| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com Canadian Bulldog (IMPORTANT NOTE: We are STILL running a contest where you can WIN a copy of the Pulitzer Prize nominated World Wrestling Insanity: The Decline and Fall of a Family Empire. So what are you waiting fro? Head on over here to find out how to enter, and then keep going to my "Complete and Utter Bulldog" audio show on Club WWI for some additional clues. GOOD LUCK!!! And now, back to your regularly scheduled "Breaking News".)
Among the footage WWE has acquired: Former U.S. President Ronald Reagan delivering a speech; Neil Armstrong landing on the moon; Samoa Joe vs. Kenta Kobashi from Ring of Honor. By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News (Stamford, CT) – Move over AOL-Time Warner, Google and YouTube – there's a new king of content in town. In what is being considered a "blockbuster" acquisition by Wall Street analysts, World Wrestling Entertainment has agreed to acquire the rights to every piece of videotape ever produced. "This is a tremendous opportunity for World Wrestling Entertainment," said WWE Chairman Vince McMahon. "Now I own EVERYTHING, and you can all KISS MY ASS! AHAHAHAHAHA!" "That last part was 'off the record', right?" WWE, which has spent the past five years acquiring footage of dormant wrestling companies for use in its DVD releases and video-on-demand service, will now have rights to millions upon millions of hours of video. "I can't wait," said Charles Sturn of Montreal, Canada. "For years, the only way I could see C.M. Punk's early matches was by trading tapes on the Internet. Now, they'll all be organized by WWE in one convenient place." In addition to sparsely-attended East Coast indy shows, WWE will have rights to monumental speeches by presidents, prime ministers and kings, not to mention historical televised events such as the Berlin Wall crumbling and man's first visit to the moon. "This will have a huge impact on the world on politics, no doubt," said Dr. Theodore Stone, a professor in political sciences at Oxford University. "For example, former Governor Jesse Ventura won't be able to argue for royalties any more from when he used to announce old WrestleManias." WWE's collection will also include thousands upon thousands of Academy Award-winning films, legendary rock concerts, acclaimed documentaries and television shows that had previously escaped syndication. "I remember when I was a kid, watching some of the guys from Southwest Championship Wrestling on the 11 p.m. news, talking about an upcoming show," said Ellie Christiansen of Laredo, Texas. "Now I might be able to see that footage once again. Yes!" While it's true that obscure footage of Joe Blanchard and Wahoo McDaniel will certainly be part of the overall package, perhaps the crown jewel of WWE's purchase will be international programming that previously hadn't been available to the Western world. "I'm really excited," said Graham McCarthy of Pierre, South Dakota. "Now that they own the IWA King of the Deathmatch tournament, they can finally put out a decent Mick Foley DVD." But WWE will own more than Japanese garbage wrestling; they'll also have the rights to home videos of your wedding, family gatherings and even your child's first steps. "This is just terrible," complained Jim Rubino of Long Island. "I mean, why would TNA even bother filming its pay-per-views and iMPACT! tapings, knowing that WWE will be making money off it?" "Fucking McMahon!" -30- Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and Online Onslaught and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com © Copyright by WorldWrestlingInsanity.com WorldWrestlingInsanity.com is not
affiliated with any wrestling promotion. |
