Heat
The Heat Report: Victoria vs. Mickie James, Charlie Haas vs. A Highlander
By Saad Naeem
Mar 24, 2007, 13:12

The Wrestlemania Fan Axxess Tour made its way to New York this past Wednesday and guess who was there to see it? I was! Well it wasn’t all that great but I did get to meet Mick Foley. He’s a very nice guy (at least it seemed so in the 25 seconds I got to spend with him) and he’s wide as a refrigerator! I’m not saying he’s fat. He’s just huge. Seriously. Television does not do these guys justice. And wanna know what’s even better about living in New York City? Next week ALL the WrestleMania big names are coming to Trump Tower. Everyone from Vince McMahon to HBK (not The Undertaker though) will be there and you can bet your last piece of strawberry cheesecake that I’ll be there too.

As cool as that might be it’s time to Heat things up. We’ve got another brand new edition of Heat up on wwe.com. This week is very historic because it is the first time since I’ve been doing The Heat Report right here on worldwrestlinginsanity.com that women have stepped into the squared circle. Will it be a historic encounter indeed? Well you better click play if you wanna find out.

Accompanied by his World’s Greatest Tag Team partner, Charlie Haas comes out looking quite sharp. Dressed in blue and white he is ready to compete against the kilted Scotsman Robbie. Apparently both the Highlanders weigh exactly the same. Robbie weighs 17 stones and by subtraction from their total weight of 34 stones we get Rory to be equally as heavy. Hass beings the match with a wrist lock and immediately starts working over Robbie’s arm. Robbie absorbs some head beats in the corner but sends Haas’ head into the turnbuckle as well. He hits Haas with a huge headbutt and then a dropkick gets a two count. Haas goes for a sunset flip but Robbie pulls a Vito when he sits on Charlie’s face. That doesn’t taste good….not that I’d know.

Haas body drops Robbie over the top and out the ring. That looked like it hurt. Shelton tries to interfere but Rory effectively protects his partner. Robbie back in the ring and Haas lays in some elbows. He backs the Scotsman into the corner and switches from working on the arm to beating up the back. He tosses The Highlander into the ropes and nails him with forearms when he bounces back. Haas nails a backdrop for the two. Knees to the back and Charles applied a modified version of the camel clutch. Robbie breaks out but gets caught in one hell of a great belly to back suplex. Ala Kurt Angle. Gets the two but then he applies the butterfly stretch. Robbie again breaks out only to be beaten up in the corner. But Highlandy surprises Haas with a schoolboy for the two. A back body drop follows and then Robbie nails a missile dropkick off the top rope. Gets a very close 2 count which brings Shelton on the apron. Rory comes running toward Shelton and both men clothesline each other. The distraction allows Haas to capitalize as he connects with the New Haas of Pain. Its not a submission anymore. It’s like a backbreaker. Well, whatever it maybe it gave Charles the win.

Very good match for Charlie Haas. He dominated most of it and it was a good time for him to earn some respect from the fans. Usually he is overshadowed by Shelton Benjamin’s athleticism but tonight his wrestling skills and new found smash mouth style paid off.

WWE Ringside Reality with Balls Mahoney airs on March 28 exclusively on wwe.com. Wonder what he’s gonna talk about…Balls?

The crowd really loves Cryme Tyme. Huge pop for JTG and Shad Gaspard when they come out. JTG starts things off against Tolar and owns the poor dude. Right hands, a very nice hiptoss and a hard dropkick are dished out courtesy of the smaller member of Cryme Tyme. Tag made to Gaspard who whips JTG into the jobber. JTG connects with the Stinger Splash and then Shad hits one hard ass clothesline in the corner. He uses his brute strength to play Toss the jobber. Goal of the game? Get the jobber to the other side of the ring. Shad did exactly that. He tossed this guy all the way to the other corner. Amazing stuff. The other guy (Brian Wenzel) makes the tag and gets tossed too. Snake eyes by the big man and instead of a big boot he sends Brian spinning with a forearm to the face.

JTG tagged in. He nails a few elbows and kicks Wenzel in the face with those gansta timbs (well I own a pair so they can’t be too gangsta). Then the two jobbers actually gain control of the match. Wenzel has the ref distracted while the illegal guy (Tolar) beats up JTG. Then both guys lay in some hits and Tolar actually nails TG with a judo flip. Then he applies a sleeper. JTG tags in a fresh Shad who cleans house with his hot tag. Decapitating clotheslines hit one after the other on the jobbers and then the shirt comes off. He gorilla presses Wenzel over the top rope and drops him to the outside. Wow, nice move man. Then he and JTG hit the G-9 on the other guy for the win.

It was your basic squash match highlighted by JTG’s athleticism and Shad’s power. These guys are a good mix of talent. It just sucks that they’re stuck on Heat cause they’re really over with the crowd. Hopefully after Wrestlemania a slot is available on Raw for ol’ Cryme Tyme.

WWE Uncut featuring Trish Stratus. On wwe.com of course. She talks about how the Divas division evolved once she and Lita took center stage.

HOOOOOO!!! It’s time for Hacksaw Jim Duggan to beat up yet another jobber. Tonight its this Bates guy who looks like a Basham. He looks like he’s from LA. Lower Alabama. Don’t know what that’s gotta do with anything but the match starts with a tie up. Hacksaw and Bates break clean and Duggan takes Jason down with a couple of clotheslines. Duggan nails a couple of rights and caps it off with a huge left. He tries to telegraph a move but Jason Bates kicks him straight in the face. Hacksaw sells it well. Bates chokes him in the ropes and then locks in a sleeper. Duggan escapes but he gets kneed in the guts. Jason applies yet another headlock that seems to last forever. Jimmy finally breaks out and sends JB to the corner. Hits him with 10 punches and then nails a delayed scoop slam. In position for the three point stance and BAM! Her nails a one hard ass clothesline for the win.

Good to see this match was short. I mean why delay the inevitable? Hacksaw’s a nice guy in the ring. In the 5 minutes this match lasted, the jobber had control for at least two minutes. That’s two minutes longer than other jobber matches.

Battle of the Billionaires Promo. This match has phenomenal build up. Can’t wait for Vincent Baldy McMahon.

Victoria is dressed in a red outfit that’s has no bottoms. You can see her red underwear plain as day. But who’s complaining. Match starts off with a tie-up after which Vicky pushes Mickie to the ground. She slams her head on the ground a couple of times but Mickie nips up each time. Not nips up perv, but the thing that Shawn Micheals does after his flying forearm. That nip up. Not, you know. Anyways, James comes back with an enziguri and a kick to the midsection sends Victoria to the mat. Battle goes to the apron and Vicky baseball slides Mickie off the apron and to the ground below. She sends James ribs first into the apron and then punts her in the ring.

‘Toria then locks in a surfboard submission and it looks like Mickie is done. But then Victoria just let’s go. The commentators try to sell it as if Mickie miraculously broke out, but I know what I saw boys. Vicky hits a scoop slam and sets up for Victoria’s Vibrating Moonsault but James gets her knees up. Mick is mad so she climbs on Victoria and starts pounding away. Then one thing leads to another and James rolls up Victoria for the two. Vicky backs Mickie into the corner but James does her hurricuranna and then sets up for the Impaler DDT. But the vicious vixen blocks and tries to go for the Widow’s Peak. Mickie counters that into the D-D-T and gets the W-I-N.

Great match from both ladies, especially Victoria. She hasn’t been in action for a long time but she showed no signs of ring rust. Strong showing for the women’s division.

On the Heat-O-Meter (aka the thermometer) this week’s episode comes in at 70°C. The good outweighed the bad. There were two great matches, but the other two weren’t that bad either. This is especially surprising considering the fact that most of the Heat roster was on Raw in that MITB last chance battle royal. And of course Eugene was busy turning into Keiji Mutoh. So considering what Heat had to work with, they delivered a solid show.

That just about does it for me. If you have any suggestions, comments or criticisms then please do tell. Send me an e-mail at Naeem920@gmail.com. Or you can hit me up with a PM at the Insanity Message Boards. My username is Naeem920.

See you Thursday night with the Impact Report.

Until then I'm Saad Naeem and that was Heat.