, reading
and writing about it. I'm especially upset about missing
TNA because it embodies all of the reason I love wrestling.
Great athletes putting on top notch matches. If they have
a weakness right now it's that they are a little, just a
little, light in the storyline department. But that's understandable
considering they only have, normally, an hour a week. Plus,
I'd rather see no story lines than Vince McMahon pulling
-anything- out of a plastic ass.
Oh well, since I missed Smackdown I should spent a bit of time here answering reader email: "Dan, are you really as good looking as people say?"Mick McGillis, Pittsburg, PA. Well, Mike, I have the body of a Greek God. The one that was fat.
Yes and I'd go back for seconds. "Have any odd jobs around the house? Maybe I could rake the leaves for you? Take out the trash? Anything, really." Jim Ross, Rossville, Oklahoma. No Jim. I have no work for you...wait, on second thought I have been looking for someone to kick in the balls repeatedly. "If you had a life time supply of beer but could only watch one episode of wrestling ever what would it be?" Tito Suarez, from parts unknown. I really have no idea, Tito, but thanks for the lifetime supply of beer. On another note, I used to live in parts unknown myself. I shared an apartment there with The Missing Link.
*** Pick
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Order the Jake the Snake DVD Set
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| © 2005-2007 All content contained here Copyright 2006 by James Guttman *** World Wrestling Insanity and ClubWWI are not affiliated with any wrestling promotion. |
