From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com
JG's 3/5 Raw Insanity: Edge is Colorblind, Jeff Hardy is a Rainbow, and Austin 3:16 Says "I'm a Ref"
By James Guttman
Mar 6, 2007, 00:04

Ring…Ring…
Vince McMahon: Hello. Vince McMahon.
Triple H: Uh…no. This is Triple H. I'm actually looking for Vince McMahon.
Vince: This is Vince. I was just saying my name when I answered the phone.
Hunter: Oh. Hey! Wassup, goober?
Vince: Not much. How you feeling?
Hunter: Great! Rehabbing well. I just got back from the gym and now I'm relaxing a bit. Eating a Wendy's hamburger without the bun and watching some Sanford and Son on Nickelodeon. It's friggin' awesome, man. This one dude is like, "You big dummy!" It cracks me up. We should sign him.
Vince: Redd Fox? I think he's dead.
Hunter: Nah ah. I'm watching him right now. He's totally alive. Besides, his name's Fred. He almost had a heart attack a few times, but he didn't die. He kept calling out to Elizabeth. Kinda morbid, but at least we know he used to watch the product. I'll give him a call.
Vince: Those shows were taped in the 70s. We can't…oh never mind. So what's up?
Hunter: Well, I heard that you were thinking of expanding the company globally. Stephanie mentioned that you wanted to open offices all over the world.
Vince: We're talking about it. Yes.
Hunter: I had some creative ideas for you. I'm a creative guy.
Vince: Sure. What do you have?
Hunter: Well, I…Ahahahahaha! Dude, he just told Lena Horne that Lamont was lame so that she would come and visit the junkyard! I love this guy!
Vince: Yeah. Great stuff. So, what do you have?
Hunter: OK. Well, first I heard you wanted to open up a Spantino brand.
Vince: Do you mean "Latino?"
Hunter: Whatever. You say tomato. I say Spantino. Anyway, I'm thinking we can call it "El Smackallaco Taco." I've set the roster and already alerted everyone that they would need to immediately begin plans to move to Mexicana Island.
Vince: Mexicana Island?
Hunter: You know. Where the Spantinos live. Here's what we have. Ready? World Champion - Pedro Morales. Intercontinental Champion - Tito Santana. Cruiserweight Champion - Pedro Santana. Tag Team…
Vince: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Who's Pedro Santana?
Hunter: Rey Mysterio. I figured we'd change his name so he can get over.
Vince: You want to change his name to Pedro Santana?
Hunter: Sure. Why not? We could have him appeal to fans for a title shot. The Spantinos can vote for him to get a match with the champion. There'll be a huge campaign with "Vote For Pedro" signs everywhere. We can have all the Mexicaniards dip their fingers in purple ink and stuff. Plus, we're going to send Carlito down there too. He wants to host the Cabana show again, only this time he wants to do the whole thing in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish so he wrote the segments himself. Hey…what does "maricon" mean?
Vince: Let's just move on.

Hunter: Sure. For the Chinapanese company we can…
Vince: Hang on. Did you just say Chinapanese?
Hunter: Uh…yeah.
Vince: (sighs) It's not Chinapa…oh never mind. Keep talking.
Hunter: Cool. We can call the show, "Ching Chong Ching Chong."
Vince: Oh dear Lord.
Hunter: Friggin' sweet, right? OK. So World Champion - Mr. Fuji. TV Champion - General Tso. Tag Team…
Vince: General Tso?
Hunter: Yeah. That's going to be Funaki's new name. We're going to dip in a delicious sauce.
Vince: You never cease to amaze me.
Hunter: F'n awesome, huh? Also, we're sending Matt Hardy there too. We're going to call him Chopstick Charlie. I know he's not Chinapanese, but we figure he can squint during his matches.
Vince: Let's just move on to the next brand, please. This is getting ridiculously offensive.

Hunter: OK. What do you want to do with all the black people?
Vince: What?!
Hunter: Well, I figured we could get a big boat and send them to…
Vince: Just stop. I don't like where this is going.
Hunter: What? Don't be such a little Bee-Eye Itch. I've already contacted all the black wrestlers. Shelton Benjamin, Bobby Lashley, Viscera, Tazz…
Vince: Tazz isn't black.
Hunter: Who?
Vince: Tazz. He isn't black.
Hunter: Who the hell is Tazz?
Vince: The guy you just mentioned. He's the commentator on ECW.
Hunter: (confused) Easy W?
Vince: Do you watch the shows at all anymore?
Hunter: Uh…yeah. I'm just kidding. Easy W. I'm a huge Easy W mark. Abyss. Eric Young. It's great stuff. I…uh oh!
Vince: What's the matter?
Hunter: Lena Horne just met Lamont and saw that he's not lame. You're in trouble now, Fred! Better call Grady! YOU BIG DUMMY! HAHAHAHA!
Vince: Can we please just finish this up?
Hunter: Sure. We can call the U.K. show "Monday Night Raw, Guv'na." I figure we can send over William Regal, Dave Taylor, Paul London…
Vince: Hold up. You realize that London is just his name. He's not actually from London.
Hunter: I know that. I just don't like the guy and would rather we send him to a different continent. (pause) Wait…London's a place?
Vince: Yes.
Hunter: (amazed) Wow. I always learn so much when I talk to you. Hey. Is "Levesque" a place?
Vince: No.
Hunter: (disappointed) Damn. That woulda been cool.

Vince: So is that it? Are you done?
Hunter: Well, I also figured we could create an Outer Mongolia brand. It wouldn’t be an actual brand. It'll just be a fun way to tell people they're fired without actually having to tell them they're fired. We can just say, "You're going to be headlining our Outer Mongolia brand."
Vince: I actually like that idea a lot.
Hunter: Johnny Ace came up with it. He came over yesterday we played some Tony Hawk.
Vince: So, that just leaves the United States brand. Any ideas for that?
Hunter: I have a ton of ideas for that!
Vince: I meant besides having you win the World Title when you return.
Hunter: Oh. Then, no. I got nothing. Yo. Let me go. My next door neighbor's at the door. Apparently someone spray painted "DX" on his garage. He's always blaming me for crap like that.
Vince: Well, did you do it?
Hunter: Uh…yeah, but that's not the point. I…look. I just gotta go. Bye.
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Triple H's Memo To the Wrestlers
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Can you believe that was the first Triple H appearance in a Raw Insanity opening this year? God, I miss him. You do too. Yes you do. Don't pretend. Speaking of pretend, is Shawn Michaels just pretending to be John Cena's BFF? Does the Boy Toy have something up his leathery mirrored sleeve for the Doctor of Thuganomics? What about the epic encounter between Bobby "Trump" Lashley and U "Vince" Maga? Will the two have another war this week as we inch closer to the Brutus Beefcake tribute match? There's so much left to figure out before we turn off the Road to WrestleMania and park in the…uh, Parking Lot of WrestleMania. So gear up. It's time for another edition of the United States version of Monday Night Raw!
Shawn Michaels is working out the stretchies when he's approached by his tag team partner, John Cena. The duo wish each other luck in their respective matches. That doesn't end the pow-wow, though. Cena has been hearing all that terrible stuff about you. You're a snake. Michaels agrees. Yes. He's turned on every friend he's ever had. (JG Note: Even some that weren't his friends.) HBK knows the deal. He knows that, but you're different. Johnny, this thing could be the real thing. Friendship with a capital F. Although…maybe not. Just as The WWE Champion was about to reply, my cable provider switched to an incredibly bizarre commercial.
It was for Power Bob's beds. The main speaker of the commercial, a man I'm assuming is Power Bob, laid on a bed and urged me to buy his beds on MyBobs.com. The Power Bob. That's the name of the bed. It says it's Bobopedic. Honestly. I couldn't make this up.
By the way, Bob has just opened a new location on Rt. 100 in Farmingdale, NY. I live on Long Island, so I know where that is. You might not. Either way, if you're ever in town, stop on by to Bob's and say hi. Buy a bed. This is the man that hijacked Raw. You owe him.
Following that, we get a Sleepy's ad. The Mattress Professionals doing it right…
AHHH! Suddenly, we're back! Shawn Michaels is coming to the ring and I have no idea what the hell just happened. They don't mention it. In fact, I think it may have just been a local thing so it might not have happened on your broadcast. If it didn't, then you'll have to take my word for it. The Sleep Fairy just took over Raw. The evil new character hijacks WWE TV and tries to sell you bed-related merchandise. Lullaby, kids. The Sleep Fairy is here. MUWAHAHAHA!
1. Shawn Michaels pinned Randy Orton with a roll-up
That commercial thing was nuts. Anyway, this one got underway and it looked like you'd expect it to. Randy Orton is going to end up getting stuck in a rut again if he continues like this. He's a good wrestler and can connect well as a heel. The problem is that he's pretty one dimensional in terms of his gimmick. He's a jerk. That's his gimmick. It would work if he wasn't teaming up with another guy who's also doing the "I'm a jerk" gimmick. Over time, they're starting to cancel each other out. Things went on with The Legend Killer getting the bulk of the offense, but nearly losing right before a referee bump. Orton sprang across the ring and plastered the Boy Toy in the face. Shawn fell and Randy made the cover. The ref was down, but getting up. Just as he did, Edge threw the Tag Team Title into the ring. The ref saw it and "intercepted" it. With Cowboy Bob's kid distracted, Mr. I Throw My Friends Through Barber Windows got a roll up and a victory. Chim Chim Churah!
Following the bell, Randall nailed the RKO he had been looking for earlier. Shawn hit the canvas and Edge jumped in to join the beat down. With chairs in hand, things looked bad for Mr. Michaels.
Psyche! John Cena ran in to save his WrestleMania opponent. With The One Man DX in trouble, the Marine was there to save the day. Basically, John and Shawn are Hogan and Warrior. Rated RKO are Earthquake and Dino Bravo. Man. Now I'm in the mood to watch a crazy Ultimate Warrior vibrating face promo.
Commercial Break. WWE has a sign guy now. It figures that's what they copy from ECW.
Mick Foley likes Mick Foley and ain't afraid to say it. It's another add for his next biography. You can pick up his new book. It's called Hardcore Diaries. No, not this Hardcore Diaries. That's a different type of book. . This one - Hardcore Diaries.
Backstage, Armando Estrada is getting to talk again finally. Of course, it's to Mr. McMahon. VKM demands to know what Umaga has in store for Jeff Hardy. Big Lalo tells the Chairman not to worry his hairy little head. Maga has it taken care of, pal.
Once Armando leaves the room, John Coachman attempts to talk to the boss about tonight's WrestleMania referee announcement. Vince says to chill out. Tonight's announcement should go Vinnie's way. He made a suggestion for the ref. That suggestion was someone impartial. It was…Shane McMahon! That's right. Vince's son is the chairman's suggestion to ref the Hair Match. How do you like that? Coachman and Vinceman laugh away. Well, Shane-o Mac may not be impartial, but that boy sure can dance. Sheeeet. Watch youself. Show 'em watcha workin' with!
The "Fruity, fruity, fruity, fruity Skittles" promos by J.R and Lawler. make me not want to eat Skittles. Is that the idea?
Before the match begins, Jim says that Jeff Hardy has to be - I kid you not - a "Rainbow Warrior" tonight. Somewhere right now, Vince Russo is feverishly writing in his notepad and trying to figure out which X-Division guy looks good in make-up.
2. Umaga pinned Jeff Hardy after the Samoan Spike
The Rainbow Warrior held his own for most of the match, but in the end couldn't fend off the assault of Umaga. The Samoan Bulldozer pounded all the colors out of him. When Roy G. Biv did get back on the offense, it was short lived. Jamala hit a running head butt while Rainbow was hung up in the Tree of Woe. Woe is him, but things got worse. The Savage nailed the running corner Butt Bump and then raised his thumb in the air like Luke Graham. One Samoan Spike later and there's nothing more to say. Maga just kicked Jeff Hardy's Pot of Gold.
It's time for another edition of
"The Adventures of Bobby Lashley!"
Video Recap of Bobby Lashley on last week's Raw. Donald Trump's Titan Tron speeches remind me of Torrie Wilson's promos a little bit. Vince. Allow me. To introduce to you. My. Special. Representative. At WrestleMania. The. E. C. W. World Champion. Bobby. Lashley. Let's go, Bobby.
We also take a look back at ECW. Bobby smushed Umaga underneath a steel cage.
Following that, it's time to see Smackdown! Lashley showed up there too. That man is everywhere. You can't stop him. Try. You can't. He confronts Vince McMahon and ends up with a slap across his face. After that, Bob bugged his eyes out really far and McMahon ran away. So Lashley kinda won. It counts.
Retro Commercial Break.
Celebrities are accosted at the premier of Hog Wild and asked about the hair vs. hair match with Vince McMahon and Donald Trump. John Travolta answers Donald Trump. It looks like they had to edit out the part where he asked who Vince McMahon is.
Good news. Ric Flair's alive. The Nature Boy continues to test the limits of how red a man's head can get by screaming words of encouragement to Carlito in the backstage interview area. Seems that tonight's Money in the Bank qualifier is between Carl and Naitch. Cool tells his screaming mentor that he'd do anything for a shot at the WWE title…even go through the former Horsemen himself. Flair screams some more and closes things out with a "Whoo." Oh. Todd Grisham was there too. He was, you know. Chillin'.
Vince McMahon is sitting in the Leather Couch Room with John Coachman. The Boss is having issues with his cell phone.
"I'm gonna switch to Cingular next week, I'm tellin' ya."
- Vince McMahon
Nice. Vinnie Mac finally reaches Shane McMahon and confirms that he's en route to the arena. What? He's en route. Vince's guest ref - What? - Guest ref is on his way. If you want the Money to Come…give me a hell's yeah!
Commercial Break. Tomorrow night on ECW: The War in the House of Hardcore continues. Of course by "House of Hardcore" they mean "the arena before Smackdown starts."
Chris Masters is jacked as hell again. He also has a chair in the middle of the ring. A chair can only mean one thing. Someone wants to sit down. OK, smartass. Two things. It's time for the Masterlock Challenge!
Excuse me, Mr. Duggan? I'm Todd Stevens. I'm your new, well, soon to be neighbor.
Hoooo!
OK, well the thing is, we're trying to get the house built but the workers say you keep stealing 2x4s in the middle of the night.
Hooooooooooo!
Is that a yes? Please stop. I'm beggin' you.
Hooooo, Tough Guy!
Uh. OK. I'll leave.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan came to the ring and lost the Masterlock Challenge. That's it. I guess they have to have some actual ones once in a while. Every Masterlock Challenge can't be some big crazy unexpected thing. Some guys have to just lose them now and then. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Commercial Break. In honor of Hunter's return to the Raw Intro, we present his favorite singer with his favorite chips!
We're back and WWE replays the clip of what I missed during Power Bob's Bed Time Invasion. Apparently, John Cena told his partner that he had his back, but Shawn rejected it. In the end, Michaels had his back gotten. Thanks, paht-nah!
Cena is thinking about what he just did when he's confronted by HBK. Johnny mocks his "friend's" request for no assistance earlier and does an impression of him. It sounds like his Triple H impression. Maybe that's what everyone sounds like to him.
No Chance in Hell hits the sound system and the boss hits the ring. Vince McMahon is here and he has some news. Donald Trump will be here next week for a live contract signing! Yeah, baby! Hogan-Andre! Bret-Yoko! Angle-Steiner! It's contract signing time, kid! Oh and maybe, just maybe, when The Donald arrives, Mr. McMahon will give him a "billionaire bitchslap." So it's done. The board has chosen a referee. Who is it? Well…
I'm ba-ack…Cause Raw's in Arizona…
Eric Bischoff is in the house! Hoorah! Easy E walks to the ring and confronts a rather nervous Vince McMahon. What's up, buttercup? You nervous to see the Bisch? He's been waiting for you, Vinnie Mac, with open arms. Now he's here. Don't worry about ref duties, though. Eric isn't a referee. He's just here because, as we just heard in the theme song, he lives in Phoenix. Just stopped by to say hi. So, hi. After all, Uncle Eric has nothing else to do since you fired and humiliated him on TV. Before E.B. takes his leave, he has one thing to say to you, former-Boss:
"I thought I'd stop by. Say hello to you. Say hello to all my friends and tell you just how much we're all going to enjoy watching Donald Trump shave your head!"
- Eric Bischoff
Bischoff leaves and Mick Foley arrives. He's wearing homemade referee shirt. That can only mean one thing. He must be the referee. Maybe? What? Maybe? Hmmm? Vince is all smiles, though. Hey Mick. What's going on? How are the kids? You're the referee? Well, Mr. McMahon wants to let Kiss My Ass Bygones be Kiss My Ass Bygones. What can he do to make things good with you?
Mankind has two requests. First he asks for his job back. Vince is all too eager to agree. You got it, Mick. Welcome home. Here's an FTD bouquet and a coupon for Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
After that, Mick plugs his book again. (JG Note: So I will too.) He asks for unlimited access to WWE programming to promote his literary work. Oh…and Cactus also ordered some Christy Canyon porn in his hotel room. Make that disappear.
Again - Vince agrees.
With that taken care of, Vince introduces Dude Love - the special referee for WrestleMania. Things come to a close…
…not so fast. Yo. Mac. Who told you that Mick Foley was the referee for Mania? What? Who told you that? It wasn't Mick. He never said that. Foley's a referee…but not for WM23. No. He's a ref for a rib eating contest between Charles Buckley and the Phoenix Suns Gorilla at a local restaurant. Let's get the gorilla out here! Yay!
The Phoenix Suns Gorilla shows up and jumps around. After that, Shane McMahon shows up and does the same thing.
Vincent is thrilled to see his boy. This is it! This is the Mania referee! Yes! Yes! Yes...wait. Shane-o Mac has some bad news, Pops. The audience knows it before the boss does. They chant "3:16" while Little Mac tells his dad that the board outvoted him. No go on the Boy Wonder. Who's the referee? Break the glass, ya sonovabitch! Eh eh!
Stone Cold Steve Austin is here and the crowd is going buck wild. (JG Note: Somewhere right now, a certain someone just switched back to Sanford and Son.) The Rattlesnake downs some beers while Jerry Lawler claims to be "speechless." Luckily, J.R. can speak. He says that it's a magical moment and the Bionic Redneck is going to RassleMania. The soon-to-be-hairless Chairman attempts a few handshakes, but is ultimately ignore by the Stone Cold Referee, who's busy drinking some Steveweisers. When the McMahons do finally leave the ring, Austin smashes two brews together and leaves suds all over their faces.
Hey! Anyone remember the Kane vs. Undertaker match Steve guest reffed? He refused to count one man the winner and ended up getting "fired" over it! That's crazy. You can't just keep getting your job back after getting fired. Well, unless you're Marty Jannetty, I guess.
Commercial Break. I have a feeling that Kurt Cobain never envisioned that "Breed" would be used in a commercial for a baseball video game.
Mick Foley is reading his book to the Gorilla backstage. Only one person can sum it up…
"Damn!"
- Ron Simmons
I like Ron Simmons. He makes me smile.
Steve Austin can kick any crowd into high gear. Proof? They popped big when Lillian Garcia introduced Ashley Massaro. The upcoming Playboy nudie lady is here and Jerry Lawler is busy at the broadcast table. With his eyes buried deeply into the issue - hitting newsstands this week - The King nearly ruins J.R.'s suit while, in the ring, Ashley begins to announce the match. I have to be honest. Watching Ashley do ring announcing makes me realize that Lillian is more talented than I give her credit for.
3. WWE Women's Champion Melina pinned Mickie James
This is the first time ever that a Women's Title match is being held in a Falls Count Anywhere match. (JG Note: In a Women's Title Match, Trish wrestled Victoria at Survivor Series 2002 in a "Hardcore Match" which is basically the same thing, but not because it has a different name. It's a technicality, but it works.) Normally they don't have divas in falls count anywhere matches. Usually they have to pin them in a certain spot. You know, the ring. A tub of Egg Nog. A giant pink bed. Anyway, this one got underway straight away when Melina was distracted. While posing for the paparazzi, Lina was ambushed and taken down. In short order, the match raged outside the ring and into the backstage area. We ended up in the women's locker room where a freshly-showered Candice was stripped of her towel. They immediately went to a black screen and the crowd booed. When it came back briefly, Candy was covering her breasteses and looked like she was wearing a pair of shorts. We didn't have too much time to analyze it though because it quickly went back to a black screen again. After a quick commercial break, the action returned to the arena. That's when another scary-as-hell spot happened. Mickie set Mel on the top rope and tried for a hurricanrana. She lost her grip and fell right on her head. It looked pretty bad, but the referee seemed to give the impression that she was OK. Hope so. It wasn't pretty. Miss Melina got the quick pinfall and put this match to rest.
After M.J.'s near-death experience, the WWE Women's Champion went to ringside and got into a shoving match with ring announcer Ashley. The Playboy cover girl pushed her away and ran into the ring so she could help James up. Mickie looked completely out of it, but stumbled to her feet so the next Women's Title challenger can raise her arm in the air.
(JG Note: Apparently Candice was seen topless by everyone outside the U.S. and Canada. Lucky us. They wonder why the United States is so aggressive. The TV channels keep us away from nudity. Damn you, FCC! )
Commercial Break. There hasn't been on Power Bob commercial in any of the breaks. Just that weird thing during the opening segment. You'd think there'd be one regular commercial for them, right? Nope. Nothing.
Hey baby. My hair is made of cotton candy. Wanna nibble on me? Yeah. Tha's cool. I gotta write that down.
4. The Great Khali beat up Ric Flair and Carlito
I feel like all of Carlito's feuds lack something. There's just something missing. Not sure what it is. They seem to have no "oomph," if that makes any sense. This match was more of the same. It seemed to bring people down a bit, which was probably the idea. Things seemed off though. Ric was visbily calling a lot of spots and there were some awkward moments. However, awkwardness took a holiday when the Great Khali arrived. That's when the pain began.
Khali stepped over the top rope and grabbed Flair by the throat, tossing him to the mat. He then kicked Carly in the face and slammed Slick Ric to the ground. Standing tall, the Great One spoke:
"IVAWNTKANE!"
- Great Khali
Isn't Kane on Smackdown? Wrong day, Bubba.
No one knows who won and no one really cares much. They'll probably just have a rematch. It'll be like Mr. Perfect vs. Doink in the countless King of the Ring qualifier rematches. Speaking of Mr. P, we're going to go to a commercial and then announce the next WWE Hall of Famer. Who is it? I've got my fingers crossed for Mantaur.
Commercial Break. Good news. Burger King can break you out of the rut of eating breakfast food that won't kill you in the long run.
Earlier Tonight: Stone Cold Steve Austin came back. Did you see it? Huh? Were you watching Heroes? Huh? Well you missed Stone Cold - so ha! Lawler calls the beer bath "Insult To Injury." Hey. That would make a good name for a column...
The next inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame is...Former AWA Champion Nick Bockwinkel! Nick was actually our second guest ever one JG's Radio Free Insanity. You can hear Nick's episode on ClubWWI.com right now. Bockwinkel is a true legend and I was honored to have him on the show. He defintely deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.
Backstage, Randy Orton is face to face with Edge. Look Edgar, Randy doesn't have your back. Sorry. He has too much to do. So go out there and get it done on your own! Orton runs off, leaving his dejected partner behind to stare off longingly. Ouch. They're like bizarre-o Cena/Michaels.
Commercial Break. No sweaty weird workout guy, I don't want to listen to Fall Out Boy on your phone. Get your sweaty headphones out of my pretend ears.
Sad Tales of John Cena at the Super Market Deli
I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm all out of Honey Baked Ham. You'll have to move along.
Your time is up!
#24!
My time is now!
Is anyone there? Folks, can you move aside. You're crowding. Hello? #24.
You can't see me?
#24!
MY TIME IS NOW!
Before the match, MNM came to the ring and Ross described Cena's expression as "confused." Probably because Joey Mercury isn't on Raw but he's here all the time. Are MNM, Ken Kennedy, and Lashley in some weird club where they don't obey the brand split rule? Following the Melina-lead tag team's arrival, Edge finally shows up.
Bad news, DJ Jazzy John. No match for you! The R Rated Superstar doesn't like Arizona because it was one of the last states to observe Martin Luther King Jr. Day. For shame! Copeland calls the people in AZ "bigots" and refuses to fight there. After all, he's Canadian and all Canadians are colorblind. (JG Note: Then how do they know which ones are Blue Jays?) Luckily, Joey Mercury's great-grandmother is black. So he's good to go. Get in there, Facemask Freddie. It's go time.
5. John Cena defeated Johnny Nitro via disqualification
This match started off looking like a handicap match. Both Johnny Nitro and Joey Mercury attacked the WWE Champion and took him down. Things quickly switched and we ended up with Johnny Nitro vs. John Cena. The Doctor of Thuganomics looked like he had the contest won in short order, though. But alas, before he could hit the F-U, Mercury ran in to prevent his partner from getting F'ed. With a shot to the knee, J.C. crumbled and the referee called for the bell.
A post-match beating began and Shawn Michaels showed up to his Boy Toy music. However, when he reached the end of the ramp, HBK suddenly stopped and walked away. Oh no. Shawn. What are you doing? Don't leave.
Tell me a lie. And say that you won't go. Look in my eyes. And hold me even though. I re-a-lize you have to walk away…no more yesterday…
…or is it? Michaels comes tearing back up the aisle and cleans house. With the heels running for cover, the Heartbreak Kid leaves the ring. No waiting around for handshakes or shaky glares. Just a rescue-and-run. Who was that masked man?
John Cena stands up as his illmatic tunes play and we fade to black.
All in all…They're doing things right. This show wasn't the kind that gripped you from start to finish, but there was plenty there to keep you interested.
Stone Cold didn't speak when he returned, but that's par for the course. I think they did that when he came back from his Rikishi car accident too. He'll talk next week. What? He'll talk next week. The people loved him, though. That much was evident. Funny because when he was a weekly thing, people were bored. Just a little while off TV for a taken-for-granted legend can send the crowd into a frenzy. In a related story - Ric Flair.
Michaels vs. Cena didn't break any new ground, but it doesn't have to. They can redo every angle from 1990 if they want to. It's so basic that it can't fail. The ol' Trust Me angle is always enough to keep people excited. It's only one Superkick away from taking a major turn and you're constantly looking to see if it'll happen.
The show was alright. Sure. There was a bait and switch in the Cena vs. Edge match. But then again you have to remember…well, nothing. There is no "then again." It was a bait-and-switch. That kinda sucked.
This episode wasn't explosive or anything, but it was enough. It was the show that WWE needed to do this week and a big lead in for next week's live appearance by Donald Trump. Something tells me that's gonna be the Raw to see.
Don't forget that tomorrow on ClubWWI.com, we’ll have an all new edition of Club OJ with former WWE U.S. Champion Orlando Jordan. O.J. is just one of the four in our Insanity Army (or as D-Lo calls it "The Nation of Insanity.) You can check out free clips from all the new audio shows - Club OJ with Orlando Jordan, Smack Talk with Lisa "Ivory" Moretti, Kevin Kelly's "Big Picture," and "The Lo-Down" With D-Lo Brown by going to main free page at ClubWWI.com and clicking on the flash player at the top of the page. For more information on any of the show, simply click the appropriate banner at the bottom of the page.
Also on the free main page of the Club, you can hear clips from Kevin Nash's uncut 47 minute shoot and Diamond Dallas Page's 80 minute interview. They're just two of over 60 interviews currently available on the Club featuring everyone from Samoa Joe to Koko B. Ware. For a complete list, go to ClubWWI.com and scroll down.
For a listen to what you can expect to hear from the Club, you can check out this week's edition of JG‘s Radio Free Insanity featuring Larry Zybszko. This week's 60 minute show is available both in MP3 download or flash player. We present a new free interview each weekend here on World Wrestling Insanity, with uncut versions available earlier in the week on ClubWWI.com.
There's plenty more coming too. Remember, O.J. parties at the Club tomorrow and we'll have a new uncut interview with a new Radio Free Insanity guest in the next few days. Keep an eye out on the site for more details.
Well, that does it for me. Be well and thanks for sharing our Insanity!
James @ WorldWrestlingInsanity.com
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