| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com Raw By Mallory Mahling Raw was live tonight from the Save Mart Center in Fresno, California. The show started with a recap of Bischoff's Bright Idea of a triple threat match at Taboo Tuesday and the qualifying matches last week. Jonathan Coachman and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed viewers to the show. (Too bad the hosting duties aren't up for a vote at Taboo Tuesday.) The show started with a match to help you make up your mind about who to vote for as the third man in the Triple Threat Match at Taboo Tuesday. (1) Shawn Michaels vs. Big Show vs. Kane. Since this was a match featuring a lumbering giant, an even bigger lumbering giant, and the Heartbreak Kid, it wasn't exactly action packed. As the smallest competitor, HBK took some big chops and slams, even being tossed to the outside on top of Kane. (Commercial break) During the break the action had continued. But then you'd know that if you'd run to your computer during the commercial break to see what exciting action was going on at WWE.com. A countdown clock appeared at the bottom of the screen to let viewers know how long they'd have to wait until the polls opened. Meanwhile, back in the ring . . . Kane
was suplexed off the top rope by Big Show. Now that
was impressive. Both were down for the count and Michaels
came off the top with an elbow on Big Show. His follow-up
with Sweet Chin Music was stopped by Kane, who leveled
Michaels. Kane was limping, but he was also mad. Kane
tossed a chair into the ring. When the ref had his back
turned to deal with the first chair, Kane used a second
chair to waffle Big Show. HBK was the one who capitalized,
though, and he pinned Big Show for the win. Obscure NASCAR Moment: John Cena had been at the Martinsville Speedway Sunday and got to ride in a NASCAR with Wally Dallenbach. (Wally is famous for riding around with celebrities and threatening to scrape the wall with them going about 200 mph. Wally is a bit perverse.) It caused Cena to mention the poopy word, as in scared sh*tless. (Commercial break) Moments ago Shawn Michaels had won the triple threat match. But who will be the ultimate winner and get your vote for the Taboo Tuesday match? Coach was still wearing a black cowboy hat and doing his J.R. imitation, which caused the King to take a voice vote on Coach's ability as a commentator. "BOOOOOO," was the vote, loud and clear. Lawler wanted to see the footage of Stone Cold humiliating Coach last week, and just like magic it appeared on the TitanTron. Choices for Coach's match with Stone Cold at Taboo Tuesday are: 1. Verbal debate; 2. Arm wrestling match; or 3. Good old fashioned street fight. Coach contended that he was not afraid of Stone Cold Steve Austin. He said he was going to walk right down to the ring and call out Stone Cold. (Commercial break) Coach was still in the ring and demanding that Stone Cold get his butt out to the ring. Uh oh. The glass broke and Coach didn't look so brave any more. Stone Cold's pickup truck screeched into the arena. But who should pop up through the sun roof but Miss Big Balls herself, swilling Steveweisers and enjoying fooling everybody. She said Stone Cold would not be at tonight's show. Coach grew brave again and called Austin out again. (Just an observation--Steph should stop worrying about her balls and put her puppies in a bra. They looked pretty saggy in that halter top.) Stephanie said her dad had been training hard and would love to trade places with Coach at Taboo Tuesday. Mick Foley's music interrupted her. He came out wearing a hand painted referee shirt. He said he'd come out early because he was tired of listening to so much crap. He said it made him sick to see her mother lower herself to the level of the rest of the family. Carlito, Foley's Taboo Tuesday opponent, came out and Stephanie got the match started with a nutshot on an unsuspecting Foley and Carlito began a beatdown of Foley, which ended with an apple shower. Triple H vs. Viscera is coming up next. Consider yourself warned. (Commercial break) Foley was backstage being treated by a trainer. Eric Bischoff walked up and insulted him. (2) Triple H vs. Viscera (and his lovely paisley silk jammies). Before Triple H could get to the ring, he was attacked by Ric Flair, who still had a mad on from last week. Viscera was no help, but then neither were the slew of agents and refs who came out and tried to pry them apart. After Triple H made his retreat, Flair got into the ring and was so angry he took off a shoe and threw it into the crowd. Flair wanted to face Triple H in a cage. A cage, a cage, a cage, he repeated over and over. You can vote for a submission match or a cage match. Outside, a white limo pulled up. It had horns on the hood and JBL stepped out. "But why?" asked Coach as the show went to a . . . (Commercial break) Bischoff and JBL were engaged in a shouting match outside in the parking lot. Why was JBL there? Because Edge had trespassed on Smackdown last Friday and had brought Chris Masters with him. Edge (with Lita and Chris Masters) was in the ring taunting JBL, and JBL was on the TitanTron, fuming. Edge said no one cared about JBL. (He's got that part right.) At Taboo Tuesday, it would be Raw vs. Smackdown: Edge and Masters vs. two of five Smackdown superstars. The options for voting were: Matt Hardy (which brought about a funny bit with Lita and Edge about the reason Matt was on Smackdown in the first place); Rey Mysterio; Christian; Bob Holly; or JBL. JBL dared Masters (Monkey Boy, he called him) to come outside and put the Master Lock on him. As Masters loped through the parking garage, Edge taunted JBL some more. When he got to JBL, Bradshaw laughed and said Masters had fallen for the oldest trick in the book. He got into the limo, as Mysterio was shown coming out of the crowd and taking out Edge and Lita. (Commercial break) Moments ago JBL had pulled a fast one on Masters. The polls are open. Ready. Set. Vote. And don't forget to vote for what the divas should wear for their T&A match at Taboo Tuesday. The King seemed to favor the see-through lace option. (3) Mickie James (with Trish and Ashley) vs. Victoria (with the Slut Sisters). Not a good match, made worse when Mickie completely missed her mark and fell on her backside. Coach kept calling James "Mickie Jay," who is a referee. Your winner (and I use the term loosely): Mickie James. Of course the whole thing turned into a cat fight after the match, which was the whole point of the match anyway. Mister McMahon was shown walking down a hallway and looking like the cat who'd swallowed the canary. (Commercial break) "No Chance in Hell" we could get through this show without another surprise announcement from Mister McMahon. He said he didn't like it when the fans tried to second guess the decisions of his family. For some reason, every heel tonight has said that J.R. was full of crap. Is there going to be a crap match to vote on at Taboo Tuesday? Well, there was a crap match, but it was in the form of a skit. McMahon said the WWE cameras had been present for J.R.'s surgery last week. Too much juvenile toilet humor here, with bare buns, farts, McMahon as Dr. Heinie, a nurse with big boobs, and a bottle of BBQ sauce, a football, an owl, Mae Young's other hand, a Stone Cold cup, a toilet plunger, and J.R.'s head. It was stupid, offensive, and went on way too long. McMahon ended by saying that the fans in Fresno also had their heads up their asses. Classy. Oh so classy. (Commercial break) (4) Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch vs. Rosey (without the Hurricane). Since Hurricane had slapped Rosey and thrown down his mask last week (during the commercial, something you'd know if you'd been watching your computer screen during the commercial break), did anyone really expect him to come out for this match? Actually, Hurricane did come out later, but it was as Gregory Helms. He stood at the top of the ramp with his arms folded. Rosey pretty much got his butt handed to him in the handicap match and was pinned by Murdoch. Your winners: Cade and Murdoch. Cade and Murdoch will face the two losers
(Big Show or Kane or Shawn Michaels) of the triple threat
voting in a tag match at Taboo Tuesday. Mick Foley, the special guest referee for the main event, came out first. (5) Kurt Angle vs. John Cena. The crowd was loud and into the match, which was essentially the first "real" match of the evening. Each was giving as good as he got. Cena was in control as the show went to a . . . (Commercial break) Back from commercial, Cena was getting pounded by Angle. (See, if you'd been watching your computer screen, you'd have known how that happened.) Angle went for a cover, but ended up having words with Foley instead. Pinning attempts by each. Angle with a series of suplexes on Cena. Cena kept escaping the covers that followed. DDT by Cena, but both were down and nearly out. Both got to their feet by the count of 8. Cena started throwing punches. Angle nearly found himself pinned. Carlito came out and laid out Foley, which meant there was no referee. But wait...Eric Bischoff ran out wearing a striped shirt. Cena with an FU, but no cover. Angle put Cena in an ankle lock. He went to grab the ropes, but Bischoff grabbed his hand and slapped it on the mat. Your winner: Kurt Angle (with a little help from the crooked ref). In case you missed the point of this 2 hour infomercial, Taboo Tuesday is coming up next week. Vote early. . .vote often. ***
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