Mallory Mahling
Mallory Looks at The Rosie and The Donald . . . It could be worse!
By Mallory Mahling
Jan 17, 2007, 10:35

The way things were going Monday night on Raw, it wouldn’t surprise me to see The Vince and The Donald headlining WrestleMania in a Hair vs. Hair (or Toupee vs. Toupee, as the case may be) Match.   

Think of it!  Two of the self-proclaimed greatest businessmen of all time going toe-to-toe in the squared circle.  It’s literally a money, money, money, money match.  Especially if one of them has to go home bald.  (And given the predetermined nature of the business, it wouldn't be Vince.)

As mind-boggling as things have been around WWE lately, anything could happen.  Like this, for instance . . .

* * * 

It seems a little fly was on the wall at TitanTowers during last week's post-Raw brainstorming session. 

As usual, Mister McMahon waited til his staff was seated around the conference table before he cued his music and strutted into the room.  He took his seat at the head of the table and got the pleasantries over with before sharing his thoughts on the week’s show.

The McBoss said he’d been delighted with the way The Donald vs. The Rosie match had turned out.  In fact, he envisioned a series of matches between the battling TV personalities leading up to WrestleMania.  “This feud is worth its weight in gold--and that’s quite a bit of tonnage,” he quipped. 

There were more than a few muffled groans from around the table.

“What was that????” McMahon snarled, ready to kick ass, take names--and write pink slips.

When there was no further response from the attendees (who were now staring at the ceiling with innocent looks on their faces), he continued. 

“I have my finger on the pulse of the fans,” he boasted before talking about how well-received the Rosie vs. Donald match had been by those in attendance and the viewers at home.

Deee-luuu-sion-al--Rosie’s loud, sing-song assessment of Donald Trump—was a phrase that occurred to them all.  The stinging words of the critics had filled the Internet and the chants of “TNA” from the live crowd were still ringing in their ears. 

“They looked a little clumsy in the ring, though,” observed McMahon about Rosie and The Donald.  “So did that Federline kid; he looked like a sack of potatoes.  What we need to do is get them some training.”

Suddenly, a light bulb appeared to go off over Mister McMahon’s head.  “I’ve got it!” he bellowed, “Celebrity Tough Enough!” 

No one dared make a sound, so the staff settled for turning away from McMahon and rolling their eyes.  Memories of the last “Tough Enough” still haunted them.  Wrestlers in drag.  Make-out sessions with Mae Young.  Yeah, the Boss had his finger on the pulse of the fans alright. 

But McMahon pressed on with tentative plans for a new, ratings-grabbing edition of “Tough Enough.”  “People will watch celebrities do anything,” he mused, probably thinking of the throngs of people who love to watch K-Fed’s ex-wife get in and out of cars.

Stephanie piped up with a thought about how to maximize the publicity for the new show.  “We can have celebrity trainers, too,” she chirped.  “That UFC show uses its stars to do the training.  Remember that season when our very own Ken Shamrock and that loser Tito Ortiz did the training?”  It was obvious that Steph had read Tito’s comments about her hubby’s chances of making it in the world of mixed martial arts.

McDaddy liked the idea.  “And I know just who we can get to do the training,” he said emphatically.  “Bob Holly!  The fans love him and he already has experience with “Tough Enough” training.  He even beat that C.M. Punk guy that the Internet fans are so crazy about.  What do the Internet fans know?” he scoffed as he thought out loud. 

A sudden fit of coughing broke out around the table as groans were transformed into something staff members knew they couldn’t get in trouble for.  They knew in their hearts that having C.M. Punk job to Bob “The Charmer” Holly was another nail in ECW’s coffin. 

Yes, indeed – Mister McMahon has his finger on the pulse of the fans.

* * *

The foregoing was merely fanciful.  WWE is actually very attuned to the wants and needs of its fan base. 

* * *

Thanks for reading and see you next week.

* * *