Heat
The Heat Report: Cryme Tyme vs. Cade & Murdoch
By Saad Naeem
Feb 18, 2007, 06:20

Welcome back to hottest report on the internet. We’re about to turn things up a notch cause Heat is sizzling tonight. That’s right following what I thought was a hell of a Raw we’ve got a Heat that is just as great. It’s so great this week that you might as well call it Raw. Why you ask? Cause we’ve some top notch talent in the house. It seems that some of the Raw roster has been de-pushed. But hey it was bound to happen. It’s Wrestlemania time and if you have nothing major to offer to the card then chances are you’re overlooked. Case and point: Kenny Dykstra. Week in and week out (for the past couple of weeks at least) Dykstra has been on Raw in some matches with Ric Flair. But where was he this past week? On Heat that’s where. Yup and joining him tonight are Cryme Tyme and Shelton Benjamin. Well actually that’s no surprise.

Match 1: Kenny Dykstra vs. Val Venis

Okay let me get this off my back. I DO NOT like Kenny Dykstra. I just don’t. You wanna kill me then I’ll give you a gun but I just don’t like Dykstra. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a phenomenal athlete but I personally feel that this guy is taking up space that other talented superstars (Shelton Benjamin, Carlito) can use to their advantage. Dykstra had a couple of matches with Flair and it did nothing for him. It didn’t establish him as a notable talent on Raw nor did it give him any heel heat. In my opinion, it was just pointless. And you know what, someone agrees with me. Cause now Dykstra is on heat and someone did take his spot. That man would be Carlito. Hopefully Carly does better with this position than Mr. Dykstra.

Fun fact of the evening: This is Heat’s 446^th episode making it the longest running 1 hour international sports entertainment show ever. Yea if you get that specific then my left shoe would’ve gotten a reward too.

Dykstra’s opponent is the man that has been on 440 of those episodes of Heat; Val Venis. Match starts off with a kick to the midsection and a couple of punches that take Val to the corner. But young Ken makes the mistake of taunting Val with his sexy time dance and eats a clothesline for it. Then a stiff elbow followed by a knee drop gives the Venis a two. Chops in the corner by Val and a hiptoss sends Kenny flying. But a rake to the eyes turns the whole game around and Kenny hotshots the back of Val’s neck on the top rope. Comes in the ring and nail quite a beautiful suplex on Val. Chokes the Towel man in the ropes and gets a two count after a thunderous Irish whip into the corner. Rear naked choke applied to Val but when he breaks out, he is on the receiving end of another hotspot. Obviously, Kenny is going after the neck of Val.

Kenny starts pummeling Val and then picks him up to clothesline the tar outta him. He never let’s go of his hand and uses it to pick him up again and clothesline him again. Good move indeed. Modified version of the camel clutch locked in on Val but he fights out. Irish whip to the ropes but Val holds on as Kenny falls because of the missed dropkick. Val gains control of the match with chops and punches and a big body drop. Spinebuster! Spinebuster by Val! Is he going for it? Is it time for the People’s elbow? Or perhaps the Batista bomb?! No, it’s time for the Money Shot! But before Val can go up Kenny grabs his foot but gets Irish whipped into the corner. There he climbs the top but V squared drops him on the capital of Thailand. Nonetheless he comes off and catches Val in a modified and quite faster version of a neckbreaker. It looked real good and got him the victory.

Winner: Kenny Dykstra

Okay here’s your gun. Shoot me. I was wrong. Dykstra had a helluva match right there. It was actually a really good by Kenny. I dunno I guess it was the fact that he never had a finisher that bothered me (that usually does bother me) but now that problem is solved. Or it was the fact that he was fighting with Naitch during his time on Raw and you know how those matches are. But I have changed my mind about Kenny. But I’m still not a fan. I just don’t hate him anymore.

Get The Marine on DVD. Hope Austin’s movie isn’t a total can of suckcrap.

Match 2: Shelton Benjamin vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

(Note: The following information will be bias toward Shelton Benjamin since he is the greatest pure athlete in the history of the WWE)

It’s time for my main man to hit the ring. Shelton Benjamin is in the house and you know some eyes are gonna be opening tonight. He’s being accompined to the ring by Charlie Haas. Poor Haas. He must cry to sleep knowing that Shelton is the superior athlete of the team. But at least he gives it a try. Tonight Shelton is up against Scotty 2 Hotty but why huh. Didn’t he and Haas prove to be the world’s greatest tag team by picking up two great victories on Raw and ending Cryme Tyme’s “undefeated” streak? But it’s like I said. They got nothing to offer to Mania. Hell there might not even be a MITB Ladder match so there goes Shelton’s chances of even being on the card.

Anyways, the match starts. Shelton easily gets the upper hand with a knee to the midsection and a couple of right hands which send Scotty to the floor. But when Shelton goes for a suplex Scotty counters and a nails a stiff punch of his own. Scotty whipped into the corner and when Benjamin comes running he eats a Hotty boot. Scot comes out, Shelton catches him for a sidewalk slam but the Too Cooler reverses it into a headscissors. Fast paced start to say the least. Scotty gets Shelton into the corner and goes for 10 punches but only gets 3 as Shelton tosses him off and kicked him in the patella (kneecap). Shelton goes after the knee with a couple of hard kicks and then slamming it real hard on the mat. Hass on the outside is repeatedly yelling “Beak It!” Charlie grabs the ropes to help himself get up but from the side Shelton nails a HUGE kick that sends Scotty flipping. Shelton elbows the knee and holds it there for a submission I guess. Then after a while he knee drops the knee and holds that there.

Scotty fights out but when he gets to his feet, the technician that is Mr. Benjamin easily takes him down and applied a single legged Boston Crab. Scotty doesn’t break out this one but Shelton just lets it go. He picks up Scotty for a backdrop but slams The Worm’s knee on his own. Scotty fights back with some punches but it’s to no avail as Shelton boots the crap outta his face. Shelton grabs Scotty’s leg but eats an enzaguri for his troubles. Haas is screaming at Shelton to get mad but Scotty is just snuffing the daylights outta Shelton. Shelton gets a two second upper hand but his move is blocked into a tornado DDT. That only gets a two count. Shelton gets up and eats Scotty’s bulldog. Could it be? Is it time? As the cheers get louder Scotty goes for the W…O…R…M, whoo, whoo, and Haas drags Shelton out the ring. Now that’s a man that’s got your back. But Scotty has none of it and nails a baseball slide to ol’ Charles. He tosses Shelton back into the ring and then goes for a sunset flip over the ropes. Of course the obvious happens after that. Shelton sits downs and ref counts while Haas gives Shelton a hand for some added leverage.

Winner: Shelton Benjamin

This match was totally different than Shelton’s usual matches. Usually it’s a bit of chain wrestling then he awes us with his athleticism. Tonight it was just pick a body part and beat the holy high hell out of it. But it’s all good in the hood if Shelton wins. 

Promo for the New and Improved DX DVD. That’s an oxymoron. Enough said.

Segment: Battle of the Billionaires

This actually was one helluva segment on Raw. I was thoroughly entertained. I was actually very surprised at how good Trump was on the mic. Good job man. Now give me some money. The weirdest part of the whole thing for me was their handshake at the end. Is that how rich guys shake hands? Interesting. Now the billion dollar question is, who will each side choose?

Promo for ECW Extreme Rules. Damn how many DVD’s does WWE want me to buy?

Match 3: Cryme Tyme vs. Cade & Murdoch

For a couple of weeks now Coach and Todd have this thing going:

Todd: Ladies and Gentlemen. It is now time.

Coach: What time is it?

Todd: It’s time for the mainnnnnn eeeevvveent!

Yea it’s their version of JR’s “By Gawd” and Michael Cole’s “Damnit” you know like their catchphrase. I never really mentioned that cause I always had something else to say. Today, not so much. Anyways, Cade & Murdoch come out looking quite sharp. And as usual Cade hates his jacket. Today he decides to toss it behind him and it actually winds up hitting the Titontron. After them Cryme Tyme hits the ring rocking their new T-shirts. I really like JTG’s dance. I tried it once. But I fell on my ass. Oh and this is historic because it marks the first time Cryme Tyme has been on Heat. Something tells me 4 months from now you laugh when I tell you that again.

JTG starts things off against Murdoch. He gets the upper hand with a kick to the midsection and a pummel to the back. He backs the gangsta in the corner and nails him with some knife edge chops. But JTG fights back with some stiff shots and nails a spinning elbow that knocks Murdoch to the ground. Then he takes him down with a running shoulderblock. But then he gets hit with a damn hard elbow as Murdoch shows his version of the JTG dance. The audience boos and the tag is made to Cade. Murdoch grabs JTG’s arm (wish he had a nickname or something cause I’m getting sick of referring to him as JTG over and over again) and Cade nails a huge chop to his chest. He has the upper hand with lots of right hands and shots to the back but the tide eventually turns. JTG leap frogs over a telegraphed Cade and nails a huge dropkick. Murdoch comes running in but eats a dropkick too. When  they both get up Shad comes in the ring and nails both of them with a huge double clothesline. Both heels roll out the ring and once again in 2 weeks we head to a commercial break.   

No Way Out promo. The main event is great. This past week has shown me how great the WWE would be if all the brands were together.

Back from break. Huge slugfest in the ring which ends with a sick boot to the face by Cade on JTG. Tag made to Mr. Sideburns and he just all out assaults his opponent. I mean elbows and clotheslines and shots that made JTG’s mom say Dayom son! Tag made to Lance and a double team performed by Redneck Wrecking Crew. Cade picks up Murdoch for a backdrop but sends him down on a fallen JTG with a leg drop. Cade hits a clothesline but only gets a two count. Tag made again (damn these guys make too many friggin tags) and Murdoch starts nailing some crossfaces. Murdoch Irish whips JTG but when he telegraphs, he eats a boot to the face. Both men on the ground crawling to their corners. Murdoch gets the tag to Cade. JTG gets sooo close…but no cigar. Cade (the tag team specialist he is) knocks Shad off the apron. He then Irish whips JTG into their corner and both men kick the crap out the little dude. JTG gets raked in the eyes and gets choked in the ropes. Cade backs away and Murdoch kicks the crap outta JTG’s face. Damn this poor guy has gotten his ass whooped the whole friggin’ match. Then the obvious happens. Murdoch drags JTG to the corner and goes for a splash off the top. Can you guess what happened? Did he connect? Did JTG roll out the way? No JTG put his knees up. Shad is hyped up and FINALLY gets the tag. Shad comes in clotheslines everybody in sight. Then he grabs Murdoch and tosses him out the ring. In the process the cowboy loses his pants. But it doesn’t bother Shad cause then his kick causes Cade to lose his head and the match.

Winners: Cryme Tyme

Poor JTG. He got his ass creamed the whole match and in the end it was Shad that took the credit for the victory. He was in it for just about 30 seconds and that’s all it took to win. But the victory wasn’t unexpected. After all, Cryme Tyme are the number one contenders.

All in all… Pretty good edition of Heat. Lots of good talent that we’re not used to so it was a “breath of fresh air” on Heat. Check it out if you got time. Cryme Tyme.

I guess that just about does it for me. If you have any suggestions, comments or criticisms then please do tell. My e-mail address is Naeem920@gmail.com or you can hit me up with a PM at the Insanity Message Boards. My username is Naeem920.

Until then I'm Saad Naeem and that was Heat.