| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com Raw By Mallory
Mahling
(The USA commercial immediately preceding Raw pondered whether Batista's win at Taboo Tuesday would bring J.R. back to Raw. Hmmmm. Weren't they told to pull that earlier today?) Taboo Tuesday was high on tonight's list of beefs and bragging. Jonathan Coachman (Ugh!) and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed viewers to the show. Then they welcomed Joey Styles to Raw (Yesssss!). The entire Raw locker room was standing on the ring apron, awaiting something. It turned out to be Eric Bischoff (who was either dressed for a funeral or a mob event). Bischoff was already pitching Survivor Series and said Triple H and Ric Flair would face off in a last man standing match at the upcoming pay-per-view; Kurt Angle and John Cena would also have a match at Survivor Series, and the new tag champs, Big Show and Kane, and HBK would be part of the five-man team to face five of Smackdown's finest. Carlito volunteered; he said no more cabanas, he was a wrestler. "Are you high?" asked Shelton Benjamin. Benjamin wanted to be on the team, too. To settle who would get the slot on Team Raw, Bischoff said Benjamin and Carlito would have a determining match tonight. Murdoch said he and Cade had been screwed at Taboo Tuesday, so Bischoff said they'd get a hardcore tag team match against the current title holders, Kane and Big Show tonight. Gregory Helms had a bone to pick with Rosey, so consider that match made, too, said the benevolent Bischoff. Mickie James piped up and screeched that everyone should give Trish Stratus a cheer for retaining the women's title. Yeah, whatever, said the G.M. Bischoff suddenly noticed Edge and Lita and invited them into the ring. They stepped in reluctantly. (Lita seemed to be brushing Edge's hand off her shoulder.) Anyway, Bischoff was miffed at Edge for his selfish behavior at Taboo Tuesday. (Cue the "asshole" chants.) Bischoff said Edge would be going to Smackdown to participate in a street fight with Batista this week. With that, he kicked Edge and Lita out of the ring and told them not to come back until they get the job done. Job? Odd choice of words. Bischoff started singing "Na na na, hey hey, goodbye," which caught on with the others in the ring and with the audience to some extent. (Commercial break) (1) Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito. Returning from the break, the match was already underway. I guess you could have logged onto WWE.com to catch the beginning. Spectacular dive to the outside by Benjamin. Back in the ring, Carlito tied Benjamin's legs up in knots and was hoping for a tap out. Benjamin grabbed Carlito's curls and pulled to get him to break the hold. Benjamin launched Carlito with a big body drop. Benjamin starting throwing punches that went unanswered, then came off the top and missed the landing. Carlito went for a pin, but Benjamin got a shoulder up. Benjamin's knee was in bad shape and Carlito drop kicked it, and put him in a leg lock. Benjamin reversed it, but Carlito reversed it again and went for a cover with his hands on the ropes for leverage. Your winner: Carlito. In the women's dressing room, Trish tried to talk to Mickie, but Mickie started babbling and Trish couldn't get a word in edgewise. (Commercial break) (2) Tag Team Match: Trish Stratus & Mickie James vs. Victoria & Candice Michelle. Mickie really ought to get herself a more modest pair of panties, but, of course, the King loved all the crotch shots. Not much to this match. Lots of flailing around. Victoria teed off on Mickie with Candice's magic wand, then pinned her for the win. Your winners: Candice Michelle and Victoria. (Commercial break) The obligatory highlights of Taboo Tuesday aired. Kane was pacing in the dressing room. Big Show approached him and said they should try to work as a team tonight in their hardcore tag team match. Kane said his strategy was pain, pain, and more pain. "I'm with ya," said a fired-up Show. (Commercial break) (3) Gregory Helms vs. Rosey. Helms is looking a lot like Robert Conway these days. The match started with Rosey pummeling his former tag team partner. Helms won it with a shining wizard, which was about his only move during this short match. Your winner: Gregory Helms. Cade and Murdoch were on their way to the ring with a buggy full of plunder. Styles quipped that seeing all that hardcore stuff gave him extreme goose bumps. (Commercial break) (4) Tag Team Championship Match (Hardcore Division): Kane & Big Show vs. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch. While Big Show occupied the former champs, Kane went through their buggy to see what sort of plunder they'd brought with them. Needless to say, they dominated the early part of the match. Cade pulled down the ropes when Show leaned on them and Big Show fell through. Suddenly the big guys were getting their butts kicked with trash can lids and kendo sticks. Swinging neckbreaker by Cade to Kane. Kane stood and attempted to grab them for dual chokeslams, but they escaped. Kane caned Cade with the kendo stick (say that three times fast), then Show bashed him with the trash can. Murdoch had the trash can placed over his head and Kane and Show rang his bell. The three battled up the ramp to the announce table, where Kane cleared the monitors off the table and he and Show slammed Cade through it to retain the tag titles. Your winners: Kane and Big Show. We're told the main event is coming up next. But, but...there is nearly an hour left in the show. (Commercial break) The announcers had improvised an announce table during the break. As Angle came out, he got the usual chorus of "You suck." He grabbed a mic and said how much he hated that chant, which, of course, started it up again. Angle said he was going to the back to make his entrance again. And this time he didn't want to hear any chanting. And if he doesn't get respect, he'll do it over and over again until he gets some. The crowd immediately started chanting, even before the music started. When the music did start again, so did the chants. Angle began ranting and said he'd give the audience one last chance. If he didn't get respect, the crowd would not get a main event. It's true, it's true. The music started for a third time, and the chanting started right along with it. Angle was livid, saying his wife had left him and he'd lost his family because of wrestling. He'd suffered through multiple neck surgeries for the fans. As a matter of fact, he said he thought the crowd sucked. Angle threw down the mic and stomped off. The crowd gave him a "Na na na na, hey hey, goodbye" chant, too. (Commercial break) In the locker room, Angle was angrily changing clothes and Eric Bischoff demanded to know what he was doing. Angle said he'd make a deal and stay if Bischoff made the crowd stop chanting that sucky thing. And he wanted a special guest referee, too. Bischoff said he could provide the special ref but he wasn't sure he could make the crowd stop chanting. Ultimately, he was able to persuade Angle to stay for the main event. Triple H, with his forehead bandaged, came out and sat down in a big black leather chair set up on the stage. It was the best seat in the house to watch the next match. (5) Intercontinental Championship Match: Ric Flair vs. Rob Conway. Flair came out and strutted past Triple H. The match started and he was styling and profiling. The chops are being served, said Styles. Hangman's neckbreaker by Conway on Flair and he went for a cover. Flair got a shoulder up. Then Flair grabbed a handful of you-know-what and resumed control of the match. Figure Four on Conway, who tapped out. Your winner: Ric Flair to retain the IC title. After the match, Triple H headed down the ramp. To offer his congratulations? Of course not. He picked a fight with Flair and they brawled until referees and agents swarmed out and broke it up. (Commercial break) Earlier tonight, Edge and Lita had been ejected from the arena by Eric Bischoff. This Friday night on Smackdown, Edge and Batista will go one-on-one in a street fight. Bischoff was on the phone in his office when Lita snuck back in and tried to change the G.M.'s mind. She even offered him a peek at her...um...enhancements. Eric told her to put her girls back in--they could put an eye out. Time for Masterpiece Theatre. Where's Alistair Cooke when you really need him? Kurt Angle's entrance music started again, and this time the "you sucks" were bleeped. Coach thought that was an innovative way to deal with it, but Styles was outraged that a live crowd would be censored. After everyone had made their entrances, some familiar Middle Eastern music started. Was Hassan back? No, it was Shawn Daivari, the special guest referee. (Commercial break) (6) Kurt Angle & Chris Masters vs. Shawn Michaels & John Cena. Naturally, the match had started during the break and the announcers tried to describe what had happened during the commercial. It's just not the same as watching it--this isn't radio. Daivari was making slow counts for the good guys, and quick ones for the bad guys. Michaels did most of the heavy lifting, so to speak, for his team. Cena finally tagged and was on fire. Michaels tagged back in for the flashy finish, or so he thought. Angle introduced a chair to the mix, but it was HBK got DQ'ed for it. Go figure. When Cena didn't like that decision, Daivari waffled him across the back with the chair. Your winners: Angle and Masters via disqualification. Daivari celebrated in the ring with the winners as the show went off the air. ***
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