Paul O'Brien
"Oh Daddy, Where Art Thou?"
By Paul O'Brien
Oct 5, 2005, 16:55

Oh to be precious in the eyes of the one who loves you. So precious that they would give you a job that you are totally not right for and your actions in said job could cost other people millions of dollars.

“I love you Daddy.”

“I love you Jeff. Wanna wrestling company?”

“Yep”

“OK then, do that J-E-double F shtick, I love that. Put on the hat with the flashing lights. Where’s my camera?”

And so it came to pass. Jeff got a big birthday present that year. A whole new company for him to play in.

Meanwhile, up in Connecticut….

“I love you Daddy.”

“Quite frankly, I love you too Stephanie. Wanna write some TV shows?”

“But Daddy, I’m inqualified”

“Not for wrestling you’re not Princess. Now, let Daddy see you in that wedding dress again”

And so it came to pass. Stephanie was chosen as a leader because she, like the word ‘leader’ had an ‘a’ in her name.

Meanwhile, in homes across the world…

CLICK.

Why though?

Are Jarrett and Steph hideous at their jobs? Are they two totally incompetent morons with stupid Daddies?

Not really, they can both do their jobs, but just not at the level their currently at. Vice President of Television Writing for World Wrestling Entertainment and National Wrestling Alliance Heavyweight Champion of the World. We’re not talking about Daddy pulling some strings to get them a weekend job at the local DIY store.

How would they fare on the other side of the fence? Imagine the scenarios without their daddies there for them. Could Jarrett be WWE Champion? Would Steph’s genius lead TNA to victory over WWE?

I think the answer to both those questions is no.

Jarrett’s rise to the TNA Heavyweight Title is akin to Sofia Coppola staring in The Godfather III.

Starting as a ref in Daddy’s company CWA, Jarrett was eager to one day become one of the blandest heavyweight champions of all time. He, in fairness to his drive and determination, managed that in 1990 when he captured his Daddy’s heart and subsequently the USWA Southern Heavyweight Title. (Jarrett had captured numerous other titles before this, mostly in the also Daddy owned CWA) He not only held the USWA Southern Heavyweight Title, he also held the USWA Tag Titles(w/ Brian Christopher) at the same time. Jarrett was a true phenomenon in the eyes of the USWA booker. Or Daddy as Jeff called him. In the following years Jeff hopped between WCW and WWF before one closed down and the other didn’t want him. What was young Jeffery to do?

O Daddy, where are thou?

Stephanie, on the other hand worked her way to her position. Daddy paid for her to get a communications degree from Boston University. “Communications” is so all encompassing as a term that I enlisted my internet brain, Wikipedia, to tell me what it meant;

Contrary to other social sciences, communication is not linked to a specific profession. Psychology forms psychologists, sociology forms sociologists but there is no corresponding title for graduates of communication. Critics argue that the reason for that is that communication doesn't qualify students for any particular job.

Thanks Daddy.

She went on from her “Communications” degree to the WWF Marketing Department. Rumour has it that she wanted to mass produce a Real Doll type mannequin that was flame retardant and came with it’s own coffin. She wasn’t successful, but was seen writing the idea down on a napkin. After a few “internships” were she worked for her Mother and then back to Daddy an ideal position became ‘available’ in 2000. Vice President of Television Writing. Who would be more qualified than Stephanie?

Everybody, that’s who. Didn’t matter. Little Princess wanted. Little Princess got.

O Daddy, where are thou?

As the tides turns though, Vince and Jerry now have a responsibility to other people. Vince went public and Jerry sold over majority share to Panda Energy. The actions of their children could spell out what shape their companies take over the next three to five years.

Bad material and a bad champion can deflate a wrestling company fast. Very fast.

But here we are in 2005 and both Stephanie and Jeffery at both 31 and 38 years old respectively, must realise that Daddy can get a cracked nipple from incessant suckling too. Vince and Jerry won’t be here for ever and the spoilt children will have to play in the park on their own some day.

But thanks to Daddy they might never have to.

Jeff is currently being carried through an exciting time as TNA moves through their teething faze on Spike. Next Father’s Day Jeff better not just thanks his Daddy but Mr. Styles, Mr. Aries, Mr. Christopher and Mr. Joe for letting him continue to play with the toy Daddy gave him.

Stephanie on the other hand managed to highlight her incompetence as a writer by showing all the boom period clips on RAW Homecoming. She’s so inept she managed to show how inept she was on the biggest WWE TV night in years. She, on Father’s Day better thank Mr. Nepotism, Mr. No Logic and Mr. Re-hash for her continuing “success.”

Just like the kid who brings his 400 watt, super sub woofer boom box over to your house at 7am on Christmas morning; Daddy got it, we have to injure it.

Thanks Daddy.

E-Mail Paul at:

Paul@WorldWrestlingInsanity.com