| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com Smackdown First, there came Kevin Kelly and his “Big Picture” (and you MUST get out this week’s show. You won’t be let down). Then came Orlando Jordan’s “Club OJ”. Then Lisa “Ivory” Moretti started to “Smack Talk”. Then D’Lo Brown gave us his “Lo Down”. And now, James Guttman has signed…a jobber. Yes, folks, the (completely non-existent) rumours are true. I have my own audio show. And for my debut, it’s all about Wrestlemania 23. So, if you’re names down, come on into the club, and feel free to check it out!
LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: MNM had a swansong, Batista was still chowing down chill pills and JBL asked if he could speak on next week’s show…
THIS WEEK… Matt Hardy & Great Khali fought to a No Contest in a "Well, I call it a match, but..." match As there were no recaps of nothing, we started this week's show with Edge. I know, I know. It says Matt Hardy & Khali. Work with me here. A la ECW, The Money In The Bank briefcase was hooked and the 16 foot ladder was set up behind the ring. Anyway, it looked like Edge was ready to work. I say that it "looked" like it, because he got himself a microphone and got to talking. He reminded everyone he won the first MITB match, and that it allowed for a title shot at any time. He then said he shocked the world when he beat Cena for the title. he then claimed that he'd won more ladder matches than the other 7 guys combined and that the same thing would happen on Sunday.
It was at this point that Matt hardy came out (see, we're getting there...), as JBL talked about "girlfriends" and Cole reminded us that Hardy was on Smackdown because he got bumped from RAW by Edge. However, Edge continued to talk. Edge said that he wasn't going to risk injury, so had a replacement for himself on hand. Cue Khali...
hardy tried to attack early, but it wasn't happening. Khali clubbed Hardy down a couple of times, before Khali got Hardy in the corner, here he hit a couple of punches and kicks. Khali was about to hit his chokebomb, when Kane's pyro hit. However, Big Red was nowhere. But then, he appeared on the TitanTron, with his meat hook, reminding Khali how long it was until Wrestlemania, before laughing manically. Really manically.
I'm not going to rate this as a match, because it wasn't in any way a match, despite an opening bell. Decent swerve though, and it got the Khali stuff out of the way.
Someone get Vicki Guerrero on the phone... Teddy Long was making dinner reservations, for himself...and Kristal. We know this, as she appears and asks what the nizzle is. He says he wants to reward her for how hard she's been interviewing. Yeah, he said that. Sexual harassment angle, here we come...
Finlay def. Mr. Kennedy "I'd have paid 50 bucks just to see that..." match And now it was time for an actual match, and the MITB stuff is still set up. Makes sense I suppose... Kennedy got his mic, and pointed out the briefcase, saying that in front of the world, he would become Mr. Money In The Bank...Bank. I think there are a couple too many syllables for it to work to be honest.
Finlay then came out, as Cole talked about Finlay's MITB experience. Collar and elbow was fought over half-way around the ring, and to the outside, going back and forth between the announce desk. It was broken, at which point, both men went back in and locked it in again. It made the ropes, where Kennedy broke it again, going straight into a headlock. Finlay spun out into a keylock into a pin for a quick 2. Finlay found himself down in the corner, where Kennedy ran a boot into his face. Kennedy tried to take off a turnbuckle pad, but Finlay clubbed Kennedy when he wasn't looking and then went ahead and took it off himself, but walked into a roll up for 2. They traded fireman's carry's before Finlay was shoved into the exposed turnbuckle, before Kennedy did the standing version of his rolling Samoan drop for a few 2 counts. Kennedy went outside for a ladder, but was taken down by Finlay. The Irishman missed a corner charge, hitting the ringpost, which scored Ken a 2. Kennedy got the huge ladder and slid it in the ring. Kennedy threw it at Finlay, but Finlay ducked. Hornswaggle made an appearance with his own Mini step ladder! The Little Bastard then climbed it and hit a Swanton (later called "The Leprechaun Bomb" by JBL) on Kennedy! Finlay then hit the Celtic Cross for the 3!!! JBL demanded a Hornswaggle vs. Tazz ladder match, as they replayed the finish.
Thoughts - 8/10 - Damn fine piece of work. The finish was a bit silly, but it was a helluva lot of fun, and I think there was money in them doing a similar spot with Hornswaggle at Mania. Good stuff here though.
MVP def. Ethiopian Champion, Viko Batomango in a "Another TNA reject gets booked better in WWE..." match After a Maryse intro, MVP made his way out, as Cole decided he wanted French lessons too. And hilariously, as MVP did his entrance, his glasses slipped off his face...TWICE!
Just like last week, WWI's new favourite guy got Chimel's mic, and introduced his latest opponent, and began making vague African references (distance running, jungles and famine), before introducing his opponent, Viko Batomango, or whatever... However, in reality, it was D-RAY 3000!!! I guess that "Best Of" TNA handed the "WWE" all those years ago worked... And while he was as stick thin as ever, he was dressed as Saba Simba.
During this week’s exhibition, Porter decided to mock Benoit, by hitting the Triple Germans before doing the throat slash.
After the match, MVP got the mic and said that the clock was ticking, before hitting a really cool line going from 5 to 1.
Thoughts - 3/10 - Decent stuff from MVP again, and he is the WWI's new favourite guy for a reason. Clever promo afterwards too.
Jeff Hardy def. Randy Orton in a "You turned around when you didn't have to Randy..." match Keeping on keeping on with the action, as our third of four MITB-related matches hit the screen, as the other member of Rated RKO hit the ring, followed right away by the other Hardy. And Jeffrey made a point to walk under the ladder. Damn fool. You know what happened the last time you did a major ladder spot, Jeff! You don't need the possible bad luck...
A wrist lock by Jeff was backed into a corner by Orton. but Jeff avoided a corner charge, hitting an armdrag, before working on Randy's arm again. Orton got some separation by backing Hardy into the corner again, but a whip was countered into a roll up for 2, before Jeff SPIKED Orton's head with a suplex-cum-facebuster. Orton was elbowed down for 2, but Orton again got separation, this time with a European uppercut. Hardy was whipped into the corner, where he leaped up, but Orton clotheslined him down. Hardy was then dumped outside as we took a break.
Back to the show and Orton had Hardy grounded with, yes, the chinlock. Hardy got up and out, but Orton hit his backbreaker for 2. Randall hit the Orton stomp as JBL mentioned Joey Mercury. Not often someone who's just been fired gets a name check. Orton hit a lovely dropkick for another 2. Jeff was choked on the bottom rope a couple of times, before Orton ducked out and clubbed him a couple of times. The chinlock was brought back again, and Hardy fought out again, although Jeff was pulled down by his hair. Orton missed a knee drop, and had a whip countered into a neckbreaker drop.
Hardy built momentum, eventually hitting his double boot in the corner for 2. Whisper In The Wind caught Orton enough for a 2 count (although he nearly missed him...) Jeff went up, but Orton rolled away. Jeff jumped off the top, but was pulled out by Orton. Edge appeared and attacked Hardy. Orton got out and yelled at Edge. Hardy was rolled back in the ring, as Orton waited to hit the RKO. Edge distracted Orton again, allowing Hardy to roll Orton up for the win! Edge had a rye smile on his face as Orton blew the gasket of all gaskets.
Thoughts - 8/10 - Did I just see Jeff Hardy NOT be a spot monkey? I really liked his wrestling stuff at the beginning. Other than that, it was a good match, even if it just really showed that it's all about Edge & Orton. Still I'm not complaining.
I suppose he’s won a Title at Mania… And in this week's UK-only bit, Wrestlemania week, what was our tasty treat? A Smackdown match from Wrestlemania? No. A Match from Smackdown hyping Wrestlemania? No. We got, Rey Mysterio's debut in the WWE in June 2002 against Chavo Guerrero, complete with Cole & Taz(z) calling the "619" as "Six-Nineteen". Pretty good little match actually.
Ashley, Mickie James, Torrie Wilson, Maria & Candice Michelle def. Melina, Victoria, Jillian Hall, Kristal & Michelle McCool (sigh) in a "What did Trinity do so wrong to get bumped? (I would mention the Slutty Nitro Girls, but I don't care about them...)" match The heel team made their way out, en masse, before we took an ad break. Boy, was Michelle (sign) HOT~!~!~!~!~! Back from break, Ashley led her troops out. Mickie & Victoria started out, with Mickie hitting a low dropkick to a seated Victoria. Michelle (sigh) was tagged in, with the heels hitting a double suplex. Michelle hit a couple of stomps in the corner before Melina came in. Melina choked Mickie in the ropes, before bringing in Jillian. One biel later and Victoria was tagged in. Jillian left Mickie prone, but Victoria missed the moonsault. Candice got the hot tag (???). An elbow drop got 2, before Maria was tagged in for a Bronco Buster. Torrie was brought in to piss Rikishi off by doing a Stink Face. Victoria managed to get out, tagging Jillian as Ashley came in. Jillian, Kristal and Michelle came at Ashley, ninja style, but she took them down. Melina tried to distract The Playboy girl long enough for Jillian to attack, but Ashley countered into a roll up (of sorts) for the 3!
Thoughts - 4/10 - They kept it basic, and it was probably better for it. Still wasn't that good though...
CM Punk def. King Booker in a "See, Punk? On RAW, you just get Kenny. Here you get Royalty..." match Back from break, and Booker was mid entrance. And I've just realised how bloody long he's going to be taking to walk down the 187 foot aisle. Punk was out second to a good reaction. Booker backed Punk into the corner, but not for long. Booker got the better of a collar and elbow, with clubbing blows. However, Punk came back with kicks. Booker regained the advantage when he dropped Punk across the top rope, following up with a side kick. Booker hit some knees of his own sending Punk into the corner.
Back out saw Punk come off the ropes, but he walked into a spinebuster. Booker ripped of Orton's chinlock, but it lasted all of 5 seconds, before Punk stood up again, but Booker pulled him down by his hair (Stop ripping off Orton!). They traded chops and punches, but Booker got the better of it, with an elbow, before locking in a top wristlock. Knees to Punk's mid-section were followed by a bodyslam. Punk kicked Booker off, before getting up, going back to the kicks, including a dropkick for 2. Punk countered a whip and hit a sweet enziguri for 2. Punk scored the high knee in the corner, but the bulldog was countered with a back kick. Booker went for the Axe kick, but Punk ducked. Booker then tried a suplex, but Punk reversed into a roll up with a bridge for the win.
Thoughts - 7/10 - Not the match any of the spoilers seems to claim, but it was still good stuff.
Now THAT's how a Billionaire bitch-slaps... Cole & JBL sent it to a special look at the Press Conference for the PPV at Trump Tower. Hell of a lot of people there. I would have expected that though. At the end, Vince & Trump did a face to face, and as Vince played with Donald's tie, "The Donald" gave Vince a big ol' slap.
I was stunned and JBL was Stunnered. JBL left the announce desk to do his thing. JBL started by saying how he couldn't wait to see Trump get shaved, and that he would continue to give the greatness to the people. However, when he introduced Undertaker & Batista, he didn't get them. Instead, some glass broke. Yep, it was this guy
The crowd, understandably, went nuts. And already, you can probably guess where this one headed. Austin didn't even say a word. He just went ahead and hit the Stunner. Beers followed. Austin then poured beer on JBL and hit another Stunner. Well, there you go, 5 fantasy points that you weren't going to get. I just hope they ended up doing that as a surprise, and not because they didn't think JBL could do a good job.
That's how these Interviews should work. Less talking, more fighting. Back form commercial, Teddy Long was in the ring, handling the interview duties, with a great big line of security halving the ring. T-Lo brought out Batista first, who barged through the security wall to climb the turnbuckle. Undertaker followed, and as I said IN MY DEBUT AUDIO SHOW, Undertaker will take a freaking age to get to the ring on Sunday. Long said that Wrestlemania wasn't tonight, (Thank God!), so he wanted cooler heads to prevail. Long asked Batista if he still had the same respect for Taker that he did when Taker chose to face him. Batista said, forcefully, no. Long looked for a reaction, but Taker said nothing. Back to Batista, as he was asked what it would take to beat The Deadman. Batista said 48 hours (Don't ask me, I didn't tell him to say that), and in 48 hours The Deacon would kick his ass. Undertaker reacted by removing his coat. However, that only allowed Batista to get the jump. An epic pull-apart brawl ensued. And given the crowd reaction here, whose retarded idea was it to not make this the Main Event? Undertaker downed the security holding him back, but he walked into a Spinebuster. Taker sat up, as Batista was in the aisle way. They stared each other down, as the hype came to an end. Roll on Sunday. I think it's gonna be good...
OVERALL - 8.5/10 (+ 1.5 on last week) - Another top quality show to round off the week pushing every single match (other than the ECW 8-man), and doing it well. Damn well. And boy, as I said in my debut audio show, I was now feeling Undertaker & Batista’s feud, and this just cemented it for me, and by golly, if Batista isn’t a heel by June, then I’ll eat a bug. In fact, other than his initial pop, there really was no pretence of being a babyface by Batista. And let’s face he should be booed on Sunday anyway, so this was good practise. Money In The Bank featured heavily, and all of it was good, even if the last week did rather telegraph that Edge & Orton are the favourites. All in all, this has been a stellar end to a stellar week and a great last few months. Let’s just hope this all continues on Sunday and beyond.
That’s all I got for now, but I’ll be back at the beginning of next week (it may well be Tuesday, because of scheduling issues) with a fully glorious round up of the WWE Fantasy League season. And you never know, I’d had only positive feedback so far for my first audio show, so James might give me another go!
If you have something to say about this week’s Smackdown, you can e-mail me at dedicated e-mail address, or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums! OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on MY OWN MYSPACE PAGE!
Well, I’ll be back soon enough, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations. For reading this, And continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow…
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