ECW
1/23 ECW ON SCI-FI: Mallory’s Ongoing Coverage of the Show
By Mallory Mahling
Jan 23, 2007, 23:07

Tonight's show was either live and direct--or dead and indirect--from Mobile, Alabama, home town of ECW’s own Bob “Sparkplug” Holly. 

Let the bodies hit the floor…    

Tazz and Joey Styles welcomed viewers to the show, which started with Sandman spewing beer on his way to the ring for an Over-the-Top-Rope Challenge.  That Rumble-lite format worked so well last night on Raw.  *rolling eyes* 

(1)  Over-the-Top-Rope Challenge:  Sandman, Sabu, Kevin Thorn (w/Ariel), Tommy Dreamer, and Rob Van Dam.   In the blink of an eye everybody was out except for RVD and Thorn.  Thorn sent RVD over the top, but Van Dam landed on the apron and battled his way back into the ring.  RVD with an acrobatic side kick to Thorn, who fell to the ground.  RVD was the last man standing and won the match. 

Styles said the main event had changed from Lashley vs. Holly to Lashley vs. Test.  I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. 

(Commercial break)

Marcus Cor Von, who looked suspiciously like Monty Brown, came out for his match.  Where did they come up with that name?  It sounds like a new brand of car.

(2)  Marcus Cor Von vs. The Mobile Jobber.  Monty Von (the Alpha Male) beat the stew out of his poor opponent (sorry, but I didn’t catch his name), who hung on as long as he could before tapping out.

Test was primping in the locker room when Bob Holly stormed in and got in Test’s face about taking Holly’s spot in the main event.  Hard to do, since Holly only comes up chest high on Test.

(Commercial break)

If you’re hungry, this would be a good time to run to the kitchen for a snack.  Time for Kelly Kelly’s Extreme Expose.   Kelly brought along Brooke and Leyla, and the three of them pranced artlessly around the ring.  The only thing missing was a pole.  (Isn’t this a wrestling show???)  The music stopped abruptly…and not a moment too soon.

Test—self-proclaimed as God’s gift to ECW—is calling himself the Impact Player now.  Lance Storm is an Impact Player.  Justin Credible is an Impact Player.  Test, you’re no Impact Player.

The bell rang and school was in session.  Matt Striker came out and joined Tazz and Styles on commentary.

(Commercial break)

(3)  CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke.  Striker was obviously in Burke’s corner.  It was also obvious that he and Punk had issues.  I’m liking Striker more on the mic these days.  The crowd was chanting Punk’s name as Burke dominated the match.  Near fall by Burke, then a second one and he was growing frustrated.  Burke kept trying to submit Punk.  It went on far too long.  On and on and on.  Neckbreaker by Punk, who had gotten his second wind and Punk won it with a handful of tights.

(Commercial break)

(4)  Bobby Lashley vs. Test.  Test had borrowed a move from the previous match and had Lashley in a prolonged chin lock.  No matter what Test did, he couldn’t best Lashley.  He tried a steel chair out of desperation and Lashley turned it against him.  Delayed vertical suplex by Lashley and Test rolled out of the ring.  Lashley introduced Test to the ring steps, head first, then pinned Test for the 1-2-3 and the win.  Not a bad match—you can see the rematch on Sunday at the Royal Rumble.

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