Paul O'Brien
The Confusion of Gay Dancing
By Paul O’Brien
Nov 8, 2005, 16:01

"It's a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don't stop when you're tired. You stop when the gorilla is tired"
Robert Strauss.

Ladies and gentlemen, the gorilla isn't just tired, the gorilla's sucking on the tit of complacency and nodding off like a baby.

TNA couldn't buy a hole in the fence….until now.

They couldn't have prayed for a better time to shine. They didn't outwrestle the WWE as much as the WWE just got winded arguing in the mirror. Cockiness and ignorance put King Kong in the low three range, now McCheetah has a fight on his hands.

TNA is coming. Is it coming to Monday nights? Is it coming to a venue near you? Is it coming to its senses and relieving Jarrett of the belt? I don't know. But TNA is coming. I don't care what 0.9 says.

The real trouble, as usual, with WWE is the fight within itself. Like a straight man in a gay waltz, WWE can only dance when its form is familiar.

This round of the wrestling 'wars' is throwing old Vinnie's feet all to hell. This time he's the moneybags promoter and TNA is the raging underdog. McMahon hates it when people aren't 'picking' on him. The Federal Government, WCW, the media, the net, Turner, the PTC, Mushnick. Vince was dragged up only learning how to counter punch. Vince has been dancing one way for so long now it could be a case of the gay dance confusion when he has to switch from left to right.

Just how hard is it for McMahon to do this, when he has to remember all those steps the opposite way round? What happens when the trailer park kid who risks it all, perfects other peoples ideas, makes a billion and squashes all around him gets comfy in sub performance?

TNA is about to find out.

The Carters have stuck to a hemorrhaging company for the chance of a break. Fox didn't give it, weekly PPVs didn't give it, Jerry certainly didn't give it. Vince did.

All the analysis in the world doesn't move the bottom line, which is this; When Vince left Spike he pissed in the fridge and left the back door open on his way out.

TNA was looking. Looking hard. No one else was truly interested in a wrestling show. Until Vince nettled his former execs enough for them to branch out into a stale market that is.

TNA was brought in at a time when virtually no one gave them a chance, (no matter what they are all saying now) pushed into a vacant WWE slot and forced to swim. Swim it has. Steadily up stream too.

Some people will look at the 0.9 rating for the two hour special as a disappointment. These people are only disappointed because their 'war' isn't developing a the pace they want it to. TNA has grown or held its audience since its little hyped debut. (Spike clearly favoured UFC in the weeks leading to WWE leaving. WWE clearly feared UFC in the weeks after WWE leaving.)

TNA just aired top notch wrestling, somewhat interesting storylines and kept its head down. Clearly not perfect, but certainly the real alternative it claimed to be. Whilst the moneybags promotion lectured its fans, dragging the audience into its childish mechanisms, the upstart promotion canvassed for the simple trust and the time of the audience, paying their viewers back with the best TNA has to offer.

And so, TNA moves from a Foxtrot into a Rumba. WWE, with its hand on the back of TNA is only interested in checking out its own muscular arse cheeks in the mirrored walls around the dance floor.

TNA and its new best friend, Spike, can smell complacency in the air.

Like the foul mephitis of cheap cologne, the stories coming out in recent days of lowball offers and major discontent backstage, TNA has to be watching the movements of talent with an eagle eye.

Austin walked, Rock won't come back, Foley looks bored, Hardy slots right back to where he was before he left, Christian is on the way out, Benoit has a smaller figured contract unsigned in his bag, Styles just bought Ross a massive 'thank you for being ugly' card and Coach a 'thank you for being crap' card, Vince stands atop a shaky pot of talent.

A shaky pot of talent that he seems oblivious to its worth.

TNA, however does not.

Christian and Benoit alone would have to be seen as major signings. Benoit had a Wrestlemania close on his image, a crowd elated, a glorious scene that some call their greatest WM moment. He is arguably the best wrestler of his generation, one of the best of all time. WWE wants to pay Boogie Man but cut Benoit's contract.

Christian has the charisma to carry his weight in any feud they choose to place him. His talking got him to the main event picture on RAW before the 'creative' team stalled at a wrestler getting himself over and moved him to Smackdown where he died several months ago. I say died, I mean murdered. WWE was such a fan of his that they offered him less money than his previous contract. Not only that but they waited until the last possible second to do so.

Even if neither arrive, TNA is quietly enjoying its role as underdog. The company's restraint in the Jerry Jarrett plea for attention was admirable, the apology for the X division debacle at their last PPV was even more so.

They however, like WWF Attitude before them, will not get much further without freshness, variance, luck, inept competition and faith.

They seem to be getting all the right help filling in those boxes recently. Now who amongst them is going to be the lightening rod to blow TNA to the next level? Where is the Hogan, Flair or Austin amongst them?

We don't know, TNA doesn't know, that person himself probably doesn't know it yet either. It's going to be fun to find out though.

While the silverback sleeps soundly in Connecticut, you can almost hear the real alternative taking its second breath.

I think it's the Cha Cha up next.

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Drop Paul a line at:

Paul@WorldWrestlingInsanity.com