| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com ZAH
10-20-05 By ZAH This website is about the insanity in pro wrestling (no…it’s not just about the book). Lately I’ve just been sitting back shaking my head. That’s not to say things were good or bad…just weird. I mean, I’ve been the guy shouting at the top of my lungs about how much I love pro wrestling, right? I’ve been praising questionable angles and gimmicks because I can see a certain point of view. I’ve been crapping on the negativity and trying to promote positive thinking without sounding like Dallas f*ckin’ Page. But this past week just left me shaking my head. It’s just crazy. Actually, now that I think about it, I guess being crazy makes it perfect fodder for this site. So what’s been up this past week? Item # 1 – Steve Austin gets drunk at Raw Alright, so maybe Austin wasn’t wasted…but he was certainly buzzing. He initially came out before commercial and knew he had to stall time and keep the arena fans interested for 2 ½ minutes until the commercial was over (not to mention appease the Internet fans tuned in to the WWE.com webcast). So what did Austin do? What the snap do you think he did, Peppy? He drank beer. Then he stood on top of his truck and drank beer. Then he went to the outside of the ring, placed the cooler on the ring steps and Raw came back from commercial just in time to catch him drinking beer. Then he drank more beer before/during the segment with Stephanie (I’ll get to her later). He certainly had at least a small buzz by the time the whole segment was over and he was pouring a beer-filled hat onto Coachman’s head. I’m not going to say I didn’t really enjoy the skit because I did. I absolutely loved it. Was it a retread of what he did during his run 5 years ago? Yep. Do I give a flyin’ f*ck? Nope. I simply don’t care how tired his gimmick is anymore. And by the sound of the fans in the arena Monday night I’m not alone. He was entertaining as hell. Christ, his little comment about Stephanie’s balls popping out of her dress even made the “Billion-dollar bitch” crack a smile it was so money. And was it just me, or at the end of the entire segment when Austin was actually at his best threatening Coach…was he actually slurring his words? Maybe I’m the one who was drunk but I’m sure that’s what I heard. Regardless….welcome back, Steve. Ya drunk bastard. Never enter the ring sober again. Item # 2 – The TNA Team 3-D Funeral Skit TNA’s got balls. You think Stephanie’s got balls? Nah. Folks, TNA’s got some big balls. They decided to do a skit (not something that they’re known for) and it could have been a train wreck. Instead, they created one of the funniest segments I can remember seeing in a wrestling program. Hell, just look at the funeral’s Guest Book to see why I’m shaking my head at this one. Kevin Dunn I absolutely loved this segment. I’m sitting here now still shaking my head at the thought of watching James Storm with his pants down around his ankles about to piss into a casket because he’d been drinking beer during the entire funeral and really had to go! I think Insanity Message Forum goer David put it best…it simply wasn’t scripted to death. It was long enough to get everybody over (just watching Abyss crush that box of tissue was the perfect blend of character development and comedy) but it was short enough that it didn’t drag on. Hell…I didn’t even mind Jeff Jarrett on my TV screen for five minutes…although it still looked like he was, in fact, dressed like a circus clown. TNA is proving they’ve got a set by wading into uncharted waters. I applaud them. They’re not “giving away the farm” with their program, rather they’re doing their best to set up storylines for PPV purposes. I remember a long time ago when another wrestling company used to do the same. And they were successful back then, too. Item # 3 – Ric Flair’s impression of Sissy Spacek Good f*cking GOD. What else can you say? A fifty-something year-old man in a dress shirt and pants, pounding his already bladed head until the blood begins gushing…folks no exaggeration here…absolutely GUSHING out like a pizza pop that’s been in the microwave two minutes too long. It was gushing to the point where he had no choice but to wipe it away from his eyes. But wait…there’s too much blood to just wipe away and let it be. No, no, no. You gotta do something with it, Ric. What do you do? I mean, what does one do when they’ve hit a major artery in their forehead? It’s simple, really. You wipe it all over your face, your hair, and your clothes. SURE! Why the hell not? What the f*ck else are you going to do with it? There’s no buckets around for drainage…Gangrel’s “Legend” contract is still a couple of years away so that idea’s shot to shit…you might as well paint by numbers by using the FREAKING BUTTONS ON YOUR SHIRT!! Y’know, this promo will go down in history as Flair’s most memorable. Was it his best? That’s debatable. But nobody who saw that promo will ever, EVER forget it. Wow. Item # 4 – Stephanie McMahon’s new t-shirt Are you shitting me? You have GOT to be shitting me. Listen, on the Insanity Message Board I’ve been defending the appearance of Stephanie. I’ve enjoyed her so far. I think she’s a heat magnet and yes, folks…I’d hit it. But a t-shirt? A frickin’ t-shirt? Jesus, give me the John Cena Chain Gang Sweatband set before making me even look at that t-shirt. God…just pull my ear-hair out with pliers and make me wear that cheap-ass Carlito wig to work before making me look at that t-shirt. The bitch is back? Yeah…so is your ego, honey. Item # 5 – Coach shoots on JR (or does he?) on Byte This Immediately I notice the double-entendre in that line…“Coach shoots on JR”. You know what? Coach might as well have been shooting his load all over JR because whether scripted or not, he got to release a lot of pent-up feelings and I’m sure the majority of them were legit. Here are some of the highlights: “JR was miserable, he was miserable all the time. He never wanted to help me, he never wanted to help Michael Cole, damn, he never even wanted to help you. He was miserable; he wasn’t nice to anybody, so why wouldn’t you make a change?” “Vince McMahon gave JR a huge opportunity for several years, JR was the man. So don’t be bitter when you’re booted out the door, be bitter about how it was done, but don’t be bitter when Vince McMahon, the man who’s in charge of his own company, decides to make a change.” “Because what was good for JR was good for JR and sometimes not good for other people, and you can read between the lines on that one.” Atta-boy, Coachie. You feel better now? Good boy. Now have yourself a good cry. There you go…let it all out…that’s it… Item #6 – WWE introduces “Junior” Division Smackdown “General Manager” Teddy Long: I’m just shaking my head. Nothing more needs to be said at this point. *** Pillar to Post Each and every week I’ll ask two posters from the WorldWrestlingInsanity.com message board three questions on the hot topics du jour and ask for their thoughts and insight. Ladies and gentlemen, this week I give you two of the most entertaining individuals to be found in the entire board…Binnall and David!! 1. Agree or Disagree: WWE will cave into public pressure and reinstate Jim Ross as lead announcer on Raw. Binnall: Agree. This time. I think Ross will survive to regain the lead announcer spot, but only because of the failure of WWE to sign Mike Goldberg. Had that deal gone the other way, then the answer would obviously be different. I've a feeling the clowns who write WWE only had Homecoming and the week after (part of it at least) written with the idea that they'd have Goldberg. Now that he is staying in UFC, they're scrambling to come up with a "Plan B" for this storyline and it looks like the plan is for another "JR gets his job back" ending. All that said, more than ever, Ross has to see the writing on the wall that he is not the desired announcer for Raw by the "powers that be" and that point of view is unlikely to change anytime soon. Ross will get his triumphant comeback, but the wheels will be in motion for his eventual departure. Perhaps Coachman will be removed and Ross's heir apparent will take the slot and we'll see the transition in time for the end of JR's contract in 2006. David: Agree. It's already an angle, J.R. will be back.
Binnall: Disagree. I was skeptical about Austin having a decent performance, but then I remembered that he's actually been fairly entertaining over the last few weeks. Yes, he'll be "wrestling" Coach, but I suspect it will be a lot of amusing antics. Austin's fresher than he has been in a while and I seem to recall him fighting a lot of non-wrestlers the past few years so he knows how to make this type of match work. Obviously, it will not be a 5 star classic, but it will probably be better than a good percentage of the undercard matches, for sheer entertainment value. Foley, meanwhile, ought to be primed to have a good match, since he's been out of the WWE spotlight for about a year and a half. He holds himself to a high standard and he's wrestling Carlito, a fairly decent wrestler who has a strong character. When put in the position to give the rub to an up an coming star, Foley shines. All that adds up to what should be a good match from Foley. I'm not too worried about ring rust or anything like that, as I expect a brawl and maybe some kooky finish to set up for a rematch down the line, perhaps at Wrestlemania. Therefore, in the unlikely event that it is disappointing, it David: Agree with Austin, Disagree with Foley.
Binnall: Disagree. The WWE tried this before like 8 years ago and it bombed then too. They used Mascarita Sagrada as their main face and even went all out and had mini versions of Mankind and Vader. As it was then, so it will be now, the minis will be gone by February. It works well in Mexico, I presume, because they treat the minis as legit atheletes. While WWE may pretend like they will, we all know Michael Cole will be chuckling like a moron and Tazz will make foolish jokes while the "Juniors" are cast in awful skits. There is no tradition of great mini wrestling in America other than freak show midget wrestling, which very quickly wears out its novelty on a national stage. Let's not forget WWE can't even manage it's tag, womens, or cruiserweight divisions, so there's little hope for them to do anything meaningful with this limited division. The minds behind the curtain will grow as bored with this concept as the audience. David: Disagree. It will be a division played for laughs...and the fans won't be the ones laughing. I really feel bad for the Cruiserweights. They are now both too big and too small to be featured on TV. *** Thanks guys! I appreciate your input! I’m looking forward to seeing who gets to join me next week. Want it to be you?? Hit me up at The Pit, found at the bottom of the Insanity Message Board. Got an opinion on the column? As always, I want to hear from you and know what you’re thinking. Drop me a line at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com. Folks, I really appreciate you taking the time to click the link that brought you here. L8R © Copyright by WorldWrestlingInsanity.com WorldWrestlingInsanity.com is not
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