Canadian Bulldog
Canadian Bulldog's Breaking News: Barry Darsow's Car Repossessed
By Canadian Bulldog
Oct 17, 2006, 14:01

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Breaking News: Barry Darsow's Car Repossessed

By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News

(Minneapolis, MN) - The 1998 Honda Prelude belonging to former professional wrestler Barry Darsow was seized earlier today by a repo man.

Sources say that Darsow, 46, was several months behind on loan payments to his local branch of U.S. Bank, after the veteran grappler took out a second mortgage on his home last year.

This morning, a representative from Sully's Repo Service -- contracted by U.S. Bank to collect on their debts -- showed up on Darsow's doorstep to inform him that a lien had been placed on his vehicle.

"You call yourself a Repo Man?" Darsow shouted as his car was being tethered to one of Sully's tow trucks. "Where's your lone ranger mask? Where's your trenchcoat with license plates on the back? Where's your green shirt with tire track prints? Where's your tow rope and… oh, wait. You have a tow rope."

As the repo man prepared to leave, Darsow shook his fist at the vehicle and threatened to "kick (his) stinkin' teeth in!"

Darsow, of course, was known for portraying the character Repo Man in the World Wrestling Federation from 1991 until almost 1992. His matches under that name against competitors such as El Matador and Virgil were often heralded as "unbelievable" by no less an authority than Gorilla Monsoon.

"Barry Darsow has been a black eye on our industry for years," said Sol Stoudemeyer, Past President of The Repo Men and Women Alliance of America (Motto: "What's mine is mine, and what's yours is also mine."). "I can't tell you many times some schmuck asks me to crouch down and sneak over to his car before towing it away."

This is not the first time Darsow's past gimmicks have come back to haunt him in a paradoxical fashion. In 1986, during a stint as Krusher Kruschev in the National Wrestling Alliance, Darsow was indicted by then-President Ronald Reagan on allegations he was a communist.

Then in 1990, while Darsow portrayed one half of the Demolition tag team, he was sued by "Willie's Hardware Emporium" of Roanoke, Virginia for smashing an axe. Five years later, as WCW's Blacktop Bully, he temporarily lost his hearing after a trucker fired off an errant airhorn in his ear.

And during a 1999 round of golf, Darsow failed to achieve a "hole in one", and in a frustrated rampage, destroyed the Learjet that would later fly golfer Payne Stewart to his untimely demise.

According to a representative at Darsow's bank, the former WWF tag team champion must contact his bank and negotiate terms the car can be returned under. As an added stipulation, the repo man may be permitted to return to Darsow's home or place of business and strangle him with the tow rope.

"This is what I get for using Ted DiBiase as a financial adviser," Darsow fumed.

Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and Online Onslaught and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com