Chris Masters was attacked before he finished his Narcissist entrance. Carlito came running out like a house of fire and tore into Chris; sending The Masterpiece over the barricade Smackdown vs. Raw 2007 style. CC was so intense that he ended up with a bleeding head courtesy of the ringside barricade Seeing the insane afro man and his bloody head, Masters figured it might be a good idea to run away through the crowd. He shouldn’t be too hard for Carl to find. He’s the big jacked guy wearing spandex underwear and flat-soled boots.

Commercial Break. The guy in the Bowflex commercial cracks me up. He’s like, “I’m in my 40s and I have this great body.” Dude, Vince McMahon is like 65 and could throw you across the river. I wonder if Vince has a Bowflex too. He must have the really good model.

Nitro time.

Oh. I thought you meant…uh…hahah. Vince wasn’t standing near me, was he?

3. The World’s Greatest Tag Team and Johnny Nitro defeated The Hardy Boys when Shelton Benjamin pinned Matt

If last night wasn’t enough to get the point across, this match did. The brand extension is done. Finished. Kaput. Even if they keep it going, it’s not where it was a year ago. Sadly, while I was against the extension at first, I’m even more against doing it in a watered-down style. It almost reeks of desperation in a way since they went so long without doing the cross-brand promoting. Now it’s like we have a divided company, but messily-divided. Some people wrestle here. Some wrestle there. Some wrestle over here on this other show. However, this guy could just pop up over there and that guy might show up here. It just gets silly. If you want Matt Hardy on Raw, then put him on Raw. If you want him on Smackdown, keep him there. If you want him on both…end your brand extension. Jim Ross said that Melina was WWE’s “Kathy Griffin” and “louder than Al Sharpton’s wardrobe.” As for the match, it was methodical, as they say. In other words, it was slow paced because we’re doing a three hour show here. There was a “Native American” Deathlock, as J.R. said, by Charlie Haas. There were leglocks and “wear down holds” galore. The sad thing was that even with all the hot tag buildup, the crowd didn’t pop too much when Matt Hardy was tagged in. It wasn’t until a well-timed double team move on the World’s Greatest Tag Team that the crowd woke up. That all ended when the match came to a close, though. Shelton Benjamin hooked Matt Version I Wrestle For Every Brand by the tights and got the three. It's a loss for Team Extreme.  The Intercontinental Champ sure loses a lot, huh?

After the bell, TWGTT and Johnny triple teamed the Sensei of Mattitude. Jeff tried to make the save, but failed miserably. The whole scene came to an end with K-Fed’s manager standing triumphant over the Intercontinental Champion. Is this a sign of things to come? Only time will tell. He may have won the battle, but not the war. Uh…the electricity is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Katie bar the door. And, in closing, S.R.O. signs went out early.

They’re still making Todd Grisham interview people and the next man on his list is Umaga. Maggie has Armando Alejandro Estrada to do his talking for him. Mando tells Todd that if he had to choose between John Cena and Edge for The Samoan Bulldozer’s opponent at New Year’s Revolution…he’d choose Cena. Why? Revenge! Revenge! Revenge! Muwahahahahhaha!

Commercial Break. Checkers has two drive-throughs. If you use the one on the left, you get a hot, delicious burger. If you use the one on the right, they have a large man in a hood beat a baby kangaroo to death. Choose wisely….

Johnny Nitro and Melina must have taken a wrong turn or something because they’re walking through the parking garage. As luck would have it, that’s where Kevin Federline is. Fed-Ex hugs his two pals and they all exchange praise. From behind her two huge breasts, Melina commends Federline on coming to Raw. She says, “You’re so brave” before giving him a big hug. As she does, Kevin looks into a camera and gives a big ol’ sheet eating grin.

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduce a promo video for Rocky Balboa. The film opens in theaters this Wednesday.

Back at the announce table, Lawler and Ross welcome Sylvester Stallone  on the Titan Tron “live” via satellite. The first thing I noticed is that Sylvester Stallone now looks like a caricature of himself. How did that happen? He looks like a big cartoony Rocky doodle. Plus he has a Tito Santana mullet.

The King asks Sly if Rocky Balboa could live on in future sequels as a promoter. Stallone responds that he wanted to end the film on a positive note and leave the character to rest. He calls it Rocky’s “final goodbye.” Rambo says that Rocky V wasn’t a good ending for the series and feels that many baby boomers will relate to this movie. Jerry follows up by asking whether a “Contender” style reality show would work on WWE TV and Sylvester says, “Yes.” (JG Note: Guess Tough Enough didn’t happen. Erase that memory.) After a fluff question on Hulk Hogan, Lawler asks about the Kevin Federline-John Cena match. The Italian Stallion laughs and says “it co’l’be’fair if maybe’d figh’ ‘im ina wardrobe.” The King thanks his special guest and the segment ends.

Once the prolonged Rocky commercial ends, we go to the regular commercials.

Commercial Break. Fat Head wall murals are “too big for stores.” Damn. If they’re that big, how the hell am I gonna fit it in my house?!

4. Kenny Dykstra pinned Ric Flair with a sunset flip

Kenny Dykstra? Like Lenny Dykstra? What?! What was wrong with Doane? Dykstra is better? Dystramania? It was so insane that Lawler and Ross repeated it like 15 times. It sounded like they were trying to get used to it. Dykstra. Sure. That being said, L-Dyke held his own here. He’s transitioned from his old gimmick well, too. It might have made more sense to give him something closer to his old outfit, though. Swap his green track pants for blue ones. It seemed like a natural progression. Matches like this aren’t going to do him any favors, though. Kenny locked Flair in a chinlock for a prolonged period of time and earned some “boring” chants…during a match with Ric Flair. Wow. By the time The Nature Boy, with his wild poofed out Albert Einstein hair, got in a low blow, the people were pretty burned out. Slick Ric found himself caught on the top rope as usual, but turned the tables immediately after by avoiding a Dykey flying leg drop. It was all for naught, though. The Horseman found himself caught off-guard and pinned by a sunset flip.

After the bell, Ric Flair walked humbly up to Kenny and extended a hand. Do you think the Dykster accepted? Nope. He instead chose to yell in Flair’s face and walk off in a huff. So young. So angry. Damn that rap music. On a side note, Ric looked like he was 100 years old tonight. He should only wrestle on special occasions. This regular rotation thing looks like it's slowly killing him.

Commercial Break.

5. WWE Champion John Cena pinned Edge after interference from DeGeneration X

It’s weird to have this match happening now. It makes you wonder what they have planned for the last hour. (JG Note: Maybe they forgot the last hour. Maybe they’re going to hit 10pm and be like, “Damn! We have an hour left! Shit! Shit!” That would be awesome. I wonder if that‘ll happen. Now I have a reason to keep watching.) You kind of had an idea of what the real main event would be and by the end of this, all doubt was gone.  The ref took a bump and Randy Orton tried to do that voodoo that he does so well.  It didn't work, though.  Bob's kid couldn't get the job done, because Triple H and his little buddy foiled his plans.  The came to the ring and helped the semi-out-of-it WWE Champion without his knowledge.  Once the referee revived, so did John.  He covered the Canadian and got a pin.  The crowd cheered and he gave them a salute to show his gratitude.

Commercial Break. USA Network has a Monk commercial featuring the song “OPP” parodied to be “OCD.” That’s always nice. I wonder what other illnesses they’re going to sing about. I’m looking forward to the Pink Eye Boogie, personally.

Back from the break and the big announcement is made. More double duty tonight. John Coachman has just made it official. We get DX and John Cena against Umaga and Rated RKO. I wonder how many times they can make Edge wrestle in one night before he just passes out.

Yo yo yo…It’s Cryme Tyme. Shad and JTG aren’t here to wrestle, though. They’re here to talk. It’s what they do. Once they say their piece on Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin, they let us know they have a guest. That’s right. Tonight on Cryme Tyme’s Pit, it’s…President George W. Bush.

Or…a really short guy that looks hardly anything like him. Whatever’s easier.

He didn’t sound much like him either. Before this thing even gets going, the crowd turns on it. They start “What”ting everything he says. That’s a bad sign. “What” is to promos as “Boring” is to matches. It means the crowd is bored. Luckily, WWE knows how to go from boring to ridiculous.

“Condoleezza Rice, now that’s one hot little black bitch.”
- Fake George W. Bush, 10:12pm

Geez. When the mini-Bush almost says the N-Word, he’s halted. JTG tells him to watch his mouth or he’ll get beat down - Cryme Tyme style. The President hears his message loud and clear. He even takes a jab at the CT enemies - Haas and Benjamin. The duo show their gratitude by hugging him…and stealing his wallet.

After the Tymers leave the ring, “W” notices that his wallet is gone. He orders his secret service to get the “n….,” stopping short at the line once again. For some reason, the “secret service” don’t move. “Bush” looks confused and the segment ends.

This was one of the worst segments they’ve had in a long time. Stop for a second and take in what that means. There’s was absolutely no point to this. Zero. Nada. They didn’t even have him get beat up. They just had the worst George Bush impersonator in history - complete with huge toupee - tease a racial slur twice and dance away. I don’t get it. It’s not sports. It’s not entertainment. What the f**k?!

Commercial Break. Burger King has a video game you can buy at their place for $3.99. You play the role of the Burger King. I think you’re supposed to sneak up on children and eat them. I’m not entirely sure.

I ain’t the lady to mess with!

Thank you so much. You’ve been ever so helpful

6. Non-Title Match: Victoria pinned Mickie James after the Widow’s Peak

Victoria is still rockin’ the checklist with oversized writing. The only one left on her list is Mickie James. Perhaps Miss Vicki can rectify that tonight . Hmmm. Jim Ross drops another pop culture reference by saying we won’t see Victoria on the View anytime soon. (JG Note: Or Jimmy Wang Yang.) Toria had some back and forth for a while, but after nailing Mickie with her Barbarian 1992 WCW Face Boot, she hit the Widow’s Peak, and score a non-title win. After the match, she added “Women’s Championship” to her list and laid it over M.J.‘s prone body. She ain’t the lady to mess with. I’ll tell ya that much.

Kevin Federline is walking to the ring. Hurry, Kevin! You’re getting less famous by the second!

Commercial Break. Lugz Boots are "Tough Boots." Yeah? Well are they as good as “Roos?“ Do they have  "shoes for your feet and pockets for your stuff?" Huh? Yeah. Didn’t think so.

Back from commercial land, Jim Ross is in the ring and he’s got some schoolin’ to do about one Mr. Kevin Federline. K-Fed has been trashed, bashed, and whatever else rhymes with them. He mentions Jimmy Kimmel and Conan O’Brien as people who have blasted Kevin on their shows. Now he’s here to answer all his haters. He’s in the back and he’s got something to say. Federline…get your no-Britney havin’ ass out here!

Kevin Federline steps into the ring and takes the microphone from J.R. Thanks, buddy. As for the people, though. Screw ya’ll. You hate K-Fed? You hate him? Well good. There ain’t no K-Fed! The media made it. They wanted to turn him into a joke. He ain’t no joke!  In fact, well, let him tell ya:

“The real Kevin Federline never backs down from a challenge. The real Kevin Federline overcomes every obstacle put in front of him. The real Kevin Federline takes pride in shocking the world. And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do when I meet Cena in the ring. January 1st, K-Fed is dead. Kevin Federline will be whopping Cena’s ass! 2007 is a new year so you can make all your jokes. Because New Year’s Day, I’m the one that’s gonna be laughin’. Oh yeah, Cena. My name is not K-Fed. It’s Kevin Federline, bitch! I want some and I’m gonna get some!”
- Kevin Federline, 10:39pm

As K-Dead walked from the ring, he slapped the hands of some fans at ringside. Why? I don’t know. Jim Ross said that the way things are going around here, it wouldn’t be a stretch for Federline to beat the WWE Champ on January 1^st. Know what’s sad? I agree with him. Man. At least David Arquette was in a movie or two. This is just nuts.

Commercial Break. See No Evil is out on DVD. All the people who didn’t want to see it and said, “I’ll see it when it comes out on DVD” are screwed now. Now you have no excuse. Ha.

7. DX and John Cena fought Rated RKO and Umaga to Double DQ

This one went on for a while but the crowd didn’t care. They seemed pretty burnt at this point and when all hell broke loose, we all were happy. John Cena dragged Umaga to the area underneath the ramp and threw him through a shower-door thing. When the referee finally did call for the double DQ, things went nuts!

Edge and Randy Orton took Shawn Michaels and gave him a double RKO on a chair. With the Boy Toy down and out, Triple H was fair Game. They picked him up and hurled him into Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. The surprised announcers just sat there with a big armful of Hunter and begged the rule breakers to lay off.

You think they did?

Nope.

Orton went absolutely insane in one of the most intense segments they’ve shot in a while. He pounded away on Triple’s noggin like a maniac. Screaming and punching, the Legend Killer did all he could to end the King of Kings. When the punches grew old, he had Edge place a chair on the announce table. Once he did that, he positioned the Cerebral Assassin’s head on it. That’s when Randy, with anger in his eyes, swung violently down with another chair and crushed Mr. Stephanie’s head…

Twice.

Trips was bleeding at this point so the blood was pouring on the bottom chair with each hit. It was pretty sick. The announcers stopped doing their jobs and the scene went on without narration, which added to the drama. Rated RKO returned to the ring so they could finish the job on The Boy Toy, but were stopped by an army of referees and Tony Garea (JG Note: Who has looked exactly the same for the last 20 years. He’s like the guy in the Twilight Zone episode that doesn’t age.) The cocky heels leave the ring and we watch the violence again in replay.

Then again.

Then once more.

We get a few shots of sad fans. No word on whether they’re sad over DX’s death or the fact that this show was three hours and tiring. DeGeneration X bleeds all over the place and with no commentary to drown them out, the audience can be heard chanting things like, “I.R.S.! I.R.S.!” “Nah, nah, nah, nah, hey, hey, hey…” and “Where’s Dusty Rhodes” as we fade to black.

All in all…I liked the show for a little while, but it seemed to hit a snag about halfway through and got old quickly. It was a good hour and a half of show…jammed into a three hour “train ride.”

The thing is that they don’t even have enough stories to carry three hours. People have to wrestle over and over again. I feel like this is the next thing that they’re going to overdo. Wrestlers are going to start wrestling multiple times each week. They can fire everyone except for DX and Cena. They’ve been having guys do double-duty for weeks. Last week they did it with Hunter, Edge, and Cena. Tonight they did it with everyone. Plus, Edge got to do triple duty. Maybe this is a sign that they should incorporate other people into storylines. When you have three hours and nothing to fill it with besides the same four or five conflicts, you’re in trouble. Might want to widen your scope there.

The George Bush thing was one of the worst segments ever. Ever. It had no point. They teased the Michael Richards slur a few times. Why? Who knows? It’s not like Cryme Tyme beat up the fake Bush at the end. They took his wallet. It was just terrible for the sake of terrible. I can’t remember WWE doing anything so pointless and misguidedly offensive in a long time. Wow. I just said a mouthful.

Kenny Dykstra. Kenny Dykstra. Yup. If TNA had named a guy “Kenny Dykstra,” everyone would be like “Oh, that’s Vince Russo because he’s a New Yorker. He did that stupid name.” Well, Vinnie Ru don’t work here. So who can we blame? I can only imagine Triple H at four years old with big mutton chops cheering for the 73 Mets. Spittin’ water and cheering for Rusty Staub. I’m not saying he thought of it necessarily. I just liked the visual of four year old Hunter with crazy sideburns.

If tonight’s appearance of Kevin Federline doesn’t get a lot of pub, I’d say they’re screwed on January 1^st. Tonight’s the test. I’m eager to see if Hollywood is going to oust him like a child star. It could happen. Had it not been for the timing of his divorce, this match between Kevin and Cena would be a major deal. Timing is a bitch, K-Dead.

So there it is. Three hours. Done and done. Don’t forget to check out the Raw Insanity Extra and everything else over at ClubWWI.com..

At the Club, you’ll find the complete unedited interview with Bad News Brown. It includes his shoot on Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, the promise Vince McMahon broke to him, how “No Holds Barred: The Movie” was supposed to play a part in Brown’s career, why his LJN action figure never came out, today’s wrestling product, the high mortality rate of young wrestlers today, the storyline that his wife hated, how that played a part in his WWF departure, his matches against Hulk Hogan, thoughts on Hogan, being recognized by fans, and much more.

Not only that, but you’ll get all the interviews we’ve conducted for the site. Past guests include Samoa Joe, Ted DiBiase, Christian Cage, Chris Daniels, AJ Styles, Brother Runt, Scott Steiner, Bobby Heenan, Slick, Christy Hemme, Ivory, Nidia, Vince Russo, The Iron Sheik, Demolition, and many, many more. You’ll also get all the audio updates including my audio recap of WWE Armageddon, Complete and Utter Bulldog, The World According to ZAH, Uncle Ralph’s Not Safe For Anyone, and, of course…

Tuesdays with Tom. Dr. Tom Prichard’s weekly audio show goes up tomorrow, so be sure to check it out on ClubWWI.com..

Don’t forget about our Year End Festivities either. Be sure to send your 2007 predictions and votes for all the best and worst of 2006 to 2006@WorldWrestlingInsanity.com. You can check out the full list of categories by clicking here.

I’ll see you all here next week for some more Raw Insanity…from Iraq! I won’t be there, but WWE will be. It’s Vince McMahon’s way of increasing our troops morale…by giving them the same product everyone else is complaining about.

Thanks for sharing the Insanity, guys! Be Well!

James@ _ WorldWrestlingInsanity.com