Heat
The Heat Report: The World's Greatest Tag Team In Singles Action Against Hacksaw Duggan and Super Crazy
By Saad Naeem
Jan 13, 2007, 01:59

Hey guys, hope all is goin’ fine. I’m back and you know what that means. Get ready to feel the Heat. Its not cause of global warming though, it’s cause today’s edition is hot. We got my favorite tag team (except of course Rated RKO) the World’s Greatest Tag Team in the house and they’re ready to kick some ass. Aside from that we got the usual Viscera and Duggan and of course no edition of Heat would be complete with out it’s fair share of jobbers. But what are you reading this crappy intro for? Go down and check out what happened.

Oh sheet! WWE.com is slowly getting’ mad gangsta yo. Go check out any WWE video. The new layout is smokin’ slick.

Hmm. From his name, the jobber sounds like a mix between Ty Pennington and Timothy Dalton. But I only say that because that’s the only two people I know that have those names. Actually he’s a baldy from St. Louis that looked like Christopher Daniels. Viscera on the other hand is wearing silky milky white pajamas. Keep in mind, he won last week’s main event against Duggan so the momentum is on his side. Wow, main eventer to curtain jerker in one week. Only on Heat ladies and gentlemen.

Déjà vu to the Rosie vs. Donald disgrace as the match starts the same way (Tie up and Viscera shoves the jobber away twice). Backs him into the corner and Vis lays in a few open hand chops. Huge hiptoss, then a huge clotheslines followed by a huge scoop slam. Now “the World’s Largest Love Machine” is dancin’ around the ring as he nails an elbow drop on Ty-Dy then stands on the poor kiddo. Dalton finally gets some offense with a chop block and then a pretty great dropkick. But the 2 second attack dies with a spinning heel kick my Mohawk Mabel. Then he shows us he wants to rape the jobber by doing some “provocative” dances and nails what Todd Grisham christened “The Sex Drive.” It was actually a baldo bomb or sitout chokeslam. Whatever you wanna call it.

No one was expecting anything different. It was a squash match. But we got to see the unveiling of a new finisher with a creative name. Nice.

Royal Rumble Promo. They make seem like such a glorious thing but you know what, it is. Also, they showed Kennedy a lot. As much as I love the dude he is not my pick to win it.

What the hell??? What the hell is this? Why is Charlie Haas in a singles match on Heat? You wanna know what’s scary? He’s got a red and white hoodie on (which looks pretty cool) and he didn’t come out to the World’s Greatest tag Team Music. You know what this indicates?? WGTT could potentially be done. Why in the blue hell would they do that for?? Dumbass WWE, always finds a way to piss me off. On the other hand, we have seen this match about 15 bazillion times so excuse me if I get bored.

A good way to start the match. Charles takes Crazy where he is most comfortable, to some mat wrestling. A few holds and locks that ends with a cover for the two count. Then a headlock by Haas and a dam hard shoulder butt that sends Crazy out the ring. He gets back on the apron only to be met with a Haas knee. Crazy gets in some punches and nails a great crossbody off the top rope but that only gets a two. Then Crazy goes for a couple of unique covers but Haas always kicked out. Following that, Crazy hits a Super dropkick. Very nice indeed. El Senor Loco goes for a Lionsault (if you wanna call it a springboard moonsault be my guest) but Haas gets his knees up. Haas begins to work on Crazy’s ribs as he nails a stiff kick to the midsection. Then a front suplex that hangs Super on the ropes.

Haas applies a camel clutch but Crazy soon breaks out. But that momentum is soon stopped with some more vicious kicks to the ribs. He locks in an abdomen stretch for a while until resorting to the ropes for some added leverage. Then Haas gets Super up like in the Dominator position but runs with him to the turnbuckle, causing a collision between the turnbuckle and Super Crazy. But Charles eats some boots, an elbow and another great dropkick. Drop toe hold and a dropkick to the face. Monkey flip in the corner and a few right hands. But Haas grabs the hair and takes Super down. A belly to belly suplex by Haas but no cover. Crazy in the corner now, Haas runs, misses and crashes shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Crazy with the missile dropkick and then a standing moonsault for the 1-2-3.

Why did Super Crazy win? I mean yes he deserved it but still guys c’mon. What’s this gonna do for his career? Nothing. Haas on the other hand needed it to solidify himself and Shelton as a force to be reckoned with in the tag team division. But hey whatever, it’s not like anyone really watches Heat.

WWE magazine promo. Best of 2006. Damn how late are they. It’s 2K7, get with the program people.

What’s better than one jobber match? Two! That’s right and since this is a tag team match tonight’s Heat is brought to you by the number 3. That’s right. 3 jobbers. Anyways, one of the guys is wearing red and the other is wearing blue. So from now on, that’s what we refer to them as, Red and Blue. Rory starts off with Red and gets in a headlock. Then he pulls a Vito by sticking Red’s head in his kilt! “C’mon man, my mom watches this show!” Double axe handle smack and then a tag to Robbie (I’m Robbie!) and the Highlanders hit a double headbutt. Dropkick, European uppercut, and then a tag by Robbie. Double hiptoss and then another double headbutt. Litmus paper turns from red to blue as the jobbers make a tag. The Blue Man gets knocked down with a clothesline and then another friggin headbutt. And you tell me that Cena doesn’t know more than 5 moves.

Tag made to Robbie and he starts beating Blues Clues head on the turnbuckles. But just like that the tide turns and the jobbers start working on Robbie’s arm. Armlocks, punches, kicks, everything. The red guy is in and he starts yelling at the audience. That shows us he is missin’ a few teeth. Robbie comes back with a few elbows and a snapmare takedown and then a tag again. Rory hits a few double axe handle smacks and scoop slams. Then he hits a Rockbottom type move (just that the guy landed on Rory’s knee) on the red guy for a 2 count. But that brings all 4 men in the ring and a melee breaks out. Double headbutt on Red and Blue and a Scot Drop on Red for the win.

Good match, but why have another squash match tonight? I know why. Cade and Murdoch were on Raw so there was nobody else left to face the Highlanders except some jobbers.

Born to Controversy promo. Good timing cause it came after the Highlanders match. Hope Piper gets better soon.

Looks like WGTT is doin’ double duty tonight. Hopefully the results are different this time around. And I must apologize. WGTT is not breaking up. In fact they finally have matching costumes! And they look mad cool, especially on Shelton. I’m so happy cause Shelton is definitely a favorite. Hacksaw on the other hand lost last week. Amazing how he went from facing a big dude like Viscera to a agile and athletic Shelton. Doesn’t matter. I say he’s still gonna lose.

Match begins with Hacksaw starting a USA chant. Another tie-up shove beginning and Hacksaw says HO! Another tie-up that starts some arms and wrist locks then Shelton sends Hacksaw into the corner. He starts nailing some punches but Hacky comes back with his own. Kick to the midsection by Benji and a damn hard knee lift sends Hacksaw to the ground. In the ropes Shelton chokes Duggan and pounds him with a few shots while the ref counts to 4. A legdrop to Hacksaw in the ropes by one half of WGTT. He drags Jim to the middle of the ring and gets a two count. A few more punches on the ground. Man Shelton is impressive to-nite. Hacksaw comes back with a few punches but he is taken down with a rake to the eyes. Shelton then locks in a neck submission but Duggan break out of that too. But once again, when you think you got the answer, Benji changes the question. He takes down Duggan with a hard knee and gains control of the match again. Shelton misses the Shelton Splash and Hacksaw slams his head into the turnbuckle. Hacksaw sets up the 3 Point Stance but misses, runs into the turnbuckle, and eats a kick right to the back of the head. Great impact and ladies and gentlemen Shelton wins with the kick.

People in the audience were clapping, and I was too. Great great display by Shelton as he demolished Hacksaw. Good job Shelton. You made me proud. Now just do that on Raw and we’ve got ourselves a great WWE superstar and inevitable WWE champ.

All in all, pretty good edition of Heat. The WGTT matches were the best while the other two were just time killers. If you wanna check out Heat, I advise it.

Thanks for clicking the link and I hope you enjoyed it. If you have any suggestions, comments or criticisms then please do tell. My e-mail address is Naeem920@gmail.com or you can hit me up with a PM at the Insanity Message Boards. My username is Naeem920.

Until then I'm Saad Naeem and that was Heat.