Heat
The Heat Report: Trevor Murdoch vs. JTG, Eugene vs. Kenny Dykstra, The Highlanders vs. A Navajo Warrior and His Friend
By Saad Naeem
Mar 10, 2007, 16:22

Hey guys! I’m so excited that I just can’t hide it. Life is going good on this side of the computer screen as I’ve had one hell of a week. First off, I made the Final 36 in the New York City Science and Engineering Fair this past week. There were 1000 participants so I was really happy to get as far as I did. I didn’t win but hey I got a shiny new plaque and a hefty scholarship to remember it by. Another bright sight to this week is that the WWE finally announced who is gonna be on the Wrestlemania Fan Axxess Tour when it rolls around to New York. Can you guess who it is? Anyone? Well it’s the Hardcore Legend himself, Mick Foley! 

Now for a bit of news that requires its own paragraph. Ladies and gentlemen of worldwrestlinginsanity.com, get ready for your world to turn upside down. Because now not only will you see me on Saturdays with the Heat Report but starting next week… TNA gets Saadified. That’s right beginning next Thursday evening I will be covering Impact. TNA will never be the same again.

But that’s gonna have to wait a few days. Let’s get back to why you really came here. That’s Heat’s baby! Check out what went down this week:

Great. Fall on your face once on Raw and you wind up back here. Yup that’s the story of Shelton Benjamin. Poor guy didn’t get in the match that makes him look so good so it’s safe to say that he will be excluded from the grandest stage of them all. Unfortunately. Anyways, tonight he seeks revenge against Val Venis because he beat his tag team partner (Charlie Haas) last week. Shelton comes out to WGTT music as we find out that Todd Grisham has the night off and his replacement is none other than Josh Matthews. I really don’t like that guy. But Coach doesn’t feel the same way. He’s happy to get rid of Re-Todd.

Match begins with some quick wrestling. Headlocks, leg scissors, etc. Val nails a clothesline that sends Shelton scurrying out the ring. Déjà vu as the same exact thing happens. But this time Val goes out behind Benjamin only to eat a knee and be rolled back in. Shelton climbs up top but Val catches him with a fist on his way down. Then he does his Irish whip knee to the gut move. Shelton shows off his athletic ability by blocking it into a school boy and turning that into a slingshot. Only Shelton Benjamin ladies and gentlemen, only Shelton. Benji tries for a back drop but Val reverses it into a spinout front slam for the two. Then the technician in Shelton Benjamin comes out as he slams Val’s arm into the steel post. It was quite hard actually. He just goes on the apron and repeatedly pulls Val into the pole arm first. That has got to hurt. And so it begins. Shelton picks apart the arm of the Venister like it was piece of nice warm steak. Kicking it, stomping on it, slamming it, armlocks, you name it. Not exactly what you do with steak but hey you never know.

Val is grounded and with an arm submission (modified version of an armlock) but he fights out with the crowd behind him. Huge forearms take out the Orangeburg, South Carolina native and a clothesline seals the deal. Val nails a neckbreaker for the two and then a fisherman suplex with the same results. Benjamin Irish whipped to the corner but he jumps up and over Val who turns around into the T-Bone Suplex. 1, 2, 3 and my main man Shelton Benjamin gets the win.

Good match to start with a great ending. It was really unexpected. The timing for some of the moves were off during the match but the rest was fine. Shelton shines bright tonight and that’s just the way I like it.

Promo for Lifestyles of the Built and Dangerous on wwe.com. Airing march 14^th we have an episode featuring Trevor Murdoch. It’s like MTV cribs. Murdoch is showing us around his “Trailer Park.” He’s got a pretty shitty pool.

It’s been three weeks running that The Highlanders have been facing jobbers on Heat. I guess it’s better than getting demolished by Cade & Murdoch week in and week out. But what’s cool about the jobbers is that they always have such creative names. We all remember Oliver Stone and Kabu from last week and look who we got now. It’s the Navajo Warrior! As expected he’s just a Tatanka rip-off. You know how the WWE is with race.

Match begins with Robbie laying the boots on The Ultimate Navajo Warrior and quickly makes the tag to Rory. Baldie comes in and the Scots nail a double elbow and a headbutt. But Mr. I’m scared of Pilgrims gets up and tags what’s his face John Williams. John’s got on purple and white undies (much like MVP’s costume) and gets a double axe handle smack upon entering the ring. Tag back to Robbie (I’m Robbie!) who nails a dropkick and tags back his partner who connects with a crossbody off the top rope. Robbie back again (damn how many tags are they gonna make) but a missed shoulder butt in the corner sends the match in jobber corner for a while. Tag made to Navajo warrior who at this point seriously reminds of Rhyno because of his get-up. He starts working over the injured shoulder with a stiff running kick to it. Williams rolls Robbie up for a school boy but Kilt man kicks out. Robster comes back strong with a back suplex and makes the hot tag to the other McAllister. Rory comes in with fists and double axe handle smacks. He hits a sidewalk slam on Williams and a one man flapjack on the other dude. He sends Williams into the war machine wannabe and the ricochet sends him back to the Highlanders who nail their patented springboard inverted DDT for the win.

Good match. Nice tag teaming by Rory and Robbie as they schooled these two. The Highlanders aren’t as bad as I thought. Good job guys, you made me proud.

Promo for the web show WWE Sidesplitters. Judging from the title it’s a flashback of the funniest moments in WWE history. This week is when DX aired Vince’s “I wanna Dance” music video while dressed up as the McMahons. Good times….good times.

For a couple of weeks now Eugene has been the source of comical relief on Heat. Laughing and playing around in the ring, biting people’s asses, stuff like that. Something tells me that this week, that’s not the case. Kenny Dykstra is always a man of business in the ring so Eugene better be prepared to get his ass kicked. Let me take this time to say that Justin Roberts is one of the best ring announcers I have ever heard. Sure he’s only competing with about 5 other people, but for a guy his age, his announcing skills are quite phenomenal. Interesting fact about Mr. Dykstra. He weighs 234 pounds. His weight is in consecutive numbers. I wonder if that’s his actual weight or his billed weight.

KD is rockin’ the black and yellow tights tonight. Eugene extends his hand but Kenny doesn’t shake. So match starts with a lock up. Both men exchange wristlocks until a snapmare brings Kenny to the mat. Eugene quickly wraps his legs around him (kind of a homo move). Then he does a Tajiri type move where he rolls around the ring with Kenny trapped between his legs making Mr. Dykstra dizzy in the process. Thereafter, some more Eugenic antics take place for which he scores a two count. Then he does his new signature (not finisher) move where he pretends he’s Mickie James and takes a bite outta Kenny’s keister. But the former cheerleader is not as stupid as one. He tricks Eugene into thinking that his shoelace is untied so when the poor kid goes down to tie it…BOP! Kick straight to the head! Kenny has the upper hand and he uses it to pummel the crap outta the Special Little Guy. Time for Kenny’s new signature move that I have named “The Somersault Clothesline.” It’s so simple but very intriguing cause no one else does it. Basically he clotheslines you, does a somersault and clotheslines you again. Hence the name.

Dykstra gets Eugene in a sleeper but Eugene fights out with the crowd behind him. Then Kenny takes his opponent to the turnbuckle and beats his head into the turnbuckle. By now you should know what that means. That’s right! Eugene’s Eugene-ing up. Eugene fires some shots and Dykstra goes down. Up for the airplane spin and down with a Rockbottom. It’s time for the most electrifying move in sports entertainment, The Euegen Elbow! Beofre he could nail it, Kenster gets up and after a series of reversals he hits his modified neckbreaker for the win.

Great mix of styles here. Eugene got to provide us with laughter while Kenny got to display his athletic talent. Eugene’s stupidity didn’t take away from Kenny’s talent which is what made this match work. As of right now, Kenny’s finisher doesn’t have a name. I propose they call it “The Dykstra Drop.”

Promo for WWE Uncut. Following Trish Stratus on her last day. Stalkers.

For about 2 weeks now Cryme Tyme has been facing off against The Redneck Wrecking Crew in the main event of Heat. Obviously by now, we Heat watchers are getting tired of seeing the same match over and over again. So how can this rivalry keep going without boring the crap outta people? Make them fight in singles matches! So tonight we got the shorter representatives of each team locking horns. JTG vs. Trevor Murdoch.

JTG starts the match by dancing around and saying “Let’s get it poppin’ up in dis joint” but the only poppin’ that happens is Murdoch kicking him in the midsection. Match begins with Trevor in control with a stiff running elbow and shots right and left. Control finally shifts in the corner of Cryme when JTG nails his patented spinning back elbow. He follows that up with a dropkick and then a modified neckbreaker. JG with a T climbs the top and nails a legdrop on a standing Murdoch. Yea it’s possible. Murdoch rolls out the ring cause he’s had enough. But Shad interferes in the match and sends him back in the ring. No physical contact, just a grab and throw. No biggie. But if Shad interferences it’s only a matter of seconds til Cade puts in his two cents. So J goes back on the top rope and with the ref distracted by Murdoch, Cade pushes TG off and sends him crashing to the floor. That works.

JTG sells it well as he gets back in the ring. Needless to say Murdoch gains full control of the match after that point. He nails two inverted atomic drops and then a huge running boot to the face. He gets G in a neck submission but again as in every other match tonight, he fights out with the crowd behind him. He goes for a crossbody but Murdoch catches him and slams him on the ground. Murdoch hits a splash off the second turnbuckle but JTG got his knees up. Both men up now and JTG is laying it in. Punches, dropkicks, and some gangsta dancin’. I’s all good in da hood. Then Mr. Cryme nails a running neckbreaker for the two count. Then all hell breaks loose. JTG climbs the top again and Cade pushes him off again. But this time he lands on his feet and swings at Cade. Cade jumps off the apron only to get clotheslined to hell by Shad. In the ring Murdoch tries to sneak up on JTG but he reverses it into a school boy and gets the win with the tights.

I was surprised. Both these men are used to tag team matches, so to be in a singles match was a different outing. However they held their own and provided for a great match to cap off a great Heat.

All in all… Very good edition of Heat. Shelton Benjamin and Kenny Dykstra are two phenomenal athletes that always put on a hell of a show. Both their matches were great as always. The only thing I’m waiting for on Heat is a Benjamin vs. Dykstra match. What am I saying? On Heat? No way. That has Raw written all over it.

That just about does it for me. If you have any suggestions, comments or criticisms then please do tell. My e-mail address is Naeem920@gmail.com or you can hit me up with a PM at the Insanity Message Boards. My username is Naeem920.

Remember: I have taken over Impact so catch me again on Thursday night.

Until then I'm Saad Naeem and that was Heat.