Canadian Bulldog
Canadian Bulldog's True Wrestling Stories: The Man They Call Sting...Plus It's Contest Time!
By Canadian Bulldog
Oct 10, 2006, 13:50

IT'S CONTEST TIME!!!

No, I'm not joking. This is not a "work," nor am I just "ribbing" the "boys in the back" to get "cheap heat". This is very much a "shoot"; a legitimate contest orchestrated by the higher-ups at WorldWrestlingInsanity.com with a GREAT PRIZE to boot!

Have I got your attention now? Great, read on…

It so happens that I've already selected the subject for my next "True Wrestling Story", and I want YOU stupid marks to guess who it is. Why? Because I'd like to think, deep down inside, that SOMEONE out there is reading these damn things.

Be the first person to correctly guess the next True Wrestling Story subject and you could WIN one (1) copy of the New York Times best-seller World Wrestling Insanity: The Decline and Fall of a Family Empire, written by Some Guy. See, I told you guys I wasn't fucking around here. This is serious stuff.

Send your pick care of CanadianBulldog@WorldWrestlingInsanity.com (one entry per person; employees and family of employees at WWI.com are prohibited from entering. Sorry, residents of Uganda are also restricted because of Ugandan law).

Too vague, you say? No problem. Each week between now and the next publication of TWS, a new clue will be revealed on the Club WWI site. As if dozens of uncut wrestler interviews, bonus features by the WWI Crew™ and a weekly audio show by yours truly wasn't reason ENOUGH to join? Now you simply have no excuse.

And as for you cheap-asses who aren't members of the coolest club in town… I will tell you right now the subject has not been the featured person in any past True Wrestling Story. That means it won't be any of the following people: Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley, Andre The Giant, Bill Apter, Cowboy Bob Orton, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Samoa Joe, Tito Santana, The Undertaker, Kevin Nash, Kurt Angle, (whew, I've done a ton of these over the past year) and now, joining this prestigious group...

The True Wrestling Story of Sting.

Sting was born in England in 1951 as Gordon Sumner. In 1977, he joined Stewart "Rated R Superstar" Copeland and Andy Summers to form the chart-topping rock band The Police.

Oops! I'm confusing Sting the wrestler with Sting the musician. Bwahahahahaha! I bet no one's EVER made that lame joke before.

Sorry about that, folks.

The other Sting was born in 1959 in Omaha, Nebraska (city motto: "Don't worry, we don't know what it looks like, either"). After spending his childhood doing the same things most children do (eating, playing, farting, school, etc.), he moved to Venice Beach, California with one goal in mind: to become a Hulk Hogan impersonator.

While that career choice didn't exactly pan out, he was soon bit by the wrestling bug (a quick spritz of bug spray could have prevented that) and he decided to become part of Powerteam U.S.A., a stable of All-American wrestling-like bodybuilders that was no doubt dreamed up by someone involved with the Chippendales Corporation.

After a quick stint in the Universal Wrestling Federation (the good version, the one that featured superstars such as Dr. Death Steve Williams; not the later version that featured superstars such as Dr. Death Steve Williams), Sting moved up into the National Wrestling Alliance (the good version, the one that later featured superstars such as Scott Steiner, Jeff Jarrett and Kevin Nash; not the current version that features… well, you get my point).

One of Sting's first big matches in the NWA was a 45-minute draw against perennial bleeder Ric Flair on a nationally-televised "Clash of the Champions". You may have heard of the match before - it's the one where Sting caught Flair off the top rope and slammed him, Flair stumbled for a bit before falling on his face and, in one memorable spot, Flair flipped over the turnbuckles and ran to the corner post, only to get clotheslined by Sting. Chops were also exchanged, I believe.

By the end of the 1980's, Sting was one of the NWA's most bankable stars. To take full advantage of this, the promoters moved Sting out of his program with Flair… and began teaming him with Flair.

Following a brief feud with the famed J-Tex Corporation (offices in Tokyo and Houston), Flair invited Sting into a new version of The Four Horsemen (Famine, War, Pestilence and Death). Unfortunately, Death (Ole Anderson) soon ordered Sting out of the faction, essentially because he was too talented and popular.

This also explains why Ole was such a shitty booker.

After a series of events that introduced the wrestling world to Robocop and El Gigante (though not in the same vignette), Sting was soon the top contender to Flair's NWA World Title.

Again.

In the main event of the 1990 Great American Bash (Motto: "Doesn't suck ass yet"), a stars-and-striped clad Sting defeated Ric Flair for the World Championship, with more than a little help from The Dudes With Attitudes, a bad-ass clique that at times included: Lex Luger, El Gigante, Junkyard Dog, Rocky King, The Steiner Brothers, P.N. News, The Dynamic Dudes, Norman The Lunatic, Terry Funk, C.M. Punk, Lou Thesz, Kevin Sullivan, Repo Man, Armando Elajandro Estrada, Tugboat, The Original Shiek, Cousin Junior, Big Bully Busick, Heidenreich, Jim Ross, The Beverly Brothers, Scott Hall, Sylvester Stallone, The Domino's Pizza Noid and God.

Sting went through a variety of top challengers during his title reign, such as Ric Flair, Ric Flair, Ric Flair, Sid Vicious (with Ric Flair in his corner) and The Black Scorpion (who later turned out to be Ric Flair). Sting dropped the belt in January of 1991 to hot newcomer Ric Flair.

Fortunately, there was life after the World Championship for Sting. For example, the U.S. Title.

Actually, Sting was involved in a lot of interesting storylines during the first half of the 1990's. There was the time he was presented with three gift boxes -- the first one contained Cactus Jack, the second Abdullah The Butcher, and the third… a brand new washer-dryer set from Sears.

There was, of course, the time when he battled The Dangerous Alliance, which concluded on every single wrestling program by Alliance members beating up Sting or Ricky Steamboat, which then brought about Dustin Rhodes and Barry Windham Wearing A Leather Jacket And Cast. I believe I've written about this phenomenon before in another TWS.

He also lost, and then won, and then lost again, the WCW World Title to fat piece of shit Big Van Vader.

And let's not forget his brief but enjoyable feud with future WBF Bodystar/accused murderer Lex Luger, which culminated in the Stinger's World Title reign, now under the banner of World Championship Wrestling (Motto: "We've always sucked ass").

In fact, Sting's career was going gangbusters (as opposed to 'brainbusters') up until the 1994 arrival of Hulk Hogan, the very man who Sting set out to impersonate so many years before. Ironic, even considering the fact that I totally made that up.

But that, of course, is another story for another day...

What do you mean `I still have five chapters of this shit to make up'? Look, I gave you a contest, some doctored Police pictures… WHAT MORE DO YOU PEOPLE EXPECT OF ME?!?!?!?

Fast-forward to 1996 (Note: don't really press fast-forward on your Internet browser. I'm legally required to say that). The new World order, or nWo for short (often written as 'now' because my word processor always auto-corrects it) had taken over wrestling, and The Stinger was one of its top targets.

Lex Luger accused Sting of joining the rogue group of heels (in reality, it was probably just Barry Windham disguised as Sting). How did Sting react? Much like any of us might: he painted his face black and white, donned a trenchcoat and started living in the rafters of various arenas.

This entertaining angle went on for approximately 422 weeks until Sting came down from the rafters and confronted The Hulkster and his nWo cronies. His message: he wanted a match with Hogan. And possibly some new clothes, because standing in those rafters for so long kind of gave off a dank odor.

The Sting-Hogan match was the main event of 1997's Starrcade (Motto: "We have no fucking clue what 'Starrcade' is supposed to mean").

The match went down just as you expect it might have: Hogan dominated Sting for most of the match, evil referee Nick Patrick counted The Stinger's shoulders to the mat for a legitimate three seconds, and then Bret Hart, who had, technically, nothing to do with the match, counted a second pin, this time on Hogan.

However, Sting would go on to have a successful fourth World Title reign. For a few months, at least, until he lost the belt to professional Slim Jim spokesman Randy "Macho Man" Savage.

In 1998, Sting made a shocking change when he joined the nWo Wolfpac (which auto-correct calls "now wolf pack"). Namely, he painted his face red.

Sting's entry into the prestigious organization, which at times included Randy Savage, Kevin Nash, Konnan, Lex Luger, Ric Flair, Skinner, Randy Orton, Hercules Hernandez, Umaga, Nick Bockwinkel, Tennessee Lee, Lindsay Lohan, Two Of The Surviving Beatles, Chicken George From Big Brother, Robocop, That Guy Who Sometimes Sells Hot Dogs Near Where I Work, and An Inanimate Carbon Rod, was short-lived.

The remainder of his WCW career featured The Stinger turning heel, turning face again, winning the World Title twice more, being set on fire by Vampiro, getting arrested for shoplifting (no, wait, that was me) and wrestling Ric Flair one last time.

Sting did very little between 2001 and 2003. So why the hell should I write a whole chapter on that period of his life?

Fresh off an appearance in the World Wrestling All-Stars (Motto: "WCW Lite") where he battled NWA World Champion Jeff Jarrett, Sting moved to Total Nonstop Action Wrestling (Motto: "Uh… yeah…"), where he also battled NWA World Champion Jeff Jarrett.

In between TNA stints, Sting also filmed a self-biographical movie entitled Sting: Moment Of Truth, which turned out to be the worst piece of cinema since The Marine.

(Okay, I'm guessing on The Marine, but, I mean… COME ON!)

Sting returned to the company in December 2005, seeking fresh competition. He then engaged in a feud with hot newcomer Jeff Jarrett that rages to this day. Okay, maybe "trudges on" would have been a better description, but bottom line, the feud ain't over yet.

It may be settled at TNA's next pay-per-view, Bound For Glory, in which Sting battles… drumroll please… Jeff Jarrett. If Sting wins, he gets the prestigious NWA World Title once again. If Jarrett wins, he gets to put himself over Kurt Angle in the not-too-distant future, while Sting will be retired forever.

My advice to The Man Called Sting? Spend some of your newly found time-off entering my contest…

For True Wrestling Stories, I'm Canadian Bulldog.

Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and Online Onslaught and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com