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We’re in Portland, Oregon and the anticipation is high for this week’s ZAH is RAW. Oh yeah...and WrestleMania’s about a month or so away. So how will RAW build anticipation for the huge annual event? Will Donald Trump haunt Mr. McMahon’s dreams and whisper “May 19th” into his ear over and over? Will we have a tag title defense by whoever’s the tag team champions? Will the Highlanders finally win a match (they’re still on the roster, right)? Will Melina finally stop causing Johnny Nitro to have heat backstage? Will the 8-man tag team match live up to its potential? There’s only one way to find out…
Boo-yah…here we go!!
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NO CHANCE!! That’s what you got.
Once JR & King give us their ‘hellos’, Mr. McMahon makes his way to the ring. It looks like we’re kicking things off right off the bat as Donald Trump gets introduced and makes his way to the ring (accompanied by Torrie Wilson & an almost unrecognizable Ashley Massaro).
Vince suggested that Trump was a little intimidated while standing next to him, to which Trump disagreed with. Vince said that he didn’t appreciate Trump stealing his “You’re fired” catchphrase and didn’t appreciate Trump dumping money upon the audience during “Vince McMahon Appreciation Night”.
Trump then said that Vince should be prepared to be embarrassed again tonight as he’s going to dump money on the audience again tonight. Vince then said that he knew Trump was going to try that and his security confiscated the money and there would be no money dropping on the audience tonight...to which the audience replied “You suck”...which was promptly followed by an “Asshole” chant.
Trump told Vince that he’s taller than Vince, he’s better looking than Vince, he’s stronger than Vince (???), and he then challenged Vince to a match at WrestleMania. When Vince tried to clarify, Donald then told Vince he would kick his ass. Vince then said that in his last match he was injured and shouldn’t ever compete inside the squared circle...so he declined the offer to a match.
However, Vince then came up with a counter-proposal. He suggested that he find a hand-picked representative and Trump do the same, with the two men facing each other at WrestleMania. Trump didn’t like that idea and then suggested they each pick a representative and it then becomes a “Loser Gets His Head Shaved” with either Vince or Donald getting their head shaved should their representative lose (!!!).
Vince then declined that stipulation. Trump decided to say that Vince was gutless and then proceeded to insult Rosie O’Donnell yet again for some strange reason (move on, Donald...you're the babyface). Vince being Vince then agreed to the match.
Interesting.
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*** (1) Johnny Nitro & Melina vs. Super Crazy & Mickie James.
Yeah...it’s the backstage heat magnets in action. People wonder why Nitro is still being featured when there’s so much heat on him...it’s because it’s widely acknowledged that they’re eventually going to be a main-event pairing. So much like Randy Orton’s attitude...it’s being tolerated.
I’m hoping that Nitro’s recent pairings with ex-partner Joey Mercury is finished because Nitro really has what it takes to become a superstar. Nitro and Crazy start things off and after Melina pulls Mickie off the ring apron, Nitro hits a leg lariat and a neckbreaker on Crazy before doing his break-dancing legdrop for a 2-count.
Nitro shoved Super Crazy into Mickie and she fell off the ring apron for a second time. He then clamped on the Randy Orton Chinlock of Doom © before taking Crazy down with a stiff upper forearm shot.
Out of nowhere, though, Crazy jumped off the middle rope and hit a quick hurricarana on Nitro, who quickly tagged out to Melina. Mickie then ran into the ring and began grabbing Melina by the hair and tossing her around.
Mickie went for her DDT finisher but Nitro broke it up. Crazy then kicked Nitro out of the ring and Mickie threw Melina out, too. Team Super Mickie then did dual sliding dropkicks for a quick pop.
Mickie then threw Melina back inside, but Melina hit a stiff backbreaker and grabbed the tights for the surprising 1-2-3.
Thoughts: An okay match, but there’s definitely potential in a Super Crazy vs. Johnny Nitro singles match on PPV.
Rating: 5/10 It was what it was.
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We get a video recap of last week’s #1 contender’s match that was won by Shawn Michaels, who will now go on to face John Cena at WrestleMania. The vignette then helped set up the Batista/Undertaker vs. Michaels/Cena match at No Way Out.
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Inside the ring Eugene (he’s a babyface again??) is running around acting like George “the Animal” Steele with a bad beard and less charisma.
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(2) The Great Khali vs. Eugene.
It’s a squash match. Do you really want to guess who wins? The crazy thing is that WWE now has enough confidence in Khali to put him in live matches on RAW in an effort to get him over.
People in the crowd, though, were standing in awe of the guy’s size. He’s certainly doing his job properly at this point.
Thoughts: I hate squash matches.
Rating: 1/10 While it did the job of putting Khali over, I have no desire to watch squashes.
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*** Backstage Maria is interviewing Shawn Michaels, who is talking on a cell phone with Triple H. He then pushes the new DX DVD in a cheap plug before delivering a standard “I’m gonna kick your ass” type of promo that he’s always been known for.
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Todd Grisham is then shown backstage interviewing Ric Flair. They recap last week’s verbal bitch-slap that Flair laid down on Carlito in a worked-shoot promo. Just as Flair is about to talk, Carlito walks into the interview and says that Flair owes him an apology because what he said last week wasn’t cool.
Flair then went off on Carlito again and said that he had no guts and no heart. Carlito then challenged Flair to a match tonight.
This wouldn’t be so interesting if it weren’t for the fact that WWE management really sees Carlito the way Flair is describing him. The question now is will Carlito really start acting like a potential main eventer or will he continue to flounder in the world of Shelton Benjamin?
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(3) Intercontinental champion Jeff Hardy vs. “The Masterpiece” Chris Masters in a non-title match.
It was announced that if Masters won tonight’s match, he’d then receive a title shot “sometime in the future”. Isn’t that to be expected if somebody beats a champion in a non-title situation?
Immediately Masters attacks Hardy but Hardy ends up flying over the top rope to Masters on the floor within the first minute. Back inside, a Masters powerbomb gives him an early 2-count. He then began working over Hardy’s back while the crowd began chanting for the lesser-talented Team Extreme member.
Masters then drove his knee into Hardy’s back and then clamped on the dreaded Randy Orton Chinlock of Doom © before Hardy began breaking his way out of it with a jawbreaker. Hardy then hit some sloppy clotheslines and barely hit a spinning mule kick that Masters had to sell.
Hardy then climbed to the top rope but Masters crotched him and immediately slapped on the MasterLock. To thankfully put an end to the match, Hardy went down and became yet another victim of the MasterLock...but NO!! Hardy made his way over the top rope to the outside apron and the referee was forced to break the hold.
Masters then went after Hardy but Hardy flipped over Masters and landed a foot away from Masters. Of course, he was supposed to gracefully slide over Masters and roll him up but, instead, Chris Masters was forced to stand there looking incredibly dumb while Hardy inched his way back and then rolled him up for the 3-count.
Got all that?
Thoughts: What a clusterf*ck of a match. I swear...Masters is constantly put into situations where he’s 100% guaranteed to look bad (ex: Carlito, Shelton Benjamin, John Cena...the list goes on). Then again...maybe Masters just sucks and can’t have a good match with anybody.
Rating: 2/10 Either way, this was sloppy as hell. Having Jeff Hardy as your IC champion is a disgrace. He’s a spotfest artist who can’t paint within the lines.
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Jerry Lawler was shown in the ring and introduced a cancer-recovering WWE superstar (not to mention a Portland, Oregon legend), “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. I gotta say...Piper looked better than I’ve seen him in years. I’m certainly not going to say that getting cancer was a good thing, but Piper looked healthy and coherent...something I haven’t seen from him in years.
*** Hot Rod then gave some sincere thanks to the people of Portland who helped him get through his rough times and said that they were all really classy people. Roddy then introduced the first inductee into the 2007 WWE Hall of Fame... . . . . . . ...drumroll... . . . . . . . Dusty Rhodes!!
I’ll tell ya, if you didn’t live through the NWA 80’s and never saw the REAL Dusty Rhodes at the height of his career, then you owe it to yourself to do so and find the real reason why this is absolutely deserved.
Dusty then made his way out to the ring...pretty much defeating the purpose of wanting to see the Hall of Fame show this year (is it even being televised?). Dusty then delivered a classic promo that only he could deliver and put over Roddy Piper’s recovery. While he was starting to talk about being inducted into the HOF, Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada made their way to the ring.
Inside the ring, Piper and Rhodes then stared down Umaga before Piper backed off and left the ring. Rhodes then tried to attack Umaga but was quickly beat down and run over by the Samoan Bulldozer. Piper then grabbed a chair and re-entered the ring. He nailed Umaga but it was no-sold. Piper then took the Samoan Spike as Dusty got back up and got hit by the Spike, too.
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(4) Carlito w/ Torrie Wilson vs. Ric Flair.
Flair kicked things off with some chops in the corner but Carlito responded with a back body drop for a 2-count. He then hit a dropkick for another 2-count while Lawler went on about Carlito not having any fire in his matches. Carlito his a vertical suplex for another 2-count.
Somewhere Shelton Benjamin shed a tear.
Carlito then hammered on Flair in the corner and went for another pin before Flair began chopping his way out of it. Flair then caught Carlito in the corner and hit some punches and chops while the crowd pretty much remained silent because they didn’t really know who to cheer for.
The punching/chopping continued as the crowd “Whoo’d” because they didn’t know what else to do. Carlito went for a back-cracker but Flair held onto the ropes. He then rolled Carlito up and pinned him easily.
Carlito then dragged Flair back into the ring and extended his hand in a show of respect before leaving the ring. Lawler then went on to say that Carlito learned a lot while JR said it might have been a wake-up call.
Ugh.
Thoughts: It was as bad as Flair’s matches have been for the past few years now. Punch, chop, back body drop...repeat.
Rating: 3/10 Will Carlito somehow get over by losing here? I’m not sure I follow the logic.
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Melina and Nitro are backstage and are fuming that their interview segment isn’t taking place because nobody is there to interview them. Why?
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Because Todd Grisham is talking with Ashley elsewhere backstage to promote her upcoming Playboy spread. A vignette then airs promoting it. Yay. Naked women make me happy...regardless of how inept they may be inside the ring.
Upon our return from the segment, Ron Simmons comes in...looks Ashley up and down...then delivers his “Damn”.
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MVP and Mr. Kennedy are backstage discussing tonight’s match and are joined by Rated RKO. They discuss the main event as a battle of the “Haves” vs. the “Have Nots”...as the opposing team have everything that they want...the titles and main event matches at WrestleMania. The four men then agree on that as we head to commercial yet again.
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(5) World champion Batista, WWE champion John Cena, the Undertaker, and Shawn Michaels vs. Edge, Randy Orton, Mr. Kennedy, and MVP. Just when I thought this would be a great 25-minute battle, I quickly realized that the introductions were going to take 10+ minutes. Oh well...at least it looks to be a decent tag match (not quite the epic battle that it’s been hyped up to be over the course of the evening on commentary...but still pretty decent).
Oh great...20 minutes left in the show, the main event hasn’t started yet, and we’re now onto another...
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Cena and Orton kick things off. Cena hit a fisherman’s suplex early and got a quick 2-count before hitting his sit-down hiptoss and bodyslam for yet another 2-count. Just as Cena was about to tag out, Orton hit a thumb to the eye and tagged out to Mr. Kennedy.
Kennedy was quickly bowled over by a flying shoulder tackle and then Cena tagged in Undertaker. Undertaker then went Old School on Kennedy as the crowd was going crazy. ‘Taker then hit a reverse Russian legsweep and tagged in Shawn Michaels, who continued to work over Kennedy to chants of “HBK”.
Kennedy kicked Michaels and quickly tagged in MVP, who is an extremely surprising choice from the SmackDown side (young prevailing, perhaps?). Michaels hit a swinging neckbreaker and began to work over MVP before getting hit by a reverse elbow. MVP then tagged in Edge and then he went right to town on Michaels with punches.
Michaels hit an enzuigiri and crawled across the ring to tag in Batista, who proceeded to pick apart Edge with high impact moves like bodyslams and a spinebuster. Then MVP, Orton, and Kennedy all came into the ring and were all unmercifully given spinebusters for their troubles as we once again head to...
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Upon our return, Edge was beginning to have the advantage but Batista clotheslined Edge and tagged in John Cena, who began to work over Edge. He hit the 5-knuckle shuffle (God that’s embarrassing to type) before attending an F-U, but that was broken up by Randy Orton.
Orton then began pounding on Cena and seemed lost without being able to clamp on the chinlock (yes...my tongue is firmly planted) so he tagged in MVP. MVP then threw some punches and some knees to Cena’s chest for a 2-count. He then clamped on a reverse chinlock (i.e. a “neck vice”) but Cena fought his way out.
Mr. Kennedy then tagged in and prevented Cena from getting to his own corner. Kennedy began beating the snot out of Cena and got a 2-count after a facewash in the corner. At this point, pretty much every heel’s offense was kicks and forearms. Orton made his way back in and got a 2-count on Cena. The crowd then chanted for Undertaker to be tagged in but Orton shut them up by almost taking Cena’s head off before tagging out to Edge.
Edge then clamped on a body-scissors/chinlock combo and the crowd began coming alive for Cena to get out of it. Edge threw Cena into the ropes and they both hit simultaneous clotheslines...leading to a referee’s 10-count. Orton was tagged in but so was the Undertaker, who began destroying all four heels at once.
Taker began moving as fast as I’ve ever seen him and then hit a double clothesline on Orton & MVP. Michaels then blind tagged himself into the match and hit a flying elbow on Orton before attempting to hit Sweet Chin Music.
All eight men then entered the match and began fighting. Michaels meant to superkick Orton but he ducked and Michaels almost hit Undertaker. Taker then went to clotheline Michaels but MVP jumped in there and he went after him instead. Orton then pushed Michaels into Undertaker and knocked him out of the ring. Michaels then superkicked Orton for the 1-2-3.
Undertaker, upset at Michaels, gave him a chokeslam. Cena then came to the rescue but was met with a Batista-bomb. As the show came to a close, Undertaker and Batista stood tall over their RAW opponents at No Way Out.
Thoughts: Kudos to the announcers for really hyping the main event at the next PPV. This match really helped promote the PPV and the announcing was spot-on. The match itself was entertaining and fast-paced. Very good end to an okay show.
Rating: 7/10 Everybody was able to shine at some point during the match.
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Overall Rating: 6/10
The matches were lackluster, which is what TNA has in spades over WWE. The sports entertainment was very good, which is what WWE has in spades over TNA. At this point, the lines have been drawn and people have to make up their minds on what they like more.
The show, overall, didn’t do much to push the No Way Out PPV but it’s technically a SmackDown-based show so I guess the only match they could have pushed was the main event.
I can’t complain about the show because it certainly had no “Donald vs. Rosie” moments...and anytime WWE doesn’t embarrass me to tears, I’m content.
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As always, thanks for clicking the link that brought you here. Don’t forget to stick around and see what James has up his sleeve for his RAW Insanity. As for me? I’ll be doing what I normally do...shakin’ my head on Friday morning and doing my best to edu-tain the masses.
If you want to drop me a line, you can either e-mail me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com or hit me up at ZAH Nation, found in the Insanity Message Board.
Until next time…
L8R
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